@LivingLaVidaGinger I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to you, but I still think you miss the point a little bit. It disturbs me that you say, "I wasn't drunk" and, "I didn't ask for it." As if anyone ever "asks for it," or as if drunkenness on either part is a reason to rape someone? I know it's only one statement, but it hints at internalized misogyny. Don't let those ugly messages infiltrate your brain.
Brock Turner is more than just one person. He puts a face on all of the entitled white men who get away with horrific crimes because of their privilege. He is a symbol of the fact that attackers are not just "strangers who lurk in the night" - they're sweet-seeming college boys, kids who "have everything going for them," young guys who "made a mistake." They're brothers and best friends and husbands. Brock Turner looks a little like a kid who could be in my classroom; a kid who could hang out at one of the bars I used to frequent; a kid who I might have let walk me home from a party. He looks a little bit like someone everybody knows. And that's why it's so important that we remember his face.
As if that weren't enough, Brock Turner is back out in the world. There's almost nothing to stop him from making another "mistake," except the fact that he can't show his face at a college party without girls whispering in crowded bathrooms and guarding their drinks with extra vigilance. And I bet he can't go to a bar without some drunk dude with a misguided sense of justice beating the crap out of him. And I bet he can't buy groceries without the cashier sneering at him over the checkout counter.
I have to admit, I'm tickled at the idea of Brock Turner getting on Facebook. May his feed be overwhelmed with pictures of his own sorry face.
@srscott3 thank you so much for your kind words!❤️ It makes me think maybe I should've reached out because no ones ever said anything like that to me and it was so nice to hear (read) that. Same goes for you, if you ever need anything, I'm here as well.
@NiceyMeany I personally want to thank you for putting such an insightful perspective on that. I honestly never thought of it in such a way. But it was beautifully and eloquently put! Most posts I encounter are more concise and more strongly worded. And I get the anger! But you've worded it in such a way that it's truly eye-opening! And I totally agree no woman, drunk or otherwise asks for it or deserves it. I promise I don't try to be mysoginitic if it comes off that way!
@LivingLaVidaGinger Thank you for sharing your story. I agree with PPs. you did not deserve that and that guy is wrong and creepy. What he did was rape and he should be punished. I understand not wanting to talk about it or realize anything is wrong. I am 16 years out of my first abusive relationship (I was 14) and I didn't realize that it wasn't okay for someone to hit you. I didn't realize I was raped or abused until a domestic violence social work class my senior year of college. By then a lot of stuff started to click. which says a lot about how we talk about consent...
110% on sharing everything that pops up on my timeline advocating for victims of rape. I live in one of the worst states when it comes to prosecution (or even processing the kits in the first place!) I have a story of my own but definitely don't feel comfortable sharing on a public forum. I am here for support, however, if anyone needs it!
I can see both sides of the argument here, as a rape survivor i know first hand the devestation it causes & the effect it had on my life in general & relationships for a long time after it happened. It is almost 13 years ago now & it is something i generally dont talk about, not because of any stigma associated with it (though i do agree there is a massive stigma that shouldnt be) but because i have moved on & refuse to let it continue to define me or influence & mess up my life as i let it do for a long time. That being said i have no issue with seeing the social media shaming of people like brock turner because people should not be treated lienently for a violent crime which causes complete & utter devestation to a person & changes who they are & how they live their lives.
i am very sorry that all of you had to go through this. I am very thankful that I personally havent but 2 people who are very close to me, who I love very much have been raped. @niceymeany I know you have the best of intentions but one of your comments really struck a cord in me and I just have to point it out. I understand you were referring to this specific rapist representing a certain group that gets away with this and there is a lot of talk right now in general about white men being entitled, etc. but please don't forget that a person of any race can be a rapist. One of the people I referred to before who was repeatedly abused as a teenager happens to be a white man who was abused by an in-law who happens to be Hispanic. This person is not in jail and has not served a day for his horrific crimes even though multiple people have reported him and he is not white. The problem is our system and society is messed up and victims are made to feel shame while attackers get to go on attacking. It's not just young handsome white college students who get away with these things. I know that's probably not what you meant but just had to throw this out there because I kept thinking about it and couldn't sleep.
