Pgal brain sucks

scorpiomer · August 2016

T minus 10 hours till my US!! I'm having a major freak out tonight. I really hate Pgal brain...I want to be so happy and excited...but I just can't get there

marshmallowmadness · August 2016

You will get there! I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I am not PGAL this time around, but I was for my second and I remember the feelings of doubt constantly. It will get better!

scorpiomer · August 2016

Thanks! Had US this morning. Saw gestational and yolk sacs. Got sent for another beta today...and then one more on Saturday and repeat US next Thursday. Waiting for today's beta...hoping for at least 10000 based off my last one last week.

scorpiomer · August 2016

My level was 15127....so I am cautiously excited. I will see what they are tomorrow and hopefully they double again!

PreDempsey · August 2016

Scopiomer I had a MMC around the same time earlier in the year so I'm right there with you. I feel almost like I'm spectating this pregnancy from the outside. It's weird. Glad your beta was good! FX for some nice boring pregnancies.

WkoutMomtoBe · August 2016

scorpiomer said:

Thanks! Had US this morning. Saw gestational and yolk sacs. Got sent for another beta today...and then one more on Saturday and repeat US next Thursday. Waiting for today's beta...hoping for at least 10000 based off my last one last week.

Awesome! I had US yesterday and they saw the same and surprisingly they could even see/hear faint heart flutter.

That's interesting that they're going to keep doing betas - my midwife said since I had the US confirming it's progressing pregnancy that I do not need anymore HCG levels (BUT they're watching my progesterone and put me on supplements because it's lower than they want...which I assume because I was told months ago I might have that issue)

mrsstuessy · August 2016

PGAL brain sucks. My early miscarriage was just a little over a month ago and as happy as I am to be pregnant it happened so soon. The loss is still fresh. I am still temping because last time I wish I had kept temping just a little bit longer to see what was going on. Thursday my temp dropped and of course I knew it was the beginning of the end. Yesterday it went back up a bit and then today it shot up higher than it has ever been. So, I am allowing myself a couple of relaxing breaths today. Also, since I had one left I took my last wondfo. I got the darkest BFP I have ever got on a wondfo. It was much darker than it was with my loss. So, whether or not that means anything it makes me feel better. I am going to have to wait quite a while longer before seeing the midwife/OB, so hopefully I can last till then.

scorpiomer · August 2016

Thanks everyone! Repeat hcg this morning was 21332 at 46 hours since the last one. I'm assuming since numbers don't climb as fast once they get this high that this was a good number for today. They said that they wanted to make sure that since we didn't see a heartbeat even though it was early to see one...We needed to make sure that numbers were still going the right way. My repeat US is on Thursday....fingers crossed for that heartbeat!

mrsstuessy · August 2016

I will be waiting for an update on the heartbeat. Thinking of you!

blackasnight · August 2016

@scorpiomer fx for a heartbeat!

Those are great numbers. My last pregnancy we didn't see a heartbeat at 6weeks and had to wait until 8weeks to confirm a heartbeat. PGAL brain is so sucky. Big hugs!

Dax28 · August 2016

TW loss Mentioned. PGAL brain officially took over today. Had my first breakdown since this pregnancy started. My symptoms have been getting better this week and of course this freaks me out, plus no nausea whatsoever which makes things worse. I think I'm going to try and schedule an ultrasound for this Monday. Hopefully I can since I already have one scheduled for Aug 30.

In the Last loss in March the baby stopped growing at 6 weeks and we didn't find out till almost 8 weeks when I started bleeding during our vacation in New Orleans. I'm traveling next week to Colorado which I think it's part of my anxiety, I don't want a repeat of last vacation.
Im 8 weeks today.

scorpiomer · August 2016

I am having a rough time right now too. I hit 8 weeks yesterday and our last baby's heartbeat stopped between 8 and 9 weeks but we didn't find out till 10 weeks. Its so hard to explain it to people who have never had a loss. Because my family just keeps saying....everything will be fine... You have to think positively!! Yeah that is much easier said than done.

andrea0418 · August 2016

@scorpiomer and @Dax28 I'm sorry you're both having a rough time right now. I still haven't let myself get too excited about this pregnancy. I had 3 losses last year that I never even made it far enough to see a hb. Until I see a baby and hb on the ultrasound screen I'm going to be on edge.

