Less of a question and more of a STM complaint but maybe somebody has a solution for me! But seriously what is up with toddler toe nails?! I clip and file and clip and file and she's still constantly scratching me with razor talon toe nails! I miss when they were thin and easy to peel in her sleep like I did when she was teeny.
@katesmama0706 I have this problem, but with her fingernails. I swear they grow at the most insane rate and I cannot keep up. I have maybe cut her toenails twice in her entire life though. It's like they don't grow at all.
@lastmango yes! Weirdly shaped and crazy fast growth! Her finger nails aren't nearly as bad and I can still pick at them without a fight from her. I've never had to use clippers on her fingers but the toes is like bi-weekly.
DH is whining because I removed the baby first aid/prep kit thing from the registry. I just didn't felt like we wouldn't use 90% of the kit. I added Safety First nail clippers and a Safety First hair brush. We also registered for the NoseFrida, as well as baby Motrin, gas drops, Gripe water, and standard diaper care items. Is there anything else I would be missing without the kit? Or is there anything you would recommend for newborn baby care that you couldn't imagine your life without those first few months (or even now)?
Thanks in advance ladies! You've all been ridiculously, amazingly, awesomely helpful!
@christac1010 thermometer is the only other thing in there we use, but we also bought a temporal scanner one too that I use more often on DD. The safety first one has been adult use only.
@christac1010 Can't think of anything off the top of my head but definitely think you made a good move. Oh, do you have a thermometer on there? Otherwise I'm pretty sure everything else is still in the kit we got for DS from 2 years ago. I haven't even used the brush because we got a comb from the hospital that I've been using. The clippers are about the only thing we've used. I ended up getting a temporal thermometer for DS so we didn't use the thermometer from the kit. We also used an aspirator similar to the nose frida or the hospital bulb aspirator, the one in the kit was crappy and not worth it. I think we also used the baby nail files from the kit but I think those might come with the clippers.
I have a question for third time + moms and it's more of a discussion point than anything. How would you say your deliveries for 2nd + children compared to your first delivery? I know so many things go in to this and each pregnancy/delivery is different, just thought it would be fun to hear stories about how different they were (timing, emotion, pain, etc).
I have a question for third time + moms and it's more of a discussion point than anything. How would you say your deliveries for 2nd + children compared to your first delivery? I know so many things go in to this and each pregnancy/delivery is different, just thought it would be fun to hear stories about how different they were (timing, emotion, pain, etc).
I have a question for third time + moms and it's more of a discussion point than anything. How would you say your deliveries for 2nd + children compared to your first delivery? I know so many things go in to this and each pregnancy/delivery is different, just thought it would be fun to hear stories about how different they were (timing, emotion, pain, etc).
I would also love to know about this because I had a rough time with my first birth and am having a fair amount of anxiety about my second. I would also love to know how you felt emotionally after your second+ vs. your first.
Mom of 3 with last one on the way. My first deliver was 22.5hrs with a sunny side up baby that required forceups at the last push. It was horrible and I swore I would never have kids again. Well fast forward 9 yrs and a new marriage and my 2nd child was born. My labor was 12 hrs and a piece of cake. I knew exactly what to do as far as my body and getting on my hands and knees to drop baby under my pubic bone. Baby was born with very few pushes. the n came baby #3 and his labor was only 6 hours and even easier. He came out in 1 push but stil had to do hands & knees to get under my public bone to make the final decent;). I'm praying this little guy lets me get to the hospital that's over an hour away before making his appearance. I can only say go in open minded and remember what's most important is healthy baby and healthy mommy. I did have an epidural with all my kids. It wore off with my first and I felt her delivery and episiotomy. My 2 & 3 it was great and no cut or tearing. any other questions let me know.
@Becid24 wow! Each time your labor was cut in half. Wishing you an easy 3 hour birth and of course that you get to the hospital without stress! My first labor was very short and I worry about that too.
DH is whining because I removed the baby first aid/prep kit thing from the registry. I just didn't felt like we wouldn't use 90% of the kit. I added Safety First nail clippers and a Safety First hair brush. We also registered for the NoseFrida, as well as baby Motrin, gas drops, Gripe water, and standard diaper care items. Is there anything else I would be missing without the kit? Or is there anything you would recommend for newborn baby care that you couldn't imagine your life without those first few months (or even now)?
Thanks in advance ladies! You've all been ridiculously, amazingly, awesomely helpful!
We kept our first aid kit on the list and while I'm glad we have it, in 16 months we've never needed to use it, so taking it off your registry probably wasn't the worst call in the world. I would second stocking up on Tylenol/ibuprofen/motrin; motrin especially is something we use at least once a month!
My hair chic has 4 kids. Each kid took literally Less than 1/2 the time of the last to pop out. Her last, she was like, "get me in a bed now - the baby is coming," and it did.
