Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: [OLD THREAD] Why My Family is Driving Me Crazy 9.6
@phoenix870509 That whole situation sounds so unnecessarily annoying. I'm just glad you & DH are on the same page and SIL is in agreement. It's at least good that she understands and is willing to defend your choice! I agree, naming a godparent can be more of an inclusion to the existing family. I know in DH's family it is more common to name aunts/uncles as godparents, but I would not hesitate to go outside the family with a friend who shares my values.
@dmontgo
Sorry SIL is acting up now. I feel like you just can't catch a break! *breathe* I don't know why people stake claims on others' kids. Like....you're the one who carried Ashton, not her, so she doesn't get to decide that she should be "first" to see him. Ugh. I'm angry for you. *hugs*
@aevan011 my first choice for godparent was one of his sisters (not the sister his mom wants us to use). DH wanted our friend. Once he talked to all of his sisters they were fine with our choice (as his baby sister said, it's your kid, why do you need my blessing?) we asked our friend. And I don't know why MIL is being a hypocrite. She is one of 13 and has numerous sisters she could have named DH's godmother. And who did she pick? Her best friend.
TTC since 6/13
Diagnosed w/ PCOS 4/9/15 - R/E recommended lifestyle change
BFP 4/10/16 - DS born 12/16/2016
SURPRISE! BFP 3/8/18
My family is being crazy over child care. DH works 3rd shift and I work 1st so we will be able to take care of the baby for the most part, and just rarely see each other during the week. So we decided to ask SIL to do part time daycare so DH can sleep some during the day. DH has 3 sisters, I have one. My sister ruined a girls night with me, her and my mom because she was mad that we chose SIL. She thinks SIL will be the favorite and most familiar aunt. My sister is 24, done with college and needs a full time job with benefits, she does not need to be babysitting 20 hours a week in the middle of the work day. SIL is 19, not in school, not working, but has tons of experience with babies and children.
MIL also gets upset because she had figured out that she could do two days a week for us. For so many reasons this is not ideal. SIL will follow our routines and rules, MIL will be grandma and make "exceptions" for gma time. MIL will say she does not want to be paid, but then complain to her family about doing everything for us and not getting anything for it. Having SIL every day is consistent and routine, different baby sitters every day is not as consistent and harder to track. MIL can come with SIL anytime she wants to see the baby. I do not want MIL to raise my child, I don't agree with all of her parenting advice or way she raised DH. SIL will do what we ask because we are paying her to do what we ask. Also, I want MIL for weekends or getaways, not to be burned out with baby care, and I don't want grandparents to be disciplinarians or responsible, I just want them to be fun grandparents. Also, if I am missing out on special experiences because I have to work I just really don't want MIL to be able to brag to everyone that she got to be there for it. She also wants to "help us" because of the cost of child care. We are grown, we planned when we would have a child and how we would afford it, and we can afford it. I also selfishly don't want her to get more time and relationship with my child than my own mother.
I am very grateful that we have so much family that wants to love this baby, and lives near enough to do so, but honestly, I'm tired of people being offended that we didn't choose them. Our first choice was hiring an unrelated nanny or daycare (which of course MIL thinks she is allowed to refuse that we send our child to daycare... not up to you). If I had my way, we wouldn't even need child care because I would be home with the baby and no one would have anything to fight over anyway. Be happy we want you to be part of the baby's life!
Minor and I know they have tiny comfort zones that will only get tinier as they get older. Unfortunate almost everything about me is outside their comfort zone (damn I wish I'd married a black lesbian sometimes). Just gotta know it is what it is - oh well.
TTC since 6/13
Diagnosed w/ PCOS 4/9/15 - R/E recommended lifestyle change
BFP 4/10/16 - DS born 12/16/2016
SURPRISE! BFP 3/8/18
TTC since November 2015
BFP #1 12/17/15 - MC 1/28/16
BFP #2 4/22/16 - EDD 12/30/16
@BenNSarah I don't know why family takes decisions that have nothing to do with them so personally. It's as if they think we are making decisions to hurt them--no, I'm just doing what is best for my family!
@slartybartfast Since I've detached myself and grown on my own, my views, interests, and essentially everything has become the polar opposite of my parents. When I was younger, I don't think it occurred to me that I could have different views than them. For me, it's freeing, but for them they think I'm trying to rebel. I'm almost 27 and paying my own bills! Just keep your course and know it's ok to be doing your own thing--if they aren't interested, they are losing a chance to know you better!
