My BF is that I just had to send an incredibly awkward "break-up" letter to one of my co-collaborators. I have been working on a project for nearly three years, and despite being a part of the original team, my co-collaborator didn't produce any work until last year! I told him I was having doubts about the work relationship back in March, but he asked for another chance. Now, I just sent a final, "no-joke we're done" e-mail, asking him to leave the project. What makes it harder is that this person is an old college friend. I feel good professionally about sending the letter, but I feel like a total jerk as a friend. And now I am going to spend the rest of the afternoon obsessively refreshing my inbox so I can figure out how bad the fallout is going to be.
So I got my car all the way to a mechanic, and he wouldn't replace the battery. He said it has fine charge, we just need to take care of any corrosion. I'm like, ok...then I got over half-way home and my car fucking dies...it won't jump start at all. So now me and DH are stuck with my car in the median waiting for my dad to come help us tow it back home. Why the hell did the mechanic not help us? I am so pissed that we were literally just there and he didn't help at all. I can see our turnoff for our street from here and I'm just OVER IT.
@dmontgo hmm, if it was running and then it died, it could be the alternator. It's happened to each car that I've owned. Don't go back to that mechanic, he should have been a bit more helpful.
@dmontgo - that's really awful, I'm sorry. I agree with @yellingbanana - unfortunately, it could be your alternator. But the fact that the mechanic didn't figure that out is crap tastic.
@yellingbanana@penelope4612 I'm back home with my car. My dad thinks it's a combination of the fuel pump filter and the battery. He said if we buy the parts, he will fix it. Fortunately my car is "old" (2001) and parts are dirt cheap.
Queue guilty feelings and second-guessing myself on my relationship with my dad. I can rely on him when it comes to car things, business things, "practical" things...but he made me feel like shit as a kid. When he helps me with stuff like this, I start asking myself, "See, he cares...maybe things weren't so bad?" And then I have to remind myself that my brother is an alcoholic and addicted to pain pills because he can't deal with my dad's rages...that he still abandoned me places as a kid to "teach me a lesson," or that nothing I did was *quite* good enough, that I am ugly, etc.
It is so frustrating for me because when he's "fixing" something he is the most awesome guy ever--but then in the next breath he will yell at you or put you down. In those moments when he's focused on a problem, we have a normal relationship...and I wish it carried over to the more important aspects of our relationship.
@dmontgo - I'm glad your dad is being helpful with your car. In terms of your relationship, I know it's been a struggle, but everyone has good qualities and bad qualities. Now, in your case, your dad's bad qualities are REALLY bad, and I totally understand why you need to set boundaries with him and have a lot of frustrations about his past and current behavior. But it is still ok to appreciate the good qualities when they come up. It does NOT make him "all good" just because he's helping you now, it just means he's not "all bad" either. It also does NOT mean that you have to have a relationship that you're not comfortable with just to appreciate the good qualities.
Like, I love my mom, but I won't hang out with her when she smokes cigarettes, because it's gross and I don't want it impacting my health. So when she lights up, I walk away and come back later. If she brings it up (she is often very passive aggressive about it), I will tell her that I'm not comfortable being around her when she's smoking and it's her decision to deal with the health consequences if she wants to and also my decision to not want to put myself in that situation. But at the end of the day, I still want her around. Your dad's bad behavior is like my mom's smoking - avoid it, be confrontational about it if you want to, but you don't have to put up with it. But it's ok to be around him when he's not smoking if you're happy to do that.
@penelope4612 You brought up something I struggle with hardcore: black-and-white thinking.
When I first started going to therapy years ago, my therapist said that I see the world, people, myself, and situations as either all good or all bad. He said that this is common in abusive childhoods, but it is SO HARD to rewire. I think it is one aspect of my healing that has made minimal change. I've gotten better at recognizing that people are not perfect...and that is ok! It doesn't mean they are bad people. Mistakes don't equal bad people. But when it comes to myself and internal mirror..there is minimal improvement. I'm either 100% bad and terrible or 100% good. I doubt myself a lot once I've made a decision regarding relationships because of it.