Hoping this is true. Took me 37.5 hours. Almost had to have a c-section because my sons vitals weren't looking very good.
@christac1010 I would also add the Windi. Our go to's were Infant tylenol (make sure it says infant), get a good thermometer, nose frida, baby vicks, cool mist humidifier, gas drops, and I luuurve coconut oil. For diaper cream (it is all we have used for 2 years) for moisturizing, great for cradle cap, etc. You probably won't need a baby hair brush. And of course you will need nail clippers.
@MrsRahl amen to coconut oil. Cradle cap and diaper rash have nothing on coconut oil. I love that stuff. It's also my stretch mark "cream"
@christac1010 I personally wouldn't register for that type of stuff. Medicine and toiletries seem too personal for a registry, especially when you will probably become a slave to one brand at some point ...but if you want to, I'd add vitamin d drops (if you are breastfeeding). Lots of baby nail files. And baby nail scissors (I find them easier than nail clippers and less likely to bite a chunk off of your baby).
I never cut my sons nails. It is a battle every time and it is just not worth it. He seems to wear them down naturally. I do remember the days of the razor sharp baby nails though.
Regarding a baby medicine cabinet, these are what I would consider essentials: snot sucker, brush, comb, nail clippers, infant Tylenol, nasal saline drops, gas relief drops, gripe water, and a humidifier.
Second labor/delivery/recovery was easier and faster than my first.
First: 12 hours of labor, 3 hours active including 15-20 minutes of pushing. Second: 6 hours of labor, 1.5 hours of active including 5 minutes of pushing.
I try not to compare my recoveries too much because I was on a magnesium drip with my first and was confined to the bed after birth for 24 hours which made it much more difficult. With DS2 I was induced before my gestational hypertension turned into Pre E and was able to be up and moving around within 45 minutes. It was a huge difference and I felt pretty much back to normal the next day, within reason of course.
Emotionally, the second time was better in some ways and worse in others. It wasn't as overwhelming but I also had additional feelings of guilt and missing my other little guy. Pain level was pretty similar with both, good and bad moments. Both times I've been completely fine until 6 cm and then it gets very intense very quickly. Also, I know that everyone says that when you're in labor you'll know it but that just hasn't been the case for me at all with either delivery. If I had waited until I couldn't walk or talk through the pain I doubt I would have made it to the hospital, especially with DS2 and I certainly wouldn't have been able to get my epidural. As it was, by the time the anesthesiologist got to me it was 11:35 pm and I was holding my son at 11:44 pm. He was descending while I was getting poked and crowning when they helped me lay back down on the table. One of my nurses told me not to push and ran to get my OB. I don't want to wait as long this time, it was really hard to sit still at that point.
I have a question for third time + moms and it's more of a discussion point than anything. How would you say your deliveries for 2nd + children compared to your first delivery? I know so many things go in to this and each pregnancy/delivery is different, just thought it would be fun to hear stories about how different they were (timing, emotion, pain, etc).
My first 2 births were c-sections, and my last 2 births were VBA2C's. Both of my VBA2C's weighed almost the same one was 6lb 12oz the other was 6lb 3oz. I will say that positioning made all the difference. One was sunny side up and took me about 3hrs to push him out (my first VBA2C) and the other was positioned correctly and he came out in 2 pushes, less than 5min.
Labor has been progressively quicker with my births as well, my last start to finish was less than 4hrs.
@aishmc You may want to take your insurance company up on the very basic pump even if you buy one because then you have a back up if needed. You could even keep it in a drawer at work if you are going back to an office to work in case you were to forget something for your other pump.
@ElleMF728 that was me too, I really didn't know I was in labor until I was 45 minutes out from delivery and 5 cm. That was my first delivery and it was a grand total of 5 hours from start to finish. I am actually terrified of going into spontaneous labor and having no idea. Definitely gonna be the girl who ends up in L&D for a lot of false alarms I'm sure.
Any advice you wish someone gave you when it comes to giving birth? Or any you can give to terrified FTMs?
I plan on not doing the c-section, but definitely having an epidural. But then I get freaked out again and think maybe just do the c-section. Then I tough it out and think I should stop being so scared and just. do. it. I am sure vaginal birth is very painful, I think I just get deathly scared of everything that happens. Like, how common is episiotomy? How long til you heal down there? And apparently, pooping while giving birth is a thing. Wonderful.