"Happy 31st, Much love to you" and ...a picture of me as a child, a picture of a one-line birth announcement from when I was born, and pictures of my certificate of live birth.....oh, and a pacifier that is definitely from my little sister. Not me.
I know it's bait. She wants a response. I didn't think she'd try to reach my husband, but I guess there are no limits. Makes me want to scream. I want to respond with - 1. You're early. 2. I have a birth certificate, I know who my parents are, you're an ass. 3. That's not my pacifier. Get a grip lady. 4. Put the beer down.
But instead I'll vent here. *exhale*
Happy Birthday tomorrow, though! Alle Gute zum Geburtstag!
I don't know why she isn't getting it. I shared our registry info with my siblings today, as they both want to send something for the baby....but was very specific that I do not want mom involved. .....But they're public. Hoping she does not go looking.
ETA: Thank you!!!! Learned something new today, in German!
German is a great language, but man, they sure know how to make short phrases super long and annoying! I hope you have a great birthday.
Ex decided to compare my parenting to that of his girlfriend of two weeks. Maybe I mentioned this already but I'm still pissed about it. So DS goes to daycare 5 days a week so I can work and go to school and apparently that irritates ex to no end. According to him I should be at home with DS 24/7 because that's what his gf does with her child. Bear in mind she gets assistance and child support and all that so she can. I get nothing. I'm a server, I don't get a paycheck. If business is slow I'm just kind of screwed that day. So anyway I work 5-6 days a week on top of my 15 credit hours and he wants to complain about the daycare he doesn't pay for? He wants to complain about my parenting when the only thing he has contributed financially or assistance wise in the past 10 months was a single pack of diapers last week? Seriously? Also DS has never hit or kicked or pushed or thrown a temper tantrum until being exposed to exes gfs child who does all of that about every twenty minutes for the entire day. But daycare is SO much more dangerous than her kid shoving him down and hitting him with no repercussions. His gf also has her head up her ass trying to tell me and ex MIL how horrible daycare is because kids bite LOL. Ex MIL looked at her funny before attempting to explain that's what kids do. (At least at daycare they're disciplined). I would love for her to put her child in daycare and get the reality check she so desperately needs when her child would be inevitably kicked out for bad behavior. DS for the record has been bitten numerous times but has yet to bite or bring harm otherwise to another child although I am fully expecting that day to come.
The second incident occurred when she announced that we'll all be going to Florida to celebrate her parents' 70th anniversary, probably in April, she's not sure yet. She was like "well, we'll probably go down on Thursday, but you don't have to come until the weekend". I'm sorry, we don't HAVE TO go at all with a 3-4 month old infant. I have been to these weekends if Florida, and they are nice and the in laws pay, but it's really tiring to travel all the way down there and all the way back and put up with all the organized meals and events MIL insists on having. With an infant? Who may or may not be sleeping through the night? When I'm already back at work full time? We shall see. I just stared at her again. DH said something about "we'll see how things are going at that point". Take a chill pill, lady.
I'm not having visitors until I leave the hospital. I know myself, and I would not be comfortable with people gawking at me or my son in the hospital, and I don't want to feel like I need to have conversation within an hour of birth. I just want to spend it with Ashton and DH.
Originally we planned on my Step-MIL and FIL staying with us, but with my BP issues, we are pretty much just saying, "We will let you know when we are ready." We have a trip planned in March for his family to meet Ashton, but I'm not going to bend over backwards for anyone---we are in transition and we need time. Not even my parents have made demands on when to meet him (which is a breath of fresh air).
We'll probably start with a couple of friends, see how it goes, then stagger the rest of the guests. Less overwhelming for me as I'm trying to breastfeed and such. But that's just me--I'm a bit more private and need of decompression time than others.
I don't want anyone at the hospital and luckily no one has even brought it up. Even my sister who's only 19 has said she's saving up for a plane ticket to visit "when the baby is a few months old...when you're ready for me"
My only concern is that my in-laws always visit for Thanksgiving, and this year it's more set in stone as they're attending a conference near us that week anyways. Everyone cross your fingers this baby stays cookin' until after their visit and doesn't come early (EDD Dec 2). It wouldn't be the end of the world if they were around, I just don't want to have to set restrictions.
