Meh, I kinda like having a dedicated space for in law rants. Once I get it out, it's out of my head and I've found it helpful the few times I've posted there. For me, it's better than clogging up the TW or FFFC threads with my same gripes over and over again without being redundant. In the in law thread some of the problems posted are so complex it recieves more accurate support than a quick "Grrrr, inlaws!!" in Randoms
My UO: I don't understand how someone can make it firmly to adulthood without at least basic cooking skills
My UO: I prefer a male OB to a female. I feel like the couple female OB/Gyne I saw in the very beginning were very rough. And they act like BTDT. My current OB is a man he's more gentle during pelvic exams and shit.
I don't know if this is unpopular but to my mother it is. I don't believe it's necessary to separate clothes before washing. Darks, lights, whites... They all get washed together at my house. Ain't nobody got time for that.
I totes separate my colors. I've had too many clothes ruined that way. Sometimes if I'm very desperate, though, I'll toss a couple of those Color Catcher sheets in the wash and it's all good.
@joyful08 we don't separate colors here either. I was everything on cold anyway so I'm not worried. It's more of a concern when you wash with hot. I only wash with hot if my kids have been sick. And I only separate like towels. If I have a whole load of towels I wash them by themselves. But normally we just toss clothes in the washer and once it's full I toss the soap in and close and start.
I don't know if this is unpopular but to my mother it is. I don't believe it's necessary to separate clothes before washing. Darks, lights, whites... They all get washed together at my house. Ain't nobody got time for that.
Same, it all goes in together. Maybe if I had clothes/laundry that were completely white I'd separate that but we don't have anything thats all white.
My UO: I don't understand how someone can make it firmly to adulthood without at least basic cooking skills
By having a mom like mine lol. My mom always made dinner and there were always left overs to heat up for lunch, so no cooking was ever really needed. And whenever I did ask her to teach me how to cook, she'd come back with "Just find a recipe and read it"...which was super discouraging to me. When DH moved in with me all I knew how to make was Mac & Cheese from a box, boxed mashed potatoes, and frozen dinners that you just dump in a pan and add water. I've come very far
I'm always the one who sleeps on the couch in our house - it just isn't because we're fighting. When DH has a cold, I sleep right through him coughing and wheezing. When I have a cold, it keeps him up all night. So when I'm sick, I sleep on the couch. Yay.
Conversely, when we had a newborn - he could sleep right through her wailing at the top of her lungs for half an hour, while I sobbed along with her and had no idea what to do. At least this time I know what I'm getting myself into!
Our laundry sorting is a bit crack-headed. Colors are whatev, but we don't dry 75% of the clothes we wear to work, so we sort those. We have a 'don't dry' load, the dirty remodel clothes load, and then everything else.
+1 for not separating clothes. I have two kids and a husband that seem to change clothes 14 times a day. I only separate the towels and sheets from clothes because those get washed on hot. The fact that everyone (almost) always has clean clothes is a win for me, no separate washes needed.
@WinchesterGirl that situation really happened to me! I used to work at a Cracker Barrel when I was in college as a waitress and I came up to greet a table with a baby in a high chair wearing a blue t-shirt. "And what a handsome little man we have over here!" I say kneeling down beside the baby, thinking I was about to win some brownie points. I wasn't until after the family said flatly "she's a girl..." That I saw the earrings and pink diaper bag. They immediately followed with a lecture about how I shouldn't be so quick to assume gender and just because a baby wears blue doesn't mean it's a boy. After that I always went for "cutie pie" or some lame endearment of the sort.
My UO is that I'm so tired of sharing media on Donald Trump and Brock Turner plastered all over Facebook. I get it, we hate those gross men. It is literally everything I see every time I log in. They don't have to share posts about it again and again and again. I'd much rather see pictures of cute dogs or what kind of organic homemade flax seed oatmeal curd cookies you made because you think it'll give you abs. Those are the things I want to enjoy as I eat my cold McDonald's cheeseburger while the Wendy Williams show plays in the background. Is that too much to ask for?
My UO: I prefer a male OB to a female. I feel like the couple female OB/Gyne I saw in the very beginning were very rough. And they act like BTDT. My current OB is a man he's more gentle during pelvic exams and shit.
I kind of prefer male doctors to female doctors in general. I'm sure there are great women doctors out there but both my primary care physician and OB are men and I feel like I can understand them better and they listen better than female doctors I've had in the past. My endocrinologist is a female and while she's a really good doctor she's also kind of nuts, she changes her mind a lot, and sometimes she just really stresses me out. In general I have more male friends than female, and work in a male dominated field so I think it might just be that I'm strange...
