Hello Ladies... I am currently team green but I am struggling. Today was our anatomy scan and not finding out was so hard. I am needing some strength and some reminders on why to stay team green (also don't mind the snark of why not to stay team green).
I feel like I am not as connected with this little one as I was with my DD cause we found out at 11 weeks it was a girl and had a name picked out moments later. Some how not knowing makes it not feel as real.. and at this point that is the harder part and of coarse the obvious planning of the nursery.
Soo... good, bad, indifferent... give it to me... Thanks!
Re: Needing Team Green Strength
ET 9/10 - transferred 1 perfect 5AA blast
7dp5dt BFP ~~ Beta on 9/19 - 77.4 Beta #2 on 9/21 - 357
Low heartbeat on 10/7 86, lower heartbeat on 10/11 76, no heartbeat 10/14/13. D&C 10/15/13
Tests revealed MTHFR c677t mutation, put on Folgard.
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FET #1 1/6/14 - 4BB blast - BFN
Are you going to be super bummed if you don't stay team green?
Sorry this isn't exactly the support you were looking for.
No this is completely fine support @spicyweiner. They are valid questions and will lead me to the decision I should stick with. I feel like I would be a little disappointed I didn't stay team green if its a girl. and just the overall fact I couldn't do it... I would say I am a logical person and if we get my decision to a place where I am comfortable then I feel that that is good support.
@mrsdrkirkpatrick thanks for your input and I think you have good points about the bonding. my DH and I talked about finding out and not telling anyone we found out... but he is no ok with keeping a secret like that. So it would be all in or not...
ET 9/10 - transferred 1 perfect 5AA blast
7dp5dt BFP ~~ Beta on 9/19 - 77.4 Beta #2 on 9/21 - 357
Low heartbeat on 10/7 86, lower heartbeat on 10/11 76, no heartbeat 10/14/13. D&C 10/15/13
Tests revealed MTHFR c677t mutation, put on Folgard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FET #1 1/6/14 - 4BB blast - BFN
Maybe just consider your reasons for waiting and what feels more important to you? I know it'll be an amazing surprise if you wait but I'm just so excited that I know and can pick out cute things for the next 20 weeks. Also being able to refer to him as him and not it anymore.
I am normally an impatient person too, so I think that's why this is so hard for me.
andplusalso my bank account thanks me for not finding out yet. lol
ET 9/10 - transferred 1 perfect 5AA blast
7dp5dt BFP ~~ Beta on 9/19 - 77.4 Beta #2 on 9/21 - 357
Low heartbeat on 10/7 86, lower heartbeat on 10/11 76, no heartbeat 10/14/13. D&C 10/15/13
Tests revealed MTHFR c677t mutation, put on Folgard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FET #1 1/6/14 - 4BB blast - BFN
I would also suggest giving yourself a week or so before making a decision. I think it's that much harder because you just had your A/S. You might be back on track by next week
First BFP: 12/16/13
EDD: 08/23/14
Baby BOY born: 08/29/14
ET 9/10 - transferred 1 perfect 5AA blast
7dp5dt BFP ~~ Beta on 9/19 - 77.4 Beta #2 on 9/21 - 357
Low heartbeat on 10/7 86, lower heartbeat on 10/11 76, no heartbeat 10/14/13. D&C 10/15/13
Tests revealed MTHFR c677t mutation, put on Folgard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FET #1 1/6/14 - 4BB blast - BFN
Team Green because...
I'm sure there's more, but that's all that's coming to mind right now!
Good luck as you move forward!
He was named almost immediately after we found out (we had picks out names long before as we had been TTC for awhile) and we refer to him exclusively by his name now. It's really helped me to know.
For you, I recommend you make a pro/con list for team green and for finding out and go with your gut.
There is a spoiler for almost everything these days, but just imagine the moment. You've just met this tiny person, done all the work of getting them here, and then you hear it, "It's a ____!"
I wavered big time the day of my a/s too but decided to remain team green, I'm glad I did but if the tech had asked a measly one more time I would've caved inmediately. If you're already regretting not knowing, maybe being TG isn't the right path for you right now- and that's ok! It's not a badge of honor or anything. The way you need to bond with your baby is personal
To play devil's advocate- for us, there are so few awesome surprises in this world and that's what's really kept us going. When I first got pregnant, my LPN had mentioned if either one of us had a stronger desire for whichever sex it was better to find out beforehand. Idk if thats true, were first time parents so we're just kind of going with it lol
HOWEVER. The wait is brutal. Absolutely brutal. Yeahyeah it'll be fun after the baby is born to buy all the clothes too, but damn it that's like 18 whole weeks away! Patience is not my strong suit.
I've probably been no help at all, but I do empathize absolutely
I get all the reasons people stay Team Green, except for "it's the last big surprise you get in life!" Because, really, it's a surprise when you find out at 20 weeks just as much as 40 weeks, and it's not like it's going to be a puppy... I know when my sister had her last kid, they didn't find out beforehand, and the "surprise" factor was not as awesome as she thought it would be. It was a girl (as she had been hoping), but after 72 hours of labor, it wasn't that important or shocking to her anymore.
One exercise my dad always advised when I couldn't make a decision: First, imagine you have made your decision, 100%. You are definitely NOT finding out. Make yourself believe this scenario (like, pretend this is the final decision, no changing it now). How does that feel to you? Do you feel relieved, or disappointed/anxious? Next, imagine you have made the final decision to call the OB and find out what the the A/S revealed the sex to be. You are going to pick up the phone in 5 minutes to make the call. How does that feel? Are you excited for that call, or regretful? Sometimes your gut can tell you the right choice.
