@kswiger06 it made me giggle! it reminded me of the time my MIL was going on and on about the "new neighborhood cat" and how friendly it was... yea. it was a skunk. my MIL was petting and making friends with a skunk.
@kswiger06 it made me giggle! it reminded me of the time my MIL was going on and on about the "new neighborhood cat" and how friendly it was... yea. it was a skunk. my MIL was petting and making friends with a skunk.
@Gretchypoo that's funny. At least she didn't get sprayed!! That would have been a shocker when the neighborhood stray, sprayed lol
I'm sorry to derail the happy train we are all on right now, but I need to vent about my mother.
It's a very, very long story, but we do not have the best relationship any more.
I don't mind taking some space, we see each other every few weeks for family Dinners, it's fine. This is not enough for her, and since I've been pregnant it is just ridiculous. I get that she's excited; I'm excited too! But, my child doesn't magically repair our crappy relationship. The last two weeks she has been calling and texting me nonstop. I was trying to take some space after the boundary issues recently. But, if I don't respond to her text immediately, I'll get another one a few hours later. "Hello???" If that still doesn't work, then I get a phone call. If I don't answer, she has three times in the last week called or texted DH.
Give me a break! I'm busy, I don't feel well, we have a lot going on. No you can't drop by my house because you want to, call me 80 times, and call DH to get to me.... this is WAY overboard.
I finally called her today, (she had already texted me twice and after I didn't answer the second text called DH to ask if him she should drive me to the doc. N.O.), and asked her why she's been calling and texting so much. What's going on? She immediately starts tearing up; I calmly say, "I'm not trying to hurt your feelings; we are both sick and we're busy, but it's been a lot." When crying doesn't work she gets mad. Ensue 5 more minutes of her telling me I suck and don't let her in my life... "Well I guess I can't call you anymore!"
*sigh* This is not a punishment, to not get constantly bombarded.
Sorry for the rant, but I feel better getting that out. My mother really needs to get back in therapy.
I have exciting news about my DH! I've been stressed because he became a mailman for the post office a few months before we found out we were pregnant and it's been a nightmare.
He works 6 days a week, ~12 hours a day, he never knows when his day off is. Sometimes he'll be 30 mins into his commute and they will call him and say to take the day off. He requests my appointments off and gets his requests denied. I was really upset because they denied his request for the anatomy u/s.
Well, there is light at the end of the tunnel! He is 2nd in line to be promoted to what they call "career". At his office, that means a pay raise, set schedule of 7:30-4, a regular day off along with Sundays off, holidays off, better benefits, seniority on vacation/day off requests, etc. His manager hinted to him that he would most likely be promoted by end of October!
So now I don't have to worry about my husband having time to bond with the baby!
Sorry your Mom is being crazy, @WinchesterGirl My MIL has been annoying me. She texts me DAILY to ask what H is doing, is he working, how s he feeling, etc. Dude. Text or call HIM. I actually told her last night to text him these questions and didn't get a response, haha. Hopefully she gets the point. The best part? She doesn't even ask ME how I'M doing, ya know, the pregnant one.
@Spicyweiner My MIL does the same thing. How is he? Is he at work? Is he sleeping? When does his schedule change? FFS if he's not answering you he is obviously busy. Leave me alone.
@Spicyweiner My MIL does the same thing. How is he? Is he at work? Is he sleeping? When does his schedule change? FFS if he's not answering you he is obviously busy. Leave me alone.
She doesn't even ask him! Just asks me all this shit.
@jennpearl007 That is exciting your H is in line for the promotion, plus that sounds like a huge lifestyle improvement! Congrats!
@Spicyweiner Does she think his phone is broken or something? I don't understand the MIL dynamic that includes routing communication with your grown behind son through his wife. My MIL does that on occasion, but I just tell DH he needs to call her.
Nope, she just for some reason needs to field all communication through me. Hopefully she won't do that shit anymore.
My Mammaw does this with her own daughter. Instead of calling my aunt, or texting my aunt, she asks me things like "Where is she? How is she doing? Where is she going? When does her flight land?" I don't know, ask her! She's your freaking daughter! She even texts me to ask me to text my aunt to have her call her.....like really? Just call her.