@alicjab K here goes, sorry this is long: First off, C-sections aren't easy and have a difficult recovery as well so if you're wanting to avoid the pain and recovery then don't opt for a section simply based on that. (ETA: that sounds kinda judgy, I promise it's not!) Episiotomy rates depend on your doctor and hospital so ask, but most are going down steadily as they find that tears typically heal better and faster. With all the blood flow to that area it heals super fast, I think I've heard under a week. Also take a birth class if you can, birth doesn't have to be scary and it's far less scary when you have all the information about what is going on with your body and why. And my last bit of advice is that people love to tell horror stories but in my experience most people's births are nothing like those horror stories. Oh and poop during delivery is seriously no big deal, happens all the time and you likely won't even know it happened.
@AlicjaB I am a FTM but I really enjoyed reading a book called "birth day" by Mark Sloan - it really made me feel a lot better about our pending labor and delivery. I think @katesmama0706 is right - the more you know what to expect the less scary it is so a birth class is a great idea ( I am taking one too)
@AlicjaB You should check out the December 16 board. They have a thread that is specifically for STMs to share everything they want about their labor & delivery stories. I'm a regular lurker there and reading that discussion has been very interesting and helpful for me!
@AlicjaB I am totally in the camp of the more you know about what to expect the less scary it is. However, I do know women that fall in the I want to know the bare minimum and trust the doctors/nurses to guide me. Take a birth class, or take 10. I took Bradley method classes so it was 12 2 hour long classes. I also took about 5 of the hospital offered classes on new baby's and breastfeeding. Our hospital offers a large variety of labor and delivery classes and we are fortunate to have 2 hospitals that both offer free classes.
Pooping during labor is a thing but it's so common that most nurses don't say a word about it, and get it cleaned up before you realize it even happened. There is so much going on that it's the least of your worries. I opted for a non-medicated birth and it was painful. But I look at it this way, the pain of childbirth is a natural thing that is meant to help women find a safe place to have their baby. It's not pain that is signalling that something is wrong. And I really thought the contractions themselves were far worse than the actual delivery. I have very little recollection of any pain during my 3 hours of pushing.
I also second what @katesmama0706 said, episiotomy rates are on the decline. I created a birth plan and specified that I did not want an episiotomy, if I tore, I tore but I knew that natural tears typically heal better and faster than episiotomies. If there are things that really bother you or scare you, research them and then put your wishes in a birth plan. It helps you communicate your wants to both your partner and the nurses/doctors. I felt knowing what was important to me helped when we were forced to make some tough decisions. I ended up have a vacuum assisted delivery because DS was starting to have some issues with his vitals and not moving down very far (even after 3 hours of pushing). I knew that I wanted to try that over moving straight to a C-section so it made the conversation go much better with the doctor (and my husband knew it too and it was in my birth plan that my nurse had read).
Birthing a child is rewarding. Not that that's why you do it, but I found it empowering. I was amazed by what my body could do and seriously, as soon as that baby is in your arms, you kind of forget the last 15 hours.
Ok, that was kind of long and rambling and not sure if it makes you feel better but know you are strong and you've got this no matter what options you choose.
@AlicjaB don't think for one minute that having a cesarian is easier than a vaginal delivery. C-sections have a MUCH more difficult recovery... I was able to get up and walk around minutes after a vaginal delivery, it isn't the same for c-sections at all. There are people who try so hard to have VBACs for a reason.
FTMs, have a birth plan. Know what choices you will make in case any scenario pops up. It's better to be educated on all things birth (as much as you can be without being a medically trained person anyway) so you can have detailed conversation with personnel if conversations need to be had. You don't want to be the person who just goes with the flow because you have no idea what they are talking about. Everything sounds more scary when they are trying to have a serious conversation about stuff and you have no idea what they are talking about. People feel out of control and bullied into decisions when this happens - don't let yourself fall into this category.
its also important to educate yourself on how to function during birth. I was so prepared with the above that I completely forgot to learn how cope during labor. I had the hardest time just breathing - freaking BREATHING of ALL things. I felt like such a freaking idiot. Find a class or two and take it.
It's okay to not have a visit with a lactation consultant before birth. I didn't. My doctors told me it was pointless until I was able to breastfeed. I think they were right. No regrets. (ETA- I did watch some lactation YouTube videos and look through some websites so I kind of had an idea of what to expect)
Don't beat yourself up over everything not going to plan. I know many women who swore they wouldn't get an epidural or pain meds that when the time came and the pain was real and not hypothetical, they said, "screw what I said, give me the f-ing drugs NOW." -myself included
there are too many people who give scary stories or tell you to watch conspiracy documentaries. I was induced because my gestational hypertension (with no symptoms other than blood pressure which was caught during a routine checkup) was insanely close to becoming preeclampsia - my induction was SLOW - like insanely slow, not full on like the scary story people tell you (they started with a foley bulb and I had a baby 37.5 hours later). I passed on the epidural and because I had to wait to get one when I changed my mind later (anesthesiologists are usually busy), I ended up having drugs injected into my IV. I didn't have any back issues due to the epidural. I walked to the bathroom (as bossed by the nurse) shortly after giving birth. My son was born without any health issues and continuously surprises everyone because he meets his developmental milestones sooner than he should. We breastfed until about a couple weeks ago - and he only weaned because he doesn't like colostrum. (Did i miss any scary story side effects?)
