Ask a STM 8/24

birdiejo · August 2016

Got questions about pregnancy, birth, and beyond?

Ask away!

Ryder0406 · August 2016

My question is for STM+. This baby on board will make me a STM, lots of people keep telling me this one will come earlier and faster than DD did. DD was a week early, so I'm not sure I'd want this one to come too much earlier than that. And I was in labor for 22hrs, pushed for 1.5hrs, so I'd be more than happy if labor and delivery was quicker.

Did your subsequent babies come earlier and faster or that more of an old wives tales?

poofwok · August 2016

@Ryder0406 I'm going to be STM just like you so I can't answer that question out of my own experience but I do have 2 friends who's second children came late when their firsts came early.

In my opinion, it's an old wives tale because it seems to differ for each person.

blush64 · August 2016

@Ryder0406 My labours did not get faster with subsequent deliveries and the babies did not come earlier. My first was my earliest.

Of the people I know there has been no real pattern.

Edit Even my grandmothers who each had over 12 did not find labour was faster each time. My maternal grandmother said her 3rd was the shortest and easiest labour. My sister has 4 but the second was by far the shortest. (40 minutes) So, at least some of us probably won't find a second + labour that much shorter.

MrsP052909 · August 2016

My second did come faster (9 hours of labor vs 2 hours) and earlier (due date vs 39 weeks 3 days) than my first. But I think it's an old wives tale.

tanyaje00 · August 2016

I am a FTM, but I am also a postpartum/antepartum nurse. STM+ generally do not go into labour earlier, but labour does tend to be quicker. Especially the more children you have. That being said, everyone is different and there are always exceptions. That is just the general rule.

leprechaunlady · August 2016

Do any STMs have recomendations for creams/oils etc for preventing or reducing stretch marks? My bump is starting to become more obvious & would like to be a proactive on this

lap018 · August 2016

@Janefelicity I used coconut oil or olive oil straight out of the shower and just massaged it in. I didn't get any stretch marks but mostly it's genetic, my mom doesn't have them either, and any cream or ointment will not prevent the inevitable but it still helps to at least know that you did everything you could do to help it!

silvercamaro77 · August 2016

I think a lot of how long you carry your 2nd baby depends on how healed your body is from the first. My 1st came right on her due date with about 7 hours of labor plus another 20 minutes of pushing. My 2nd came 10 days early and my entire labor was 3 hours including only 5 minutes of pushing.

They're also only 18 months apart (so I was 9 months post partum when I became pregnant again) and DD did quite a number on me. I would almost guarantee that all the shifting back and tightening back up had not finished yet. Additionally, I'm pretty small framed so it was a lot of stretching to have an 8lb baby the first time around.

As far as stretch marks, with #1 I used Bella B Tummy honey butter and Mama Mio tummy rub stretch mark oil. I got 2-3 stretch marks that showed up the week I delivered. With #2 I used Bio Oil and my stomach is riddled with stretchmarks. Some things that I think were contributing factors are that I stretched out slower with #1 so my skin had more time to actually grow instead of being actually stretched and there are some theories that the rubbing action stimulates cell growth (and thus can help reduce stretch marks) and with a cream/lotion like the Bella B it takes a lot more rubbing to spread it out and rub it in than an oil does.

This time around I'm using the Bella B again (although I don't enjoy the smell as much as I did before) and a cocoa butter body butter I made.

cantalopes24 · August 2016

@Ryder0406 my first was a premie and my second would have stayed in forever if I hadn't had a csection. She was actually sitting crossed legged between my hips wedged in there and when they tried to pull her out she held on lol. I had contractions but they never really did anything as far as dilating me.

I think the "coming sooner" has to do with it's more common for FTM to go past their due date so sooner would be when they're do instead of going over.

cantalopes24 · August 2016

@Janefelicity I got no stretch marks with my first and with my second they weren't really noticeable until after my delivery. I did everything the same and gained not much more with my second than my first but I did go full term with the second baby and not the first. I got stretch marks during puberty so I was told I was more likely to get them with pregnancy. I used Mederma for stretch marks after my second and they faded out really quickly.

expandcontract · August 2016

Thank you STM+ moms for all the great advice!!

My question: Has anyone taught their baby sign language? I'm really excited to try with my baby. I've already checked out some books from the library and am learning the different signs. If you did use sign language, at what age did you start and was it successful? Any advice on this?
Also, my husband is not a believer. How did you deal with people criticizing the whole idea? I don't care what other people say, I'm still going to do it!!

