To find out, or not to find out?

mamatowildones · September 2016

Ok, so I know it's WAY too early to really have this discussion but it's been the one that we have been having most often in my house. We have 2 amazing boys. And IMO, boys totally rock!!! But DH really really really wants a little girl. I think financially the thought of more than 3 kids worries him and so he would be ecstatic if we were to have a little girl this time around. He reassures me often that he will be happy no matter what and would never be disappointed to have a healthy baby no matter the sex.
So the dilemma.... I really want to be surprised this time. We have always found out and I just think that while it would be so so hard not to know, it would also be amazing. It's like one of life's most amazing surprises. I feel that when you're in that moment you are going to be so happy no matter what! DH feels differently. He feels that finding out before would give him some time to cope(doesn't seem like the right word)/bond with the baby. Anyone out there have 3 of the same sex and wait to find out? Or any that just waited in general? Would love some outside opinions!!

mcvgal · September 2016

We have 2 boys and were team green both times. We will do the same again this time. So I vote for you waiting to find out

megchelle · September 2016

I found out with my first two and really really want our third (and probably last) to be a surprise. But my hubby just has to know and we are arguing about it already. Haha. So I'm no help but I understand how you're feeling!

kat81_v3 · September 2016

We were team green twice and it was great that way, though I accidentally saw something (and knew what it was) for DS (#1). Because DH was the one the most adamant about being team green, I kept it to myself the entire pregnancy.

This one will definitely be team green again.

I really love the surprise. Even better that no one else knows. I just had this fantasy of someone throwing a gender reveal party and having the inside of the cake be green, and then having them say "none of your business, bitches!" Not that I would ever do that IRL.

In your case I could see doing it either way. I think you should get to be team green if you want to be. But I also see that if your husband wants a girl so badly, finding out could help him cope with it.

@megchelle you should definitely get to be team green! I think that when there is disagreement in the couple, the team green person should be the default winner. Kind of like how if you disagree over whether to have kids, the one who doesn't want them wins.

redheeler · September 2016

kat81_v3 said:

***snip***
I really love the surprise. Even better that no one else knows. I just had this fantasy of someone throwing a gender reveal party and having the inside of the cake be green, and then having them say "none of your business, bitches!" Not that I would ever do that IRL.

***snip***

I'm now considering doing this.

OP would it be an option for your husband to find out and you not? Would he be able to keep it from you?
He may say that he's not going to be disappointed, but at the end of the day it's still a surprise whether you find out at 20 weeks or 40, and it gives him time to adjust his mindset. Even if he isn't disapointed it's still a hard adjustment, it may just be worth giving him that time.

avas_dream · September 2016

If I was concerned financially I would want to find out especially if I have to start to think about reusing baby things vs buying new. Now I know that's a small expense compared to cost of raising a child in general but what I'm saying is that finding out for me had always been a planning motivation rather than anything else. E.g, we live in a small two bed apt and have a 2 year old boy. If we were to have another boy we can probably stay here a few years and have them share rooms, toys,clothes etc but if we had a girl we really would need to think long term on one making space for all the girl stuff and two the extra cost of buying a lot of things twice.

flychick-2 · September 2016

We've found out in the past. I think this time DH wants to be team green since we have one boy and one girl already. I just absolutely hate surprises. And it'll be easier for me to imagine and think about the baby if I know what it is. So it looks like we'll be having the opposite discussion from you guys!

I've always figured that the day of birth is enough of a surprise and it's so happy and exciting anyway. Finding out boy/girl would be kind of fun then, but the day is big enough on its own. I like having the ultrasound and having a big exciting day of finding out then. There's definitely no right or wrong, those are just my thoughts.

slam1110 · September 2016

We will definitely be finding out. We found out with both DD and DS, and now from a planning aspect, I definitely want to know sooner. That way I can start getting rid of either the boy or girl clothes that I won't need, since this will be our last.
@mamatowildones My sister was in the same predicament as you. She was team green with her first, had a boy. The 2nd was also team green, another boy as well. Her reasoning was once she had the baby, she wouldn't be so upset in the moment....however I actually think it backfired on her and she was upset. For her 3rd, she ALMOST went team green again, however decided to find out, 3rd boy. I truly think some people need that extra time to cope with everything and process it.