When I was a kid, mistakes meant I was totally stupid or lazy...but on the same token, even excellent behavior or work was considered no big deal--just expected. I have made so much progress overall, but this detail is a huge stumbling block for me. All I can do is keep working on it! Thank you for reminding me that there are grey areas...makes me feel not so guilty.
@dmontgo others have given great advice on relationships, and since I suck at them I'll stay out of that.
BUT cars are something I know decently well. If the car died while running it is not your battery. Your battery specifically is to start the engine+radio things and to keep them on when the engine is not running. The alternator is most likely the cause of it not starting and dieing. A fuel pump or filter would make very jerky- like not driving a standard correctly jerky- so unless it was like 'gasping' for gas before it died look into the alternator first.
Formerly known as Kate08young August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Me: 28 H: 24 Married: 7/22/14 Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017. Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
@dmontgo my DH has been in automotive industry for 20 yrs. He said if there is truly corrosion on your battery, pour a can of coke or some washer fluid over the battery, and it will remove the corrosion. Also, he said to check your connections as well on the battery. Did the mechanic say why the shop wouldn't clean your corrosion?
@mamax2 We poured Coke on it and it removed the corrosion, but I think the guy lied about how much charge was left on the battery, and he wasn't willing to take a further look--no reason except he didn't feel it was necessary even though I insisted.
I've had fuel filter/pump issues in the past with the car, and battery issues, but at this point we won't know for sure until my dad takes a closer look--he's assuming based on what he saw my car do for now. He's an excellent mechanic fortunately so I'm not worried he can't fix it...but I feel angry at the mechanic I took it to initially. I'm lucky I wasn't in an accident. Just is upsetting that I was there asking for help and he brushed me off.
Coworker who sits behind me constantly clears his throat. He wears ear buds most of the day and I don't think he hears himself do it. Even when I have my ear buds in and am listening to something... I can still hear it. Do people need to clear their throat that much when they're not talking? A previous coworker did this me. Maybe it's a certain male thing.
I know I do it every once in awhile, but usually a good cough clears it ALL out.
Me: 37 years old
DH: 39 years old
Married: October 17, 2014 TTC Since: November 2015 BFP: March 31, 2016 DS: November 21, 2016
December'16 December Siggy Challenge: Elf on the Shelf Fails **winner**
@Kacie209 I was that guy for at least the first few months of this pregnancy. No idea why but I was clearing my throat constantly. I grossed myself out. I was apologizing to anyone I had to spend extended time around in advance. Thankfully, it seems to have gone away. Maybe your coworker should make he's not pregnant
@Kacie209 Ugh, that's annoying. DH will clear his throat at least 5 times after we lay down to go to bed. When I bug him about it he says there must be drainage when he lays down and I think he goes a little too crazy cleaning his nose before bed. Once you notice habits like that, it just annoys you more the next time it happens because you're so aware. Personally, I'd give a stink eye when he does it. If he has social cues at all, he'll get the hint.
@Kacie209 Someone down the hall from me constantly blows their nose so loud you can hear it all the way down the hall. Like I'm on a phone conference and the other people on the phone can hear it even though I sit at least a good 20 yards away.
On that note, my Thursday BF would be that I woke up with a sore throat. Is there anything you can take while pregnant? I had some tea this morning with honey and lemon but I drank it all and it's back to hurting now...
Me: 26 & DH: 25
Married: August 2014 TTC since November 2015 BFP #1 12/17/15 - MC 1/28/16 BFP #2 4/22/16 - EDD 12/30/16
I am a constant throat clearer - I have been told that it's because I have problems with reflux. It's MUCH worse after I eat and I haaaated working in a cube farm because it was so loud and annoying. That said, I do think that some people just do it from habit not from a weird medical issue like me.
