I basically feel exactly the same way as @cjs260. If there could be folders for topics, like what @mommywesley was describing I wouldn't mind individual threads for things like birth stories because they'd be organized in some way, but here's the thing - the way this board is set up, there HAS to be some organization, at the very least the things that we have pinned. There may only be about 20 of us or so that actively post on here, but there are 100s, maybe thousands, who are going to check in for anatomy scan results and birth stories. Can you imagine how chaotic things would be if we didn't have those pinned threads? I know some of the weekly threads get unwieldy. I would never fault someone for posting something that should technically go in randoms or STM questions, etc., out of concern that their genuinely important question could get lost. But we don't need a million and one "is this RLP?" posts. In cases like that, I do think it's appropriate to kindly redirect.
The problem with that, though, is that the people who treat this like yahoo answers are not people who care about community guidelines/preferences. In my last BMB, we were a lot more organized and we did take the kindly (and, ok, as we got increasingly hormonal, sometimes not so kindly) redirect route. I think I could count on one hand how often people were actually like, "oh, sorry! I'll check that out!" Far more frequently, they responded by calling us bitches, even when we were super nice, and ranting about how we weren't a community (never mind the fact that they were literally one time only drop ins) and honestly, while the arguments were entertaining, in the end, it was mostly wasted effort and just caused drama, which was probably the last thing any of us needed. So, while I am 100% on board with supporting efforts to organize and I will gladly back up anyone who wants to redirect, as well as redirect people myself if that's the route we decide to take, I do wonder - is it worth that effort, when the people who are the prime offenders do not care in the slightest bit if we are annoyed? Would it be more effective to just ignore and let the threads die? Genuine questions, here.
My opinion on the organization is that I like the organization for weekly threads but I'm not at all bothered by the random posts. I guess I feel like most of the time if I see a random post on a Wednesday most of the time it's faded out by Friday because as many have said it just goes away, most of us know there may already be a place to post such things. Sometimes I even like the random posts, I read them and they tend to be a lot shorter than weekly. Either way, I'm thankful for this board and a place I can relate to people!
@mommywesley by the time I was 30 weeks last time the regulars of my bmb moved to FB. So instead of being on TB with 200 people saying "is this my mucus plug?!" Or "Did my water just break???" There were like 50ish of us saying "hey I'm on my way to the hospital". The randos definitely get weeded out by then. It's just a weird phase from now to then haha because obviously not everyone on here is active.
Our RainbowBaby H arrived at 37 weeks on 12/20/16!
Baby E arrived at 37 weeks on 01/31/15!
Married my Marine 05.23.14
*TW* TWIN LOSS 7.2.15 BFP 9.7.15 CP BFP 12.31.15 MC 2.28.16 BFP 10.14.17 CP BFP 3.10.18 D&C 4.13.18
@ThePax89 I'll trade you some severe type A personality for some of that laid back good stuff you got goin' on
@karaelaine1991 I think that the ignore would work, if everyone would actually ignore it. Eventually it falls off, but it seems like sometimes the post will get drug up again by people who check in like once a week, then it's there cluttering up the top again. And if a rando comes in and sees a random thread, they're going to think it's okay for them to post one, too.
@cjs260 fear not. I'm riddled with anxiety like the best of them. Nobody has ever called me laid back. I just have a cluttered mind. Cluttered mind=cluttered board.
I think we have a pretty good mix of megathreads and individual threads. I've only noticed a couple of duplicate standalone threads (symptoms, and sprinkles), and not too many people using us as google (though those annoy me as much as anyone). I do wish the admins were a bit more responsive when it comes to pinning threads - I know we've asked for a couple pins that we've never received (nursery thread and symptoms thread could stand to be pinned IMO). I just don't want us to turn into one of those super bitchy BMB's that scare off newbies without even giving them a chance. I've been around TB for a long time and I know how people can get overzealous redirecting first time posters and driving off potentially good community members. Overall this is a really nice BMB that for the most part is free of a lot of the drama and cattiness that plague a lot of boards.
Also, what regulars left? Aside from 2-3 people that have moved to Feb17 and that one lady that left after declaring that liberals and atheists were destroying America, who else is gone?
@sagoon Pretty much all of the TTGP grads left, several people are hanging out in F'17 either exclusively or bouncing between J'17 & F'17, (myself included), AND we have a serious die down of people who were adamantly posting a month ago, but who have slowed down now that if you go away from the board for a day, you have to wade through repeat posts. And I can count at least 3 people who come on this board, only to ask questions about themselves, and they do it about once a week. And why wouldn't they? We give them the milk without them having to buy the cow. Also, I think that most of us who respond to the newbies who post random things are good about being not mean, but even if we were mean 95% of them don't come back except to ask another random question we've discussed elsewhere later, if they return at all.
Theres a strong "you can't sit with us" vibe up in here.
