@brittnic86 Did you ever draw up a rent agreement, or was it just verbal agreement? If he never signed anything legally binding, then I think you have the legal right to kick him out with no repercussions, especially because you gave him notice to find a new place. I think there are some lawyer ladies on here, but I think it would be also a good idea to consult a lawyer if he doesn't have an intention of leaving.
@brittnic86 that sounds super frustrating! I've had extended rent paying guests in my home in the past, and when you don't see eye to eye on certain things, it can be a really hard situation. Hopefully your brother will realize that the choices he is making will put stress on everyone once babies are born. Sorry you're going through this *hugs*
@dmontgo nope. He's my brother. Didn't think that was really needed. He doesn't even pay rent on the first, he usually pays half in the middle of the month, and the rest at the end of the month. I'm just pissed he thinks he doesn't even have to discuss moving someone into our house. If he was on a lease with roommates that would never fly
@brittnic86 Yeah, we always hope we won't need stuff like that for family, but sometimes they seriously take advantage! I'm sorry he's being so inconsiderate and I hope you can sit him down and have a serious talk with him. Fingers crossed everything works out ok!
Thanks ladies for your sweet words!! It definitely made me feel better.
@brittnic86 maybe it's best you sit your brother down and talk about this and discuss maybe a lease agreement. If not it might be time for him to find a new spot.
Me: 29
DH: 30
Happily Ever After: 05-15-2015 TTC since June 2015
My MIL is leaving today, thank goodness. She wasn't supposed to leave until Wednesday, but due to tension and arguments, she has decided to leave early. Her and DH has done nothing but argue since she's been here. She wallows in self pity, and thinks everyone is constantly talking about her. When DH asked her to put her wet towel in the washing machine the other day, she yelled at him, saying she can never do anything right in his eyes, and she doesn't even know why she tries to have a relationship with him. Then, the very next breath, it's all "I love you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me, yada yada yada" . She overdrew her bank account to rent a car from the airport, and then had to ask us for money. I feel so bad for DH, he goes through so much when she is here. I could write a whole book on what all she puts him through, but I'll save it.
@Mamax2 I'm sorry you have to deal with that kind of behavior--she doesn't sound like she's emotionally healthy at all. At least she's leaving early and giving you some peace. >.<
It is pretty bad. DH has distanced himself from her before, and told me this morning that he may end up doing it again. It's a tough position for him to be in, and I hate that he has to deal with it.
My mom found my email and has been emailing me all day begging me to talk to her. I figured out how to block her, but blocking someone on gmail just sends them to spam unfortunately. Anyone know how to make it where she can't send me emails? I emailed the knot about changing my username on here and they told me how to do it in case she finds me that way too, so if you notice I have a new username (hopefully it works), thats why.
Sigh. I've had a quiet few weeks.
ETA: Oh and she's messaging my husband on Facebook.
@caseyewhitaker Ugh gross. Good for you for not responding---don't!
If it's a personal email for the Bump and such, and you can't help but look in the Spam-- I would probably create a new one and let the other one die (don't use your name in it, if possible)--transfer all notifications and let your friends know. I don't know how else to block on Google that would permanently fix it unless maybe you could contact Google directly and see what they can do.
One of my friends set up a gmail auto response for her ex husband to receive whenever he emails her... i think the instructions are on the googles somewhere. Basically it says, "i am not reading or responding to emails from you. Please contact my lawyer if this is urgent." Or something along those lines. Then she routes the emails into spam as you have done.
@Austenista If you can refrain from looking in the spam folder, by all means, keep it. You know yourself in that regard. If you want to keep it, maybe each day you could simply empty the spam without looking in it. Just do what is best for you.
@austenista - that sucks. I'm not sure what I would do if I were you. They could keep going to spam and then you could delete them from there before reading them so they don't get you down. I imagine after a while of no response the emails would stop coming? ETA - I like your new SN though!
@slartybartfast I know from my experience...they won't stop. Maybe this situation is different, but considering what we know about the situation thus far...I wouldn't count on it. My MIL still sends my SIL daily emails, and they stopped talking in March. We get random boxes of pictures and crap since we stopped talking to her (a month now), and spam emails daily. Her ex boyfriend still gets daily texts despite the fact there is a restraining order.
Narcissists are persistent if anything. What's interesting is that not a single message sent to any of us has included her taking responsibility for her behavior. Out of hundreds...not a single one.
Again, not saying this 100% is the case, but considering how awful her mom has treated @Austenista and been very demanding of her time and pretending to be a super mom....it's unfortunately in the realm of possibilities that it may never stop, or at least take months. Shit's ridiculous, yo.
@slartybartfast thanks! I made the old username before I ever knew there was a forum or community. Obviously I would have picked something not my whole name to begin with if I knew I'd be hanging out here!
I am going to play it by ear, if I can't control myself and keep checking my spam folder for her I'll definitely have to change my email. It'll be annoying because it's my favorite and major email addy.
The only next steps I could foresee from her would be messaging me through her sibling, niece, or her mother, and I have decided that would get them an automatic block. Then barring that she could show up at my house. It's a long way for her to drive so I'm hoping it doesn't happen, especially since I wouldn't come to the door. The jury is still out in my mind if she would actually go that far. My dad has always called her a pitbull with no teeth.
I don't wish this woman any ill. I've been adding her to the prayer card at church, and praying for her to find peace and get the help she needs. I hope she lives happily and abundantly. I really do. However, I determined our relationship to be unhealthy and I can't fulfill her expectations of me because they're unrealistic and frankly I don't feel for her what she thinks I should.
