@Gingersnap I've been a SAHM, SAHM in college, worked part time, and worked full time (both while my husband worked FT and also as the sole bread winner). To me working FT is the easiest but working part time is my favorite. Working FT there is just less to do. I don't have to clean up three meals of dishes and there is less mess because the kids aren't in the house to make the mess and I don't have to constantly think of things for them to do and deal with other moms.
I will admit while it was nice when MH was a SAHD I hated it because I was super jealous even though I liked being at work too.
@Gingersnap I am a full time working from home mom who is taking care of baby at same time as working, and I just never know what to say in these conversations lol! I work all day (sucks) I don't get adult time all day (sucks) I chase a baby around all day (exhausting) Seriously going insane over here. I have all the best and worst parts of both scenarios. I get up and work super early while baby is asleep and then finish my hours during his naps or after he goes down for the night if I have to. Add cooking and cleaning to that and I can feel myself aging...
I think super long nails are gross and the women who have them I can't figure out how they function in daily life (how do you type? How do you wipe? how do you answer your cell phone? How do you grip anything or open jars?). But in my experience longer nails are actually easier to keep clean than short nails -- stuff that gets under them comes out easier. I don't know why.
That being said, I never keep mine very long. Like @kswiger06 people don't think my nails are real but only bc they are so thick. I cut them short, grow them out for a month, repeat. They never get so long that I can't type or text.
When I was waiting for my A/S, they had a big sign up about health care workers and washing hands. Apparently long nails, fake nails, and nail polish are all considered hazards from the hospital's perspective, and health care workers can't have them, because they make it harder to properly clean your hands. Then I went to visit my in-laws, who are all about the fake nails. I couldn't stop thinking about that sign every time I saw their hands...
I'm a SAHM of only one so far and I have days where I wonder if life would be easier if I worked. I think it really just depends on your personality. Certain things are more pleasant for some people than others. Having a two year old cry at me for an hour straight for absolutely no reason feels very hard in that moment. I do feel lucky to be a SAHM even though it can be lonely. I think we're all superstars.
@PerraSucia@Gretchypoo you guys probably hate me lol. I never cut my nails, I just file them if they get jagged. I'm really upset that I'm going to have to cut them when baby arrives, as I don't want to accidentally scratch him/her. I can't function WITHOUT them!
Man Caves. I get needing space (hell, I need a lot of it) but the assumption that the husband is entitled to a space all his own when no one else in the family gets the same is baffling to me. Sorry DH, you don't get a designated spare bedroom, space in the garage, *and* the wet bar all to yourself while I'm stuck taking care of the whole house and pets/baby so you can play video games and put up unframed tacky posters like you're reliving your glory days as an 18 year old. We're mid 30's....we share this shiz now
To be fair, I do have a double standard in that I get to organize the kitchen myself. But I'm the one packing his breakfasts/lunches and cooking dinner nightly. If I want the plates in a certain cupboard it's because I'm the one stuck unloading the dishwasher.
@yogadevil there is no way objecting to a man cave while organizing the kitchen is a "double standard." Once your husband runs a major aspect of the household out of his man cave, then you can talk about it being his domain. Maybe if he bitches about the way you organize the kitchen, he should step up and take on some household tasks his damn self? I am harrumphing on your behalf.
@yogadevil I don't think you getting to organize the kitchen is a double standard to saying no man cave. It just makes sense, if you're the one using the kitchen stuff more then you get to choose where it goes. DH can set up his tools however he likes in the garage b/c he uses them more than I do.
DH and I totally judge the people on like house hunters and similar shows who want man caves. If there's a room with a sweet TV, sound system, and wet bar we both are getting equal access to it. That said I'm super excited about my sun room in the house we're buying. To be fair though it's a tiny room (like half the size of my cube at work) that is off the dining room and will only fit a chair and small table. So that is where I plan on going to read and relax but it's not like DH can't use it if he wants I just don't see him wanting to. Meanwhile DH will have a double garage and another outside barn building to do with what he pleases (until I get my chickens and goat and take over the barn!)
Me: 33 | DH: 34 Married: October, 19, 2015 EDD 2/22/17 DS1 born on 3/2/17 EDD 3/8/20 DS2 born on 3/10/20 EDD 11/24/23 (Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)
I get mad about this when we watch HGTV. Didn't we get married because we like hanging out together? If we make a fun hang out room, shouldn't we enjoy it together? Grrrr.
