FFFC + UO 09.02.16

mothernorth · September 2016

Just to get the ball rolling:

Have you ever played the pregnancy card to get out of an obligation?

What is one thing you believe makes a parent a "good parent"?

mothernorth · September 2016

Have you ever played the pregnancy card to get out of an obligation?
I haven't yet, but I'm actually considering playing that card to get out of attending my cousin's baby shower tomorrow. I realize how terrible that must sound...

What is one thing you believe makes a parent a "good parent"?
Realizing your own wants and needs are no longer #1. I've noticed some people just can't wrap their heads around that.

ibabyloveb87 · September 2016

Have you ever played the pregnancy card to get out of an obligation?
Nothing major, but I have used it to get out of picking things up off the floor and household chores I don't feel like doing because it's just too hard to bend down anymore. Sorry not sorry, DH!

What is one thing you believe makes a parent a "good parent"?
I agree with you @AllyTheKid about changing priorities. You're no longer #1 and realizing that I feel like will be half the battle. I already rarely am buying things for myself anymore, I am focused so much on the baby and what he will need so hopefully my priorities are already starting to shift. Also I think a "good parent" is attentive but doesn't smother their child. Notice when your child may be struggling or need some advice, but also give them room to learn and grow a little on their own. And hopefully you've built a relationship with them that encourages open communication so if they really need you, they aren't afraid to come talk. (I feel this is especially during teenage years.)

emmaaa · September 2016

Have you ever played the pregnancy card to get out of an obligation?
Not yet. I have definitely said that I didn't want to do certain things, like going to hang out with the guys with DH but then, I've always done that. If I don't want to do something, then I don't do it. There have been many days that I've wanted to call into work because I'm tired and just not feeling it, but never had because I didn't feel like that was a good enough reason to not be here.

What is one thing you believe makes a parent a "good parent"?
Something that I always admired about my parents was that they always made sure we knew how to work for what we wanted in life rather than it being handed to us. i think that is what gave me and my brothers such a strong work ethic.

breweber2010 · September 2016

Have you ever played the pregnancy card to get out of an obligation?
My husband and I are definitely using it to get out of a couple of family weddings. It helps that its a 5 hour drive one way to each and that their in Early September and October. Too far to travel with the baby coming...lol. We're also using the baby as an excuse for a wedding in January since the wedding is up north and we don't want to travel in potential bad weather with a newborn.

serenaxo84 · September 2016

Have you ever played the pregnancy card to get out of an obligation?
No, nothing by choice. But this pregnancy has prevented us from a few obligations like a wedding in Nantucket that we were looking forward to attending.

What is one thing you believe makes a parent a "good parent"?

Along with what @allythekid @ibabyloveb87 and @emmaaa have already said (because those are all major things to me!), I think that in order be a good parent you also have to carve out sometime for yourself. I struggle with this constantly but sometimes you need a good girls night, or a date night or a you night because other wise you burn out...going to work doesn't count for all you working mamas!

MKJeffrey2002 · September 2016

Have you ever played the pregnancy card to get out of an obligation? I use it a lot with DH but most of the time I really feel bad. I haven't done a lot of cleaning. I haven't taken too much advantage at work, but I feel like my bosses have lightened up my load a lot and really
try not to stress me out. I really don't mind that perk.

What is one thing you believe makes a parent a "good parent"?
I think it's loving your child and getting past any unrealistic expectations about perfection. Some people stress their kids and themselves out trying to make sure their kid is the "best" but I feel like good parenting is encouraging the kid to be their best but understanding their flaws and helping them overcome them. I agree with everything you all have said. @serenaxo84 I'm 100% on making time for yourself. I sacrificed myself and played the role of martyr mom for a lot of my son's childhood. I let my health go and wasn't really enjoying my life. Over the past two years I started to change and get healthier and do things I enjoy (girls weekends, nights out, dates with DH). I feel like my son is happier because he sees me happier now.

sportiegrl1213 · September 2016

Have you ever played the pregnancy card to get out of an obligation?
The only thing I didn't do was go to my good friends bachelorette weekend, but I wasn't about to try to even attempt going to the club 7 months pregnant, plus it was a weekend away about 3 hrs from home. I didn't want to be around girls having fun drinking and dancing, when I want to be in bed by 7. I just didn't feel right going.

I will confess I play the pregnancy card here at work recently. As in coming a little late or just not coming in at all (Wednesday) because I've been exhausted lately and everything has finally caught up to me. I refuse to feel guilty about it. I'm a hard worker and get my job done and don't leave anything for anyone.