Re: Monday Bitchfest 9.19
Don't go back to that mechanic, he should have been a bit more helpful.
Queue guilty feelings and second-guessing myself on my relationship with my dad. I can rely on him when it comes to car things, business things, "practical" things...but he made me feel like shit as a kid. When he helps me with stuff like this, I start asking myself, "See, he cares...maybe things weren't so bad?" And then I have to remind myself that my brother is an alcoholic and addicted to pain pills because he can't deal with my dad's rages...that he still abandoned me places as a kid to "teach me a lesson," or that nothing I did was *quite* good enough, that I am ugly, etc.
It is so frustrating for me because when he's "fixing" something he is the most awesome guy ever--but then in the next breath he will yell at you or put you down. In those moments when he's focused on a problem, we have a normal relationship...and I wish it carried over to the more important aspects of our relationship.
Sorry for the rant.
Like, I love my mom, but I won't hang out with her when she smokes cigarettes, because it's gross and I don't want it impacting my health. So when she lights up, I walk away and come back later. If she brings it up (she is often very passive aggressive about it), I will tell her that I'm not comfortable being around her when she's smoking and it's her decision to deal with the health consequences if she wants to and also my decision to not want to put myself in that situation. But at the end of the day, I still want her around. Your dad's bad behavior is like my mom's smoking - avoid it, be confrontational about it if you want to, but you don't have to put up with it. But it's ok to be around him when he's not smoking if you're happy to do that.
When I first started going to therapy years ago, my therapist said that I see the world, people, myself, and situations as either all good or all bad. He said that this is common in abusive childhoods, but it is SO HARD to rewire. I think it is one aspect of my healing that has made minimal change. I've gotten better at recognizing that people are not perfect...and that is ok! It doesn't mean they are bad people. Mistakes don't equal bad people. But when it comes to myself and internal mirror..there is minimal improvement. I'm either 100% bad and terrible or 100% good. I doubt myself a lot once I've made a decision regarding relationships because of it.
When I was a kid, mistakes meant I was totally stupid or lazy...but on the same token, even excellent behavior or work was considered no big deal--just expected. I have made so much progress overall, but this detail is a huge stumbling block for me. All I can do is keep working on it! Thank you for reminding me that there are grey areas...makes me feel not so guilty.
BUT cars are something I know decently well. If the car died while running it is not your battery. Your battery specifically is to start the engine+radio things and to keep them on when the engine is not running. The alternator is most likely the cause of it not starting and dieing. A fuel pump or filter would make very jerky- like not driving a standard correctly jerky- so unless it was like 'gasping' for gas before it died look into the alternator first.
Formerly known as Kate08young
August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Married: 7/22/14
Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms
Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms
TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017.
Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
I've had fuel filter/pump issues in the past with the car, and battery issues, but at this point we won't know for sure until my dad takes a closer look--he's assuming based on what he saw my car do for now. He's an excellent mechanic fortunately so I'm not worried he can't fix it...but I feel angry at the mechanic I took it to initially. I'm lucky I wasn't in an accident. Just is upsetting that I was there asking for help and he brushed me off.
Although a Monday thing, I need to post!
Coworker who sits behind me constantly clears his throat. He wears ear buds most of the day and I don't think he hears himself do it. Even when I have my ear buds in and am listening to something... I can still hear it. Do people need to clear their throat that much when they're not talking? A previous coworker did this me. Maybe it's a certain male thing.
I know I do it every once in awhile, but usually a good cough clears it ALL out.
TTC Since: November 2015
BFP: March 31, 2016
DS: November 21, 2016
DS: 12/20/16
EDD: 11/29/18
On that note, my Thursday BF would be that I woke up with a sore throat. Is there anything you can take while pregnant? I had some tea this morning with honey and lemon but I drank it all and it's back to hurting now...
TTC since November 2015
BFP #1 12/17/15 - MC 1/28/16
BFP #2 4/22/16 - EDD 12/30/16