I think being a parent, in general, is hard as hell. SAHMs and WMs both encounter their own challenges and difficulties. I can't speak of the challenges a SAHM faces because I'm not one. And I can't say how those challenges would affect me as a SAHM because it's not what I do. But I do know the challenges I face as a WM and they suck. I wish I could have the best of both worlds.
UO - I have strong feelings about massive bedding sets, and my SIL will not. stop. messaging me about nursery decor that invariably includes crib bumpers and other stuff I'm not comfortable using. I've tried "oh, that's cute. We've picked X style, but will only really be using the crib sheets and swaddlers, no other blankets." I've tried "Oh, that's a really cute pic; I think that's just a show model though, because everything I've read said those shouldn't be in a crib for the first several months"... I swear, the next time she texts me about this I'm going to ask her why she is trying to give my baby SIDS. LISTEN TO MY NO, LADY.
I know, she's really really excited about being an aunt, and she's younger than me by a good amount, so I think she's thinking about this more like "oooh, really exciting cute doll to play with and dress up" which I intellectually understand but, still, I viscerally want to smack her for not listening to what I am trying to tell her about infant safety.
I allowed him to decorate the wet bar in any way he wants...which frightens me. He does have some pretty sweet army paraphernalia like metal signs from Iraq checkpoints and a flag that may or may not be from the group that became ISIL...but like in our old loft- I was in the living room and I hear hammering in the kitchen. I walked in there and he was hanging up a bar towel from some pub in Ireland with a few nails. He looked proud like a 12 year old boy that saw boobs for the first time. He didn't understand why I vetoed a hand towel haphazardly nailed to the wall. In our new house, I can let that slide I suppose...it's not the hill I'm going to die on.
And THANK YOU to everyone who said my kitchen organization wasn't a double standard. DH had me convinced it was, since I told him we would be sharing workbench space in the garage. They're my tools anyhow
I like the idea of a man cave because then he can put up all his ugly and stupid stuff and I don't have to look at it. The kids have their own rooms and a play room. I'm really the only one who will end up without a dedicated space. But if I can keep them in their own areas then I get the rest of the house to myself so really I win lol. If my husband thought having a man cave meant he could be down there and ignore the family we'd have a problem though.
For me, being a SAHM when my 3 kids were very young (think newborn, 2 and 3) was VERY hard. It was hard mentally, physically, everything! Now that they're a bit older, & two are in school, it actually feels easy. Maybe I've just been through the trenches and things have FINALLY just eased up, but most days I'm happy and stress free. If I were working, I know it would be so much harder to keep up with everything.
I was was once a working mom when my first was born for almost a year. For me that was pure hell...mostly because I was exhausted and emotionally just wanted to be home with her.
I have stayed at home, worked part time, and now work full time. Totally agree that each has their own set of challenges. Honestly, and it makes me sad to even admit it, I hated staying home. I was really young (22) and had no friends with kids and no nearby family so I was very secluded. I probably had some undiagnosed PPD that I will most definitely be speaking up about this time if it returns. I love my daughter but I had a very hard time staying home and doing nothing else for myself. I was very depressed. Plus, my husband didn't "understand" my feelings very well so that didn't help either.
I think daycare is raising my child better than I can most days. Like I said, it's very hard for me to come to terms with that and it makes me very sad to think about. I know some other rockstar moms (even on here!) who are doing a fabulous job doing the SAHM thing but honestly, I was not one of them. I truly wish I was a better mom.
Sad pity party over. I apologize! I just want to give major major kudos to all the SAHMs bc I know emotionally how stressful it can be.
LOL! A bit of belly is okay but I see some that are like totally nude and just a towel over mom's vag. Keep the pics for you and hubs, I feel like your Facebook friends don't need to see all that. example chosen from google. I think this woman is gorgeous, but her coworkers and high-school friends don't need to see all this.
@fourPsinapod I had times when I LOVED being a SAHM but towards the last year it seemed like there were far more bad days than good. Now I work full time and my kids go to schools that they love. I feel like staying at home isn't for everyone and there is nothing wrong with that!
I should say that in my situation it's easier to SAH. BUT I do have the opportunity to send my kid to grandmas, preschool and work a couple of days a week, so my SAH experience is probably a lot easier than others. I'm not knocking SAH, I love it, I guess I just find it easier to get my household stuff done without having to put in a full day of work elsewhere.
@fourPsinapod You are a great mom because you know your limits and what will/won't make you happy. It's not a bad thing if SAH isn't your thing- it's not for a lot of people, including myself.
I love DS and would love to spend more time with him. But it wouldn't be enough to make me happy and feel fulfilled. Being a mom alone isn't who I am and it's important that those parts of me that were present before him are present after him, if that makes sense.