TTC since November 2015
BFP #1 12/17/15 - MC 1/28/16
BFP #2 4/22/16 - EDD 12/30/16
My (late) irritation is MIL. While not toxic like so many of your relationships with parents/MILs, she is seriously a 65 year old toddler who acts like she is 95. Everything is always about her. She takes care of DSD about 3 days a month and stays at our house. This will end in November since she is more irritation than help, I can handle the toddler and baby. She had a hissy fit because we moved DS into what was "her" room (it was our guest room, we'd discussed her moving in with us and taking that room but that option quickly disappeared because she is selfish, completely unaware of the more urgent needs around her - like the kids, is always underfoot, and expects to be waited on like a guest, among other things) and "it is a good thing I didn't sell my house to move in there." This is the woman who made DH share a room with his brother so she could keep a spare room for herself. To just sit in. And DH's dad was career military and never even around. WTF? That just isn't the way I parent. I could go on about the way she parented for years...I have no idea how DH turned out so amazing. Seriously. She is the polar opposite of my mom.
Anyhow, we celebrated DSD's birthday this weekend. MIL said she'd be over early to help us set up. The party was at 1ish. 12:00 rolls around, no sign of MIL, no call. I have to leave in 30 minutes to pick up DS from his dad, I'm decorating, getting food ready, haven't showered, knowing people will already be there by the time I get back...DH calls her, she hasn't even left her house yet. She apparently showed up well after the party was supposed to start, based on where her car was parked in my driveway. On top of that, she sat in one chair the entire party, talked to no one (these people are her family, too! She was married to his dad for like, 30+ years before he died...like, seriously?), and only got up to get food, at which time she apparently almost bowled over DH's cousin's wife, who is 2-3 weeks post c-section.
To top that off, she is watching DSD for a few days this week. This schedule doesn't change. DH talks to her on SATURDAY and she says "I think I have doctor's appointments on Tuesday. But I'm not sure. I have a note that the procedure is Tuesday and a note that it is Thursday." So...wtf were you waiting for? Why have you not called yet? Tuesdays are my busy day at work so I can't telework and (secretly) watch DSD and DH may be able to but like...seriously? You have an obligation to do this THREE days a month and you can't be bothered to put it on a damn calendar so you can keep track?
If they don't want to get you the chair you asked for even acer shopping with them, then DH is just going to be upfront and say you appreciate the help, but it's either this chair or not at all. Just my 2 cents.
Her behavior (although not excusable) could very well be that she is deeply unhappy and she doesn't feel there is a way to fix it since her husband is gone. So she is extra needy and toddler-like so she gets attention. I can imagine she feels like she has been alone most of her life. But on the same token, she can't rely on others to make her happy--she has to make her own happiness! That is frustrating and I hope things look upward soon.
TTC since 6/13
Diagnosed w/ PCOS 4/9/15 - R/E recommended lifestyle change
BFP 4/10/16 - DS born 12/16/2016
SURPRISE! BFP 3/8/18
Her lack of maternal instinct combined with DH's dad's (it feels weird to refer to him as FIL since he passed before DH and I met) expectations of her (he was Asian and came from, from my observation of his sisters, a family of strong, very maternal women taught to be "the women" of the house) were often a point of contention in their marriage, from what DH, SIL, and DH's aunts have told me. I can imagine combining that with her history (abuse, turbulent home life) and feelings of isolation, along with what was generally already a "whoa is me" outlook on life could really result in her ending up where she is now.
I find, as I get older, I have a harder and harder time dealing with people who aren't "pick yourself up by the bootstraps and get stuff done" kind of people. I'll continue to blame by exH for exhausting me of patience for that kind of behavior. He totally emptied that bucket.
TTC since November 2015
BFP #1 12/17/15 - MC 1/28/16
BFP #2 4/22/16 - EDD 12/30/16
Your MIL has a funky attachment to this shop--maybe it reminds her of a glider she had with your DH. Whatever the case, I think it's good that your DH will take the lead on it--any dashing of glider dreams will come easier from him than from you. People are nuts.
TTC since 6/13
Diagnosed w/ PCOS 4/9/15 - R/E recommended lifestyle change
BFP 4/10/16 - DS born 12/16/2016
SURPRISE! BFP 3/8/18