WTF Wednesday

yellowrose314 · August 2016

So sorry if I'm stepping on any toes but I NEED this thread today.

Image: https://media3.giphy.com/media/8mLnkS2xcqtdm/200.gif

yellowrose314 · August 2016

My OB made me go on medical leave after I was having preterm contractions due to dehydration and exhaustion around 32 weeks. I'm a nurse, so my job is physically demanding, and I didn't argue. In Canada, you pay into employment insurance (EI) off every paycheque, and I've been working since I was 14. This year though, I had to take 5 months off work to finish my nursing degree. When you apply for medical EI, they look at how much you worked in the last 52 weeks, and then depending on what the unemployment rate is for your region, you have to have a minimum number of hours in order to qualify.
I have been waiting a month and half for their decision after I applied. It's normally supposed to take 2-3 weeks. That's a month and a half where we've had to survive on DH's income and savings. And last night I found out they denied my claim because I was short hours. How many you say? 5. I was required to have 665 as per my region and I had 660. To say I freaked out is an absolute under statement, I had to breath into a paper bag for an hour, especially when I realized that this might mean they deny my maternity leave claim as well (comes from the same office). We eventually found out that the minimum amount of hours is 600 for mat leave in BC, so I do qualify, thank God. Of course we're still both upset, because we had it in our heads that that money from med EI was coming soon and we could replenish our savings and have more money flow in.
Mainly I'm pissed off because it's 5 FREAKING HOURS, SERIOUSLY?! It also pisses me off because there's people I know who have played the system to get the max amount when they're perfectly capable of working. I can't work, my job will literally not take me back until at least 3 month after the baby is born due to their own policies for returning to work. Luckily my mom is an incredibly generous person and is helping us out this month, but it's not something I like to do, especially at 28 years old. I'm still terrified that my maternity claim will get denied, that is worst case scenario. And I know there's so many of you who have unpaid mat leave, so I feel bad for bitching, but this is my reality and it blows.

vampirina · August 2016

@yellowrose314 - I am so sorry you have to deal with all of that!

pizzaandwine · August 2016

Oh man, @yellowrose314, that is such crap. I'm so sorry. It sounds like the ridiculous bureaucracy in France! Is there any possibility for appeal? Especially since it was a medical leave that you had to take?

mom2adoodle · August 2016

I just posted this on the Randoms thread but WTF to in laws who don't get the hint? Stay away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Or come for an hour or two like regular people. Not spend the whole freakin day on our couch and being useless for caring for Fin other than holding him.

vampirina · August 2016

@mom2adoodle - i am NOT looking forward to battling it out with my in-laws. They live like 15 minutes away and have NO understanding of "this is not a good time" and always overstay their welcome. Like they cannot take a hint at all!! So I feel for you!Plus, with all the stuff she's bought for our baby, I'm pretty sure she'll feel entitled to as much time plopping her ass on our couch as she wants because she bought things. Things we don't want or need, mind you. (Can you tell, it's mostly MIL...)

Hopefully their next visit is a short one!!

mom2adoodle · August 2016

@PoodleDoodleOoo My in laws are the same way with the gift thing! Good luck with yours. That's tough they're so close by! Mine are 8 hours away but they still manage to ruin my life haha. I have a feeling learning to say no and enforce boundaries is going to be a key growing experience/critical learning curve for DH and me. Does your DH enforce good boundaries? My DH seems clueless half the time.

Prof=Mom · August 2016

mom2adoodle said:

I just posted this on the Randoms thread but WTF to in laws who don't get the hint? Stay away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Or come for an hour or two like regular people. Not spend the whole freakin day on our couch and being useless for caring for Fin other than holding him.

Giiirrrlll.....my MIL stayed for a week when DS was born and changed 2 diapers. I still had to cook and clean. I came downstairs one too many times to her taking a nap and realized that this time she can send a card.

asht · August 2016

While I wouldn't want the overstaying inlaws I wouldn't mind inlaws that seem interested. My mother in law hasn't asked if or what we need at all. We don't need anything but it's the thought that counts.

