@aframe77 It's a delicate balance because many with my sensitivity feel very drawn to the idea of helping others, but easily become overwhelmed because often we can be so good at listening and empathizing that friends, family, and even strangers will come to us with every problem they have. Many don't mean to take advantage of us because they feel relief someone understands them and their experiences, but it's up to the HSP to set healthy boundaries and practice frequent (as in, daily) self-care so they don't lose themselves. During pregnancy I've had to be even more mindful of it, and some friends don't understand my need for solitude and recharging, so they feel upset. I still struggle with not internalizing their emotions, but I am getting better at it as I grow in knowledge of myself.
When Ashton is born, I know I'm going to need to be diligent about taking some time everyday to reset myself--whether it's 5 minutes during the day or 20 minutes before I go to bed. I can't be the wife and mother I want to be if I'm an empty vessel emotionally. It will be interesting to see Ashton's personality as well.
3 year old at the playground to my son: "I'm a big girl now. I go pee pee in the potty all the time" Me: "amen to that." It's like she totally gets me.
@slartybartfast I could be in the middle of the desert and still pee every 5 minutes. Eventually they would find me, face down, surrounded by dark sand that is wet from pee. Haha
@dmontgo Um...total departure from what everyone else is talking about, but I'd love to hear what you're putting in your self-care basket. I totally got sidetracked and googled it yesterday, and now I'm convinced that I need to buy a belly binding wrap from Etsy!
Me: 31 | DH: 31
Together since 2003 | Married 2010 TTC #1 January 2016 BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016 Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018 BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
Breastfeeding Basket Postpartum Care Basket Self-care Basket
Breastfeeding basket: water, snacks, tissues, hand lotion, nipple butter, lip balm, hand sanitizer, breast pads, nursing covers, hot/cold breast pads, Bobby pins, notebook/pen, mother's milk tea, burp cloths, nail clippers, pacifiers, and some diapers and wipes.
PP care basket: Dulcolax, maxi pads with wings, Tucks wipes, boy short underwear, Gas-X, flushable wipes, peri bottle, witch hazel, Dermoplast, Tylenol (AM & PM), aloe, Sitz bath powder, Momma bottom spray, and I will have a PP girdle from Bellefit that is dual closure.
Self-care Basket: (these are just things to help me feel good!) Stress relief body wash and lotion, chocolate, snacks, aloe-infused socks, magazines, bubble bath, a self-care journal, face masks, soft robe, coloring books, wine, eye mask, lip balm, shampoo and conditioner i wouldn't normally get, a nice bath pouf, and whatever else I may think of.
The breastfeeding basket will go in the living room (may move it to my room depending on the breastfeeding schedule and what's comfortable), the PP basket will go in the half-bath, and the self-care basket is going in my room. That way I have resources everywhere in my house that I frequent the most.
Nice organization @dmontgo! I was thinking self-care as in what you were packing for the hospital stay. Last time, we had a bag ready with: towels and puppy pads (when your water breaks at the house...well there's a lot of water that comes over a long period of time...including in the car), full body wipes to keep clean at the hospital (find them in the adult incontinence section), tucks pads...so many of them, an oil burner with lavender oil, honey sticks (though this time I'm just packing a lot of actual food because who knows how long it will take), pads, an iPod loaded with relaxing music for labor and workout tracks for the actual pushing (this system REALLY helped me), computers (because labor can be loooong), and comfort items like wooly socks, comfy clothes, toiletries, etc. We, of course, had a bag with baby stuff as well. Though you get a lot from the hospital too.
At home, everything was in my bathroom - though I wasn't near as well-prepared as you. And if I made neat little baskets this time, I guarantee you that DD is going to go through them and strew them around the house haphazardly. So no organization for me!
Oh, and on a side note, I - formerly of a supernaturally-strong bladder - am now leaking when I cough or sneeze and have to pee. Bring on the panty liners!
@LinziLoo09 I'm packing my hospital bag in November and I have a list for that too lol--I'm crazed. I will be adding a few towels and puppy pads to my list--sometimes it seems like there's so much to remember, but that's why I'm starting early so I don't get overwhelmed. Love the oil burner idea too!
