Me: 33 H: 36
Married: 12/14/13 DS: 1/29/09
BFP2: 10/9/15 MMC: 11/12/15
BFP3: 4/6/16 DD: 12/12/16
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Re: TW Tueday 9.13
Work is my TW! Sooo...I took a $15k/yr pay cut for my new job because once I'm done with this fellowship, my salary should jump far higher than it would have had I gone straight into a grown up research job. One of the small benefits they were able to promise me was a conference stipend to support my travel and presentations at different conferences. It's the last day for early registration to a major conference, and my mentor just informed me that they have officially "done away with" the conference stipend due to budget cuts. So I'm left with the prospect of paying a significant amount of money for a conference that should be comped for me. My mentor was very apologetic, and it's not her fault. But I'm feeling really frustrated and sort of taken advantage of. The conference is pretty necessary for my career, and I won't be able to go next year. So now I have to figure out how to save up +$1k to pay for all of this asap...on top of the whole baby thing.
I'm annoyed and exhausted.
Baby #1
Baby #2
~04/19/16 EDD 12/26/16~
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On top of those feelings, I started a small group for church for expectant moms and we're supposed to meet for coffee/brunch this morning at 11:30. I've never met them before so it's a perfect combination of already feeling nuts to now having to go meet new people. I hope I'm able to pull it off and not be a basket case when we meet.
Sorry - my only words of wisdom or comfort come from children's books now. This is compliments of Sandra Boynton. Happy Hippo, Angry Duck.
Is there anything you can do that helps you get calm? Some things that work for me are prayer, a walk, a hot shower, calling my mom or a girlfriend, reading inspirational quotes, deep breathing, making lists, cleaning the house, getting a pedicure. Anything you can do for yourself?
I totally understand that being with others probably doesn't seem like something you want to do today, but maybe it'll help a bit? I tend to isolate when I'm feeling bad, and if I force myself to socialize, it can be helpful.
Anyway, hugs ! You're not alone.
Me: 33 H: 36
Married: 12/14/13 DS: 1/29/09
BFP2: 10/9/15 MMC: 11/12/15
BFP3: 4/6/16 DD: 12/12/16
@slartybartfast I wish I could! Unfortunately this is a big, international conference, and I'm just presenting an abstract. So it's no big deal to them if I drop out. I do think they have some hotel and flight discounts I'm going to try to capitalize on. AND I just realized that I still qualify for student pricing since I'm in a fellowship. So that knocks about $200 off the costs. I still really want to go - it'll be our last trip before the spawn is born, and I WANT IT!!!
@Austenista I'm so sorry you're going through this anxiety, and unfortunately fluctuating pregnancy hormones can make all of that worse. I second the suggestions to try to do stuff for yourself today to help calm your nerves. I'd also recommend that you try to keep busy. I think I'm most aware of bebe's movement or lack thereof when I'm not doing much, and when I'm busy, I'm more likely to assume she's fine and I'm just not feeling things. Additionally, at this stage of pregnancy the movement is still going to be fairly sporadic. The baby will sleep A LOT and only be awake for short periods. The baby might be doing a lot of its moving while you're asleep (mine likes to pick up right when I lay down to close my eyes). And there will totally be days when it seems like the baby isn't moving much, but all of that generally is pretty normal.
Self-care and distraction, though, hun. I hope your nerves ease soon and you're able to enjoy your day. <hugs>
Baby #1
Baby #2
~04/19/16 EDD 12/26/16~
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ANYWHO...
Is it ok for me to make ten year olds my TWs? My 4/5 are killing me this morning with their attitudes! They don't want to try, they are lethargic, they are super emotional and they aren't following expectations. I have had like, 3 of them cry this morning over a test.
Also my school internet is a TW. I have 15 kids taking a test on a computer, which 3 of them are already crying about, and the internet is slow and annoying. There are enough computers for every kid in this school, but not enough bandwidth to support 15 computers being online at once.
Also the person whose idea it was to spend thousands of dollars on computers for every child k-8 at my school when the internet cannot and will not in the forseable future support such things is a TW.
I have lots of complaints today. I'll have to hang up the happy hippo angry duck quote by my desk to remind me to get it together, lol.
@Austenista I'm so sorry you're going through this! For what it's worth, I think you're going to be such a great mama. This is the beginning of many worries, and you're only concern is your little bean - how selfless! If it's any consolation, I wasn't feeling LO move much at all Friday night/Saturday this past weekend and the horrible thoughts kept creeping back in my mind.. "What if there's something wrong?" "If there is something wrong, what if my stubborn self waits too long to go in and then worse things happen?" Etc. I'm pretty sure DH thought I was a little crazy for feeling somewhat uneasy, but there's only so much he can understand since he doesn't have this little life inside him. He doesn't have a life to take care of until LO is born. Hugs & prayers to you!!