Me: 33 | DH: 34 Married: October, 19, 2015 EDD 2/22/17 DS1 born on 3/2/17 EDD 3/8/20 DS2 born on 3/10/20 EDD 11/24/23 (Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)
In-Laws thread: it was supposed to be also to brag about your awesome families, too. But as I had predicted, there were more rants than anything else.
Oh I see. It's just that the title of the thread specifically indicates that it's to rant. But hey, if it's to brag also, than great.
As for the snoring and getting sent to the couch, apparently I've been snoring quite a bit during this pregnancy (oops). H has actually slept on the couch a few times already because of it but he doesn't mind one bit. He finds it more comfortable than our bed which is odd but I won't complain because I get a whole bed to myself!
************* First BFP: 12/16/13 EDD: 08/23/14 Baby BOY born: 08/29/14
For the in-law thread, I totally agree that it offers a great resource for help and support as well as commiseration. I've found people are great at giving constructive advice in that thread, as well as support. I'd love to see it expanded to all family dramas, though. Or just interpersonal relationships in general.
But we're doing something that our families and close friends often view as very high stakes, and sometimes as something people seem to think they have equal involvement in as us, the parents, and I think having the thread is a great way to provide support and strategies for people who need it. There's another board I frequent on another site that talks about how babies bring out the crazy in families, and I think it's a good idea to provide this source of support.
I think it's great when folks have absolutely no need for the thread, but some (most?) of us have a little (or a lot) of disfunction in our lives, and being able to talk that out? Invaluable.
Yes it should be a rant thread that includes all the people in our lives, not just in-laws. I could tell stories about my mom for hours.
I agree that not complaining leads to less negativity in my situation but I really do see the merit in having a place to vent when you don't have anyone else to talk to about it.
@concreteangell shockingly I also have an opinion about this. My ILs are a fucking huge pain in the ass, but bitching about them puts you in the head space not to get over shit. I try not to bitch about everything all the time to not be a negative nancy.
which will be my new name if I ever get booted.
This. Exactly this. It totally keeps you in that negative zone. I've also learned that most people seem to have issues with one side of the family or the other. So when you start talking about it, they counter with their family issues and on it goes.
My UO is that I'm so tired of sharing media on Donald Trump and Brock Turner plastered all over Facebook. I get it, we hate those gross men. It is literally everything I see every time I log in. They don't have to share posts about it again and again and again. I'd much rather see pictures of cute dogs or what kind of organic homemade flax seed oatmeal curd cookies you made because you think it'll give you abs. Those are the things I want to enjoy as I eat my cold McDonald's cheeseburger while the Wendy Williams show plays in the background. Is that too much to ask for?
**TW: Sexual Violence** I guess my UO is that people should share these posts again and again and again. There is a terrible stigma around rape culture in this country. It "makes people uncomfortable". And people who would just rather not "have to see it" are part of the problem.
I have posted a few times about being a rape survivor, and I always post a trigger warning before talking about it. But that's for other survivors. Not for those who prefer not to hear about it.
I realize my rant may a little strong in response to what you posted, but it's a topic I'm passionate about. I work for 4 non-profits, including Rape Crisis, and it is so important to understand that censoring these stories is just another form of brushing them under the rug.
So while I get that you would like to enjoy other things while eating your McDonald's, try to understand that there are other things rape survivors would like to think about than flashbacks to their attacks.
My UO is that I'm so tired of sharing media on Donald Trump and Brock Turner plastered all over Facebook. I get it, we hate those gross men. It is literally everything I see every time I log in. They don't have to share posts about it again and again and again. I'd much rather see pictures of cute dogs or what kind of organic homemade flax seed oatmeal curd cookies you made because you think it'll give you abs. Those are the things I want to enjoy as I eat my cold McDonald's cheeseburger while the Wendy Williams show plays in the background. Is that too much to ask for?
**TW: Sexual Violence** I guess my UO is that people should share these posts again and again and again. There is a terrible stigma around rape culture in this country. It "makes people uncomfortable". And people who would just rather not "have to see it" are part of the problem.
I have posted a few times about being a rape survivor, and I always post a trigger warning before talking about it. But that's for other survivors. Not for those who prefer not to hear about it.
I realize my rant may a little strong in response to what you posted, but it's a topic I'm passionate about. I work for 4 non-profits, including Rape Crisis, and it is so important to understand that censoring these stories is just another form of brushing them under the rug.
