Tension increaser/sleep help

Jyoung327 · September 2016

I'll try to keep this short as I read many pages deep into the archives on sleep posts already and many posters give similar advice. DS is 4 months. Til now he has slept at night in a RnP next to my side of the bed. He is BF and takes a BM bottle occasionally for convenience when we are out, as well as every night between 11-1 my DH takes a feeding shift so I can get some sleep. We get his bed time routine going around 745 or 8 and he normally sleeps a first chunk of 4 hours sometimes more, then DH feeds him, then every 2-3 hours he wakes and I BFP him in my bed and we cosleep til 7ish. During the day usually 2 big naps and a smattering of little ones, often in his carseat, on top of me, andmore recently in his RnP.

So, I have some issues. One, is that my MIL has some weird power over DH. For most issues, including DS, her opinion and advice or comments seriously sways DH and I have to work to get him to hear me. For instance, she tells him to start letting DS CIO, put him in his crib that he's never slept in and go to the opposite side of the house,rice cereal in his bottle at 3months, etc. None of these have happened , but it has DH on my ass about "when are we gonna move him out? When is he gonna STTN? When are we gonna let him CIO?" When really all These things become my responsibility bc I EBF and DH works 40-50 hrs a week. I recently started back to work and have a sitter 2 days starting this week and I have no game plan for her.

I started earnestly putting him down for naps several times a day in his room with a sound machine and he can do it sometimes . I trI'd getting him to nap in his crib and he startled himself and woke after maybe 5 min, when It took like 45 to get to fall asleep. I read millions of articles and tips on sleeping and I try them and I fail. Now I also know that DS is a tension increaser and when I try to let him CIO for even 5 minutes he works himself up to the pointof vomiting even after I've finally picked him up, then I can't settle him unless I BF and he falls asleep.

I feel like a failure. I feel like I have so many people, now including DH bc of MIL, putting pressure and expectations on me and that if I don't sleep train him now he will be in his RNP in our room til he's a toddler. I know he's only 4 months, and on top of that I think he's into the regression now and also teething. I want him to have a daily nap schedule in his own room, preferably crib soon, and to sleep better at night also eventually in his crib. I need this so my sitter won't quit on me, and bc DH can't get him to nap when he's alone watching him .

If tl;dr - SLEEP PLZ HELP. thanks to those who made it all the way through.

ecwk · September 2016

Urgh sorry they're making you feel like that!! You're not a failure at all. In fact your story sounds quite similar to mine except my LO is 5 months this old. Start night in mini crib beside bed, maybe do a four hour stretch if I'm lucky, is ebf and always ends up in bed with me after the first or second wake up.
What is he wearing when you put him down for naps? I just say this because we use the magic sleep suit and it has helped enormously with the startle reflex since I can't swaddle my DS anymore!

Jyoung327 · September 2016

ecwk said:

Urgh sorry they're making you feel like that!! You're not a failure at all. In fact your story sounds quite similar to mine except my LO is 5 months this old. Start night in mini crib beside bed, maybe do a four hour stretch if I'm lucky, is ebf and always ends up in bed with me after the first or second wake up.
What is he wearing when you put him down for naps? I just say this because we use the magic sleep suit and it has helped enormously with the startle reflex since I can't swaddle my DS anymore!

Im not glad but glad Im not alone here! At this point he hasn't fully rolled yet so I can still swaddle him...he likes his arms out though. So at nap time he goes in the RnP in whatever he was wearing, plus lower half swaddled. He takes a paci but spits it out after a few minutes. I was wondering about a sleepsack but honestly I have so many blankets and swaddlers and velcro swaddlers I just dont want more stuff. What does the magic sleep suit do?

jodiedrich18 · September 2016

Geesh. I am so sorry you are having this pressure. You are NOT a failure. Honestly your LO sounds completely normal for a 4 month old BF baby sleepwise. I would look at how he acts during the day. If he seems content for most of his awake times, then he is telling you that he is happy and healthy with his sleep level. The sleep regression is no joke (at least it was for me!) and I would wait to do some larger transitions to crib if important to you a teeny bit later in the 5-6 month window. I'd say work on nighttime routine first, getting the crib and as much as it will stink for you since you said you are starting work again, to work on putting him to sleep in the crib after nursing instead of with you in bed. You will have to pick a strategy and stick with it instead of circling between all the various sleep tips out there. I had many a night where I would have to go back in to LOs room 2 or 3 times to nurse or let her suck to get her to settle because she would cry setting her in her crib in the MOTN as she was not a paci baby either. Eventually, she began to get longer sleep stretches but still doesn't STTN now at 8 months, but only wakes once around 2 or 3.

As far as nap schedules in the day go, some kids are down for that and others are not. I would hope your sitter wouldn't quit because you don't have a nap schedule. On my birth month board, nap habits run the gamut. Some babies sleep a lot and others like my LO are just confirmed cat nappers.

As far as MIL and DH go, they are making an already difficult period for you worse and I would not be shy in standing up for yourself. You are BF which is no joke physically to keep the energy and nourish yourself, caring for a LO, and now adding the stress of work back into the mix. Seriously, him asking you about when will baby STTN or do CIO? He does realize this is a human with needs and not a robot right? Even if you sleep train your LO will have good and bad nights in the months ahead regardless of whether you stick with what you're doing now or do any CIO, that's just reality. Some babies STTN more easily than others, some will do it much earlier than others no matter what sleep strategy and aids you use because they are all different little people. I would try to talj to him very honestly about the expectations youre feeling....heck, have him read a couple of the sleep threads here to see! If it is important to him and you that you BF, you will have to pick your battles. You cannot pump, work, take care of yourself physically with food and sleep to nourish both you and LO, have focus and sanity for daily life, and fight against sleep expectations with schedules and Yada yada. Hang in there some days are better than others, it does get better! Sorry for long response but your post just made me hurt for you. I EBF and went back full time when LO was 2.5 months. She does not take a bottle from DH but does at daycare so food and MOTN has all been on me at home and my job is very stressful. This baby stage is hard work physically and emotionally so give yourself some credit!

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