registry question -- avoiding 100 novelty onesies

Amber_Waves · August 2016

In the hopes of not ending up with 100 novelty/newborn onesies that never fit my huge baby (this is what happened to my best friend), I'm contemplating putting ZERO baby clothes on our baby registry. We have already been given a bunch of clothes and I sew and dye, so I'm making some, too.

Do you think people will take the hint to not buy baby clothes?
We aren't finding out the baby's sex.

I was thinking of including the following note at the top of the registry (we are using babyli.st). This is all going to midwesterners, so a little bluntness is okay so long as it's in the name of practicality...

"Thank you so much for visiting our baby registry. We appreciate all of the support we've received from our friends and family since we shared our exciting news!

The registry below was created based on great suggestions from friends and family. Hand-me-downs and handmade items are welcome. Most of the typical baby items not on this registry we already own, have already been given, or have found second-hand (crib, diaper bag, changing table, etc).

We don't need any more clothes for the baby. If you want to pick something out rather than buy from this list, please consider a favorite book (for baby or toddler or child.)

Thank you for your kindness as we build a home for this baby!

With love,

Amber & Jonathan"

birdiejo · August 2016

I think people will still get you clothes anyway but it will probably help and you can always return! I asked specifically for no sports themed clothing or accessories because my husbands family only buys sports crap and I am not a fan. They mostly listened.

Gingersnap · August 2016

Honestly, I side eye the hell out of anyone who dictates what GIFTS are bought period, but that's just me......

WinchesterGirl · August 2016

I think not finding out the sex will greatly limit the number of clothes, more than the registry not having any listed.

The note is a little direct for me, but that kind of thing is not done in my area. I live in the south and extreme politeness is not just the norm, but expected... asking people in a note not to buy off registry would be considered rude.

I think listing out that you already have a crib and diaper bag is ok, but most people attending showers don't buy furniture.

varimama · August 2016

Honestly I'd really side eye seeing that note. Getting novelty onesies is just a fact at showers and suggesting to people what to give if not on the registry is kind of rude. People aren't stupid they know you want what you registered for and if they are giving you something off registry they have a reason. Just graciously accept any onesies or duplicate gifts and thank the giver then return the ones you don't want.

Xstatic3333 · August 2016

I'm with @Gingersnap. Skip the note, don't register for clothes, and maybe spread the word to a close relative or friend that you're all set on clothes if anyone asks. Buying baby clothes is fun for people, and it's just going to happen. I'd be put off by the note.

birdiejo · August 2016

Xstatic3333 said:

I'm with @Gingersnap. Skip the note, don't register for clothes, and maybe spread the word to a close relative or friend that you're all set on clothes if anyone asks. Buying baby clothes is fun for people, and it's just going to happen. I'd be put off by the note.

After reading others responses I can see how the note could be off putting. Maybe do like @Xstatic3333 suggested and more informally spread the word? That's kind of how I did it, I told my MIL we didn't need any sports crap and to let people know. But maybe even that was rude? I don't know... I'm not the best with etiquette, I usually think most things are fine.

poetryandoceans · August 2016

*hides swiftly growing pile of novelty onesies*

They're probably going to happen, no matter what you put in the note. Not registering for them and not announcing the sex will hopefully keep them to a minimum, but the existence of the registry is what encourages people to buy off it; the note is a bit much.

Plus, the tacky onesies can always just be the thing you put on after the second poopsplosion of the day. Because you know there's going to be a third.

blush64 · August 2016

I also agree with @Gingersnap and @marriedhamstermom and the others. Don't write that note. Register for what you want and accept any gift someone gives with graciously.

Amber_Waves · August 2016

Okay, thanks all, I will reduce the note to just...
"Thank you so much for visiting our baby registry. We appreciate all of the support we've received from our friends and family since we shared our exciting news!" & leave clothes off the registry. I'll let my MIL know it is intentional because we have enough, in case anyone asks.

Partyof6? · August 2016

People love to buy clothes. I think more than a note, the fact that you won't know the gender will cut down on the number of clothes you get.

Midwest or not, I wouldn't put a note like that on my registry.

skiingstark · August 2016

I think it will happen no matter what, so I just made sure I put ones in it I like, so they can see what my style is because I do not want cowboys, fire trucks, cars and clothing like that. I hate that type of boy clothing. I want nerdy cloths or just plain clothes for my baby boy.

16isourluckynumber · August 2016

I live in the Midwest too and would find the note off-putting. Not disclosing the sex is your best bet.

MrsDramaK · August 2016

If I got that note I'd be on the phone with my mom in .2 seconds saying "OMG did you see the rude note so and so sent with their registry link?"

It's beyond blunt and comes across as gift grabby and rude. If you don't want onesies tell people in lieu of gifts they can make donation in the babies name to a charity. Otherwise just take the onesies and either return them or deal with them. People are being thoughtful and generous and your basically throwing it back in their face.

momousekee · August 2016

Instead of "We don't need any more clothes for the baby. If you want to pick something out rather than buy from this list, please consider a favorite book (for baby or toddler or child.) "

I might say "With so many wonderful books for babies and toddlers - we couldn't hope to add them all to our registry. There's no such thing as too many books - we'd welcome your favorites."