DS: 12/20/16
EDD: 11/29/18
I don't know if I'm the TW or DH is. Christmas Eve is a big thing for him. Typically we host family and friends at our house Christmas Eve for a little Christmas dinner. I make a ham or turkey and others bring side dishes. He and I have been going back and forth over what we're doing this year with Squish and all. I have no clue when Squish is coming, and I'm not sure I'll be up to hosting several people in my home a few weeks postpartum. I don't know when Squish is coming, if I'll need a C-section or have had a vaginal birth, if there will be complications, if I'll be bedridden afterwards. There's just too much I don't know. So I want to cancel the Christmas Eve get together. He refuses to cancel it, says it is just too important to him culturally. He says it can be a lower scale than usual and no one can spend the night unless they sleep on the couches/air mattress downstairs. He also got mad when I suggested I stay upstairs in bed, saying he'll just tell people I don't feel like socializing. Dude, what if I can't leave bed!? I also don't want so many people around Squish, but DH has already stated he can't wait to show Squish off, that exposing Squish to germs early on is good for the immune system. I've agreed to play things by ear for now, but I just really don't want to deal with this on top of being a few weeks postpartum. Am I just being a TW?
TTC since 6/13
Diagnosed w/ PCOS 4/9/15 - R/E recommended lifestyle change
BFP 4/10/16 - DS born 12/16/2016
SURPRISE! BFP 3/8/18
Everyone is different PP. does he understand that you will be having a massive 2-8 week period, you will most likely be leaking BM, and will BOTH have 8-10 hrs of sleep for the week?
Formerly known as Kate08young
August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Married: 7/22/14
Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms
Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms
TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017.
Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
Maybe you'll be feeling great by Christmas or maybe you won't. No one can know. It's one year. The world won't end if Christmas Eve isn't like normal this one year.
@phoenix870509 You are NOT the TW here. This is your postpartum recovery, and you're right to be hesitant because you don't know what it will entail. Having to clean a house and host guests is A LOT to ask someone who has just had a baby. I didn't have a difficult postpartum recovery, but I still REALLY needed time away from people. Our first few days we had so many visitors that it culminated in me having an anxiety attack and kicking my in laws out because I needed space. Even with a good recovery, you feel like a patient. It can be difficult to walk and everything is sore. Even though I might have looked normal to friends and family, I was sitting there with a swollen, bleeding, and ever-sore lady-cooch, and it just made me uncomfortable. Having to host people who are actually staying with you would be so much worse than just the frequent visitors. That said, I've known some women who really appreciate extra visitors postpartum because they may get more help with meals and housework.
In terms of germs and the bebe, I get your concerns. We got by with some giant containers of hand sanitizer, and we wouldn't let friends or family meet the baby for the first two months unless they had had a flu shot. DD met a lot of people in those first few months, and she never got sick until she went to daycare. That said, I still totally get the discomfort. I wouldn't want to be erring on the side of 'oh we'll strengthen that untested immune system' so early on either.
It sounds like you have some further discussion to do with your DH. Since he's not the one who will be going through the physical birth and recovery, it's important that he be understanding of your needs - physical, social, and emotional. I hope you can get this worked out. Keep discussing it!
Baby #1
Baby #2
~04/19/16 EDD 12/26/16~
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Your DH is one of the most stubborn I've ever read on this board lol. So...NO, you are not being a TW.
TTC since 6/13
Diagnosed w/ PCOS 4/9/15 - R/E recommended lifestyle change
BFP 4/10/16 - DS born 12/16/2016
SURPRISE! BFP 3/8/18
What really hit me was that I'd feel fine while doing stuff, have no indication I was overdoing it, then feel like crud for days. So even if you think you feel up to things, you may end up paying for it later on. I did have a c section after 40+ hours of labor though and can't speak to an uncomplicated vaginal birth. But...you are healing inside either way much longer than you think.
When we've eaten, then as many people who are feeling like a quality human clean their kitchen, dining room, and living room until it's back to normal. We leave it just how we found it, minus some leftovers in the fridge for them to enjoy. We never leave anything for my papa to do. Even the couch cushions are put back exactly how they had them.
IF you feel up to having guests, then something like that should be arranged. You sit back and let them have the party and you concentrate on enjoying yourself. And then everyone must understand that they'll be cleaning up 100% for you after.
However, if you're not wanting to do that, no is your word. Saying no is so hard for me because I'm a people pleaser so I understand how difficult that can be sometimes, especially for the ones you love. That said, though, you stand up for yourself and say no. They can have thanksgiving early or somewhere else or not at all. It's not your job to host them though when you're dealing with the aftermath of delivery. Put yourself in their shoes. Would you expect someone who'd just had a baby to host a party for you? If you react strongly in the negative like most decent people would, there's your answer.
FWIW, we normally host Christmas day. I cook a ham and all the sides for a small group (me, DH, DS, my parents, DS's dad). This year people can still come over but I'm going to insist that either someone else cooks AND cleans, or we get food catered. I'm also going to insist that everyone's vaccinated if they want to hold the baby.