if you decide to watch the scary documentaries, make sure to keep telling yourself to take it all with a grain of salt. Even Tylenol has a warning label on the back of the bottle with potential health risks for one-time use. What happens to one person isn't a One-size fits all. What happens in one hospital isn't what happens in every hospital. What one doctor does may be the complete opposite another does.
when it comes to hospital care, most every hospital is a little different. AFTER you make your birth plan, take a tour of the place you plan to give birth - you'll get real answers there. For example, the place I go to has one of the lowest rates out there for c-sections, they don't do episiotomies, I found out they had at least 7 midwives (which as essentially nurses with SIX YEARS of education in birth and postpartum alone - so their education is extremely close to that of an OB) and at least 2 OBs on rotation at all times, in 12-hour shifts. You should also know that the people that you will be talking to and will be with 95% of the time will be the midwives and nurses, the doctor only comes occasionally for checkups so make nice with the people who will be pampering you in your 'hour' of need.
Also, if you aren't comfortable with a person or procedure, say something. The nurse who tried 5 times to put in my IV had shaky hands due to a medical problem; I asked another person to put in my IV because it felt like she was trying to sew a suture around my veins instead of stick one. She asked if I prefer another nurse to be with me during labor and I told her, "as long as you don't have to put any needles in me, I'm fine." She was a little weird after that, but I don't care. I don't think she should even attempt to do IVs with her permanently shaky hands. No regrets.
giving a little when possible may help in the long run. I didn't want them to put a sensor on my sons head but they were pushing for an emergency c-section. I allowed the sensor to put them at ease and even though the surgery team was on standby, I was able to give birth vaginally. I think if I hadn't allowed the sensor, they would have been in my face about my sons health and I would have ended up getting that c-section. I'd rather a scab on my sons head to put everyone at ease than a permanent scar on my belly and horrible recovery because of unknown risks.
things I did that I loved: -brought my docking station (husband made a soothing playlist) all personnel were cool with it -brought my Boppy (hospital beds and pillows are incredibly uncomfortable and they don't give out pillows like a hotel) -we did the circumcision while there while in recovery (the guy told me basically, "I do dozens of these a day. If you choose to wait until he's a little older to do so, you may end up with someone who does a couple dozen in a year.") -had one-hour with our son right after birth before we allowed visitors (best decision ever - may do two-hours next time)
Things I wish I did: -learn to breathe through contractions (eye roll) -brought a tiny handheld battery operated fan for husband to use on me (seriously hot and sweaty while pushing) -bring sets of pajamas and robe. Hospital gowns suck. (no one tells you that you get insane sweats after giving birth and sweat through your clothes and soak your sheets. I had to be there for 2 days for recovery as a precaution because I tested positive for strep B, which has been linked to babies getting meningitis so they wanted to monitor my son for 48 hours.) ...and you'll be forced to go on walks around the postpartum area (wearing nothing but a gown isn't very comfortable or empowering) -kept the mesh underwear that was soiled, not toss (they are machine washable and hard to find locally, I had to order and wait for more) -bought the recovery supplies before birth (witch hazel pads, period pads, squirt water bottles) --- If your husband is anything like mine, he gets weird buying feminine products by himself. -bought boob pads before birth (waking up because milk is trickling down your side isn't a great feeling and changing your sheets every day takes too much energy when you're already a zombie) -brought an extension cord (because waiting for your iPhone to power back up while its sitting next to the wall feels like forever) -brought snacks for husband (they don't feed him, they only feed you and cafeteria hours don't always line up in your favor) -had people on call to deliver food because hospital food is basic and you'll want real food after eating it for too long (husband doesn't really like leaving baby to run errands either) -(ETA) put a "no vistitor" order in. I had people come to see me and hold the baby that were far from estranged. People that I wouldn't have over for dinner. I managed to put the order in before certain ones came (I was given a heads up prior to their arrival). You don't want to deal with that during this special time. I gave a list of approved people.
misc: -if you poop, your nurses might not even tell you and wipe it away without saying a word -some nurses have a horrible bedside manner, some you'll want to give gifts after you leave -- just go with the flow and ignore the sourpuss ones, don't let them have the power to control how you feel during your birth story -(ETA) I had no problem pooping after birth. From the scary stories, I thought it was going to be hell - not even close. -(ETA) I had a small tear that only needed one stitch. The suture dissolved on its own and wasn't all that painful.