I am so sorry that so many of my fellow BMB members have been through this. And unfortunately, I'm not surprised. I learned very long ago that most girls/women have been raped or at the very least been sexually violated. When I first started talking about what happened to me, I was shocked. EVERY single female I talked to had been violated and it was always by someone she knew. I think actual attacks by someone you don't know are quite rare compared to the rest. The reality just makes me so sad. And of course I worry about about my daughter coming into a world like this. I have a lot more to say but I'm not going to. Every single one of you is so strong. Please remember that.
Steve Winwood's "The Finer Things" is one of the greatest songs of all time. Discuss.
I don't even know this song.. but Robbie Williams "Rock DJ" is the best music video of all time.
Can't agree, but for personal reasons. Last serious boyfriend before SO looked a LOT like Robbie Williams (and man was he aware of it), so everytime I see his face I'm reminded of the ex and his effed up mind games.
I don't know if this is unpopular but to my mother it is. I don't believe it's necessary to separate clothes before washing. Darks, lights, whites... They all get washed together at my house. Ain't nobody got time for that.
I'm not allowed to wash SO's clothes because he is super anal about that. He separates colors, and new things have to get washed alone, and towels with like a speck of blood need to get washed cold, first, and, and, and.
So I just wash DD and my clothes. Less work for me because it just gets lumped in all together. So much more efficient!
@pennylucille right you are. I should have been clearer. What I was referring to is that white men are much more likely to get away with sexual assault than men of other races. But you're absolutely correct that predators come in all shapes, sizes, and colors.
This is discussion was passionate and beautiful and every time we crush a conversation like this I laugh about how other BMBs used to say how "mean" we are.
@NiceyMeany thank you for clarifying. Predators and victims of these attacks come in all shapes and sizes. It makes me sick how many people get away with these crimes. It's a huge problem that people just don't talk about. It affects people for life as well as those who love them, and tears families apart.
I also just want to offer hugs. Too many of you to tag. Thanks for sharing and for keeping this such an honest and open conversation. Our BMB rocks, seriously.
Married - 7/29/06 Ben and Maggie - 4/10/09 Mia - 6/16/11 Surprise! due 2/23/17
Re: UO Thursday
Brock Turner is more than just one person. He puts a face on all of the entitled white men who get away with horrific crimes because of their privilege. He is a symbol of the fact that attackers are not just "strangers who lurk in the night" - they're sweet-seeming college boys, kids who "have everything going for them," young guys who "made a mistake." They're brothers and best friends and husbands. Brock Turner looks a little like a kid who could be in my classroom; a kid who could hang out at one of the bars I used to frequent; a kid who I might have let walk me home from a party. He looks a little bit like someone everybody knows. And that's why it's so important that we remember his face.
As if that weren't enough, Brock Turner is back out in the world. There's almost nothing to stop him from making another "mistake," except the fact that he can't show his face at a college party without girls whispering in crowded bathrooms and guarding their drinks with extra vigilance. And I bet he can't go to a bar without some drunk dude with a misguided sense of justice beating the crap out of him. And I bet he can't buy groceries without the cashier sneering at him over the checkout counter.
I have to admit, I'm tickled at the idea of Brock Turner getting on Facebook. May his feed be overwhelmed with pictures of his own sorry face.
@NiceyMeany I personally want to thank you for putting such an insightful perspective on that. I honestly never thought of it in such a way. But it was beautifully and eloquently put! Most posts I encounter are more concise and more strongly worded. And I get the anger! But you've worded it in such a way that it's truly eye-opening! And I totally agree no woman, drunk or otherwise asks for it or deserves it. I promise I don't try to be mysoginitic if it comes off that way!
I'm here if you need to talk
I have a story of my own but definitely don't feel comfortable sharing on a public forum. I am here for support, however, if anyone needs it!
That being said i have no issue with seeing the social media shaming of people like brock turner because people should not be treated lienently for a violent crime which causes complete & utter devestation to a person & changes who they are & how they live their lives.
So I just wash DD and my clothes. Less work for me because it just gets lumped in all together. So much more efficient!
This is discussion was passionate and beautiful and every time we crush a conversation like this I laugh about how other BMBs used to say how "mean" we are.
Ben and Maggie - 4/10/09
Mia - 6/16/11
Surprise! due 2/23/17