What kind of food would you recommend? I'm bringing snacks, but maybe a mixture of real food and snacks would be a better compromise.
Btw, puppy pads are also great changing table covers. They make the exact same thing for babies, but they up the price a ridiculous amount. Definitely go to the pet section for the cheap price!
I haven't really thought much about what food I'll bring this time around. Last time I figured I couldn't eat and was making do with the honey sticks (which, with a 22.5 hour labor will not suffice). My midwife was awesome and brought me a sandwich and chips from their fridge. We just learned over the weekend that our hospital has changed their policy to not support eating during labor. But legally they can't stop you. So I'm just bringing food, and they can cry about it. There's no way I'm making it through that whole pushing thing again with no calories whatsoever.
I suppose this time I'll pack something low key - like a sandwich or a wrap. I still probably won't eat a ton - because last time I got to a point where I was puking bile during contractions. So I want to pace myself to avoid upsetting my stomach more than it will already be. I might bring some fruit like apples and peaches and also general snacks like crackers and whatnot. We'll just see what I'm up to eating when the time comes. If my last labor taught me anything, it was plan for what you're not planning for. It's okay to overpack.
@LinziLoo09 Thank you for letting me know it's ok to overpack. On Pinterest I see articles sometimes about ladies barely packing anything into their hospital bag and act as if they are better because they could get by with the bare minimum. Ok, that's great for you, but I would rather pack things I may not need than not pack enough and then I'm up shit creek and freaking out.
And also thank you for letting me know about the food situation. My hospital doesn't support eating while laboring either, but I can't imagine going through it without *something*! Good to know they can't legally keep me from nourishing my body!
Here's something weird that's happened to me the past couple nights. I've been sleeping pretty well (which is weird thing #1, because this has not been the case for weeks) and when I wake up, I almost have forgotten that I'm pregnant, so when I look at myself in the mirror I'm a little taken aback by what I see. It only lasts for a couple seconds, but it's been pretty funny.
Omg, I love that show! Just watched another one tonight about charter schools. And agree with you guys on the vaccines, and tylonal crap! I don't know if any pregnant lady who hasn't taken tylonal while pregnant. Wow that was poorly stated. It's the MOTN for me, that's my excuse.
I'm starting to get near overwhelmed with all of the "things baby can sleep in" options. Surely he doesn't need a bouncer, swing, RnP, PnP, bassinet, and a crib does he?
Don't get too many! Definitely crib, but the rest are optional. And technically pnp's are only supposed to be used for play and naps, not all night sleeping. Also my DDs wouldn't sleep in them because as soon as I put them down in it, the rustling that the fabric made woke them up. But there were a few nights that my DDs slept in their swings, and they aren't meant for all night sleeping either. So start small and if it's not working then get something more I never had a bouncer, but the babies that I nannied did and they always spit up while in them. Maybe it was just them? Idk.
DH is a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) with triggers to smells and too many/loud noises.
I am a HSP to bright lights and being around too many people and their emotions/energies.
DH in the time we have been married (almost 4 years) has not been able to go into places like Yankee Candle or Bath and Body Works with me because he gets overwhelmed with the scents. And yesterday...he went into BOTH YK and BBWorks and helped me pick out fall candles and stuff for my PP self-care basket.
We both were drained because we had to be around things that overwhelm us (the mall), but I am so proud of him for going with me. Sounds silly, but it was a big step for him.
My DH is also super sensitive to smells, I couldn't pay him to go into Yankee candle! He'd definitely have an asthma attack, or at least pretend like he was going to have one. Though I don't like to go in there either, it's crazy strong smelling. And I used to work in a shop where I had to pour wasp and fragrance oils all day! That being said, glad you two worked together to do that, you seem like you are both supporting each other. Good signs for working together when baby arrives
@fauxpa I have a weird thing with medications. Pain medications (like the heavy duty stuff) have absolutely zero affect on me. I had to be on them in the past, and they didn't help my pain from an injury at all. It was like I was on nothing.