1. We could not agree on ANY names. Narrowing down the sex will (hopefully) help with that!
2. I am a planner. I realized that waiting 20ish more weeks was going to be very stressful for me.
3. In the end, you'll find out either way. What difference does it make if it's at 20 weeks or after s/he is born?
Also at the 20 week scan when the dr came in she did a quick overview and I think i saw boy parts! I first was mad about it bc i didn't want to know but now i am so convinced i feel comfortable even buying a couple boy things. but not so convinced that I can tell people it's a boy...
And that's ok. I think that everyone can feel me struggling with staying team green and are encouraging me that it is ok if I don't. If I had an adamant reason to stay green then I think the responses would be different, but reading it back I think everyone can tell that's not the case...
My DH just said he wants to know. I think that I will probably cave... but I am not sure how and when... I am going to give it some time and see tho.
ET 9/10 - transferred 1 perfect 5AA blast
7dp5dt BFP ~~ Beta on 9/19 - 77.4 Beta #2 on 9/21 - 357
Low heartbeat on 10/7 86, lower heartbeat on 10/11 76, no heartbeat 10/14/13. D&C 10/15/13
Tests revealed MTHFR c677t mutation, put on Folgard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FET #1 1/6/14 - 4BB blast - BFN
Just have them forward your results my way.
So, why am I still team green? Because I am sometimes a contrary person. When people reacted sourly to me saying we weren't finding out, it made me want to dig my feet in deeper. I'm not like this about everything in life, mostly just when my decision really doesn't impact someone and they act weird about it. (There were a lot of wedding decisions that made me feel like this.)
But, I totally second the bonding issue. I'm having a hard time thinking of the nugget as a real little baby because it's just this weird unknown. I'm not sure if seeing the ultrasound will help but I'm hopeful. I mean, I get teary eyed whenever I think about certain baby related things... But, I'm having a hard time visualizing life after the baby is born because I can't get a picture of a girl/boy clear in my head.
and all it would take is a phone call. I am surprised at the doctor wouldn't value that information as important. I know I've heard several times that girls develop faster and A doctor will make a medical decision to not induce a labor a week early versus closer to the due date based on sex.
ET 9/10 - transferred 1 perfect 5AA blast
7dp5dt BFP ~~ Beta on 9/19 - 77.4 Beta #2 on 9/21 - 357
Low heartbeat on 10/7 86, lower heartbeat on 10/11 76, no heartbeat 10/14/13. D&C 10/15/13
Tests revealed MTHFR c677t mutation, put on Folgard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FET #1 1/6/14 - 4BB blast - BFN
In terms of planning the nursery, there are lots of things you can do that don't require knowing the sex. My plan for the nursery has not been changed at all now that I know my baby has boy parts.
It really comes down to how you're feeling about it. I would be the ultimate hypocrite if I tried to convince you to stay Green after caving myself, but I sometimes feel a bit sad that I caved and I won't get that amazing moment of finding out after the birth.
Married: 10/10
EDD: 8/27/16 MMC 1/16
Rainbow Boy: 2/04/17
TTC: 4/18 BFP: 1/2/19
EDD: 9/6/19
And you're also saying that you don't feel attached to it, that doesn't sound good. I'm sorry, I know this not the type of advice you were looking for. But I needed to be straight with you. Whatever you choose, good luck to you and don't feel bad either way.
green too which to me mustve been really difficult, the already have a little boy & their twins were a boy & a girl & she said she didnt find it difficult at all not finding out. Both have said they dont regret the decision at all but also i have no regrets about finding out so i really think it comes down to how you feel personally. If you cave & find out, its still a really special moment & if you dont it will be special too.
ET 9/10 - transferred 1 perfect 5AA blast
7dp5dt BFP ~~ Beta on 9/19 - 77.4 Beta #2 on 9/21 - 357
Low heartbeat on 10/7 86, lower heartbeat on 10/11 76, no heartbeat 10/14/13. D&C 10/15/13
Tests revealed MTHFR c677t mutation, put on Folgard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FET #1 1/6/14 - 4BB blast - BFN
We found out the other day and I'm so so happy we did. There was never a question for us, I think we even talked about it pre-pregnancy and agreed we would want to find out the sex. For me, I didn't feel like I could start planning anything or buying anything until I knew for some reason. It's not like I want to make everything pink or anything, but I just really wanted to know. We've even started calling her by her name instead of "it" or "little baby" and it's amazing, I have zero regrets for finding out.
Seriously!? Oh man now I am confused again. But it's funny you say that bc my husband was spotting things left and right. And I mean things like "oh there are the kidneys!" and he didn't notice the privates. So....I guess I could be wrong. Rare as that may be.....
@FishyMom So....are we going to get to share in the info? Since we helped you decide and all
ET 9/10 - transferred 1 perfect 5AA blast
7dp5dt BFP ~~ Beta on 9/19 - 77.4 Beta #2 on 9/21 - 357
Low heartbeat on 10/7 86, lower heartbeat on 10/11 76, no heartbeat 10/14/13. D&C 10/15/13
Tests revealed MTHFR c677t mutation, put on Folgard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FET #1 1/6/14 - 4BB blast - BFN