What is one thing you believe makes a parent a "good parent"?
Just wholeheartedly being there for your kids. Show them as much love and support as you can. My parents always put us kids first to make sure we were taken care of and happy, well as happy the could have made us. We always had dinners as a family every night, which I think is so important. My DH didn't have any of that when he was a kid and it broke him. He couldn't believe how it was in my family because he never had that. So sad. That will be our biggest goal, really be there for our son as best as we can, always let him know he can talk to us about anything!

LauraPCOS · September 2016

Ooo I like the questions this week

good call @AllyTheKid

Have you played the pregnancy card to get out of an obligation?
Only once at work because I was just so tired and overwhelmed that it was leaving me not feeling well. I do throw it at hubby every so often, but he doesn't let me get away with it much.

What is one thing you believe makes a parent a "good parent"?
I totally agree with what all of your ladies have said so far, but I also think the child needs to feel as if you will be there to support them, no matter the situation. Now that doesn't mean you won't be furious or there won't be consequences, but they need to know they have you in their corner. I remember being a teenager and friends saying if they ever ended up pregnant their parents would kick them out so they would be terrified to say anything - my mom (single parent) wasn't like that. She would be livid yes, disappointed even more so, but she would be there for me to help me through whatever needed to be done. (Never happened to me but we talked about it after my friends mentioned their fears)

lovelybabybumpz · September 2016

Have you played the pregnancy card to get out of an obligation?
I'm thinking of playing it at work today. We're having a purge session of old files. I know everyone has a lot of work they'd rather be doing and other deadlines they need to hit as well, and I WANT to be a team player. But I also don't want to be standing all day, hunched over filing cabinets. I just got a pregnancy support belt yesterday and it was te first day In a week that I didn't want to cry from pain while standing/walking. I don't want to push it.

krzyriver · September 2016

Have you ever played the pregnancy card to get out of an obligation?
Eh. Yeah I told the receptionists at the salon that I can't take old people anymore. I prop my clients feet up higher to do their pedicures nowadays and old people have a harder time with that. I probably could take them, see if they're comfortable, and just suck it up and bend if that can't, but it's super uncomfortable on my belly and back and honestly I can't take the smell anymore. But it's technically against the rules to pass on a client.

What is one thing you believe makes a parent a "good parent"?
Oh man, I could go on forever. Lol. But I'll stick with this one because I was talking about it with someone yesterday: you cannot be your child's friend. I see so many people who want their kids to like them and they lose all their power as a parent this way. The child ultimately pays for that. My son and I have tons of fun, he knows how much I love him, but I never worry about if he likes me or if he's mad at me. He's going to hate me sometimes, and that's good. Because every teenager is going to be wrong or try to push boundaries at some point, but I know how to put my foot down or teach him what's right when I'm supposed to.

mothernorth · September 2016

@sportiegrl1213 Yes to family dinner! That is something I hold near and dear to my heart. It's something FI was never used to, even in his previous marriage, so sometimes I have to remind him to come sit his butt down with us, but I make sure it happens and think it is extremely important.

@serenaxo84 Yes to that as well! Although I don't think we are our #1 priority anymore, it is equally as important to not neglect ourselves (or partners) either.

These questions are in no way intended to replace or keep anybody from posting their own individual FFFC or UO by the way! If you have one, do tell!
I was just trying to encourage participation from those of us who seem to be going through an opinion or confession dry spell

mothernorth · September 2016

@krzyriver So. Much. Yes.

Kaessi · September 2016

Have you ever played the pregnancy card to get out of an obligation?
Really only once, to get out of going to a birthday party. I didn't really want to go anyway, but I was legitimately not feeling well. So I don't really count that! And if I don't do things around the house, they just don't ever get done, so there's no point in even trying that with my H.

What is one thing you believe makes a parent a "good parent"?
As a teenager, my mom was not super strict, but she always wanted to know where I was and who I was with. I never really had a curfew, she just wanted me to call and check in. There was a mutual respect there and I vividly remember the feeling of not wanting to disappoint her. I never felt the need to sneak out & I never just blatantly disobeyed her. I had friends whose parents were very strict, and these were the friends I recall as being the wildest. I can remember specific conversations with my mom where she would "encourage" me not to get into trouble, but she always ended the conversation by telling me that if I did happen to get into trouble I could always call her and she would come pick me up. I never felt afraid to discuss things with her, and as someone else said, I always felt that she was in my corner, no matter what. I'm not exactly sure how she did it, but I really hope I can replicate that feeling in my LO!

ibabyloveb87 · September 2016

@Kaessi This is exactly how it was with my parents. Call and check in and we will let you do what you want to do. And if you're in trouble somehow, always call. I guess that's kind of what I was getting at in my post too. I have a big fear of our kids feeling like they have to be sneaky. Now I've realized that at one time my parents were "my age" too and wanted to do the same things I wanted to do, so they just wanted me to know they understood (even if they were going to get mad). I always hated to disappoint them anyway, so I was a pretty good kid!