Birth control on the other hand...my body does not handle it well AT ALL. I have tried various kinds, and each one just hurt me. Depo, Nuvaring, several types of the pill, the patch...I had to get off it because I was getting frequent panic attacks for no reason...like when driving. My mood and sex drive were absolutely awful, and there was a time when I was worried I was becoming schizophrenic like my mom. Now I feel great and take zero medications except for the occasional Tylenol.
I'm a bit worried about when A is born because the copper IUD seems like a good choice, but because of my endometriosis it would make my bleeding worse. So hopefully I can find a good solution.
In general when it comes to illness, I'll be deathly sick but don't show the typical symptoms. I've had to be hospitalized before because I had pneumonia for a while but it presented as a mild cold. My mom on the other hand (empath as well), is seemingly always sick.
It's weird for sure.
Omg. I feel like you just described me. I try to explain to my dr that pain meds don't do anything for me unless I practically overdose, which I'm totally not interested in doing. They actually give me energy but don't take away pain. And birth control - I am the exact same way. I actually had tried the same things, tons of pills, the patch, nuva ring, and they all make me crazy! I had my only panic attacks when I was on them before I had DDs. Actually it was because i had stopped taking bc that we had DD 9 yrs ago. But! I have had 2 mirena IUDs, each for about 3 years at a time and I had no problems with them at all. They have such a minuscule amount of hormones compared to pills/patch/ring. So there is hope!
Also, I hate crowds. So much that DH takes our daughters to Disneyland twice a year, and I stay home. I just hate the crowds there. And it's not a little trip, we live in the Seattle area. But he's understanding and wants to take them, and they want to go. So he does
@yellingbanana Not to pry, but has the Mirena affected your sex drive at all? I have heard that because it's in your uterus it doesn't use as many hormones as the ones that you digest or that go into your muscle. In my perfect world, I'd love to not have periods (or at least, I'd like to have light ones) and still have a sex drive. I'm going to talk to my doctor more about it, but it would be great to have the best of both worlds. What scares me is if I have a bad reaction, but I have to wait because it's inside.
Crowds...yes. I can handle being in them for a little while, but it completely exhausts me. Some of my favorite places tend to be crowded, especially during the holidays, so it really helps me to have DH with me to hold my hand or be close. Grounds me until I can rest!
@dmontgo it did not affect my sex drive either way, still a few times a week with or without it. But everyone is different, if you do go with it, just pay attention to your body. My sister has the copper IUD, she loves it, and it has had zero impact on her sex life. I'm sure she'll love that I'm talking about our sex lives online lol I think there are fewer chances of the copper one changing anything because it has zero hormones. But can make period heavier each one has its pros and cons. I will be getting one more mirena until DH gets his vasectomy.
@jenlynne0624 FTM here, but wanted to say: that photo is so great! I'm struggling with what will be a momentous change in our current family dynamic, but I'm hopeful that it'll be a good change rather than just a difficult one.
In other random news, I just heard that entrance to all 400+ US National Parks is free starting tomorrow (8/25) through the weekend, so if anyone is looking for something to do outside, there is a free option! https://www.nps.gov/findapark/index.htm
jenlynne0624 - I look at that photo and all I think is my son would be trying to climb on my shoulders and back flip through my arms. My monkey doesn't snuggle
@jenlynne0624 yes! I feel like I'm mourning DS' only child status. It's been really hard and emotional for me. I worry so much how twins on the way will change things. One baby seemed doable, two seems like he's getting screwed. I'm struggling emotionally this pregnancy with all of this actually. Feels very isolating.
@jenlynne0624 I'm really amazed that I'm not straight up bawling at work. I feel so sad about it. I mean, I know DD will thrive, and she LOVES babies. But I'm so sad that my time and attention will not entirely focus on her. Oh geez, I might still cry now...
@jenlynne0624 FTM here, but wanted to say: that photo is so great! I'm struggling with what will be a momentous change in our current family dynamic, but I'm hopeful that it'll be a good change rather than just a difficult one.