Me: 33 H: 36
Married: 12/14/13 DS: 1/29/09
BFP2: 10/9/15 MMC: 11/12/15
BFP3: 4/6/16 DD: 12/12/16
@phoenix870509- I can understand the cultural importance of things. I also understand extremely demanding/stubborn family members. I agree with everyone that you may feel up to it, or you may not. And even if you do and you over do it you will feel like crap for the next few days.
One thing you could do is have him go with you to your next OB's appointment and ask him/her to explain to him the birthing process and the first few weeks after birth, what it entails, what healing is like both vaginally and C-section, the massive swing in hormone levels you'll be experiencing and what caring for a newborn is like those first few weeks (I can't remember if you are a FTM- so ignore this if you aren't).
After leaving I would gently remind him that he can add cleaning, cooking and then recleaning the house once everyone is gone to helping feed the baby every 3 hours, diapering and lack of sleep to his CE nightly duties.
If the OB's "medical" advice doesn't scare him into not having a bunch of people over to your house, then I would absolutely make an "appearance" downstairs and tell everyone that you are still recovering and are having a hard time with the lack of sleep from the baby's arrival. I'm quite positive that people will understand.
Oh and testing the baby's immune system- a newborn baby's immune system is vastly different and much more susceptible than an older baby's immune system. My DS got RSV at 11 weeks old at daycare and his pulmonologist believes it was a major contributing factor to his asthma, which he now lives with.
TTC since November 2015
BFP #1 12/17/15 - MC 1/28/16
BFP #2 4/22/16 - EDD 12/30/16
DS: 12/20/16
EDD: 11/29/18
I'm all for helping family out, but you really do have plans and SIL is last minute. If you are always willing to drop everything to do her, it will always keep happening.
My TW is work. Sigh. I've been temporarily reassigned until I go out on maternity level to write reports full-time which I don't mind because it's pretty easy stuff and it takes some stress off myself these last few months. However, one of the ladies that has been doing this job full time for years has gotten so behind in the last few weeks some how and hasn't said anything.... until today. She asked me this morning if I could help her as she has multiple reports that need to be written, reviewed, and signed all by Friday.
I don't know why she waited so long to say something but now it looks like I'll be a busy bee for the rest of the week.
Together Since 04/21/2009; Married Since 05/29/2013
Baby Boy born 11/30/16
Baby #2 Due December 4
@phoenix870509 - your DH is being the TW for sure, but I'm also kind of in the camp of "wait it out and let him realize this is a terrible idea when it's much closer". It sounds like no matter what you do or say, he's not going to change his mind, so I'm not sure there's a point in arguing now.
@temmetime - agree with above, just tell her you already have plans. Your incompetence does not cause my emergency.
You can't change what happened, I accept it happened and do what I can to fix it in the middle of the night. For the hubby the world is ending and the house will never be the same and the smell with sink into the walls. He walked around smelling stuff and throwing it all over saying it was ruined. Sigh.
On the bright side, the dog already has a hair appt tomorrow so he should be smell free soon. The house, we will see. There might be casualties and that might include our fairly new mattress.
Hubs is is safely in our basement (it's finished) sleeping. I am holding down the fort with door and windows open and fans running. This too shall pass!
My TW is MIL. She has stayed at my house to watch DSD the last few days. The woman is on a strict diet and was recently hospitalized. She has Type 2 diabetes that she was not taking control of. She had gotten better. I had a half bag of candy corn on the kitchen counter. Rolled up, put away with the rest of my "I'm pregnant, these are mine" treats. There were literally 4 "kernels" left in the bag. FOUR. DH doesn't eat it and I'm quite sure I would have gotten a call from the school about a sick and/or hyperactive child if DS had scarfed that down before school.
A) You don't touch a pregnant woman's craving stash,
TTC since 6/13
Diagnosed w/ PCOS 4/9/15 - R/E recommended lifestyle change
BFP 4/10/16 - DS born 12/16/2016
SURPRISE! BFP 3/8/18
DS: 12/20/16
EDD: 11/29/18
Me: 33 H: 36
Married: 12/14/13 DS: 1/29/09
BFP2: 10/9/15 MMC: 11/12/15
BFP3: 4/6/16 DD: 12/12/16
This morning I went to the cabinet where I keep them and they're all gone. There should have been at least two left. My stepson denies eating them, but he is a sugar fiend and sneaks sweets all the time (we find hidden cans of empty soda stashed in various closets in the house - we don't usually keep it around but had leftovers from a BBQ a while back). I made sure to tell him they're for women's nutrition, maybe that will be some kind of a deterrent in the future. Add that to my husband being incredibly stubborn about our renovation plans and people at work being jerks, and I'm just ready to rage on someone today. I plan to keep my office door closed as much as possible today.