Thank you, in advance!!

SweetT · August 2016

@AfKash I'm really not sure when we started with her. But I know she was correctly using milk, more, and eat when she was 7months old.
I never got any negative comments but would have just ignored them. It obviously worked and made my life much easier she was way less frustrated when I understood what she was saying.

BlondePeanut · August 2016

Since there is alot of talk about labor.....how long was everyone in labor for? My Mom doesn't fail to remind me that she was in labor 36 hours with me before an emergency c section...kind of scary to a FTM who has no clue what to expect with her own labor...

SweetT · August 2016

@BlondePeanut 10 hours

lap018 · August 2016

@BlondePeanut I was induced at 2 am with pitocin and then delivered at 4:01 pm so 14 hours

birdiejo · August 2016

12 hours from water breaking to baby. @BlondePeanut. SIL got induced last week and waited about 30 hours for baby.

My nurse told me she'd see me that night when she checked me in and was about to leave 7p-7a. She was wrong haha.

silvercamaro77 · August 2016

@AfKash We had some different teachers at daycare between when DD and DS were small so the experience was a bit different.

DD (#1) Somewhere between 6 and 9 months DD was moved to the crawling nursery and the teacher was fairly fluent in sign language so she typically signed as she talked to the kids during the day. With each child she focused on teaching eat, more, milk, and please at first. As the child began using those properly she would add a new word to focus on each week. DD eventually used eat, more, milk, please, thank you, stop, no, ugly (as in having ugly behavior or acting ugly), baby, mom, dad, cat, poop, and diaper. There may have been a few more but that was the bulk of them and allowed her to communicate just about everything she needed to until she began talking.

DS (#2) No one really worked with the kids at DC on signing any more as the prior teacher had left and others didn't really know any signs. We carried over using more, milk, please, and thank you with DS. He was 18 months younger than DD so we just didn't stop using those when she began talking so DS was exposed at home from earlier. He really only latched on to using more and please, though. He's 3 now and still does the sign for please every time he says it and it's so cute!

When I mentioned that DD was learning some signs I had some family members that thought it was a bad idea because they thought she'd learn to talk late or not talk very well since she could sign for what she wanted, but she actually talked early and much better and more clearly than most kids her age. I generally think teaching them signs in a verbal family isn't going to harm them, because you will still be saying everything you sign anyway and they are then linking the words with the signs. DD especially seemed less frustrated than some non-signing kids her age and part of it is probably her personality but part of it is because she could tell us more easily what she wanted.

When they expressed their concern initially I told them why I didn't think it would affect them. There were still comments here and there and I basically just ignored them. When DD was 13 months old one of my cousins would even tell her to use her words. I just ignored my cousin and would talk to DD using the signs (and words). When DD started talking she blew them all out of the water because she not only talked sooner than any of the grandkids/great-grandkids had, but she talked more clearly and used more words.

@BlondePeanut there was a GTKY thread about birth stories back in the early days that had a lot of info on labor and delivery. I was very concerned about potentially being in labor for a ridiculous amount of time. With DD, my labor was a total of about 7.5 hours (from first contraction to her being out) and DS was a total of 3 hours.

Gingersnap · August 2016

My labor was 30 hours.

poofwok · August 2016

12 hours from active labor to delivery.

lfrank12 · August 2016

When in your pregnancy did you guys do the birthing and newborn care classes? Are they something you can do earlier in the second trimester or should I be waiting until the beginning of the third?

BumpasaurusRex · August 2016

lfrank12 said:

When in your pregnancy did you guys do the birthing and newborn care classes? Are they something you can do earlier in the second trimester or should I be waiting until the beginning of the third?

I didn't do any classes. I felt pretty comfortable with the knowledge I'd gained through researching.

However, I do want to take a breastfeeding class because I feel there's so much more I need to know. I'll probably take it in the 3rd tri.

cantalopes24 · August 2016

@lfrank12 I'd probably do it between 28 and 32 weeks depending on how long the class runs. If you decide not to do the class I'd still schedule a hospital tour. Newborn care and breastfeeding I'd wait until farther along.

fourPsinapod · August 2016

BlondePeanut said:

Since there is alot of talk about labor.....how long was everyone in labor for? My Mom doesn't fail to remind me that she was in labor 36 hours with me before an emergency c section...kind of scary to a FTM who has no clue what to expect with her own labor...