I am right on board with this. Also a FTM and struggling with accepting the reality of how drastically our lives are going to change. I swing between total denial (I'm going to be one of those moms who doesn't let it slow me down - baby will come with us to Europe and everything will be wonderful!) and complete certainty that life as I knew it is over and we are ruining everything. I suspect reality will be somewhere in the middle but it seems hard to be logical at this point in time!
Just because I've been thinking a lot about it and been kind of emotional about it lately--no flames please.
I've been contemplating a lot lately that maybe just one child is enough for me. I feel like having one child is more manageable financially and time-wise. I feel like I could have enough money to show Ashton the world and give him experiences I may not be able to afford with two. I also want to have time to spend reconnecting with DH and still have time for hobbies. One doesn't seem as overwhelming to me as several (not that one baby isn't overwhelming, just in comparison).
And it seems (not for everyone, just as my experience as an only child for 8 years before my brother was born) that the second child doesn't "live up" to the first. I see that in a lot of families, although they love all their children, there is something about the first that can't be matched--there is a lot of comparing. What if I have more children, but Ashton is my favorite?
I'm already struggling with my identity becoming a mom--I struggle with maybe not feeling as sexy or attractive, or how my career might change, or how I don't want my marriage to suffer because DH means the world to me. Then I feel bad because I'm afraid I am being selfish.
@dmontgo Totally understandable. Although I worry more about the opposite side (not that either side is right or wrong). I too was an only child for about 10 years until my stepsister came along. I feel strongly that I need to give my kids siblings because I feel like I missed out as a child and as an adult not having any close sibling bonds. Our family doesn't really (and probably won't) have any kids around the same age as ours. So I feel like they need siblings to keep them company. I already worry about our grandchildren not having aunts/uncles and cousins.
But I also still have the same fears you mention about even one changing our current dynamic.
I try try and not think too much about it. It's mostly just fear of the unknown. And no amount of worrying can change anything. We just have to wait and see what happens and do what we can to shape our lives in the way we want.
I totally get your concerns @dmontgo, and I think you just do what ends up being best for your family. Regarding favoritism affecting children, I think that if you're aware of the risk, you are careful not to engage in that sort of behavior. I feel the same way regarding the mom identity, and I still struggle with it at times. But I don't think that deciding to have one child is selfish in any way. You do what works best for you and your family.
I was just thinking today that I should buy a new bottle of my perfume before the baby is born. I always associate my grandma with the smell of her perfume so I'm thinking I'd like that for my kid....
@dmontgo - Having a kid or kids is such a big game changer. I'd say take comfort in knowing that figuring out when your family feels complete is something for future Mrs and Mr Dmontgo. And any number can be right. Especially when it's a choice and considered decision. Cue irrelevant tangent on reproductive education and contraception availability for the world
@dmontgo I'm pretty freaked out too. I overthink everything. I feel like everything you say, I'm like, "yeah, mmm-hmm same." I think @slartybartfast was the one a while back who mentioned that after baby you become a new person that's never going to be the old you again. I've thought about that a lot because it was like that very much for me when I got married. I struggled being one of two instead of an independent one for a long time. I think a lot about the individual person I am and what's going to happen to her now. Maybe momming will bring out the most authentic, version of myself/ourselves and maybe it will continue to be a process. I don't mean to chime in on literally everything you say, but sometimes you articulate things that I'm feeling before I have completely done so myself.
As for the favoring thing, I don't know. I have a favorite pet out of the 5 - I love them all and for all different reasons - but my last one, my little one, is definitely the favorite and I do treat her differently. I have a favorite relative. I have all kinds of favorites. I can definitely see that there's favorite tendency in families even when you don't mean to. I'm my grandparents' favorite because they bonded with me more when I was a child. They treat me and my sister the same try to give her what I got (she's 13 years younger) but it's different because their bond was different. Opposite to that, my dad favors my little sister. I think it's because he didn't bond with me quite the way he did the second time around. Whatever. The love is still there. I wanted a sibling pretty badly, and had to wait until 13 to get one. I didn't enjoy being an only child but some kids really do. My best friend's sister spent their childhood trying to dispose of her. Everyone is different.
I don't think favoritism is always the case, but it seems pretty natural to prefer things over others in general.