Thanks @katesmama0706 I see what you mean about c-sections. And I am definitely considering a birthing class, but with my busy schedule it's just hard to fit it in anywhere that works. Will try to somehow educate myself. Have a doctors appointment tomorrow so I will bring it up, see what suggestions she has.
For any FTM's out there, I second what @wholesome said about the pajamas. I lived in my hospital gown the 2 days I was there, my thought was, why risk getting blood and grossness on my pants when I can wear a gown and they have to wash it. This time around I will be bringing dark yoga pants and a pretty robe (and nursing tanks or loose tanks). I think this helps me feel more human and less like a hospital patient. It's more comfortable when visitors come by. I've heard both schools of thought though but I definitely suggest being prepared for either option. I second a lot of other things she said too.
Things to check with your hospital/birthing center on:
-My hospital provided me about a months supply of super duper pads and extra mesh underwear. As well as the squirt bottle. They even sent home some of the bed protectors that remind me of puppy pads to put on my bed and protect our bedding. On your tour, ask what they send you home with and remember, if you open a pack of something in the hospital (diapers, pads, cloths, lotion, shampoo) bring it home. You are paying for the whole pack so you might as well take it with you.
- Our hospital has a little snack bar/food area that is open for patients and their support person 24 hours. Also, the support person gets to have the same meals mom does. I do agree though that if you have special snacks or things that you enjoy to bring them with.
I also strongly recommend what @wholesome said about time after baby. My family knew that they would not be allowed in the room until we were ready, at least 1-2 hours post delivery. I also had in my birth plan that I didn't want any of the post delivery stuff (length, weight, etc) done on baby until at least an hour after birth. They were fine with that, huge proponents of skin to skin right after birth. They cleaned him up on my chest wrapped and let us lay there. It took them a good hour to get my fixed up, and get the hospital room put back (we labor and deliver in the same room we are in for the duration of our stay but they remove the hospital bed and pull down a murphy bed once baby is born). We loved our time with DS before visitors came in. I knew my family was out in the waiting room and had been most of the day but they knew what was in store. Husband texted when baby was born to let them know and said he'd come get them when we were ready.
Know your wishes, educate yourself, and be prepared for as much as possible. One class I didn't take last time was preparing for the unexpected (C-sections, inductions, etc) because I thought I had an ok grasp on it if necessary. Well, this time since I have GD I know that an induction is much more likely and I also know that inductions are more likely to lead to C-sections so I want to know what happens and be prepared.
Thanks @Wholesome and @Carly79 those are some really good suggestions, will definitely come back to this in the future as well to make sure I didn't forget anything. I really truly appreciate it. I am feeling much more comfortable/confident giving birth vaginally than I did earlier. Scheduling a maternity tour in November, since it lands on a Saturday.
I'm on the grateful train as well! Hearing these birthing stories are SO helpful! Thanks for taking the time! I discovered the STM advice thread in the December group over the weekend & would recommend it to anyone wanting more content like this.
My silly & off topic question: what is the best way to fold/store onesies & infant clothes?
Re: Ask a STM+ Week of 10/3
Thanks in advance ladies! You've all been ridiculously, amazingly, awesomely helpful!
I have a question for third time + moms and it's more of a discussion point than anything. How would you say your deliveries for 2nd + children compared to your first delivery? I know so many things go in to this and each pregnancy/delivery is different, just thought it would be fun to hear stories about how different they were (timing, emotion, pain, etc).
ETA: No idea why this posted twice.
the n came baby #3 and his labor was only 6 hours and even easier. He came out in 1 push but stil had to do hands & knees to get under my public bone to make the final decent;). I'm praying this little guy lets me get to the hospital that's over an hour away before making his appearance.
I can only say go in open minded and remember what's most important is healthy baby and healthy mommy. I did have an epidural with all my kids. It wore off with my first and I felt her delivery and episiotomy. My 2 & 3 it was great and no cut or tearing.
any other questions let me know.
Hoping this is true. Took me 37.5 hours. Almost had to have a c-section because my sons vitals weren't looking very good.
@christac1010 I personally wouldn't register for that type of stuff. Medicine and toiletries seem too personal for a registry, especially when you will probably become a slave to one brand at some point ...but if you want to, I'd add vitamin d drops (if you are breastfeeding). Lots of baby nail files. And baby nail scissors (I find them easier than nail clippers and less likely to bite a chunk off of your baby).
Regarding a baby medicine cabinet, these are what I would consider essentials: snot sucker, brush, comb, nail clippers, infant Tylenol, nasal saline drops, gas relief drops, gripe water, and a humidifier.
Jan17 Sept Sig: Pumpkin Spice gone too far
Second labor/delivery/recovery was easier and faster than my first.
First: 12 hours of labor, 3 hours active including 15-20 minutes of pushing.