I think my UO is when society, in general, acts as if being a SAHM is the ultimate end goal. It is for many people but my goal is to strike a balance between working and being a parent. It's what I find enjoyable (minus the daycare payment) and if I'm happy, it makes me a better mom, wife, and person to those around me.
And at the end of the day, we're all drinking wine, right? Or at least we will when our pregnancies are over.
I have friends who HATED being SAHM and couldn't wait to get back to work. I have mad respect for anyone who follows their dreams and does what they feel is best for their family, period.
@fourPsinapod I feel like I know exactly how you felt. I am sure you are a fantastic mom and just want you to know that you're not alone in your feelings.
The talk of housework for moms of all types brought to mind an UO that may be more of a FFFC but whatever: a clean house is not essential unless people are coming over, and laundry does not need to be folded right away. I do, however, absolutely require an hour after work to watch TV with my H, and I'm sure once the kiddo is here time with them before bed as well. Housework can always wait.
@gingersnap that can't be unpopular. I love Christmas decorations. I'm not even from a faith that celebrates it but my husband is so ever since we got married I'm like heck yesssss Christmas!
@Xstatic3333 I knew you were my spirit animal, but this just confirms it.
@Gingersnap I'm going to need you on the other hand to keep your Christmas over exuberance 50 feet from my house. None of that early decorating business over here!
Ooooo yes @Gingersnap Christmas decorations are the best. I still haven't acquired outdoor lighting, and probably won't this year since H wants nothing to do with it and I will be a hippopotamus, but a real tree is so important to me.
Maybe it's a regional or circle thing, but I feel like around here being a SAHM is definitely the minority. Women put a lot of emphasis on not giving up their professional lives just because they had a baby, and in a lot of ways look down at others for "just" being a mom.
Idk, damned if you do, damned if you dont.
I'm fortunate in that I can still take care of my dad and soon a baby at the same time, so in my opinion thats the best balance for me between working and parenting. However I do love household tasks and have zero qualms about being in charge of cooking/cleaning/organizing/parenting efficiently. We'll see how all that goes with a new baby in the mix lol.
I just hate the judgments that one path is better than the other, because everyone has different needs and wants, and every family functions differently
My OU: I think thank you notes are pointless. If I go to someone's wedding/bday party I really don't need a thank you card. I know you're grateful. Plus they all pretty much say the same thing. Save yourself some time and leave me off your list. Plus the couple (or person having the bday party) always stands up and says thanks for coming and all that. I just think sending a card is unnecessary.
I have another one. I love Christmas decor, and if H would let me I would put it up in October.
I am never happier in my home then when my Christmas tree and all the other decorations are out. I have a ridiculous amount of Christmas stuff. Although I've spent the past few years collecting autumn decor and I'm excited to pull them all out. I plan on doing it this weekend! One step closer to Christmas!
@joyful08 I kinda feel the same way. I send Thank You cards...but I hate doing it. I feel like they sound so stupid and forced, I already thanked you in person...why do I need a follow up?
"Dear so and so,
Thank you so much for the BLANK. We have used it frequently."
....Why do I need to send that? I just feel fake writing it.
My OU: I think thank you notes are pointless. If I go to someone's wedding/bday party I really don't need a thank you card. I know you're grateful. Plus they all pretty much say the same thing. Save yourself some time and leave me off your list. Plus the couple (or person having the bday party) always stands up and says thanks for coming and all that. I just think sending a card is unnecessary.
I send notes for everything. I'm a stationary junky
Re: UO Thursday 9/01
I will admit while it was nice when MH was a SAHD I hated it because I was super jealous even though I liked being at work too.
That being said, I never keep mine very long. Like @kswiger06 people don't think my nails are real but only bc they are so thick. I cut them short, grow them out for a month, repeat. They never get so long that I can't type or text.
@PerraSucia @Gretchypoo you guys probably hate me lol. I never cut my nails, I just file them if they get jagged. I'm really upset that I'm going to have to cut them when baby arrives, as I don't want to accidentally scratch him/her. I can't function WITHOUT them!
ME: 25, DH: 27
TTC #1 since 09/2015
Miscarriage @ 10 wks 02/28/2016
BFP 05/28/2016!
To be fair, I do have a double standard in that I get to organize the kitchen myself. But I'm the one packing his breakfasts/lunches and cooking dinner nightly. If I want the plates in a certain cupboard it's because I'm the one stuck unloading the dishwasher.
