Maternity leave/going back after baby thoughts

AshleySparkle720 · September 2016

Since we're all at the 20+ week mark I thought it'd be nice to have a place to discuss maternity leave. Are you taking 6, 8, 12 weeks? A year? (for you Canadians!) Quitting your job to be a SAHM? what's your game plan?

AshleySparkle720 · September 2016

I'll start off by saying I have a very demanding job that I constantly get swept up in. When DD1 was born I made the decision not to go back to work until about 2 months ago. So I had about 17 months of staying at home with her. Now I'm at the point where I need to decide what I want to do when DD2 comes. There is no way we can afford 2U2 in daycare and I'd love to have some down time with both kiddos. Plus, I'm not sure if I even want to go back to work after DD2 comes. I am just so conflicted and don't know what to do or how to tell my boss!

TinaBelcher · September 2016

Provided the babies don't come too early and have a short or nonexistent NICU stay I'll take 12 full weeks, then work from home for another 2-4 weeks, then go back part time (3-4 days a week, at least one of them WFH every week)

If we have a NICU stay we'll reevaluate but I'm hoping to avoid it so I'm not planning for it ::FX::

canavara · September 2016

I'm planning 12 weeks. I work from home so hoping to transition back after that with flex time (maybe I'll find a way to write code at 2am while breastfeeding

mommy2ane · September 2016

I'll be taking 6 or 8 weeks depending on if I get a c-section. I'm new to my district and can't afford to take more time so that'll suck. I think between my husband, our parents and my spring break, we can keep her out of daycare until mid-April, possibly May. That's what I'm hoping. It scares me to think about putting a little baby in daycare. I love our provider, but she's still going to be so little! I wanted to wait until August, when she'll be 7 months. We'll see how this all plays out!

emy730 · September 2016

Planning on 12 weeks and then back to work. Having two in daycare is going to suck financially.

Teach123 · September 2016

I'm planning to take 8 weeks (csection). It could be a little more because I really don't want to go back until after spring break, so depending on if baby comes a little early or not, it could be 9 or 10 weeks.

@vgempis I understand your concern about daycare that young. I kept my done out because I had family willing to keep him until he was almost 2. I'm hoping to keep this one out until at least August with my mother keeping him the last 9 weeks of the year then me getting to stay home summer break.

AshleySparkle720 · September 2016

@emy730 I hear you about 2 in daycare. It's not something I even want to think about unless I absolutely have to haha.

nolemama24 · September 2016

I also plan on taking 12 weeks (it's what I get). I will be going to work after, and the baby will go to daycare. I really can't stand to think about that, it makes me really sad. Currently, we are on a wait list for the daycare center though but my mom & MIL & my grandma live nearby so hopefully we can figure out childcare plan if we are not off the wait list by mid-March/April. I love my job and I never really thought about not going back...... but I would re-look at that topic when we have our next child. Daycare is expensive!

mommy2ane · September 2016

@Teach123 It's tough! We were able to keep our son out until he was about 6 months old because I had 5 weeks until the end of the school year and we had family who were able to take care of him for those five weeks but there will be too much time in between for her. He's been in daycare since, and we're hopefully putting her in the same one he's at now so I feel comfortable there. And like @AshleySparkle720 and @emy730 mentioned, 2 in daycare is going to be expensive!

LastMango · September 2016

emy730 said:

Planning on 12 weeks and then back to work. Having two in daycare is going to suck financially.

Exactly this^

aishmc · September 2016

I'm planning on taking 18 weeks off after baby arrives. 12-14 of these weeks will be paid, so I've been saving up for the unpaid weeks. I'll definitely be going back to work because I love my job and I'm the breadwinner for our household. My husband is going to be able to stagger his bonding time for when I go back to work and between that and his summer off from school baby girl shouldn't have to to go to day care until August.

I'm trying to decide when to take off before the baby arrives. Do any STMs have any advice on taking off before the birth vs working up until birth? I'm torn because I want to be able to relax around the holidays and just enjoy myself and my family, but also want to make money because babies are expensive.