Sure you you want to see her on FaceTime to see how much she might look like your family ( which isn't at all possible) and to brag about how cute she is but actually act like she matters in another way would be great.

vampirina · August 2016

mom2adoodle said:

@PoodleDoodleOoo My in laws are the same way with the gift thing! Good luck with yours. That's tough they're so close by! Mine are 8 hours away but they still manage to ruin my life haha. I have a feeling learning to say no and enforce boundaries is going to be a key growing experience/critical learning curve for DH and me. Does your DH enforce good boundaries? My DH seems clueless half the time.

Oh man, with MIL it's pretty impossible to enforce boundaries with. DH definitely tries, but unless you scream BITCH, GET OUTTA MY HOUSE, she really won't leave. I'm not kidding, she is that clueless. DH has asked her to leave before in a "we need to go to to Target, so do you mind heading out?" kind of way and she still didn't budge from the couch for another hour and a half and that is pre-baby! I can only imagine it's going to get worse

When we're at her house she will literally follow you out the car and keep talking to you until you pull out of the driveway and drive away. She just does not let go!

The best thing is she totally thinks she is boundary queen. She says things like "they're my kids and I love them, but I don't want to smother them - they need to live their lives" ... ... ...

Image: https://www.eonline.com/eol_images/Entire_Site/201518/rs_560x415-150208200154-1024.prince-reaction.jpg

DH definitely gets annoyed with her, so it's not like the complaining is just coming from me.

Good luck saying no and enforcing the boundaries! Maybe you can ask your ILs to help out with a few menial tasks? Like "can you please fold these towels instead of just sitting there hogging my child while Fin naps?"

I sincerely hope they get the hint soooooon.

Steephers123 · August 2016

I just walked past a mom and her (college aged) daughter on the way to the bathroom and hear the mom whisper to her daughter, "look how funny she walks!"

RG1 · August 2016

Wtf uterus. You contract for 1 min every 2 minutes for over an hour and then stop when I get to L&D so I look like an idiot?

sept52016 · August 2016

PoodleDoodleOoo

The best thing is she totally thinks she is boundary queen. She says things like "they're my kids and I love them, but I don't want to smother them - they need to live their lives" ... ... ...

This is so my mother. My in laws are pretty good they come when asked and leave when asked and help where they can. My mother however is fing ridiculous she lives 8 hours away and is still annoying. We sat down for supper yesterday and i wasn't paying attention to my phone she texted 15 times and face timed and called in a matter of half an hour. She then got all bitchy and complaining because I wasn't answering back. It's like wtf its been half an hour. Ugh

rock1cherry · August 2016

My wtf is my work. I was not able to get any information about my leave until this week. Basically my employer has a group that administers the benefits for them so I called my 30 days prior to my due date as instructed. Opened a case and was told I'd hear back in a few days. Nothing for like 3 days. Then I find out HR is struggling to give them a job description etc for my position. Really? Then I get a call last night finally telling me I get the absolute legal minimum leave. I can have 12 weeks via FMLA (only 6-8 weeks paid depending on the type of delivery). So why couldn't they tell me this before 30 days out? So I also saved 15 days of vacation just in case since no one could tell me what I'd be getting. What a pain. So today I send my plan our finally saying id be taking leave the day before my due date but would take vacation the week before. Then when I return from leave and take vacation so I'd be off the rest of the year. Well now they're being all anal about how I can't pick when I leave and the doctor should tell me when I'm off. Well so far the plan was always to work until the day of my due date (Saturday so Friday would be my last day). And they're telling me they don't know if I'd have to work a few days before taking vacation after my leave. They can't tell me. I don't get it. I work for an large international company. How do they not know - I can't be the first person in the USA to go on leave to have a baby?! Ugh! So it's just unnecessary stress for no reason. I'm not going to worry about it now and just deal with it as it happens. But still. So frustrating!

SLou24 · August 2016

@yellowrose314 I am sorry!! That is super frustrating. I was under the naive impression that in Canada was so easy and straight forward, so I'm sorry to hear you have to deal with that. Especially when you thought you would be getting that money. (And 5 hours?! Seriously people??)

As for in laws, I hear the struggles of everyone here and I'm unsure what our situation will be. MIL for me is a parenting therapist... Or parenting expert or something. Love them but I'm dreading their first visit when I know I'm going to feel like I'm being analyzed the entire time, and it's going to make me super anxious.

geminigirl16 · August 2016

Steephers123 said:

I just walked past a mom and her (college aged) daughter on the way to the bathroom and hear the mom whisper to her daughter, "look how funny she walks!"