Second: 6 hours of labor, 1.5 hours of active including 5 minutes of pushing.
I try not to compare my recoveries too much because I was on a magnesium drip with my first and was confined to the bed after birth for 24 hours which made it much more difficult. With DS2 I was induced before my gestational hypertension turned into Pre E and was able to be up and moving around within 45 minutes. It was a huge difference and I felt pretty much back to normal the next day, within reason of course.
Emotionally, the second time was better in some ways and worse in others. It wasn't as overwhelming but I also had additional feelings of guilt and missing my other little guy. Pain level was pretty similar with both, good and bad moments. Both times I've been completely fine until 6 cm and then it gets very intense very quickly. Also, I know that everyone says that when you're in labor you'll know it but that just hasn't been the case for me at all with either delivery. If I had waited until I couldn't walk or talk through the pain I doubt I would have made it to the hospital, especially with DS2 and I certainly wouldn't have been able to get my epidural. As it was, by the time the anesthesiologist got to me it was 11:35 pm and I was holding my son at 11:44 pm. He was descending while I was getting poked and crowning when they helped me lay back down on the table. One of my nurses told me not to push and ran to get my OB. I don't want to wait as long this time, it was really hard to sit still at that point.
Labor has been progressively quicker with my births as well, my last start to finish was less than 4hrs.
DS1 - 03/31/2006
DS2 - 12/31/2008
DS3 - 06/26/2012
DS4 - 08/07/2014
BFP1 12/24/14 - EDD 09/07/15 (D/C 8w1d)
BFP2 6/12/15 - EDD 2/22/16 (D/C 10w3d)
———
Diagnoses and Treatments
PCOS (myo-inositol, excercize)
Indeterminant levels of APS IgM antibodies (baby aspirin)
Sub-septate uterus (hysteroscopic septoplasty 12/18/15)
———
BFP3 05/02/16 EDD 01/09/17 DS born 01/05/17
BFP4 01/28/19 EDD 10/?/19 🤞🙏
I plan on not doing the c-section, but definitely having an epidural. But then I get freaked out again and think maybe just do the c-section. Then I tough it out and think I should stop being so scared and just. do. it. I am sure vaginal birth is very painful, I think I just get deathly scared of everything that happens. Like, how common is episiotomy? How long til you heal down there? And apparently, pooping while giving birth is a thing. Wonderful.
First off, C-sections aren't easy and have a difficult recovery as well so if you're wanting to avoid the pain and recovery then don't opt for a section simply based on that. (ETA: that sounds kinda judgy, I promise it's not!)
Episiotomy rates depend on your doctor and hospital so ask, but most are going down steadily as they find that tears typically heal better and faster. With all the blood flow to that area it heals super fast, I think I've heard under a week.
Also take a birth class if you can, birth doesn't have to be scary and it's far less scary when you have all the information about what is going on with your body and why.
And my last bit of advice is that people love to tell horror stories but in my experience most people's births are nothing like those horror stories. Oh and poop during delivery is seriously no big deal, happens all the time and you likely won't even know it happened.
BFP1 12/24/14 - EDD 09/07/15 (D/C 8w1d)
BFP2 6/12/15 - EDD 2/22/16 (D/C 10w3d)
———
Diagnoses and Treatments
PCOS (myo-inositol, excercize)
Indeterminant levels of APS IgM antibodies (baby aspirin)
Sub-septate uterus (hysteroscopic septoplasty 12/18/15)
———
BFP3 05/02/16 EDD 01/09/17 DS born 01/05/17
BFP4 01/28/19 EDD 10/?/19 🤞🙏
@AlicjaB I am totally in the camp of the more you know about what to expect the less scary it is. However, I do know women that fall in the I want to know the bare minimum and trust the doctors/nurses to guide me. Take a birth class, or take 10. I took Bradley method classes so it was 12 2 hour long classes. I also took about 5 of the hospital offered classes on new baby's and breastfeeding. Our hospital offers a large variety of labor and delivery classes and we are fortunate to have 2 hospitals that both offer free classes.
Pooping during labor is a thing but it's so common that most nurses don't say a word about it, and get it cleaned up before you realize it even happened. There is so much going on that it's the least of your worries. I opted for a non-medicated birth and it was painful. But I look at it this way, the pain of childbirth is a natural thing that is meant to help women find a safe place to have their baby. It's not pain that is signalling that something is wrong. And I really thought the contractions themselves were far worse than the actual delivery. I have very little recollection of any pain during my 3 hours of pushing.