KirstinH88 · August 2016

I know exactly how you all feel. I have stayed very cautious about this one. I still temp and take a test every morning. This mornings test was really dark which made me very happy. With my loss in March, my tests never got this dark, but I also didn't find out this early along. I'm hoping the dark test is a good sign and I think I will now just test every few days to make sure it stays dark.

mrsstuessy · August 2016

@KirstinH88 My tests got a lot darker with this one as well. I am hoping that is a good sign. I also temped until 5 weeks and then stopped because I decided I wasn't going to do it forever.

A couple days ago I think DH had his own taste of PGAL (or, wife who is PGAL). He was letting me sleep in a little and I woke up and could hear him in the living room. I could also hear SIL out there and thought maybe I heard another person. So, I texted him "come in here." I wanted him to get my freshly cleaned bras from the other room because I didn't have any in the bedroom and I didn't want to go out there without a bra if someone else was out there. I was sniffing and blowing my nose when he came in because my fall allergies are in full force. He paused and had a very concerned look on his face and asked me if I was ok. I said yeah, I was sort of confused. He then asked if the baby was still ok in there. Then I realized he thought I had called him in like that because I was having another MC and was crying about it. Poor guy. His face definitely went very pale. Last time I called him into a room to tell him I had lost the baby and was crying a little. As scary as that probably was for him, I am glad I was able to see that side of things. It was actually helpful to know that he is also nervous, but hopeful. It was nice to know I'm not in this totally alone.

KirstinH88 · August 2016

@mrsstuessy do you still continue to test? I haven't decided for how long I will temp or test for. I found out a lot earlier this time around and my mc was at 6 weeks. I'm only 4w1d and I feel like continuing to test and temp for 2 weeks is a bit obsessive, but you know PGAL brain...

I also talked with DH last night about if he was happy, excited, nervous. Yes to all 3. But he is much more laid back and chooses to not think about or worry about the "what ifs" and just enjoy the present moment. I love that about him, he keeps me grounded and sane.

mrsstuessy · August 2016

I took my last test on 15dpo. I would have taken more, but I ran out and already took 4 tests so couldn't justify buying more. The lines were already WAY darker on the wondfo than they had been last time. I temped to 5 weeks because I had a CP right before 5 weeks last time. I found out at 10dpo with a relatively obvious line for that early. So, I temped for another almost 2 weeks. And then I just realized I wasn't going to temp for 9 months so I might as well stop.

DH is also way more laid back about the whole thing, which I generally like. But, it was making me feel a bit alone because it seemed like he didn't really understand how hard the loss was for me. Seeing that it really did affect him too made me feel a little better.

mrsstuessy · August 2016

Oh, I should add that I have one more digital left over from the last loss. I plan on using it next week right before I call the doctor. Oh, I also have a whole bunch of OPKs left over and every couple days I pee on that. It has been fun seeing them get super, super dark. A couple days ago the OPK test line was so dark the control was barely there because there was no dye left.

Dax28 · August 2016

Thanks guys, your responses make me feel like my feelings are justified and it is perfectly normal to worry. I also tested and kept track of my temperature till around week 5. We saw a heartbeat at 6w 4 days but it did not help lessen my fears.

DH has been amazing and everyday asks me how I'm doing and if he can do anything to help me feel better. He is also much calmer about everything and has started to kiss my belly and it both makes my heart warm and terrifies me. I so want to be happy and joyous about this pregnancy but I'm not there yet.

SJG812 · August 2016

@andrea0418 I am right with you. I have an ultrasound tomorrow and all i want to see this time is that there's actually a little bean in there with a hb.