Yeesh! Some people are such jerks

Kimmy717 · August 2016

Wow. @yellowrose314 and @rock1cherry that really sucks.

Re: in laws... I really hated my XHs family, so i really sympathize with yall. Some people are just asshats or clueless morons... For no reason.

MamaSquishyB · August 2016

I had a really crappy day. I've been contracting for over a month but still no baby progress. Doc stuck his fingers so far up inside me that I was almost crying it hurt so bad. Ended with work this afternoon... They took my computer and gave it to someone else without notifying me, so I have to spend my personal time at home to do my documentation. They already gave away my office weeks ago, like I died or something. AND a coworker asked me when I was due (only like the 10th time I was asked today). I told her my due date was in 2 weeks, but that my maternity leave will be starting in a week. She was like, "oh wow, so all I need to do is get pregnant and I get to take an extended vacation?" Um, yeah. Because pregnancy is such a picnic. And pushing a kid out of my vag, bleeding afterward, having cracked and bleeding nips, and getting no sleep for 6 weeks is how every woman wants to spend her free time. All while getting no paycheck AT ALL. Sounds like a dream vacation to me!

asht · August 2016

Steephers123 said:

I just walked past a mom and her (college aged) daughter on the way to the bathroom and hear the mom whisper to her daughter, "look how funny she walks!"

I would have turned and looked at them and said "and this folks is why you don't get pregnant young"

Kimmy717 · August 2016

@MamaSquishyB that is so terrible. They act like you died... Then the beloved "vacation" comment BS...ugh!!!!!

yellowrose314 · September 2016

Oh so great news! I don't get paid maternity leave either! Even though the hours on my records of employment add up to 602 (turns out the minimum for med and mat leave was 600), they will only count 52 weeks back from when I applied which was July 31 (so they only count Aug 2/2015 - July 31/2016), which means a bunch of the hours on my ROE aren't counted as insurable income, dragging my insurable hours down to 571, so I'm sort 29 hours. 29 FREAKING HOURS. The agent I spoke to today put in a request that they consider the fact that I was a full time nursing student from Jan-May of this year, but they called me back right away saying that wasn't something that qualified for an extension. Only if I was sick during that period (apparently morning sickness doesn't count) or if I was in prison and was found not guilty! So convicts have more rights to employment insurance than I do. So that's fun. FML.

What really gets me about all this is there are so many people that abuse the system and get rewarded for it. Like my ex SIL, who is on welfare and EI, is perfectly capable of working other than the fact that she smokes all her benefits in a meth pipe. Or even my sister, who qualified for medical EI while she was in rehab. I'm feeling extremely bitter right now about this whole thing... in case it wasn't super apparent.... sorry for the extended rant.

RG1 · September 2016

@yellowrose314 Wow as a fellow Canadian who knows the system, I would also be pissed! Like you said, we know lots of others don't get paid leave, but we assume we would get the 55% EI and wouldn't need to save up for that time off. I'm so sorry this is happening

I would be so upset as well.

ruemcclanahan · September 2016

My boob leaked through my shirt.
uh who told you you're allowed to do that yet??

yellowrose314 · September 2016

RG1 said:

@yellowrose314 Wow as a fellow Canadian who knows the system, I would also be pissed! Like you said, we know lots of others don't get paid leave, but we assume we would get the 55% EI and wouldn't need to save up for that time off. I'm so sorry this is happening I would be so upset as well.

We had some money in savings, but we used a lot of it for baby stuff that we needed and paying down some debts we didn't want hanging over our head. Right now I'm just struggling to come to terms that I'll only have the first 3 months with my baby girl, and then back to work, which like I said I know is a reality for a lot of people south of the border, but it wasn't something I really prepared myself for. On the upside, since DH has been working full-time at the same job for the last 4 years, he qualifies for the maximum of parental leave which is 38 weeks I think, so he can at least take the time off while I go back to work. I'm just mourning the loss of time off that I'll get to spend with our baby girl.

Kimmy717 · September 2016

So so sorry @yellowrose314 god thats terrible and i feel so bad about it. Sending the biggest virtual hugs i can.

Shiva14 · September 2016

@yellowrose314 you are completely in your right to mourn that time and I am so sorry you are going through this. Creepy internet hugs!