KRB22 · September 2016

I'm still somewhat undecided. My job is stressful and demanding and I generally don't like it. Plus the commute is rough. At the same time, it pays well, has good benefits, and my company/department actually offers a lot of flexibility (considering it's a large investment bank). My husband is self employed so the salary and benefits are a big consideration. If I knew we could swing it financially I would not go back and would instead look to do something part time or freelance. I know being a full time SAHM can be really difficult, so ultimately I'd like to find a good balance.

Right now it's looking like I will take 16 weeks paid (lucky that my company also provides good maternity benefits), and possibly an additional 2-3 months unpaid leave. I'm hoping to then work out a part time role, ideally 3-4 days a week with 2 in the office and 1-2 days working from home. Given my husband's schedule I think we'd then be able to arrange childcare for just 2 days a week.

@aishmc we have short term disability benefits separate from maternity leave, so most people I work with stop working around 2 weeks before their due date. I'm due Jan 12, so I'm planning to stop going in by Christmas. I'll either use vacation days or STD, or just WFH until STD kicks in. That last week of the year is super slow for us anyway.

OfficialBillie · September 2016

I just want to say I feel for all of you and I hope everyone is able to have smooth transitions.

The only plus side about my stroke is that that state has me listed as unable to work until September of 2017, when I will be evaluated again and it will be determined then if I can go back to work or not. But I'm a freelance concert photographer so I'm also lucky there that I can choose which shows I want to work and whatnot. I also have my parents willing to help out and babysit when I work, so I won't have to worry about daycare. I am thankful I'll be able to basically spend time with my LO as much as I want, aside from when his father has him.

I wish you all the best and hope everyone is able to work out a great solution that doesn't leave you missing your LOs too much.

colleenkevin · September 2016

This topic makes me so sad. I wish maternity and family bonding time in the US weren't so awful compared to the rest of the world. I want all of you ladies to have as much time as you need.

I'm planning to take 18-20 weeks off. I work from home so I will do what we did with DD and hire a nanny to watch the baby while I work during the day. When he is 18 months or so I expect to put him in the same place as DD.

I've thought about taking time off before I deliver because in NJ we start being eligible for state disability insurance 4 weeks prior to our due dates, so I would have partial pay if I stopped.working early. Also, the way FMLA and NJFLA work together I would still have job protection for the full 18-20 weeks post-delivery. I'm just not sure if it's worth it to reduce my.pay when I work from home and I can't imagine they're going to have me doing much in those last weeks. It might depend on how I'm feeling closer to December - if I'm miserable I might ask my OB to sign me out early...I have no desire to be a martyr or make my holidays miserable.

kashock-2 · September 2016

I just started my job in April and I'm part-time so I don't qualify for FMLA or STD. Luckily DH is the breadwinner and my manager is approving 12 weeks leave of absence. It will be unpaid but since I don't bring in a ton of money or benefits we can totally do it. DH would like it if I stayed home after baby comes, but I'm undecided. He travels a lot and it would make things easier (I work nights). But I also value the balance a part-time job gives me, and it's nice to have my own paycheck. One blessing is we have a wonderful caregiver that comes to our house to watch DD1 after I get out of work so I can sleep. I love knowing that she's right downstairs and would be more comfortable with that at 12 weeks than daycare. It's more the overnights when DH is gone that I worry about. With DD1 I wasn't working before delivery and stayed home until she was almost 6 months. It's an ongoing discussion here.

edited for words

hayhay2501 · September 2016

UK based so I have government sanctioned maternity leave (though it's not as good as Canada!). I get 16 weeks full pay from my company and then I plan to take an additional four months on a mixture of government pay (£600 a month, which won't cover any of my bills) and holiday days (I get 25 and plan to use 18 for maternity leave). I am eligible to take a year but I earn a lot more than my husband so we'll struggle on just his pay. Plus I like working so I'd like to be able to balance a career with baby (though it freaks me out how I'm going to do it!).

I'm due on January 13 and plan on starting maternity leave officially on my due date and unofficially on Christmas by using up this years leave.

As ive said before, DH and I would have planned to move to America sooner if it wasn't for the maternity situation in America (leave and health care). I really hope change comes soon!