Sorry your Mom is being crazy, @WinchesterGirl My MIL has been annoying me. She texts me DAILY to ask what H is doing, is he working, how s he feeling, etc. Dude. Text or call HIM. I actually told her last night to text him these questions and didn't get a response, haha. Hopefully she gets the point. The best part? She doesn't even ask ME how I'M doing, ya know, the pregnant one.
My MIL does this to me all the time. She thinks he isn't telling her everything or the whole truth so after she talks to him she ends up texting me the same thing a few days later. Usually along the lines of "how is he really doing?"
@WinchesterGirl she sounds awfully melodramatic... I'm glad you confronted her about it, here's hoping you can get a moments peace without her constant pushiness
@kswiger06@Gretchypoo too funny! My MIL says some really funny things. We used to work together at an optical, and she was helping a patient choose frames. He asked if a certain frame was a men's or women's frame, and she said "Oh, those ones are bisexual." She meant to say unisex! The patient was super confused. Hahaha. A couple of us heard this and had to run in the back room so we wouldn't start busting up laughing and we didn't want to embarrass her.
@WinchesterGirl I'm really sorry that you're having these issues with your mom. For what it's worth, I think it's great that you're addressing these behaviours now, because if they go unchecked you just know they'll get even worse once your baby is here. I think the boundaries you've set are really important, and some simple follow up of just not allowing her behaviour to increase the frequency of contact past what you're comfortable should hopefully communicate that to her.
Do you guys have the kind of relationship where you could tell her she needs to go back into therapy? Because it sounds like you being pregnant is bringing up some old stuff for her, and telling her she needs to address it now might be in everyone's long term best interest. Do you think she'd be open to hearing it, or would it go over like a lead balloon?
@Spicyweiner It took me about 2 years to break my MIL of the habit of using me as a social secretary for my husband. The added bonus is that he gets the full brunt of her crazy when it comes out, so he's been better at putting up boundaries than he was before...
Sorry your Mom is being crazy, @WinchesterGirl My MIL has been annoying me. She texts me DAILY to ask what H is doing, is he working, how s he feeling, etc. Dude. Text or call HIM. I actually told her last night to text him these questions and didn't get a response, haha. Hopefully she gets the point. The best part? She doesn't even ask ME how I'M doing, ya know, the pregnant one.
My MIL does this to me all the time. She thinks he isn't telling her everything or the whole truth so after she talks to him she ends up texting me the same thing a few days later. Usually along the lines of "how is he really doing?"
She doesn't even contact him, just goes straight to me. It's really odd.
@Spicyweiner It took me about 2 years to break my MIL of the habit of using me as a social secretary for my husband. The added bonus is that he gets the full brunt of her crazy when it comes out, so he's been better at putting up boundaries than he was before...
Fuck man, it better not take her two years to break this newfound habit!
@poetryandoceans I don't know if I could suggest returning to therapy at this point. She decided when she married this latest husband that she is suddenly "all better" and no longer needs therapy, or meds. She tends to take any suggestion otherwise as an attack against their happiness.
It is sad, because she was doing well in therapy for about a year before they got married. She even asked my siblings and I to come to a family session once, which we all did.
I think you're right about dealing with it now, it just gets tiring. Days like today feel like emotional overload.
@WinchesterGirl I know the feeling completely!! The thing that I try and remind myself when holding a boundary feels like an overload is the fact that Not holding a boundary ends up feeling even more draining. It's just that the emotional overload comes from *not* doing something rather than doing it, so it's death by a thousand cuts instead of being able to point to one action I did and saying "That action is making me feel overloaded". Does that make sense? So you're actually saving yourself from future emotional overloads, when your mom is texting you every 5 minutes to see if you've gone into labour yet, through this current emotional outlay.
If we are trying to coordinate anything in my husband's family, we have to use all females. If anyone tells my husband anything important, I never hear about it. So sure,call him to talk about how he is doing, but if you want to make plans for the weekend you better talk to me! His dad and brother are the same.
Married - 7/29/06 Ben and Maggie - 4/10/09 Mia - 6/16/11 Surprise! due 2/23/17
@kswiger06@Gretchypoo too funny! My MIL says some really funny things. We used to work together at an optical, and she was helping a patient choose frames. He asked if a certain frame was a men's or women's frame, and she said "Oh, those ones are bisexual." She meant to say unisex! The patient was super confused. Hahaha. A couple of us heard this and had to run in the back room so we wouldn't start busting up laughing and we didn't want to embarrass her.