/grumpy this morning
DH and I totally judge the people on like house hunters and similar shows who want man caves. If there's a room with a sweet TV, sound system, and wet bar we both are getting equal access to it. That said I'm super excited about my sun room in the house we're buying. To be fair though it's a tiny room (like half the size of my cube at work) that is off the dining room and will only fit a chair and small table. So that is where I plan on going to read and relax but it's not like DH can't use it if he wants I just don't see him wanting to. Meanwhile DH will have a double garage and another outside barn building to do with what he pleases (until I get my chickens and goat and take over the barn!)
Married: October, 19, 2015
EDD 2/22/17
EDD 3/8/20
EDD 11/24/23
(Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)
I get mad about this when we watch HGTV. Didn't we get married because we like hanging out together? If we make a fun hang out room, shouldn't we enjoy it together? Grrrr.
Big Bro 7/14/13
Little Bro 2/6/17
I know, she's really really excited about being an aunt, and she's younger than me by a good amount, so I think she's thinking about this more like "oooh, really exciting cute doll to play with and dress up" which I intellectually understand but, still, I viscerally want to smack her for not listening to what I am trying to tell her about infant safety.
And THANK YOU to everyone who said my kitchen organization wasn't a double standard. DH had me convinced it was, since I told him we would be sharing workbench space in the garage. They're my tools anyhow
I like the idea of a man cave because then he can put up all his ugly and stupid stuff and I don't have to look at it. The kids have their own rooms and a play room. I'm really the only one who will end up without a dedicated space. But if I can keep them in their own areas then I get the rest of the house to myself so really I win lol. If my husband thought having a man cave meant he could be down there and ignore the family we'd have a problem though.
I was was once a working mom when my first was born for almost a year. For me that was pure hell...mostly because I was exhausted and emotionally just wanted to be home with her.
I love bare belly
eta: bare belly not hate belly haha
I think daycare is raising my child better than I can most days. Like I said, it's very hard for me to come to terms with that and it makes me very sad to think about. I know some other rockstar moms (even on here!) who are doing a fabulous job doing the SAHM thing but honestly, I was not one of them. I truly wish I was a better mom.
Sad pity party over. I apologize! I just want to give major major kudos to all the SAHMs bc I know emotionally how stressful it can be.
LOL! A bit of belly is okay but I see some that are like totally nude and just a towel over mom's vag. Keep the pics for you and hubs, I feel like your Facebook friends don't need to see all that. example chosen from google. I think this woman is gorgeous, but her coworkers and high-school friends don't need to see all this.
BUT I do have the opportunity to send my kid to grandmas, preschool and work a couple of days a week, so my SAH experience is probably a lot easier than others.
I'm not knocking SAH, I love it, I guess I just find it easier to get my household stuff done without having to put in a full day of work elsewhere.
I love DS and would love to spend more time with him. But it wouldn't be enough to make me happy and feel fulfilled. Being a mom alone isn't who I am and it's important that those parts of me that were present before him are present after him, if that makes sense.
I think my UO is when society, in general, acts as if being a SAHM is the ultimate end goal. It is for many people but my goal is to strike a balance between working and being a parent. It's what I find enjoyable (minus the daycare payment) and if I'm happy, it makes me a better mom, wife, and person to those around me.
And at the end of the day, we're all drinking wine, right? Or at least we will when our pregnancies are over.
Big Bro 7/14/13
Little Bro 2/6/17
I have mad respect for anyone who follows their dreams and does what they feel is best for their family, period.
I love Christmas decor, and if H would let me I would put it up in October.
@Gingersnap I'm going to need you on the other hand to keep your Christmas over exuberance 50 feet from my house.
Idk, damned if you do, damned if you dont.
I'm fortunate in that I can still take care of my dad and soon a baby at the same time, so in my opinion thats the best balance for me between working and parenting. However I do love household tasks and have zero qualms about being in charge of cooking/cleaning/organizing/parenting efficiently. We'll see how all that goes with a new baby in the mix lol.
I just hate the judgments that one path is better than the other, because everyone has different needs and wants, and every family functions differently
Although I've spent the past few years collecting autumn decor and I'm excited to pull them all out. I plan on doing it this weekend! One step closer to Christmas!
@joyful08 I kinda feel the same way. I send Thank You cards...but I hate doing it. I feel like they sound so stupid and forced, I already thanked you in person...why do I need a follow up?
"Dear so and so,
Thank you so much for the BLANK. We have used it frequently."
....Why do I need to send that? I just feel fake writing it.
ME: 25, DH: 27
TTC #1 since 09/2015
Miscarriage @ 10 wks 02/28/2016
BFP 05/28/2016!