Like others were saying, if you have Ashton and you feel complete and he seems satisfied being the one and only, I think you'll know. If it's not that, I feel like you'll know that too. I see the wisdom in being able to pour your all into one, but there's also the argument of putting your all into one and then there's too much put on the one, if that makes sense. I honestly don't have an opinion on it, but I can see both sides of that.
I used to think I wanted a whole bunch of kids myself, and I still might try for that, but then we were talking the other day about HSP, getting easily overstimulated, and needing time to pour back into myself or recharge to be fully functional again. It made me consider the wisdom of maybe having a small family for that reason, so that I can be a great mom to the one or two and maybe not a tired, overwhelmed, and mediocre mom to the three or four. Kids might be different than other people, though, I don't know.
Here's something truly random and off any topic. I used to watch rugrats as a kid. There was one episode where they went to Reptar on Ice. One of the songs had a line "he may be just a dinosaur but I looove himmm"
I have not seen or had reference to this in over 2 decades and yet this song ALWAYS pops into my head.
There are so many useful responses to @dmontgo. It's understandable to feel the way you do. Keep an open mind, and do what is best for your family. I have to share, DD 1 will be 10 and DD 2 will be 5 when our DS is born. When I was pregnant with DD2 (Evelyn) I used to snuggle DD1 (Ana) at night and I felt this terrible struggle. How could I ever love someone as much as I love my Ana? I felt like Evelyn was getting the short straw and she wasn't even born yet. I talked to DH about it, I felt so bad because I felt like I might not have the same love for them both. I cried about it, a lot. And then, Evelyn was born. I immediately loved her and knew the 2 were so different and individual that I'd love them fairly- but differently. Now that they are older, I can honestly say I don't have a favorite, I am just so in love with both of them. They are also polar opposites. And now with #3 (and last) on the way, I am not as worried because I know he will have his own personality from day 1. And I know that I will love him as much as I love his sisters, and treat them fairly while loving their individuality.
I just picked up a lightly lined, underwire nursing bra from Target (I was on the hunt for light up spiderman sandals for DS - he's become obsessed with superheroes this month). This bra is amazing guys. It fits better, lifts better and looks better under shirts than my super expensive bras. Check out Target for nursing bras! $20 well spent.
@DiFazette and @LinziLoo09 hugs. I ugly cried while clutching my two year old so hard reading this. He tends to flip over my shoulders and laugh maniacally, but when I cry he's really sweet and loving and will wipe my tears and let me hold him. He's so sweet and I'm lucky. We're attached at the hip, he climbed on my lap just now to snuggle, and not just bring him and I is going to be so freaking hard. He's the reason I'm a mother. He lives babies and will be a great big brother, but I feel like he's going to be so mad at me and we won't be as close.
@DiFazette I thought of you last night (creeper status), because ds had gymnastics with daddy and after dinner decided that he would continue trying to flip over the uneven bars... aka mommy's neck and back. I'm so sore this morning it's ridiculous.
Re: Random - 8.17
When Ashton is born, I know I'm going to need to be diligent about taking some time everyday to reset myself--whether it's 5 minutes during the day or 20 minutes before I go to bed. I can't be the wife and mother I want to be if I'm an empty vessel emotionally. It will be interesting to see Ashton's personality as well.
Me: "amen to that."
It's like she totally gets me.
Due December 27th with baby #7
TTC #1 January 2016
BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016
Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018
BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
Breastfeeding Basket
Postpartum Care Basket
Self-care Basket
Breastfeeding basket: water, snacks, tissues, hand lotion, nipple butter, lip balm, hand sanitizer, breast pads, nursing covers, hot/cold breast pads, Bobby pins, notebook/pen, mother's milk tea, burp cloths, nail clippers, pacifiers, and some diapers and wipes.
PP care basket: Dulcolax, maxi pads with wings, Tucks wipes, boy short underwear, Gas-X, flushable wipes, peri bottle, witch hazel, Dermoplast, Tylenol (AM & PM), aloe, Sitz bath powder, Momma bottom spray, and I will have a PP girdle from Bellefit that is dual closure.