LOL! omg that's amazing. I'm now trying to think of what bisexual frames would look like...
Re: Family Stuff Goes Here 9/11/16
ME: 25, DH: 27
TTC #1 since 09/2015
Miscarriage @ 10 wks 02/28/2016
BFP 05/28/2016!
It's a very, very long story, but we do not have the best relationship any more.
I don't mind taking some space, we see each other every few weeks for family Dinners, it's fine. This is not enough for her, and since I've been pregnant it is just ridiculous. I get that she's excited; I'm excited too! But, my child doesn't magically repair our crappy relationship. The last two weeks she has been calling and texting me nonstop. I was trying to take some space after the boundary issues recently. But, if I don't respond to her text immediately, I'll get another one a few hours later. "Hello???" If that still doesn't work, then I get a phone call. If I don't answer, she has three times in the last week called or texted DH.
Give me a break! I'm busy, I don't feel well, we have a lot going on. No you can't drop by my house because you want to, call me 80 times, and call DH to get to me.... this is WAY overboard.
I finally called her today, (she had already texted me twice and after I didn't answer the second text called DH to ask if him she should drive me to the doc. N.O.), and asked her why she's been calling and texting so much. What's going on? She immediately starts tearing up; I calmly say, "I'm not trying to hurt your feelings; we are both sick and we're busy, but it's been a lot." When crying doesn't work she gets mad. Ensue 5 more minutes of her telling me I suck and don't let her in my life... "Well I guess I can't call you anymore!"
*sigh* This is not a punishment, to not get constantly bombarded.
Sorry for the rant, but I feel better getting that out. My mother really needs to get back in therapy.
I have exciting news about my DH! I've been stressed because he became a mailman for the post office a few months before we found out we were pregnant and it's been a nightmare.
He works 6 days a week, ~12 hours a day, he never knows when his day off is. Sometimes he'll be 30 mins into his commute and they will call him and say to take the day off. He requests my appointments off and gets his requests denied. I was really upset because they denied his request for the anatomy u/s.
Well, there is light at the end of the tunnel! He is 2nd in line to be promoted to what they call "career". At his office, that means a pay raise, set schedule of 7:30-4, a regular day off along with Sundays off, holidays off, better benefits, seniority on vacation/day off requests, etc. His manager hinted to him that he would most likely be promoted by end of October!
So now I don't have to worry about my husband having time to bond with the baby!
My MIL has been annoying me. She texts me DAILY to ask what H is doing, is he working, how s he feeling, etc.
Dude. Text or call HIM. I actually told her last night to text him these questions and didn't get a response, haha. Hopefully she gets the point.
The best part? She doesn't even ask ME how I'M doing, ya know, the pregnant one.
@Spicyweiner Does she think his phone is broken or something? I don't understand the MIL dynamic that includes routing communication with your grown behind son through his wife. My MIL does that on occasion, but I just tell DH he needs to call her.
Hopefully she won't do that shit anymore.
My Mammaw does this with her own daughter. Instead of calling my aunt, or texting my aunt, she asks me things like "Where is she? How is she doing? Where is she going? When does her flight land?" I don't know, ask her! She's your freaking daughter! She even texts me to ask me to text my aunt to have her call her.....like really? Just call her.
ME: 25, DH: 27
TTC #1 since 09/2015
Miscarriage @ 10 wks 02/28/2016
BFP 05/28/2016!
She meant to say unisex!
The patient was super confused. Hahaha.
A couple of us heard this and had to run in the back room so we wouldn't start busting up laughing and we didn't want to embarrass her.
Do you guys have the kind of relationship where you could tell her she needs to go back into therapy? Because it sounds like you being pregnant is bringing up some old stuff for her, and telling her she needs to address it now might be in everyone's long term best interest. Do you think she'd be open to hearing it, or would it go over like a lead balloon?
It's really odd.
It is sad, because she was doing well in therapy for about a year before they got married. She even asked my siblings and I to come to a family session once, which we all did.
I think you're right about dealing with it now, it just gets tiring. Days like today feel like emotional overload.
Ben and Maggie - 4/10/09
Mia - 6/16/11
Surprise! due 2/23/17