MrsN092714 · September 2016

We were team green last time and I promised my husband that we would find out this time.... but I lied! I've already convinced him not to find out again. We have one son and bought everything neutral for him. We will go to the hospital with a cute little outfit for each and if we end up with another boy, pull out the tubs of clothes we have, and if it's a girl, I'll let the grammas go hard with the shopping. They both love to do it!

Kipperoo · September 2016

We will find out because I hate prolonged surprises but LOVE surprises...meaning, I can't wait to find out what this baby is and the anticipation is already killing me at week 6, haha...we found out with our first at 15 weeks and will probably do the same again this time around. I'm a super planner and have different versions of the nursery that I would want if it was a girl vs. a boy. Also, the naming thing takes forever for us...so I need a lot of time to figure it out.

march2008 · September 2016

We found out as soon as possible when I was pregnant with DD, which was at the 20 week u/s. I would be content being team green this time around, but DH really wants to find out. I'm OK with finding out since he'd like to.

TresGatos · September 2016

I love the idea of being team green but I am way too impatient and too much of a planner to not find out. And like @FlyChick, I think it's easier for me to think about the baby and imagine its future when I know the sex. Because I'm AMA, we opt for the cell-free DNA testing and last time I found out the sex over the phone and then told H. This time I plan on asking for a sealed envelope with the sex written inside so H and I can at least find out together.

pshaortao · September 2016

I think being team green is awesome, I just don't have the willpower to wait. It was still such a surprise for us at the anatomy scan with our first since most people was so sure we were having a boy. Is it possible for your DH to know but keep it to himself? Or would him knowing the result affect his reaction that it would be a dead giveaway? You still have some time to figure it out!

Personally, I definitely want to find out as soon as possible again. I kept all of DD's baby clothes and I want to start purging as soon I find out it's a boy (if it is) or start organizing if it's a girl.

chickyclg · September 2016

We are hoping to be Team Green, we have B/G twins so this LO will be the tie breaker.

mamatowildones · September 2016

Thank you ladies! Lots of things to take into consideration. We talked about DH knowing and me not knowing but we've been together for 13 years now and I'll immediately know

BriannaH333 · September 2016

I'm a super planner and found out with my DD but... Labor sucked and I really want this surprise to look forward to. It's gonna be hard, but Team Green. Already told friends before we got pregnant so they'll hold me to it now. Husband has convinced himself he'll be able to figure out the ultrasound by watching YouTube videos. Ha. Good luck, buddy.

emilyalso · September 2016

I decided that we will be TEAM GREEN this time around, and DH is not on board. (For what it's worth, neither is my best friend and she is really making a stink about it.

) We have 1 boy, and this baby will be born in the totally opposite season that he was, so we won't be able to reuse many clothes anyway. I plan to have some grey, green, yellow, etc... onesies and fill in the gaps as we go.

Bottom line is - I will be a repeat C-section and I will have my innards unpacked on the operating table. If that doesn't give me the right to be surprised, I don't know what does.

emilyalso · September 2016

All you mamas who can't stand the wait - I had the Harmony test done (for trisomy 21, 18, and 13) at 10 weeks and I had the option to test for gender as well. The test results take around 10 days, I think, so I was able to find out the gender at my 12 week ultrasound!

slam1110 · September 2016

I found out early last time too. It wasn't for the Harmony test, but was because I have O- blood type, and now they can do a blood test to figure out the baby's blood type, so if you need the rhogam shot or not. Plus the added benefit was that they can tell you the gender as well! I don't think it was as early as 10 weeks though, maybe more like 16.

Frostfair · September 2016

@Kipperoo same! I'm terrible with surprises and just must know! Giant child about it

also the naming thing... It's sooooooo hard. I don't want to have to pick two if we can just pick the one. Took us forever last time.

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