There was a mother/parent bonding that she gave up when I was 4 years old and I have never lived with her or spent enough time with her to know her on anything but a superficial level. She doesn't recognize me as an individual but rather as an extension of herself and her gene pool. Today when she messaged my husband she referred to me as "that child." As I have mentioned before I am 30 years old. It's just not a healthy relationship.
@Austenista We will always be here for support! You've made huge steps in such a short time, and that makes you pretty brave in my book. Keep listening to your gut and doing what empowers you---we don't need revenge to heal, and that's awesome you've come to that conclusion. Keep on keepin' on...you're doing great!
@dmontgo thanks, that means a lot. I have gone non-contact before for about 4 months after my wedding and gave in thinking I could set boundaries and change the dynamic of our relationship. I was young and stupid. Going through this again only confirmed to me that it wasn't ever going to improve - it's this or nothing.
I think us talking about this sort of stuff on here has been really healthy for me because I tend to internalize and absorb rather than process everything. Talking about mental health and taking the right steps to get to a better place - taking ownership of that is helpful and inspiring for me to be more aware and responsible with what's going on with me.
I've spent a lot of time as an adult trying to manufacture a sense of self because it feels so darn unnatural to just be myself and not be self conscious of that authentic person due to how it was picked apart and judged incessantly at the age range it should have been developed. Eaton deserves a mom who has an identity that she is comfortable with. I deserve an identity that I'm comfortable with. Talking things out here has definitely inspired me to be more hands on about my mental health and my relationship with myself.
I'm almost certain PPD is coming my way considering I'm prone to depression and anxiety at all times. I used to see someone regularly and take medication to help myself, but it's been years and I wanted to feel like I could control it on my own. I'm not feeling so contrary anymore. I've already been researching doctors on my insurance so that I can get and stay mentally healthy.
My goal as a mom is to be the kind of mom that someone wants to be around and doesn't need to go non contact with themselves. Dealing with my parent this way and seeing so many other people on here needing to do the same just reinforces how important it is for your children for you to be as healthy as you can for them not just physically, but also mentally. Maybe especially mentally.
Re: [Old Thread]Why My Family is Driving Me Crazy 8.23
Sorry you're going through this *hugs*
@brittnic86 maybe it's best you sit your brother down and talk about this and discuss maybe a lease agreement. If not it might be time for him to find a new spot.
TTC since June 2015
September Football Siggy
Sigh. I've had a quiet few weeks.
ETA: Oh and she's messaging my husband on Facebook.
If it's a personal email for the Bump and such, and you can't help but look in the Spam-- I would probably create a new one and let the other one die (don't use your name in it, if possible)--transfer all notifications and let your friends know. I don't know how else to block on Google that would permanently fix it unless maybe you could contact Google directly and see what they can do.
Also, DH needs to block her on FB too.
ETA - I like your new SN though!
Narcissists are persistent if anything. What's interesting is that not a single message sent to any of us has included her taking responsibility for her behavior. Out of hundreds...not a single one.
Again, not saying this 100% is the case, but considering how awful her mom has treated @Austenista and been very demanding of her time and pretending to be a super mom....it's unfortunately in the realm of possibilities that it may never stop, or at least take months. Shit's ridiculous, yo.
I am going to play it by ear, if I can't control myself and keep checking my spam folder for her I'll definitely have to change my email. It'll be annoying because it's my favorite and major email addy.
The only next steps I could foresee from her would be messaging me through her sibling, niece, or her mother, and I have decided that would get them an automatic block. Then barring that she could show up at my house. It's a long way for her to drive so I'm hoping it doesn't happen, especially since I wouldn't come to the door. The jury is still out in my mind if she would actually go that far. My dad has always called her a pitbull with no teeth.
I don't wish this woman any ill. I've been adding her to the prayer card at church, and praying for her to find peace and get the help she needs. I hope she lives happily and abundantly. I really do. However, I determined our relationship to be unhealthy and I can't fulfill her expectations of me because they're unrealistic and frankly I don't feel for her what she thinks I should.
There was a mother/parent bonding that she gave up when I was 4 years old and I have never lived with her or spent enough time with her to know her on anything but a superficial level. She doesn't recognize me as an individual but rather as an extension of herself and her gene pool. Today when she messaged my husband she referred to me as "that child." As I have mentioned before I am 30 years old. It's just not a healthy relationship.
Keep listening to your gut and doing what empowers you---we don't need revenge to heal, and that's awesome you've come to that conclusion. Keep on keepin' on...you're doing great!
I think us talking about this sort of stuff on here has been really healthy for me because I tend to internalize and absorb rather than process everything. Talking about mental health and taking the right steps to get to a better place - taking ownership of that is helpful and inspiring for me to be more aware and responsible with what's going on with me.
I've spent a lot of time as an adult trying to manufacture a sense of self because it feels so darn unnatural to just be myself and not be self conscious of that authentic person due to how it was picked apart and judged incessantly at the age range it should have been developed. Eaton deserves a mom who has an identity that she is comfortable with. I deserve an identity that I'm comfortable with. Talking things out here has definitely inspired me to be more hands on about my mental health and my relationship with myself.
I'm almost certain PPD is coming my way considering I'm prone to depression and anxiety at all times. I used to see someone regularly and take medication to help myself, but it's been years and I wanted to feel like I could control it on my own. I'm not feeling so contrary anymore. I've already been researching doctors on my insurance so that I can get and stay mentally healthy.
My goal as a mom is to be the kind of mom that someone wants to be around and doesn't need to go non contact with themselves. Dealing with my parent this way and seeing so many other people on here needing to do the same just reinforces how important it is for your children for you to be as healthy as you can for them not just physically, but also mentally. Maybe especially mentally.