BrennansMom2012 · September 2016

12 weeks over here and I wouldn't dream of staying home for anything. I don't necessarily love teaching anymore but I love getting out of the house, contributing to our household and socializing with people everyday--I also carry our insurance and make more money than he does. Besides those reasons, I realized after DS I'm not SAHM material. I never fit in at the playground with the other Mommies, never fell in love with the whole housewife thing and I was always bored. I was sad to leave my son with the sitter (who we'll leave this one with as well) but I was ecstatic to return to work. I expect the same this time around. And please don't dog my personal feelings on being a SAHM; I have much respect for those who do. I just know it's not for me.

vssbrm · September 2016

We struggled w infertility, so when we decided to pursue IVF I quit my job. My career is very stressful and it did not seem worth it to risk IVF not working Bc of stress. I will probably start looking for a new position this time next year. I'm in @BrennansMom2012 's boat - I enjoy working, a lot, and I've been bored out of my mind not working, and never mind the loss of purpose feeling. That might change when he arrives, but that's what I am thinking for now...

moosette113 · September 2016

I live in Germany and get 6 weeks before EDD and 8 weeks (or 12 for a csection) after at full pay- after that I can take a year (and if I share with a partner, combined 14 months) at 2/3 pay. The original plan was for me to go back after 8 weeks part time while H also did part time/home office so we could both spend time at home with the LO. But with us moving back to the US sometime between March and July and so much uncertainty before then, I'm not sure it's worth it for me to go back at all. I'm just hoping I don't need to move back before I give birth, because leaving this awesome parental support system here would be so disappointing.

Teach123 · September 2016

vgempis said:

@Teach123 It's tough! We were able to keep our son out until he was about 6 months old because I had 5 weeks until the end of the school year and we had family who were able to take care of him for those five weeks but there will be too much time in between for her. He's been in daycare since, and we're hopefully putting her in the same one he's at now so I feel comfortable there. And like @AshleySparkle720 and @emy730 mentioned, 2 in daycare is going to be expensive!

@emy730 @AshleySparkle720

My son will technically be old enough to go to Pre-K in the fall. Where I live, the public schools have a full-day pre-k program. He's a summer baby and will be young though. I would never even consider going ahead and sending him if it weren't for the cost of two in daycare. I'd love to keep him out of school another year, but I just don't know how we can do it financially. I'm a teacher, so I know how beneficial waiting can be. It makes me sick thinking I have to make this decision based on financial reasons and not on what's best for him.

christac1010 · September 2016

I'm definitely with @BrennansMom2012. I don't think I would make it as a SAHM. Plus I really do love my job (most of the time). I also carry the health benefits and my schedule is really flexible. I'll be taking 12 weeks (6 paid, 6 unpaid).

ETA: I plan to work right up until delivery. Luckily our company shuts down the last week of the year, so I'm hoping to go into labor around that time (I'm due Jan 3rd). If I have to come back to work after the holidays, I can't imagine I'll be happy or comfortable or productive.

My peanut will be going into daycare at the end of the 12 weeks. It's funny to me because I'm not a baby/child person, so I never thought it would bother me to leave my baby at daycare. Yes, I knew I would miss him and I would worry about him, but I assumed I would be fine. WRONG. So wrong! Every daycare we visited, I cried. The thought of leaving this tiny human who's been with me for almost a year pretty much destroys me. I know I have to do it, but it certainly doesn't make it easier.

laufisch · September 2016

I get 6 weeks paid through work, and I've saved up 2 weeks of vacation. I plan on taking 10 to 10 and a half weeks total (I want to go back mid week to ease the transition).

I'm working right up until I deliver, but I do have permission to work from home starting after Christmas. I'm due Jan 7.

therealfrizzle · September 2016

I plan on working right up to the EDD since I don't have any PTO and only 2 weeks of term leave. I intend to stay off 12 weeks, but, depending on how DH's job goes, I may be able to not go back to work. My job isn't stressful, but it's not very fulfilling either and I'd like to go back to school and pursue either a master's in counseling or get an associate's in sign language interpretation and then get certified. I want both eventually. I probably won't know for sure until Feb or March, which stresses this planner out.

sagoon · September 2016

I will be taking 12 weeks and then going back full time. I plan on working right up to delivery, but that depends on how I end up feeling. After I go back to work, she will be in daycare. Fortunately we will only have to pay for 2 in daycare for a few months as my son will start kindergarten next fall, otherwise we would probably seek out cheaper arrangements.