RG1 · September 2016

@yellowrose314 That would be such a tough adjustment so close to the finish line. I'm glad H can take time but that's definitely hard. As for saving, we've saved enough to top up the leave to normal income if need be, but would still be tight. I totally get needing to dip into it before baby comes too. Finances are so stressful. Ugh.

rock1cherry · September 2016

Sorry to hear what you're going through @yellowrose314 it would have been one thing to know that months ago, but now so close...and expecting to get more. I would be equally upset. My life moved me from Canada and while I wish I were still there to get the benefits, but everything happens for a reason so I can't complain too much about what I get in the USA!

rn1stbae · September 2016

@yellowrose314, what a major double bummer!!! When you go back to work, can you just go part time? Even for three months? Maybe cut back on expenses as much as you can so you can spend some extra time with your newborn? I'd be pretty upset too, I have zero benefits so I'm getting exactly what I expected, lol, but if I was expecting supplemental income and then was denied I'd be heartbroken and panicky.

pizzaandwine · September 2016

@yellowrose314 I'm so sorry. That is absolutely a situation that I would mourn. You are completely right to be angry and disillusioned with the system. As you said, many people play the system, and you worked in good faith and it's so incredibly shitty to be denied those benefits. I hope something really good happens for you soon.

Cricket Bug · September 2016

@yellowrose314 I'm late, but have you considered visiting your local MPP office and seeing if they can go to bat for you? I would also call the labour board. That is completely unfair, and you should definitely fight it. You went back to school and were working at the same time. That should be taken under consideration. Were some of your hours working not compensated as on-site training? Those should be taken into account as well. I hope that something can be done, as you make an excellent point about having paid into EI since you started working and only now are you attempting to claim benefits. I declare bullshit, and I am sorry you are going through this.

yellowrose314 · September 2016

@RN1stBae My health authority's Occupational Health and Safety board won't let you come back to work for at least 2 months after the baby is born, and I'm a casual RN so I pretty much make my own schedule which is a positive. We've definitely cut back on expenses, we've cancelled cable, reduced our phone plans to the absolute basic and found ways to cut down our grocery bill.

@Cricket Bug I've thought about it, but they were pretty clear that I wouldn't get anywhere with an appeal process because I would be fighting the federal legislation and they are very black and white about hours requirements and the conditions where you can get an exemption to include more hours. I asked why my degree clinical doesn't count as a training program and apparently it's not the "right" kind of program, there are certain ones that qualify, apparently a bachelor's degree in nursing isn't one of those. It's just very disheartening at this point, my fight has kind of left me

sept52016 · September 2016

I would go into a service Canada branch and talk to them they may know a way around the system because there we definitely grey areas. You should also appeal it because a lot of the time they tell you, you won't win because they just don't want to do the paperwork.

yellowrose314 · September 2016

sept52016 said:

I would go into a service Canada branch and talk to them they may know a way around the system because there we definitely grey areas. You should also appeal it because a lot of the time they tell you, you won't win because they just don't want to do the paperwork.

I did that yesterday, they were very helpful in put in the urgent request for them to consider my schooling as an intervening factor, but I was called right away and they said it wasn't one of the reasons they make exemptions. I will probably still do the appeal, because it's literally like 29 hours, it's so stupid.

abberson · September 2016

If you had applied after July 31, would you have hit the magic #? Seems like that would make a good case!

yellowrose314 · September 2016

abberson said:

If you had applied after July 31, would you have hit the magic #? Seems like that would make a good case!

No, because they count back from July 31. If I had applied earlier more hours would have been counted on my nursing ROE, but the issues that caused my doctor to put me on medical leave happened on July 28; if it hadn't happened I would probably still be working up until I didn't feel up to it anymore, which I was hoping would be around 35 weeks (wishful thinking apparently). Even if I went back to work right now, which physically I don't think I'd be able to do, I've been off for over a month, which means if I reapplied, they would count back from the new application date, so even more hours I've accumulated will have dropped off; it's kind of like putting one thing on the conveyor belt only to have another fall off at the same time.

abberson · September 2016

@yellowrose314 Ugh, I am SO sorry. I hate bureaucracy. I don't get any paid mat leave and am stressed out about it even though we've been planning / saving for 2 years. I can't imagine the stress of it coming out of the blue. I just keep telling myself this is a temporary period of financial insanity. I hope your appeal is successful! What a horrible PITA.

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