So while I get that you would like to enjoy other things while eating your McDonald's, try to understand that there are other things rape survivors would like to think about than flashbacks to their attacks.
Flame away. Not sorry.
Standing ovation from me! I'm a survivor too and worked with domestic violence survivors in court when I was a baby social worker. people need to know how messed up our judicial system is. Brock Turner served more time than 98% of rapists-- that is horrifying when there are people in jail for 20 yrs to life for WEED.
@srscott3 you said it perfectly! If sharing a post about him being a rapist helps one person realize it's wrong then I will keep sharing. His sentence was bullshit and I'm tired of people trying to push it away. I hope he lives the rest of his life in pain and that people never let him forget what he did.
I'm not a survivor of rape so I can't speak for those who have endured such a violating, intrusive, and horrifying ordeal. My heart seriously goes out to anyone who has to live with that for the rest of their lives.
With that being said, I agree that those issues are issues that need to be spoken about, that need to be seen on social media, and should never be buried amongst viral videos of cute animals videos and feel-good articles just so people can pretend they live in a protected bubble of rainbows and kittens.
Tired of seeing it? Stand up with your fellow man and strive to make a difference. To turn those articles and FB shares into something meaningful.
While social media has been known to spin things out of context, it has allowed regular people like us to speak out and have our voices truly heard. The more knowledge and awareness we can spread, the better chance we have of getting closer to justice and resolution to a real problem.
So it might suck for you to have to scroll past it and be annoyed but try and put yourself in the shoes of women who go to sleep at night and have to relive their nightmares daily.
Compassion goes a long way, you should try it sometime.
@raptormomma you are absolutely right. and I hope his life is ruined.
But also, unfortunately, seeing posts about these things will not stop sexual violence. They already know it's wrong, and a Facebook post won't stop someone. (it may inform someone about what consent is, but people are still going to do what they want).
My hope is that sharing these stories on Facebook or anywhere else will encourage survivors to come forward and speak out. There is a massive amount of underreporting. I know it's because many people think it will get them nowhere, but not sharing these stories on Facebook only further makes survivors feel that way. At least when it's talked about, survivors don't feel the stigma. Even if they report to a friend or family member, it could save them from suicide, or get the help they need. But if my family member posted a status saying they would "rather not have to see" so many Brock Turner posts, I would never feel comfortable opening up to them.
There were witnesses during my attack. I wasn't conscious, so I didn't know that at the time, but they testified and said they wish they would have done something. People need to start being proactive, not reactive on the issue of rape.
@gretchypoo It will be two years in October, and while I am nowhere near the end of my recovery journey, there are so many people who are just starting that journey now. I know I would have loved an advocate there for me in the beginning. You keep sharing those posts and fighting the good fight. *Secret Handshake!*
@srscott3 I am so sorry to hear about you and all the other ladies who've undergone such a traumatic event! My heart truly goes out to all of you! I know I may have come off as judgey and sweep it under the rug-esque and I totally should've elaborated! I know every situation is different, but I feel I can empathize with you to an extent.
*TW* when I was 19 and 20 years old I was raped by my best friend. I wasn't drunk, I didn't ask for it, and I had know him for seven years before it happened. I don't want to say attacked because it wasn't your stereotypical scenario. The first time was when I fought the hardest. I was alone with him at his house (I didn't have a car at the time) and he forced himself onto me and when he was done, he was angry with me because I didn't enjoy it. When I told him it was because I didn't want to in the first place, he called me a liar. I still spent time with him after the initial sexual "encounter" I suppose, because he was forceful and didn't know he had done anything wrong. I was scared to detach myself from him because I didn't know what he'd do. This happened four more times before I put an end to it. A month later I met who would eventually be my husband, who is the only one that knows about what happened. But to this day, years later, the guy who I thought was my best friend still tries to contact me. He emails me and talks to my brother. He even once followed my car for 10 minutes to see if he could find my new house. He doesn't know that he did anything wrong, and I think that's the worst part.*End TW* I totally understand how wonderful the outpourings of support could be, I guess I am just weird speshul snofkakey, but I didn't want to talk about it with anyone or even think about it. I wanted to forget about it and pretend it never happened. I was left feeling gross and worthless and it took me a while to recover from that. I don't know how differently I would feel now if I had gone to a support group, but I am the kind of person who truly likes to work on things on my own and try to get through them with the help of someone close like my H. I'm just not the type of person to sit on those things. But everyone recovers differently and as long as you're making progress, I think any method of recovering whether it be with the support of other or on your own is very brave and totally okay.