I also second what @katesmama0706 said, episiotomy rates are on the decline. I created a birth plan and specified that I did not want an episiotomy, if I tore, I tore but I knew that natural tears typically heal better and faster than episiotomies. If there are things that really bother you or scare you, research them and then put your wishes in a birth plan. It helps you communicate your wants to both your partner and the nurses/doctors. I felt knowing what was important to me helped when we were forced to make some tough decisions. I ended up have a vacuum assisted delivery because DS was starting to have some issues with his vitals and not moving down very far (even after 3 hours of pushing). I knew that I wanted to try that over moving straight to a C-section so it made the conversation go much better with the doctor (and my husband knew it too and it was in my birth plan that my nurse had read).
Birthing a child is rewarding. Not that that's why you do it, but I found it empowering. I was amazed by what my body could do and seriously, as soon as that baby is in your arms, you kind of forget the last 15 hours.
Ok, that was kind of long and rambling and not sure if it makes you feel better but know you are strong and you've got this no matter what options you choose.
FTMs, have a birth plan. Know what choices you will make in case any scenario pops up. It's better to be educated on all things birth (as much as you can be without being a medically trained person anyway) so you can have detailed conversation with personnel if conversations need to be had. You don't want to be the person who just goes with the flow because you have no idea what they are talking about. Everything sounds more scary when they are trying to have a serious conversation about stuff and you have no idea what they are talking about. People feel out of control and bullied into decisions when this happens - don't let yourself fall into this category.
its also important to educate yourself on how to function during birth. I was so prepared with the above that I completely forgot to learn how cope during labor. I had the hardest time just breathing - freaking BREATHING of ALL things. I felt like such a freaking idiot. Find a class or two and take it.
It's okay to not have a visit with a lactation consultant before birth. I didn't. My doctors told me it was pointless until I was able to breastfeed. I think they were right. No regrets. (ETA- I did watch some lactation YouTube videos and look through some websites so I kind of had an idea of what to expect)
Don't beat yourself up over everything not going to plan. I know many women who swore they wouldn't get an epidural or pain meds that when the time came and the pain was real and not hypothetical, they said, "screw what I said, give me the f-ing drugs NOW." -myself included
there are too many people who give scary stories or tell you to watch conspiracy documentaries. I was induced because my gestational hypertension (with no symptoms other than blood pressure which was caught during a routine checkup) was insanely close to becoming preeclampsia - my induction was SLOW - like insanely slow, not full on like the scary story people tell you (they started with a foley bulb and I had a baby 37.5 hours later). I passed on the epidural and because I had to wait to get one when I changed my mind later (anesthesiologists are usually busy), I ended up having drugs injected into my IV. I didn't have any back issues due to the epidural. I walked to the bathroom (as bossed by the nurse) shortly after giving birth. My son was born without any health issues and continuously surprises everyone because he meets his developmental milestones sooner than he should. We breastfed until about a couple weeks ago - and he only weaned because he doesn't like colostrum. (Did i miss any scary story side effects?)
if you decide to watch the scary documentaries, make sure to keep telling yourself to take it all with a grain of salt. Even Tylenol has a warning label on the back of the bottle with potential health risks for one-time use. What happens to one person isn't a One-size fits all. What happens in one hospital isn't what happens in every hospital. What one doctor does may be the complete opposite another does.
when it comes to hospital care, most every hospital is a little different. AFTER you make your birth plan, take a tour of the place you plan to give birth - you'll get real answers there. For example, the place I go to has one of the lowest rates out there for c-sections, they don't do episiotomies, I found out they had at least 7 midwives (which as essentially nurses with SIX YEARS of education in birth and postpartum alone - so their education is extremely close to that of an OB) and at least 2 OBs on rotation at all times, in 12-hour shifts. You should also know that the people that you will be talking to and will be with 95% of the time will be the midwives and nurses, the doctor only comes occasionally for checkups so make nice with the people who will be pampering you in your 'hour' of need.
Also, if you aren't comfortable with a person or procedure, say something. The nurse who tried 5 times to put in my IV had shaky hands due to a medical problem; I asked another person to put in my IV because it felt like she was trying to sew a suture around my veins instead of stick one. She asked if I prefer another nurse to be with me during labor and I told her, "as long as you don't have to put any needles in me, I'm fine." She was a little weird after that, but I don't care. I don't think she should even attempt to do IVs with her permanently shaky hands. No regrets.
giving a little when possible may help in the long run. I didn't want them to put a sensor on my sons head but they were pushing for an emergency c-section. I allowed the sensor to put them at ease and even though the surgery team was on standby, I was able to give birth vaginally. I think if I hadn't allowed the sensor, they would have been in my face about my sons health and I would have ended up getting that c-section. I'd rather a scab on my sons head to put everyone at ease than a permanent scar on my belly and horrible recovery because of unknown risks.
things I did that I loved:
-brought my docking station (husband made a soothing playlist) all personnel were cool with it
-brought my Boppy (hospital beds and pillows are incredibly uncomfortable and they don't give out pillows like a hotel)
-we did the circumcision while there while in recovery (the guy told me basically, "I do dozens of these a day. If you choose to wait until he's a little older to do so, you may end up with someone who does a couple dozen in a year.")