MRSCORKER · September 2016

My FFFC is that I've been eating Deli meat. Like, 2 or 3 times a week lately.

bosslady925 · September 2016

I got to skip Easter with DH's family because I "didn't feel well" due to being pregnant. DH actually played the card, but I wasn't mad about it.

jennielu · September 2016

@AllyTheKid Very timely meme of Gene Wilder *tear*

My FFFC is I have no idea what FFFC stands for. I know the C is confession, and that Google is no help (Fragging for fun clan? Flagstaff family food center?)

ignoscemihi · September 2016

Have you ever played the pregnancy card to get out of an obligation? Not yet, but I'm currently on Angie's List looking at reviews of house cleaners because I want to have a clean house but I'm too lazy to clean it.

What is one thing you believe makes a parent a "good parent"? I read some parenting books when my son was born and now that we're having number two, I've read a few more and it seems one thing that many authors agree on is that you need to find a balance. Children need discipline, but you also have know when to make exceptions. That's something I need to work on - setting clear rules and then enforcing them unless there's a good reason to bend them for that one instance.

krzyriver · September 2016

@MRSCORKER I've definitely been eating it when it sounds good, but only from certain places. I also had a steak that was sliiiiiiiighly pink the other day.

bosslady925 · September 2016

FFFC: I'm getting Taco Bell for lunch and probably having a giant piece of Tuna for dinner.

MRSCORKER · September 2016

krzyriver said:

@MRSCORKER I've definitely been eating it when it sounds good, but only from certain places. I also had a steak that was sliiiiiiiighly pink the other day.

Yeah, I'm doing Jimmy Johns and make sure I ask when the Turkey was taken out so I know it hasn't been sitting there all day but it's one of the only things that sounds good lately. I feel like I've gone back to first tri with my appetite the past few weeks. Major aversions! Also, I've been eating my steak medium. I would usually go for MD rare so I guess it's a compromise. I've only had it 2 or 3 times the whole pregnancy.

blaf322 · September 2016

my FFFC: I take my HDBD pics in front of DH's sink because my sink is messy and I don't want y'all to judge me for all the hair products that are out all the time

mothernorth · September 2016

@MRSCORKER I never stopped eating deli meat. I'm bad like that.

@jennielu I know, I was heart broken when I found out. He will always be the #1 Willy Wonka in my eyes.
Also, FFFC stands for Flame Free Friday Confessions

@MorganL925 I want Taco Bell and Pizza Rolls... #DGAF

ignoscemihi · September 2016

My FFFC is that I just deleted my confession because it made me sound like the incredible snob that I am.

jennielu · September 2016

@ignoscemihi Let it rip!! Just found out this is a Flame Free zone!

mothernorth · September 2016

@jennielu I forgot to add the disclaimer *Flamelessness Not Guaranteed*

annabenanna · September 2016

Have you ever played the pregnancy card to get out of an obligation?
Once. DH's company had a happy hour, and I joined.... then he and I had a dinner to go to after, at like 8:30PM. I was way too tired at that point.

I may be using it again 3 weeks from now. I was invited to a brunch bday party... it really is gonna depend how I feel! I'll be 38 weeks pregnant then!

What is one thing you believe makes a parent a "good parent"?

I believe a good parent raises their children to be kind. Yes, I know every parent wants their kid to be a genius, reading by 4, multiplying their numbers by 5, knowing every state capital before they can even say their ABCs. They want their kid to speak 3 languages, sign 2 of them, and play (and excel) in allllll the sports----but very few parents raise their kids to be KIND: have compassion, understanding, and love in their hearts for all creatures--big and small, and all people. I hope to raise a kind child.

LauraPCOS · September 2016

MRSCORKER said:

My FFFC is that I've been eating Deli meat. Like, 2 or 3 times a week lately.