sorry to unload that heavy amount on information on you Internet strangers, I just felt I owed a better explanation for why I said what I did. I'm tired of seeing so much of Brock turner because he is one person. No other rapist or attacker gets the massive media coverage he does and yet, 1 in 3 girls will still experience some form of sexual harassment or assault. I feel the spotlight on him only feeds into this rape culture society we have. That we need to beware of these strangers who lurk in the night like Brock turner. Of course we do, but the coverage is almost never shared on the best friend, the neighbor, your highschool sweetheart. There is so much more than Brock turner out there and I feel like so many blind eyes are turned to that. (At least on my social media timeline! Everyone's is different and hopefully someone has a better, more diverse timeline than mine!)
ETA: to fix spelling. Because words are hard. And I had more thoughts.
@LivingLaVidaGinger Thank you for elaborating and I am so sorry for your experiences. My attacker still goes to school with me (he won the Title IX case and in court AND my school let him stay..in law school). I truly believe he thinks he did nothing wrong. And unfortunately, people believe him and a lot of victim-shaming happened.
It took me a while to get it, and I still sometimes doubt myself, but you should know that it was NOT your fault. He cannot convince you that he did nothing wrong. And I want to thank you again for opening up to everyone here. It is now not only you and your husband that know that guy was wrong, it's another 500+ women who know that as well. PM me if you ever need anything
Re: UO Thursday
My UO: I don't understand how someone can make it firmly to adulthood without at least basic cooking skills
Same, it all goes in together. Maybe if I had clothes/laundry that were completely white I'd separate that but we don't have anything thats all white.
Big Bro 7/14/13
Little Bro 2/6/17
ME: 25, DH: 27
TTC #1 since 09/2015
Miscarriage @ 10 wks 02/28/2016
BFP 05/28/2016!
Conversely, when we had a newborn - he could sleep right through her wailing at the top of her lungs for half an hour, while I sobbed along with her and had no idea what to do. At least this time I know what I'm getting myself into!
He doesn't mind though, he's a heavy sleeper and can sleep anywhere.
Married: 10/10
EDD: 8/27/16 MMC 1/16
Rainbow Boy: 2/04/17
TTC: 4/18 BFP: 1/2/19
EDD: 9/6/19
I have worked retail for too many years not to.
My UO is that I'm so tired of sharing media on Donald Trump and Brock Turner plastered all over Facebook. I get it, we hate those gross men. It is literally everything I see every time I log in. They don't have to share posts about it again and again and again. I'd much rather see pictures of cute dogs or what kind of organic homemade flax seed oatmeal curd cookies you made because you think it'll give you abs. Those are the things I want to enjoy as I eat my cold McDonald's cheeseburger while the Wendy Williams show plays in the background. Is that too much to ask for?
Married: October, 19, 2015
EDD 2/22/17
EDD 3/8/20
EDD 11/24/23
(Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)
As for the snoring and getting sent to the couch, apparently I've been snoring quite a bit during this pregnancy (oops). H has actually slept on the couch a few times already because of it but he doesn't mind one bit. He finds it more comfortable than our bed which is odd but I won't complain because I get a whole bed to myself!
First BFP: 12/16/13
EDD: 08/23/14
Baby BOY born: 08/29/14
But we're doing something that our families and close friends often view as very high stakes, and sometimes as something people seem to think they have equal involvement in as us, the parents, and I think having the thread is a great way to provide support and strategies for people who need it. There's another board I frequent on another site that talks about how babies bring out the crazy in families, and I think it's a good idea to provide this source of support.
I think it's great when folks have absolutely no need for the thread, but some (most?) of us have a little (or a lot) of disfunction in our lives, and being able to talk that out? Invaluable.
I agree that not complaining leads to less negativity in my situation but I really do see the merit in having a place to vent when you don't have anyone else to talk to about it.
I guess my UO is that people should share these posts again and again and again. There is a terrible stigma around rape culture in this country. It "makes people uncomfortable". And people who would just rather not "have to see it" are part of the problem.
I have posted a few times about being a rape survivor, and I always post a trigger warning before talking about it. But that's for other survivors. Not for those who prefer not to hear about it.
I realize my rant may a little strong in response to what you posted, but it's a topic I'm passionate about. I work for 4 non-profits, including Rape Crisis, and it is so important to understand that censoring these stories is just another form of brushing them under the rug.
So while I get that you would like to enjoy other things while eating your McDonald's, try to understand that there are other things rape survivors would like to think about than flashbacks to their attacks.