Interestingly, my registry has no baby clothes on it, not because I don't want clothes, but because I'm happy for people to pick out what appeals to them. It's a gift, and not all gifts are practical.

Xstatic3333 · August 2016

Good call, OP!

varimama · August 2016

momousekee said:

Instead of "We don't need any more clothes for the baby. If you want to pick something out rather than buy from this list, please consider a favorite book (for baby or toddler or child.) "

I might say "With so many wonderful books for babies and toddlers - we couldn't hope to add them all to our registry. There's no such thing as too many books - we'd welcome your favorites."

Interestingly, my registry has no baby clothes on it, not because I don't want clothes, but because I'm happy for people to pick out what appeals to them. It's a gift, and not all gifts are practical.

Idk even the change of wording still rubs me the wrong way. Your registry is how you tell guests what your style is and the type of things you are looking for and notes that go into more detail on what to give beyond the registry just strike me as gift grabby.

Your new note sounds great OP! I'm sure you'll still get some but like PP have said you can either return those or just keep them on hand for the 4th time you need to change the baby's clothes in one day!

ChaoticWolf · August 2016

I'd just leave the clothes completely off, and if you really hate the clothes people buy for you, smile graciously and then afterwards either try to return them (if people included a receipt) or get store credit from a consignment shop? Never let them know you got rid of them though...

cantalopes24 · August 2016

I don't even like when people put the registry information in the invitation so yes it would be off putting to have a note on the registry dictating my purchases. Most places have pretty great exchange policies for baby gifts so they can always be returned and then you can purchase all the books you want. I used those types of onesies for bottom of the diaper bag, center console of the car, grandmas house for blow outs while babysitting.

LC12261012 · August 2016

Just accept that some people will gift you clothes at your shower no matter what, that's just the way it is. Also, clothes tend to be a less expensive gift option and that person may not have a lot to spend but still want to gift you something to celebrate your baby.

BumpasaurusRex · August 2016

Most registry-advice places suggest not registering for clothes at all, because chances are they won't be available by the time you're ready to purchase them.

I agree with PPs, leave out the note, graciously accept any gifts of clothing you may get, and return the ones you don't want.

expandcontract · August 2016

This is totally unrelated but it reminded me of something.
So earlier this month I was at my family reunion and my aunt and sister were talking about having a baby shower for me. All of a sudden out of nowhere another one of my aunts jumps in and starts complaining (specifically to me) about how nobody got her anything for her daughter's baby shower. I was so shocked and pissed off at her. First of all she sounded totally ungrateful and second... people DID buy her gifts!! Thirdly, this is the aunt and uncle who don't hold down a job. My uncle especially, calls in to work for the stupidest things and then gets fired. So for most of their lives, they've been living off of handouts from their siblings. It's ridiculous.
God forbid I ever become like that. If I do, please kill me.

Edit: Just wanted to clarify that I am in NO way saying that this what OP is doing. It's just a story that I was reminded of for some reason and wanted to share.
In regards to OP's note, I'm from the Midwest, too. And I honestly was not phased by the note. But that's just me. I don't care. I'd rather get her something she really wants than give her something she doesn't and making her have to return it.

kjd291 · August 2016

IMO: the people who buy somewhere other than your registry and buy clothes are the ones who don't bother to read your registry.

Gingersnap · August 2016

kjd291 said:

IMO: the people who buy somewhere other than your registry and buy clothes are the ones who don't bother to read your registry.

There's no rule that anyone has to buy, let alone look, from the registry. It is simply there as a suggestion.
Sometimes I buy from registries, sometimes I don't.
Some people bought off mine, some didn't.
Its a wish list, not a list of demands.

BumpasaurusRex · August 2016

Gingersnap said:

kjd291 said:

IMO: the people who buy somewhere other than your registry and buy clothes are the ones who don't bother to read your registry.

There's no rule that anyone has to buy, let alone look, from the registry. It is simply there as a suggestion.
Sometimes I buy from registries, sometimes I don't.
Some people bought off mine, some didn't.
Its a wish list, not a list of demands.

This, 100%. People can buy whatever they want, as it's their gift to purchase.

Never should anyone try to dictate what another person gifts them or how they spend their money.

Starfish113 · August 2016

You'll get tons of baby clothes. It is what it is. Maybe not so much for a shower, but I think the #1 gift when we brought home DD was clothing.