Respectfully, I disagree. I don't think anyone is saying that these people *can't* post, just that if they're going to, we'd like them to go along with our established policies. The guidelines post is very clear about how this board is set up to run. And, correct me if I'm mistaken, I'm pretty sure the expectations are bump wide. Now, if as a group we choose not to follow the guidelines, fine. But I truly believe that we are well within our rights to call people's attention to the way things typically work here. To be honest, I personally think it's kind of arrogant to mosy into a community, blatantly ignore the status quo and do whatever the heck one wants, and then expect people to just go with it. It really boggles my mind that there are people who never post on here or contribute to the group in any way, but are going to come on here to announce their baby's sex or birth to us... if they don't know us and we don't know them, why bother? Seems narcissistic to me.
Sorry, I'm going off on a tangent now. TL;DR this group has had the guidelines laid out since day one. They're there for a reason. If we, the people who use it as a community, decide they're not necessary, so be it. But standing by them does not make us mean girls.
ETA want to clarify that my frustration is with the randoms who do this, not people like you, @ThePax89, who regularly contribute and have been highly supportive members of our group, but simply prefer more of a free for all than some of us do.
Theres a strong "you can't sit with us" vibe up in here.
I really don't think so. For me it's a "you can't sit with us, unless you plan to sit with us for longer than 20 min", haha. But seriously, it doesn't contribute to the community of the board to just ask your question then leave. Anyone can sit with us, as long as they aren't using us (and on Wednesdays, they have to wear pink).
I want to be more regular, but as a FTM, I don't feel like I have much input. Plus, I only come on here at work 'cos the mobile bump sucks.
I really hate the multiple sex announcements since we have the pinned discussion. I agree that people should search first to make sure it hasn't been asked a bunch of times and if it has, someone can kindly redirect them to the discussion. But, with the one shot wonders, they probably won't even realize they can search and just want a quick response.
Me: 33 DH: 38 Married: 1/10/15
1st Pregnancy EDD: 1/1/17 Born 1/10/17 Team Green turned Blue!
2nd Pregnancy EDD: 11/6/18 Born 11/09/18 Baby Boy!
3rd Pregnancy EDD: 12/?/21
Children are like casseroles; it takes a lot to mess them up.
Theres a strong "you can't sit with us" vibe up in here.
On Wednesdays, we Hump Day Bump Day.
I agree though. If you don't want to encourage flyby posts or duplicates, just ignore them and they'll drop off. When users reply, they get bumped back up and push off the regular threads. It doesn't have to be a big dramatic thing.
I think we have a pretty good mix of megathreads and individual threads. I've only noticed a couple of duplicate standalone threads (symptoms, and sprinkles), and not too many people using us as google (though those annoy me as much as anyone). I do wish the admins were a bit more responsive when it comes to pinning threads - I know we've asked for a couple pins that we've never received (nursery thread and symptoms thread could stand to be pinned IMO). I just don't want us to turn into one of those super bitchy BMB's that scare off newbies without even giving them a chance. I've been around TB for a long time and I know how people can get overzealous redirecting first time posters and driving off potentially good community members. Overall this is a really nice BMB that for the most part is free of a lot of the drama and cattiness that plague a lot of boards.
Also, what regulars left? Aside from 2-3 people that have moved to Feb17 and that one lady that left after declaring that liberals and atheists were destroying America, who else is gone?
I agree with this. I do think having some more major threads pinned would help. Now I know I kinda started this, but let me clarify. I don't think we need to be super sticklers, there are some 'random' threads about symptoms that are genuinely rare or unusual symptoms. I get that, I do actually like reading those. I'm just talking about the repeats, the fact that weekly threads are either not being made or are being bumped to the next page without a chance, that the repeats are getting more consistent. Also like I said before, those who will make a whole new thread about subject that is still CURRENTLY having an on going discussion in a thread like STM does irritate me. Because that person did not take the time to look at anything before posting.
Otherwise, we don't have to be pristine. We don't have to go around being pregnant-forum-Nazis (because boy does that sound scary) Just a little more structure before things get out of hand, which they aren't right now, but they can get there pretty fast.
I usually stay out of these kinds of discussions but I have to say that I agree on both sides. When there is an obvious post where a thread belongs - like the car seat question that would have been great for the Ask a STM thread then if I am the first to respond, I will re-direct and hope the thread dies. But if people start responding then I assume people want a separate thread to talk about that topic and don't re-direct.
I do think the board was pretty boring at first so I like the fun additional topics like Home-made projects or Doppler check in as it seems pretty specific. But the sex announcements or the double sprinkle posts are annoying to me.
I agree that if we want something pinned to the top then multiple people need to request it. I have requested the Nursery Thread be pinned twice and I have sent a PM to the admins...