-had one-hour with our son right after birth before we allowed visitors (best decision ever - may do two-hours next time)
Things I wish I did:
-learn to breathe through contractions (eye roll)
-brought a tiny handheld battery operated fan for husband to use on me (seriously hot and sweaty while pushing)
-bring sets of pajamas and robe. Hospital gowns suck. (no one tells you that you get insane sweats after giving birth and sweat through your clothes and soak your sheets. I had to be there for 2 days for recovery as a precaution because I tested positive for strep B, which has been linked to babies getting meningitis so they wanted to monitor my son for 48 hours.) ...and you'll be forced to go on walks around the postpartum area (wearing nothing but a gown isn't very comfortable or empowering)
-kept the mesh underwear that was soiled, not toss (they are machine washable and hard to find locally, I had to order and wait for more)
-bought the recovery supplies before birth (witch hazel pads, period pads, squirt water bottles) --- If your husband is anything like mine, he gets weird buying feminine products by himself.
-bought boob pads before birth (waking up because milk is trickling down your side isn't a great feeling and changing your sheets every day takes too much energy when you're already a zombie)
-brought an extension cord (because waiting for your iPhone to power back up while its sitting next to the wall feels like forever)
-brought snacks for husband (they don't feed him, they only feed you and cafeteria hours don't always line up in your favor)
-had people on call to deliver food because hospital food is basic and you'll want real food after eating it for too long (husband doesn't really like leaving baby to run errands either)
-(ETA) put a "no vistitor" order in. I had people come to see me and hold the baby that were far from estranged. People that I wouldn't have over for dinner. I managed to put the order in before certain ones came (I was given a heads up prior to their arrival). You don't want to deal with that during this special time. I gave a list of approved people.
misc:
-if you poop, your nurses might not even tell you and wipe it away without saying a word
-some nurses have a horrible bedside manner, some you'll want to give gifts after you leave -- just go with the flow and ignore the sourpuss ones, don't let them have the power to control how you feel during your birth story
-(ETA) I had no problem pooping after birth. From the scary stories, I thought it was going to be hell - not even close.
-(ETA) I had a small tear that only needed one stitch. The suture dissolved on its own and wasn't all that painful.
For any FTM's out there, I second what @wholesome said about the pajamas. I lived in my hospital gown the 2 days I was there, my thought was, why risk getting blood and grossness on my pants when I can wear a gown and they have to wash it. This time around I will be bringing dark yoga pants and a pretty robe (and nursing tanks or loose tanks). I think this helps me feel more human and less like a hospital patient. It's more comfortable when visitors come by. I've heard both schools of thought though but I definitely suggest being prepared for either option. I second a lot of other things she said too.
Things to check with your hospital/birthing center on:
-My hospital provided me about a months supply of super duper pads and extra mesh underwear. As well as the squirt bottle. They even sent home some of the bed protectors that remind me of puppy pads to put on my bed and protect our bedding. On your tour, ask what they send you home with and remember, if you open a pack of something in the hospital (diapers, pads, cloths, lotion, shampoo) bring it home. You are paying for the whole pack so you might as well take it with you.
- Our hospital has a little snack bar/food area that is open for patients and their support person 24 hours. Also, the support person gets to have the same meals mom does. I do agree though that if you have special snacks or things that you enjoy to bring them with.
I also strongly recommend what @wholesome said about time after baby. My family knew that they would not be allowed in the room until we were ready, at least 1-2 hours post delivery. I also had in my birth plan that I didn't want any of the post delivery stuff (length, weight, etc) done on baby until at least an hour after birth. They were fine with that, huge proponents of skin to skin right after birth. They cleaned him up on my chest wrapped and let us lay there. It took them a good hour to get my fixed up, and get the hospital room put back (we labor and deliver in the same room we are in for the duration of our stay but they remove the hospital bed and pull down a murphy bed once baby is born). We loved our time with DS before visitors came in. I knew my family was out in the waiting room and had been most of the day but they knew what was in store. Husband texted when baby was born to let them know and said he'd come get them when we were ready.
Know your wishes, educate yourself, and be prepared for as much as possible. One class I didn't take last time was preparing for the unexpected (C-sections, inductions, etc) because I thought I had an ok grasp on it if necessary. Well, this time since I have GD I know that an induction is much more likely and I also know that inductions are more likely to lead to C-sections so I want to know what happens and be prepared.
Married: 8/11/2007
DD: Born 2/3/17
BFP#2: 5/3, EDD 1/10/19
My silly & off topic question: what is the best way to fold/store onesies & infant clothes?