Shawlls · August 2016

I totally get where you're coming from. If I'm purchasing, I like things to match, I don't like duplicates, and I certainly agree there are more useful items than clothing. But that's if I'M BUYING

Expect people to buy whatever they want (whether you like it or not!) Probably best to just be grateful for the thought (even if inside you're thinking "geez, this money could have been spend on something more useful")

yogadevil · August 2016

I'm from the Midwest and tact goes a lot further than your note will IMO. The registry in and of itself is blunt enough, the note (both versions) are pretty rude. Your shower guests are going to buy you what they wish out of the goodness of their hearts and their excitement for baby. For the record, I'm with you on the novelty onesies, and ones I've recieved and may recieve in the future will be graciously thanked (with a thank you note, Minnesota Nice after all) and dealt with privately. Any further instructions on your registry is just going to invite people talking behind your back

NiceyMeany · August 2016

yogadevil said:

I'm from the Midwest and tact goes a lot further than your note will IMO. The registry in and of itself is blunt enough, the note (both versions) are pretty rude. Your shower guests are going to buy you what they wish out of the goodness of their hearts and their excitement for baby. For the record, I'm with you on the novelty onesies, and ones I've recieved and may recieve in the future will be graciously thanked (with a thank you note, Minnesota Nice after all) and dealt with privately. Any further instructions on your registry is just going to invite people talking behind your back

So much this. I already kind of side-eye the concept of registries, even though they're just what's done these days. A registry that came with instructions would really put me off.

jab3-2 · August 2016

To OP, Definetly a good call on changing it to exactly what you wrote and just letting your MIL know how you feel about the clothes in case anyone asks her.

expandcontract · August 2016

OP I'm really glad you asked our board our opinions!! Otherwise you would be doing damage control during your baby shower.

MLRocha · August 2016

It's so funny how different expectations are around registries, etc. Over the weekend, my mom was telling me that my cousin finally told her what she would like for her upcoming bridal shower (she has no registry). Apparently, her decor is Americana and she is in need of towel sets.

My mom proceeded to tell me that I'm the only one in my family who has ever done a registry and made it sound like it was crass to do so... But, I need to keep in mind that my family also thought it was weird that I required RSVP's to my wedding.

Big difference just in the two hours drive from me in the city and my family in the country!

Edited because I finally found the edit button and had to try it

Xstatic3333 · August 2016

I find it interesting too, @MLRocha. I like registries, and am very comfortable with them, because they are a list of options as opposed to a request. I find them helpful as a shower or wedding guest, and I like seeing the things that other people have picked out. For the baby, I'm also finding them a helpful planning tool to keep track of what we need and plan our purchases. Where I become uncomfortable is when additional requests are made, like "bring diapers for the diaper raffle" and stuff like that. I believe it should be the guest's choice to gift what they want, or nothing at all.

The "bring a book instead of a card" poem thing has become really common in my circle, to the point of almost being a given. My MIL absolutely LOVES it. The last shower that I helped plan, the other 5 or so co-hosts were over the moon about the idea so I had to keep my mouth shut. My mom is helping out MIL with my shower, so I gave her a discreet heads-up that I'd prefer to avoid this. I don't want anyone to feel that they have been demanded to bring a gift on top of a gift. My mom told me she's sending the invites so hopefully it won't end up happening.

kerris713 · August 2016

I left clothes off of my registry and still got some clothes but definitely not a ton. We made sure to have a lot on the registry with small ticket items like lotions all the way up to furniture. I think we had 150+ on there. I think not knowing the sex will definitely limit the clothes so a note might not be necessary.

cantalopes24 · August 2016

@Xstatic3333 I hate the book thing. Books aren't cheap, like $10-20. If we're not close and my budget is $25-30 I now have to decide between a book you're demanding and will get 5 copies of and something cheap or actually buying you something useful.

Xstatic3333 · August 2016

@cantalopes24 I totally agree. I like gifting board books and often chose to on my own accord, but it really does impact the budget.

BumpasaurusRex · August 2016

For my family shower, my mom bought a bunch of children's books, set them up on a table, and had people sign notes and well wishes in them. It did double duty- we had a start on a library, no duplicates, and no one was asked to bring anything extra.

Xstatic3333 · August 2016

That's such a cute idea, @BumpasaurusRex! I may rip that off if I host anymore showers anytime soon.

MommaBean · August 2016

I never even would've thought to put clothes on a baby registry - that's just something people pick out because they're fun to shop for.

In general, I love registries Bc they make my life easier. H and I are going to an OOT wedding this weekend and I just shopped for their gift earlier this evening. Click click and I got them something they want, need, in my budget, and shipped directly to them. Easy peasy!

momousekee · August 2016

I love books, both to give and to receive. You can get good board books starting <$5 and we actually find that duplicates are pretty rare. Not all the books we've received are things we would have purchased, but that's half the fun!

Then again, I mostly have a registry because I was told it was rude to answer "What do you need for the baby?" with "Nothing, we're all set!" I've come to believe that no matter what I do - someone will be offended!

Xstatic3333 · August 2016

I love books too, @momousekee! I put a bunch on my registry. It's just the asking for a specific extra gift part that I'm not comfortable with. With just adding them to the registry, people can give them to me if they want, and if not I can just buy them myself after. I just don't want anyone to feel pressured into a corner.

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