I find it so sad that so many people have to struggle with all these feelings and losses but hoping for happy outcomes for all.

SuperKristy85 · August 2016

Your numbers look great! PGAL brain is the worst! This time around, I opted not to have the extra appointments and have my blood tested as I felt like last time it just kept me on edge everyday. I'm just trying to tell myself that there is no reason to worry. Also, I may be alone in this but I find the odds of not having a miscarriage charts really upset me. It does not offer me any reassurance that I have been in the 1% of the population.

catem07 · August 2016

@SuperKristy85 I'm not PGAL, but I definitely understand where you are coming from about the miscarriage chart. Statistics are personally meaningless when you end up on the side of them that you don't want to be on, no matter how small the chance you were going to be on that side. Wishing you a h&h 9 months.

peachy0709 · August 2016

mrsstuessy said:

Oh, I should add that I have one more digital left over from the last loss. I plan on using it next week right before I call the doctor. Oh, I also have a whole bunch of OPKs left over and every couple days I pee on that. It has been fun seeing them get super, super dark. A couple days ago the OPK test line was so dark the control was barely there because there was no dye left.

*Raises hand*... I've been doing this, too. Glad I'm not alone.

Kate63 · August 2016

I know this boat is so hard to be in. But I feel compelled to say that fear and worry are of the devil and steal our happiness and joy and gain us nothing. I pray that we try our best to not give into it regardless of how normal it is. Sometimes people allow worry to help them not get too attached, trying to protect their hearts in case the worst happens. But trusting in God is the ultimate way to guard our hearts. Trusting that God knows what's best for your life and your sweet baby's life. Trust that being pregnant now is what God wants for you and whatever happens tomorrow is also what God wants for you. And there is nothing better than what God wants for you. I know there will be several people who don't appreciate this post, but I hope that everyone will respect that I post this out of love for you all and because it breaks my heart to see your joy stolen. I hope everyone will join me in praising him no matter what happens. Love you all

Dax28 · August 2016

@Kate63
I respect your post as it bring comfort to you and others. People deal with loss and pain in different ways and that's ok because there is no one way of getting through difficult times. I find my strength in myself my amazing DH, my supportive family and friends, and even my 3 cats. My loss is something that I will never forget because it's life changing. Being pregnant is never the same after that. Somedays are better than others and I will let myself grieve and feel joy when necessary. And when I feel my strength is buckling I know where to hold on.

KyCade3013 · August 2016

I would say praying for strength to accept what happens, whatever the outcome is along the same lines you are referencing and as said above. Everything until the last second is completely out of anyone's control. I never knew how heartbreaking it was until it happened to me, part of me is grateful I now have deep empathy for other mothers who this has happened to and if it ever came up in conversation I'd be very open about it. Women need each other and it's hard as hell to deal with even with support of family, I've found support from moms who actually know exactly how you feel (been through it) to be really comforting and also helpful to be a stronger person.

KirstinH88 · August 2016

My back randomly started hurting tonight. Almost like the pain of cramping I get when my period starts. Also, this happened the night before I started bleeding with my MC. But then I'm feeling little gas flutters in my stomach and hoping that's what's causing the back pain. Ugh....PGAL brain, go away!!!!

ArchyFlores · August 2016

To all of you!

blessedinmt · August 2016

To all of you PGALers: Please accept my heartfelt empathy. I've been reading (lurking, really) your posts for the last month and have only posted a couple of times because A) I'm a mobile bumper (right now is my first time on a PC on this site) and

I am usually only on my mobile Bump <15 minutes/day. Lurking here has made me feel not-so-alone in this journey. I hate that any of us have had to experience loss, but I take comfort in knowing other people that have lost their pregnancy innocence, that understand that a + HPT is not a promise that you'll ever get to hold your baby.

