In need of grief support group advice...

Herfav54 · September 2015

Hi, I'm new to this discussion board but I'm in need of some grief support group advice. I lost my baby boy on Aug 24th at 16weeks. I don't know how to deal or heal from this. My 1st time being pregnant through IVF. I can't stop thinking about being pregnant which leads to me not being able to stop crying. My heart aches. Please how do I cope, and heal from this. :-< X_X

MamaBish · September 2015

I am so very sorry for your loss. It's such a terrible and hard thing to go through.

My best advice is to let yourself feel however you feel. None of it is wrong. Do whatever you need to do (as long as it is safe and healthy) for you to cope.

I lost my dd at 28 weeks pregnant and it;s so heartbreaking.

Some things that helped me:

I watched a movie I love that I have seen a ton of times. I watched it over and over again. For some reason, It comforted me.

Lean on your friends and family.

Join loss boards online (I am here and on the babycenter loss boards which have more activity).

See if there are any in person support groups in your area. It helps to talk to others who get it.

Find something to do that is calming and relaxing. I like grown-up coloring books.

Think about seeing a therapist. I saw one until recently and it's one of the best things I could have done. It validated my feelings so I didn't feel crazy.

Also, do not let the ignorant comments from people you know get to you too much. Most are just trying to be helpful, but don't realize they are being hurtful. Let them know what you need.

Hugs to you!

kistra · September 2015

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my son at 22 weeks after fertility treatments. I agree with everything MamaBish said. In additioan, for me worrying that the treatments wouldn't work again and I would never get pregnant again made it very hard for me to grieve initially. A counselor really helped me get through that in a different way than the in-person support group I attend helps me.

I lost my son in April and time has helped me to live with his loss and enjoy everything again. Be kind to yourself, even if you feel like you have no idea what you are doing, you are probably doing the right things to help yourself get through this.

Early on it helped me to have checklists so I didn't feel so lost and could see I was doing things. And I put sort of silly things on there like eating and showering because I only did those things because I made myself. But it helped to see a list of things at the end of the day to prove I was doing a lot of things everyday even though I felt so lost and like I did nothing but cry all day.

msunshine123 · September 2015

I'm so sorry for your loss. The previous posts listed some great ideas - many of which helped me too. I also did a lot of journaling - it helped me to see the progress I made with my grief. I lost my son at 39 weeks over a year ago. Be patient and kind to yourself. Your grief is still fresh. You'll never stop loving or missing your child but the pain does become less all encompassing with time. Thinking of you and sending hugs your way.

Teenie16 · September 2015

I'm so very sorry for your loss. The other ladies have some great advice. It is such a hard thing to go through but time does help.

I lost my son at 22weeks on July 25th and wasn't able to do a whole lot of anything for a few weeks after. I suggest seeing a therapist, when you are ready, but make sure they specialize in grief counseling.

My thoughts are with you. Be kind to yourself and let others help you.

houstongirl77 · September 2015

@Teenie16 I know exactly how u feel. I lost my son at 22 weeks as well on June 30th. It has been a tough walk through life ever since. I feel ok some days but most days I feel a terrible emptiness inside. I miss him so so much. Hugs to you and all the other mommies on this board....

southernbelle8686 · September 2016

I am so sorry for your loss and my heart breaks for you, because I've been there. I lost my daughter at 16w, over a year ago, and even today I deal with it. I think it helps to surround yourself with people you know will be supportive, find a hobby/interest you love to do (I started blogging) and to grieve, because it's natural. I know it's tough, it can feel like the worst thing in the world and there's nothing easy about it; which makes me so sad to say.

If you ever need to talk to someone, I'm here. Also, counseling helped me a lot, especially with venting.

PabloAndChristine · September 2016

@Herfav54 I am so sorry you are going through this. We lost our little girl at 25 weeks in June. The other ladies here gave great advice. Something else I'd like to encourage you in is this: When you feel sad don't try to rush past it or push it down, allow yourself to cry and feel what you're feeling, but also don't let yourself get "stuck" down. Grieve and then get back up. You may have to do this 20 times a day at first, but eventually the waves of grief will become less frequent and more manageable. Speaking positive truth to my soul (David has a million good examples of this in the Psalms) really helped me so this.

We are here for you!

momma mb · September 2016

I'm so sorry for your loss!
Everyone grieves so differently, and something that helps you might not help someone else going through the same thing. I think generally speaking though, if you have a hobby that you love - spending time doing that will be a great way to deal with/express your emotions, at least I've found personally (I love writing/journalling, and have spent many hours writing out my deepest thoughts/feelings, and it has really helped). Also writing my baby girl a letter was also a nice way to kind of honour her and come to acceptance.
Painting was also a good way to let it out for me.

I didn't go to counseling, so I don't have any advice in that area.
I think as long as you are grieving and not holding it in, then you are on the right track.

Deepoet · September 2016

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my little girl at 19 weeks on March 1.
Everyone here is helpful even though its pretty quiet most days.
Be careful with yourself. Let yourself grieve. take the time. Visit a therapist!!! They really do help and it gives you a judgement free venue for venting and grieving in ways that family and friends cant.
You will be OK. You will find peace with this. It takes time, dont expect to feel better in 5 minutes.
Lots of thoughts and prayers to your healing!!

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