Flame away. Not sorry.
I'll keep posting tyvm
I'm not a survivor of rape so I can't speak for those who have endured such a violating, intrusive, and horrifying ordeal. My heart seriously goes out to anyone who has to live with that for the rest of their lives.
With that being said, I agree that those issues are issues that need to be spoken about, that need to be seen on social media, and should never be buried amongst viral videos of cute animals videos and feel-good articles just so people can pretend they live in a protected bubble of rainbows and kittens.
Tired of seeing it? Stand up with your fellow man and strive to make a difference. To turn those articles and FB shares into something meaningful.
While social media has been known to spin things out of context, it has allowed regular people like us to speak out and have our voices truly heard. The more knowledge and awareness we can spread, the better chance we have of getting closer to justice and resolution to a real problem.
So it might suck for you to have to scroll past it and be annoyed but try and put yourself in the shoes of women who go to sleep at night and have to relive their nightmares daily.
Compassion goes a long way, you should try it sometime.
Big Bro 7/14/13
Little Bro 2/6/17
But also, unfortunately, seeing posts about these things will not stop sexual violence. They already know it's wrong, and a Facebook post won't stop someone. (it may inform someone about what consent is, but people are still going to do what they want).
My hope is that sharing these stories on Facebook or anywhere else will encourage survivors to come forward and speak out. There is a massive amount of underreporting. I know it's because many people think it will get them nowhere, but not sharing these stories on Facebook only further makes survivors feel that way. At least when it's talked about, survivors don't feel the stigma. Even if they report to a friend or family member, it could save them from suicide, or get the help they need. But if my family member posted a status saying they would "rather not have to see" so many Brock Turner posts, I would never feel comfortable opening up to them.
^^This. So much.
There were witnesses during my attack. I wasn't conscious, so I didn't know that at the time, but they testified and said they wish they would have done something. People need to start being proactive, not reactive on the issue of rape.
*TW* when I was 19 and 20 years old I was raped by my best friend. I wasn't drunk, I didn't ask for it, and I had know him for seven years before it happened. I don't want to say attacked because it wasn't your stereotypical scenario. The first time was when I fought the hardest. I was alone with him at his house (I didn't have a car at the time) and he forced himself onto me and when he was done, he was angry with me because I didn't enjoy it. When I told him it was because I didn't want to in the first place, he called me a liar. I still spent time with him after the initial sexual "encounter" I suppose, because he was forceful and didn't know he had done anything wrong. I was scared to detach myself from him because I didn't know what he'd do. This happened four more times before I put an end to it. A month later I met who would eventually be my husband, who is the only one that knows about what happened. But to this day, years later, the guy who I thought was my best friend still tries to contact me. He emails me and talks to my brother. He even once followed my car for 10 minutes to see if he could find my new house. He doesn't know that he did anything wrong, and I think that's the worst part.*End TW* I totally understand how wonderful the outpourings of support could be, I guess I am just weird speshul snofkakey, but I didn't want to talk about it with anyone or even think about it. I wanted to forget about it and pretend it never happened. I was left feeling gross and worthless and it took me a while to recover from that. I don't know how differently I would feel now if I had gone to a support group, but I am the kind of person who truly likes to work on things on my own and try to get through them with the help of someone close like my H. I'm just not the type of person to sit on those things. But everyone recovers differently and as long as you're making progress, I think any method of recovering whether it be with the support of other or on your own is very brave and totally okay.
sorry to unload that heavy amount on information on you Internet strangers, I just felt I owed a better explanation for why I said what I did. I'm tired of seeing so much of Brock turner because he is one person. No other rapist or attacker gets the massive media coverage he does and yet, 1 in 3 girls will still experience some form of sexual harassment or assault. I feel the spotlight on him only feeds into this rape culture society we have. That we need to beware of these strangers who lurk in the night like Brock turner. Of course we do, but the coverage is almost never shared on the best friend, the neighbor, your highschool sweetheart. There is so much more than Brock turner out there and I feel like so many blind eyes are turned to that. (At least on my social media timeline! Everyone's is different and hopefully someone has a better, more diverse timeline than mine!)
ETA: to fix spelling. Because words are hard. And I had more thoughts.
It took me a while to get it, and I still sometimes doubt myself, but you should know that it was NOT your fault. He cannot convince you that he did nothing wrong. And I want to thank you again for opening up to everyone here. It is now not only you and your husband that know that guy was wrong, it's another 500+ women who know that as well.