LoneStar21416 · September 2016

I'll be taking 12 weeks and then going back to work full time. My plan is to work up until whenever baby comes. My due date is right after the new year so I did contemplate just taking off around Christmas and relaxing, but it's just going to be me and my husband anyway for the holidays since we are super far from family and we don't want any visitors until after the baby is born. I have 4 day weekends around Christmas and then New Years, so I think I'm just going to power through. Also, I think I will be able to telework leading up to the birth, so that would be great. It will be a very slow time of year anyway!

momof2girls+? · September 2016

Im due Jan 29th. I will be working till Christmas break comes then I will be quitting my job. Then in March I will be starting an in-home daycare so that i can stay home with my baby and still bring in a little bit of money. This is my 3rd baby and with DD1 and DD2 I stopped working a month before tthey were due.

TinaBelcher · September 2016

Re: when to stop working, I don't think I'll physically be able to work until delivery if we make it to 36+ weeks! I'll be working from home before then for sure, starting right after my big ISO audit in early November (which I moved from December just so I could hopefully still spearhead it)

I'm 100% definitely going back, I have small ownership stake in the company and they've been SO good to me (I got a bonus last year just to help with the costs of IVF because no insurance in our state covered it) but part time for a while because even though I make decent money and live in a LCOL area 2 infants FT in daycare is like 1/2 of my take home!

jsl82 · September 2016

I'm really struggling with this one. I live and work in NJ- so I have one of the best maternity coverages in the country. I can take 4 weeks prior to my due date (TBD on if I will be doing that) and have 12 weeks paid leave after I deliver.

In general I hate the company I work for and find them extremely unflexable. It almost makes me want to screw them over and wait until the day I am suppose to come back from leave to call and say I won't be returning. On the other hand we have health insurance through my company- and we can switch to my husband's insurance but I have HSA and he does not and there are tax issues and penalties to pay. In addition to just not liking my job, we are planning on moving in April around the time I would be coming back to work. We are planning to move 30 minutes away from my already 1+ hour long commute (on the express train- it's 2 hours when its a local). I really don't want to do that- but I don't know if I should come back for a few weeks prior to moving- and looking for a new job while I'm back or just looking for a new job to start in April. I like my boss and don't want to screw him over by not coming back at all- but I don't know if it really makes sense to return or if I can stomach the thought of coming back here.

Either way I financially need to work. So I will be hopefully starting a new job in April after my leave is over.

AlabamaRedhead · September 2016

I'll have right at 8 weeks to take fully if I want. Last time I took 6 full weeks, then did two weeks part-time. I'd go in the office the days DH was free and work part time from home the other days. It extended it quite a bit and I loved it. My boss loved that I was able to still work without taking any FMLA time. I would like to do the same thing again, and I don't really see a problem with me working from home again during part of my leave, extending the out of office time. Plus, I really need adult interaction, I loved going back to work. Balancing the family part took time, but that's just how I'm wired.

Then, we have the daycare lined up, which is right down the road from my office. Luckily, DH's truck will be paid off the first of the year, so that will take the place of our second childcare bill.

TexasGal24 · September 2016

I'm taking 8 weeks, unpaid. Then my mom is going to move in a baby sit while I work from home. I'm not sure what our long term plans are. Both DH and I are really hoping to keep the baby at home with family because daycare in the area is more than what I bring home a month.

shlecks · September 2016

Ugh this is a topic I dread. I own my own business so I have no maternity leave, and since baby is a surprise we have nothing saved to cover it either. I'm the primary earner in the family so it's going to be a major stretch taking any time off. It's hard enough doing a week long vacation. I'm registered on BabyList and they have a "Cash Fund" option that I have titled Maternity Leave so people can just contribute towards that if they'd like. My goal is to make it to 8 weeks- 12 is ideal, 6 if I have to. But it's just all up in the air.

Smiley-1980 · September 2016

I am Canadian so I will be taking the full year off and hopefully won't be going back at all depending on finances. I won't be able to put my baby in the daycare we used for DD until he's 18 months old so I won't be able to go back until then at least. My work has offered me to come back 9-3 instead of 9-5 so I won't have to put my daughter in after school care but I still don't want to go back.