Contractions started at 3AM. It was super mild. Then, things progressed until I had DD a little after 8PM. So, around 17-ish hours.

fourPsinapod · August 2016

lfrank12 said:

When in your pregnancy did you guys do the birthing and newborn care classes? Are they something you can do earlier in the second trimester or should I be waiting until the beginning of the third?

I could have done them whenever, but we waited until about 28-30ish weeks.

scifichick09 · August 2016

@lfrank12 FTM, but my doctor recommended between 28 - 30 weeks as well. Check with facility you're wanting to take the classes at though, even though my first class isn't until November, I went ahead and registered for it earlier this month because the class was already almost full and the next one didn't start until end of December.

lfrank12 · August 2016

@scifichick09 That is what I'm afraid of. Our hospital only posts the classes one month in advance so I dont want them to fill up immediately. Maybe I will call and see if they will allow sign ups for the future classes not yet posted

varimama · August 2016

lfrank12 said:

When in your pregnancy did you guys do the birthing and newborn care classes? Are they something you can do earlier in the second trimester or should I be waiting until the beginning of the third?

I'm a FTM but I just talked to my doctor about this yesterday. He said he recommends to start looking into classes around the start of the middle of the 3rd trimester. However this could depend on your area and class availability. He said the classes he recommends have lots of open slots so need to worry about them filling up or anything.

Starfish113 · August 2016

My labor was about 3 hours from first contraction. Super fast but I tore reeeeeeally bad!

PerraSucia · August 2016

I personally thought the breastfeeding class was a waste of time but meeting with a lactation consultant after he was born was huge to make sure the latch was good.

Beauxbaton · August 2016

Labor with DS1 was 32 hours from losing my mucus plug and first contractions to delivery. He was also 4 days late

DS2 was about 10 or 11 hours. He was 2 weeks early. I had a placental abruption with him though. So my ob thinks that's why he was 2 weeks early and came fast.

My boys are only 15 months apart. So like a previous poster said, I think a lot of my second labor had to do with my body not healing entirely.

Xstatic3333 · August 2016

@lfrank12 my hospital schedules you by EDD and doesn't give you a choice. I had to call and be a pest to find out the dates since I work weekends sometimes. Mine is 12/3, all day. I signed up for the BF class too, but it was only $35 so why not. I hope it's helpful tips and not just propaganda.

feelingjovani · August 2016

For those of you who use daycare, when did you start looking for one? I've heard different things (and I'm sure some is dependent on where you live)...some have said they waited until baby was born and looked in the 3 months before going back to work but others have said there was a waitlist when they started early.

silvercamaro77 · August 2016

I felt silly looking before the 3rd tri with DD, but some of the waiting lists are long enough that you need to. I know with this baby I went ahead and had our director add us to the list almost as soon as we found out because they're only taking 4 non-crawling babies at a time. My SIL toured a few places before delivering but didn't put herself on any waiting lists (against our advice) until after she delivered because she was taking a long maternity leave (for here 12 weeks). Her DD was born in September and the first opening for her top 2 choices were January and February.

lfrank12 · August 2016

@CurlyCupcake21 I would start looking now. We just toured one this week and got the last spot available for when we need to start. Another place we looked was already 18 months out on the waiting list. It is crazy!

feelingjovani · August 2016

@silvercamaro77 @lfrank12 Ok, this is good to know! I feel weird looking at places now but I guess it's better than being stuck when I go back to work!

imalwaysme79 · August 2016

On the topic of daycares, I'm sure it's dependent on where you live, but how do you know if what they're charging is appropriate for the area?

fourPsinapod · August 2016

CurlyCupcake21 said:

For those of you who use daycare, when did you start looking for one? I've heard different things (and I'm sure some is dependent on where you live)...some have said they waited until baby was born and looked in the 3 months before going back to work but others have said there was a waitlist when they started early.

Luckily, the daycare I wanted had openings (they were also more expensive so that could be why too). The local Y has a list of 40 infants on their wait list right now! So yes, look now and pay the registration fee if you can.

fourPsinapod · August 2016

Also like PP, I already paid for registering this new baby bc the spots do fill fast and I couldn't chance it.

musicinmysoul17 · August 2016

Re: classes, my hospital recommends signing up for classes by the 5th month because they can fill up. Plus the newborn class they have is 3 weeks (1 night a week) so we have to work around H's schedule because he works nights.

blush64 · August 2016

@imalwaysme79 You could just call around and ask costs, that would give you a good idea of what is being charged. Local community facebook groups would also probably be able to help. We have a few town groups and town childcare groups where peoplease have asked similar questions. If you know people who are using daycare in your area they could tell you what is usual.

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