I just posted this on the Weekly Pregnancy Chatter thread also:

Does anyone have a fetal doppler? What brand and do you recommend it? Where did you purchase it?

I've previously told myself it would just feed my OCD and cause more worry than it's worth, but I've got serious PGAL brain and I cannot face the prospect of walking into another NT scan in a month and having the tech say, "do you even FEEL pregnant?" (this happened last Christmas Eve). If my baby stops growing, I'd like to know (or at least have a strong idea) in the privacy of my own home.

blessedinmt · August 2016

Grrr...the PC turned my B into a smiley with glasses. I'm, obviously, not terribly tech savvy.

ArchyFlores · August 2016

@thecavfamily I got a cheapy doppler from Amazon and was able to find the heartbeat starting at 10w and some days. I gave it to another friend who was pgal as well, so i can't tell you the brand but it was definitely a cheapy. The instructions were in Chinese and bad English cheapy.

And I used aloe vera instead of that more expensive gel. It worked just as well.

blessedinmt · August 2016

Thanks for your response @ArchyFlores!

SJG812 · August 2016

@thecavfamily I can't chime in on the doppler as I have no experience with that but wtf to that comment from the tech?!?? That is so insensitive.

When I had an US with my last loss the tech asked me if I was sure i was pregnant and how I knew.... I couldn't believe it! Would a woman make it all up so she could come see you, a tech, because it's fun to have a stranger put a giant probe up her vagina?? I just said: I've had no period in 7 weeks, several positive hpts and an Ultrasound last week that showed gestational and yolk sacs... Is that enough evidence??

These techs need sensitivity training!!

doozenberg · August 2016

As for fetal dopplers I did get one, the sonoline c. I got it with my last pregnancy (that ended in MC at 10w) so I never got to hear the HB. With this pregnancy I am hoping that if I make it far enough this time that I'll be able to be comforted by hearing the heart beat. I bought the sonoline brand based on online reviews. They also have the sonoline b which is cheaper and very popular as well.

Hope that helps.

blessedinmt · August 2016

@SJG812 I know, right? I was so shocked, I couldn't process it all right then. Both of our techs should have just excused themselves to get someone more qualified to deal with such a sensitive situation. Grrr.

@Knottie96264362 From where did you purchase your Sonoline Doppler? I pray that you'll have a healthy pregnancy this time and will soon get to hear that beautiful heartbeat.

SuperKristy85 · August 2016

WOW these ultrasound Techs should be fired! @thecavfamily a friend of mine gave me her doppler that she used. It is angel sounds and she got it on amazon. I have not yet used it by she swears by it.

dam0ne4 · August 2016

Big hugs to all the ladies PGAL. Fingers crossed that we will be holding our beautiful rainbow babies before too long. I'm trying really hard to stay nonchalant this time around, just counting the days until that U/S. PGAL is hard

dlynn484 · August 2016

PGAL brain does suck! For the last week, I keep having miscarriage dreams. Not fun at all. I just try to smile to myself everytime a new symptom pops up.

blessedinmt · August 2016

I vomited (for the first time in all of my pregnancies) in the sink while brushing my teeth this morning; I was so happy! Ha!

MrsBakes · August 2016

I just wanted to say that I am sorry for all your losses You are all strong and brave mamas to be out here again. It is a very sad and scary thing to have to go through

I can't say with 100% certainty that I have had a m/c although a few rather strong points indicate that. So I do think about that often and the fact that I'm AMA and it does make me nervous at times even though I always say I'm really not expecting anything to go wrong with the baby because my first pregnancy was so great and my last US was perfect. Obviously it's an illusion to think and assume. Reading all your posts is an eye opener.

Dax28 · August 2016

Thank you all for our support! These last 3 weeks wating for my next appointment has been quite difficult. I'm happy to report that today we got to see our little one again. Measuring 9 1/2. Strong/loud heartbeat too. I think I can start enjoying this pregnancy now. I'm thinking all of you and hoping we all get to hold our rainbows in April!

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