I will be leaving around Dec 23rd and won't come back after Christmas Holidays.

susykat77 · September 2016

I am not planning to return to work. I will look for part-time odd jobs to help bring in some money. This is going to be a huge hit for us financially as I have the amazing insurance and make as just much as my husband but I want nothing more than to stay home with my daughter so we are going to figure out how to make it work. I work for the government so I do get 12 weeks FMLA which means that my insurance will continue until then so that is good news. This topic really makes me so sad (and stressed).

stumptownmama · September 2016

Such a hard topic. Since right before dd1 was born I've been an adjunct professor so i am able to accept or decline as many classes as I wanted. The downside is no benefits, paid leave or guaranteed work. I went back after 5 months last time around and taught two night classes a term so I could be home with DD and then my husband was home with her when I went to work. I'm taking this fall term off before baby comes and at least winter and spring term. Then I'll reevaluate if I want to go back. I'll sub here and there.

TaraGoldenCO · September 2016

I'm taking 6 weeks off and then working 3 days a week for weeks 6-12. (My mom currently watches my daughter two days a week, and will watch both kids 2 days a week after our son is born.)(We use daycare for the other three day.) My husband is going to work 3 days a week after I go back for a month and then my mother-in-law is coming out for 6 weeks to do full time care. After she is done we are taking a two week vacation.
That brings us to six months of family care. (Thank goodness for my mom and husband's mom!)

I wish I could take more off, but financially we can't afford it, and there is pressure to return to my small firm as soon as I can as my absence puts a lot of pressure on the office. My goal is to keep little one out of daycare for 8 months. I'm not quiet sure what we are going to do the remaining two months, perhaps a summer nanny or nanny share, although financially that would be really though. We were able to do this for our daughter for fifteen months, but that is just not an option this time around.

KRB22 · September 2016

@susykat77 do you have an idea yet how you will find part time / odd jobs?

If we can get past the insurance hurdle I think I'd ideally like to work on a freelance/contract basis, either part or full time if the schedule is flexible. I work in finance and don't mind the actual work most of the time, but really struggle with the company politics, bureaucracy and overall environment. It might sound extreme, but it takes a toll on me emotionally, and is probably the main reason I don't want to go back when the baby is born. I just can't imagine bringing that sort of energy home - if I am going to work outside the home I want to make sure I can be fully present for my child when I'm home.

Anyway my thinking is that if I'm not a full time employee and just on a limited contract, I can avoid a lot of that extra BS and just walk away at the end of a contract if it gets unpleasant. I'm unsure how to begin finding ad hoc work, though.

bab&tjp · September 2016

I will take 8 weeks, possibly 12 weeks if we have enough money saved for me to not get paid for 4 wks of the leave. (highly doubt that) My husband works thirds so he will be home during the day. Granted itll suck for him to get such broken up sleep(not that my sleep wont be crappy either) with the baby it deff helps us financially. We cant afford child care & we can't afford for me to not go back to work.

curlysue22 · September 2016

I'll be taking 12 weeks off unpaid. I am "part-time" at a school, but work every day, year-round (29 hours a week). So I get no benefits or disability insurance and am not covered by FMLA. Not ideal. I plan to work right up to delivery day. It worked out ok last time. I started very mild contractions at 4am and actually went into work that day. It was a Friday and I wanted my leave to start on a Monday, haha. I didn't have my daughter until 12:54 the next day, Saturday. I'm due 1/10 and Christmas time at school is actually a fun time with concerts and holiday parties, and the kids are on break from 12/23-1/2, so it'll be quiet for the most part.

I really hope maternity leave policies change for future generations. It's probably too late for it to help me, as this might be our last one.

15caitlin · September 2016

LastMango said:

emy730 said:

Planning on 12 weeks and then back to work. Having two in daycare is going to suck financially.

Exactly this^

This is also my plan!

sarahmsoda · September 2016

I am considered "self employed" because I run a mental health care home (in my own home - 5 residents) so I can't take an official mat leave. I am Canadian so technically I would get a year, but seeing I haven't paid into unemployment this year I won't qualify.

Fortunately, my DH can take a paid paternity leave (in lieu of my not taking a mat leave) so he will take 8 months to stay at home with us and help run the care home and help me with baby. His work is already aware of it and seems really supportive so that helps! I feel really blessed that we get the opportunity to be home together, although I know it will be a bit stressful running our care home and having a newborn.

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