Self-care Basket: (these are just things to help me feel good!) Stress relief body wash and lotion, chocolate, snacks, aloe-infused socks, magazines, bubble bath, a self-care journal, face masks, soft robe, coloring books, wine, eye mask, lip balm, shampoo and conditioner i wouldn't normally get, a nice bath pouf, and whatever else I may think of.
The breastfeeding basket will go in the living room (may move it to my room depending on the breastfeeding schedule and what's comfortable), the PP basket will go in the half-bath, and the self-care basket is going in my room. That way I have resources everywhere in my house that I frequent the most.
@SmashJam and @maamawaabangi It's the best, right?
TTC #1 January 2016
BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016
Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018
BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
At home, everything was in my bathroom - though I wasn't near as well-prepared as you. And if I made neat little baskets this time, I guarantee you that DD is going to go through them and strew them around the house haphazardly. So no organization for me!
Oh, and on a side note, I - formerly of a supernaturally-strong bladder - am now leaking when I cough or sneeze and have to pee. Bring on the panty liners!
Baby #1
Baby #2
~04/19/16 EDD 12/26/16~
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What kind of food would you recommend? I'm bringing snacks, but maybe a mixture of real food and snacks would be a better compromise.
I haven't really thought much about what food I'll bring this time around. Last time I figured I couldn't eat and was making do with the honey sticks (which, with a 22.5 hour labor will not suffice). My midwife was awesome and brought me a sandwich and chips from their fridge. We just learned over the weekend that our hospital has changed their policy to not support eating during labor. But legally they can't stop you. So I'm just bringing food, and they can cry about it. There's no way I'm making it through that whole pushing thing again with no calories whatsoever.
I suppose this time I'll pack something low key - like a sandwich or a wrap. I still probably won't eat a ton - because last time I got to a point where I was puking bile during contractions. So I want to pace myself to avoid upsetting my stomach more than it will already be. I might bring some fruit like apples and peaches and also general snacks like crackers and whatnot. We'll just see what I'm up to eating when the time comes. If my last labor taught me anything, it was plan for what you're not planning for. It's okay to overpack.
Baby #1
Baby #2
~04/19/16 EDD 12/26/16~
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And also thank you for letting me know about the food situation. My hospital doesn't support eating while laboring either, but I can't imagine going through it without *something*! Good to know they can't legally keep me from nourishing my body!
But there were a few nights that my DDs slept in their swings, and they aren't meant for all night sleeping either. So start small and if it's not working then get something more
That being said, glad you two worked together to do that, you seem like you are both supporting each other. Good signs for working together when baby arrives
And birth control - I am the exact same way. I actually had tried the same things, tons of pills, the patch, nuva ring, and they all make me crazy! I had my only panic attacks when I was on them before I had DDs. Actually it was because i had stopped taking bc that we had DD 9 yrs ago.
But! I have had 2 mirena IUDs, each for about 3 years at a time and I had no problems with them at all. They have such a minuscule amount of hormones compared to pills/patch/ring. So there is hope!
Also, I hate crowds. So much that DH takes our daughters to Disneyland twice a year, and I stay home. I just hate the crowds there. And it's not a little trip, we live in the Seattle area. But he's understanding and wants to take them, and they want to go. So he does
Crowds...yes. I can handle being in them for a little while, but it completely exhausts me. Some of my favorite places tend to be crowded, especially during the holidays, so it really helps me to have DH with me to hold my hand or be close. Grounds me until I can rest!
I will be getting one more mirena until DH gets his vasectomy.
In other random news, I just heard that entrance to all 400+ US National Parks is free starting tomorrow (8/25) through the weekend, so if anyone is looking for something to do outside, there is a free option!
https://www.nps.gov/findapark/index.htm
seems like he's getting screwed. I'm struggling emotionally this pregnancy with all of this actually. Feels very isolating.
Baby #1
Baby #2
~04/19/16 EDD 12/26/16~
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Also - that photo is super sweet.
I've been contemplating a lot lately that maybe just one child is enough for me. I feel like having one child is more manageable financially and time-wise. I feel like I could have enough money to show Ashton the world and give him experiences I may not be able to afford with two. I also want to have time to spend reconnecting with DH and still have time for hobbies. One doesn't seem as overwhelming to me as several (not that one baby isn't overwhelming, just in comparison).