I've been eating my eggs semi runny. Yesterday I had breakfast out and asked for them poached medium (though if they were super runny I still would have eaten them) but they came well done and I was so bummed out.

ibabyloveb87 · September 2016

@ignoscemihi Well now I want to know!

ignoscemihi · September 2016

@jennielu Hah! Yeah, I think there's an unwritten but understood disclaimer that it may not actually be flame-free

It was just about how critical I am of my brother and his girlfriend when it comes to parenting their infant. I try not to judge other parents and their decisions, but I turn into a Snobby McJudgerton when it comes to them. I judged them for having a baby (unplanned) when they can barely afford the two of them (even though I think it would be disgusting to have an income requirement to have children). I judged them for inducing a week early solely because they wanted to deliver with their doctor and not the on-call doctor (even though I know many people, including doctors, induce for non-medical reasons). And I totally judged them for not even trying to breastfeed for the sole reason that breastfeeding is free and formula costs money they don't have (even though I think bodily autonomy is really important and women should never feel pressured into using their body in a way that is uncomfortable to them). I think it's because I know them and I know they make terrible decisions, but that still doesn't give me the right to judge them. I try to assuage my guilt by telling myself that at least I only say these things to my husband and internet strangers, but yeah, I'm still a snobby jerk.

LMNOBaby · September 2016

Ooh, @MorganL925 Taco Bell sounds amazing - and I haven't had it in foreverrrrrrrr. I think I know what I'm getting for dinner tonight!!

My FFFC is so lame, but my husband has his fantasy football draft at a friend's house tonight AND he's playing golf in the morning and I'm beyond excited about my evening and tomorrow morning alone time. I have a strong feeling it may consist of me in my nightshirt eating Taco Bell tonight on the couch...and likely falling asleep there.

ignoscemihi · September 2016

@annabenanna I read your comment after I posted my mean comment, so this seems really hypocritical, but I agree completely about raising children to be kind.

LauraPCOS · September 2016

Oh another FFFC for me. I was secretly happy hubby had to get up at 5am today because I wanted the bed all to myself. I have been so uncomfortable lately that the thought of being able to sprawl out in whatever direction my body wanted without having to worry about invading someone's side was just too exciting. I was actually awake until he got up and left then I slept wonderfully.

sportiegrl1213 · September 2016

All this Taco Bell talk made me run out and get a hard taco and nacho bell grande!!! It's YUMMO!!!!

LMNOBaby · September 2016

sportiegrl1213 said:

All this Taco Bell talk made me run out and get a hard taco and nacho bell grande!!! It's YUMMO!!!!

*drooling* This is so happening for me tonight. P.S. I always get the hard taco and nacho bell grande too!! Is it still #5??

mothernorth · September 2016

That's it. We're getting Taco Bell after we pick up DS tonight...
Cheesy. Gordita. Crunch.

@ignoscemihi I think we all tend to be secretly more judgemental of our own family and friends, whether we openly admit it or not.
My Mr. Hyde side wanted to go the f*ck off about what a brat I think my cousin is, and how I want to skip her baby shower just for the sake of doing so just because the way she is and how she handles things pisses me off, buuuut... I sugar coated it to make myself look like I'm more mature than that. I'm not. I'm so not. +1 to only saying these things to FI, and on the internet.

ingoscj · September 2016

Played the pregnancy card? Yes. Absolutely, but usually at work and for good reason. I work as a nurse at a jail, so I have to be aware of any safety concerns. There was a fight last weekend and I played the pregnancy card so I didn't have to enter a room full of pepper spray. The patient was pretty agitated so the sergeant decided he had to calm down and be moved to a different area before I could see him. I'm just much more cautious at work, but my coworkers are all very understanding and will trade tasks and help me if needed.

Being a good parent? Oh, so much. I always put my DD first, but it's also important to take care of yourself. That is something I need to work on. It's not good for her if I'm burnt out and unhappy or unhealthy. So I guess I need to find a better balance for myself.

sportiegrl1213 · September 2016

I think so @LMNOBaby - I had to order a few more tacos for coworkers so I didn't go the value meal.

OrangeEv · September 2016

@ignoscemihi Don't feel bad. I have judgey thoughts too. Someone close to me just found out they're pregnant and while of course I am happy, I am being super judgey on the inside because there is no way she has the money or knowledge to take care of a baby right now and I think it's irresponsible.

I have been craving T bell for days UGH. I am having horrible bowel issues though so I won't even think about it, but please post pictures so I can dream about that nacho cheese mmmmmm.

My FFFC is I still want to move the 1.5hrs back to my hometown because of this baby. I want to be close to MY family. And my husband doesn't. I wish there was a logical/finacially smart way but there just isn't right now. Sigh.

ibabyloveb87 · September 2016

@ignoscemihi Eh I think we are all guilty of snobby judgments at some point. It's ok!

And am I the only one who doesn't like Taco Bell?? FFFC! Haha

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