And it seems (not for everyone, just as my experience as an only child for 8 years before my brother was born) that the second child doesn't "live up" to the first. I see that in a lot of families, although they love all their children, there is something about the first that can't be matched--there is a lot of comparing. What if I have more children, but Ashton is my favorite?
I'm already struggling with my identity becoming a mom--I struggle with maybe not feeling as sexy or attractive, or how my career might change, or how I don't want my marriage to suffer because DH means the world to me. Then I feel bad because I'm afraid I am being selfish.
Bleh, I'm crying now. Lots of emotions today.
But I also still have the same fears you mention about even one changing our current dynamic.
I try try and not think too much about it. It's mostly just fear of the unknown. And no amount of worrying can change anything. We just have to wait and see what happens and do what we can to shape our lives in the way we want.
Baby #1
Baby #2
~04/19/16 EDD 12/26/16~
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Cue irrelevant tangent on reproductive education and contraception availability for the world
As for the favoring thing, I don't know. I have a favorite pet out of the 5 - I love them all and for all different reasons - but my last one, my little one, is definitely the favorite and I do treat her differently. I have a favorite relative. I have all kinds of favorites. I can definitely see that there's favorite tendency in families even when you don't mean to. I'm my grandparents' favorite because they bonded with me more when I was a child. They treat me and my sister the same try to give her what I got (she's 13 years younger) but it's different because their bond was different. Opposite to that, my dad favors my little sister. I think it's because he didn't bond with me quite the way he did the second time around. Whatever. The love is still there. I wanted a sibling pretty badly, and had to wait until 13 to get one. I didn't enjoy being an only child but some kids really do. My best friend's sister spent their childhood trying to dispose of her. Everyone is different.
I don't think favoritism is always the case, but it seems pretty natural to prefer things over others in general.
Like others were saying, if you have Ashton and you feel complete and he seems satisfied being the one and only, I think you'll know. If it's not that, I feel like you'll know that too. I see the wisdom in being able to pour your all into one, but there's also the argument of putting your all into one and then there's too much put on the one, if that makes sense. I honestly don't have an opinion on it, but I can see both sides of that.
I used to think I wanted a whole bunch of kids myself, and I still might try for that, but then we were talking the other day about HSP, getting easily overstimulated, and needing time to pour back into myself or recharge to be fully functional again. It made me consider the wisdom of maybe having a small family for that reason, so that I can be a great mom to the one or two and maybe not a tired, overwhelmed, and mediocre mom to the three or four. Kids might be different than other people, though, I don't know.
I have not seen or had reference to this in over 2 decades and yet this song ALWAYS pops into my head.
I have to share, DD 1 will be 10 and DD 2 will be 5 when our DS is born. When I was pregnant with DD2 (Evelyn) I used to snuggle DD1 (Ana) at night and I felt this terrible struggle. How could I ever love someone as much as I love my Ana? I felt like Evelyn was getting the short straw and she wasn't even born yet. I talked to DH about it, I felt so bad because I felt like I might not have the same love for them both. I cried about it, a lot.
And then, Evelyn was born. I immediately loved her and knew the 2 were so different and individual that I'd love them fairly- but differently. Now that they are older, I can honestly say I don't have a favorite, I am just so in love with both of them. They are also polar opposites. And now with #3 (and last) on the way, I am not as worried because I know he will have his own personality from day 1. And I know that I will love him as much as I love his sisters, and treat them fairly while loving their individuality.
@DiFazette and @LinziLoo09 hugs. I ugly cried while clutching my two year old so hard reading this. He tends to flip over my shoulders and laugh maniacally, but when I cry he's really sweet and loving and will wipe my tears and let me hold him. He's so sweet and I'm lucky. We're attached at the hip, he climbed on my lap just now to snuggle, and not just bring him and I is going to be so freaking hard. He's the reason I'm a mother. He lives babies and will be a great big brother, but I feel like he's going to be so mad at me and we won't be as close.