***TW****MC mentioned & BFP mentioned***
me 38 DH 39. TTC#1 since July 2014 AMH 0.1, DOR, Poor responder Moved to Prague, Czech Republic for IVF
2 Natural IVF cycles, 3 full IVF cycles, 4 transfers, 1 BFP - heard heartbeat at 6w5d
Diagnosed MMC at 9w1d on 11/30/15
Headed back home to Colorado 12/12/15
DE attempt in Czech Republic!!
March trip to Prague canceled due to Pancreatitis. Headed to Prague April 30 3 different donors resulted in 1 PGS tested embryo and 1 fresh embryo
2 embryo's transferred (from 2 different donors) on 5/10/16 BFP on 5/15/16 at 5dp5dt
Beta 1 = 81 at 8dp5dt, Beta 2 = 295 at 10dp5dt, Beta 3 = 891 at 12dt5dt. Beta 4 = 2114 at 14dp5dt, Beta 5 = 4916 at 16dp5dt, Beta 6 = 13252 at 19dp5dt
Would a private message work for these occasions when people don't follow protocol? Like instead of "THIS is where we are posting this" you could say "I PM'd you" so if there is an argument it's done in private?
Not that everyone would read it, but do we try putting a reminder out to people to use the search function (maybe with directions) before posting a question to see if it's been discussed. And remind them of the threads that are going (like the sex reveal and nursery ones). Not that it will help all of it but I'm not sure we are going to have a perfect solution that keeps everyone happy and risk losing participants no matter what is chosen. I like having the random threads (preferably on new topics but I get it) and I like some of the weekly threads. I don't like when my weekly threads end up on page 2 but the people participating know they are out there so that just means people aren't posting and when they do it will pop back up to the top (at least based on how mine is set up).
Also, just to put this voice/thought out there, this is one of the first communities I've participated in for anything. With my first I started but just didn't get in to it for no other reason then I didn't try and I didn't check in that often. I love this BMB and have learned a lot and I love having the support of everyone and really enjoy having a place to share things I've learned and getting to support others. However, it took me a little bit to really get the picture of what the community part of this was and figure out that it's not just a place to come ask questions. So, while not everyone that is just popping in is in this boat, I just wanted to share this perspective. I've noticed a lot of new participants lately that seem to either have just found us, or just started participating (both in single threads and weekly threads). I don't want to ostracize them before they can figure out what it's all about if that's the case.
Re: UO Thursday 8/18
The problem with that, though, is that the people who treat this like yahoo answers are not people who care about community guidelines/preferences. In my last BMB, we were a lot more organized and we did take the kindly (and, ok, as we got increasingly hormonal, sometimes not so kindly) redirect route. I think I could count on one hand how often people were actually like, "oh, sorry! I'll check that out!" Far more frequently, they responded by calling us bitches, even when we were super nice, and ranting about how we weren't a community (never mind the fact that they were literally one time only drop ins) and honestly, while the arguments were entertaining, in the end, it was mostly wasted effort and just caused drama, which was probably the last thing any of us needed. So, while I am 100% on board with supporting efforts to organize and I will gladly back up anyone who wants to redirect, as well as redirect people myself if that's the route we decide to take, I do wonder - is it worth that effort, when the people who are the prime offenders do not care in the slightest bit if we are annoyed? Would it be more effective to just ignore and let the threads die? Genuine questions, here.
Edited for spelling..ops
The randos definitely get weeded out by then. It's just a weird phase from now to then haha because obviously not everyone on here is active.
*TW*
TWIN LOSS 7.2.15
BFP 9.7.15 CP
BFP 12.31.15 MC 2.28.16
BFP 10.14.17 CP
BFP 3.10.18 D&C 4.13.18
@karaelaine1991 I think that the ignore would work, if everyone would actually ignore it. Eventually it falls off, but it seems like sometimes the post will get drug up again by people who check in like once a week, then it's there cluttering up the top again. And if a rando comes in and sees a random thread, they're going to think it's okay for them to post one, too.
Also, what regulars left? Aside from 2-3 people that have moved to Feb17 and that one lady that left after declaring that liberals and atheists were destroying America, who else is gone?
Jan17 Sept Sig: Pumpkin Spice gone too far
Theres a strong "you can't sit with us" vibe up in here.
Sorry, I'm going off on a tangent now. TL;DR this group has had the guidelines laid out since day one. They're there for a reason. If we, the people who use it as a community, decide they're not necessary, so be it. But standing by them does not make us mean girls.
ETA want to clarify that my frustration is with the randoms who do this, not people like you, @ThePax89, who regularly contribute and have been highly supportive members of our group, but simply prefer more of a free for all than some of us do.
I want to be more regular, but as a FTM, I don't feel like I have much input. Plus, I only come on here at work 'cos the mobile bump sucks.
I really hate the multiple sex announcements since we have the pinned discussion. I agree that people should search first to make sure it hasn't been asked a bunch of times and if it has, someone can kindly redirect them to the discussion. But, with the one shot wonders, they probably won't even realize they can search and just want a quick response.
Me: 33 DH: 38 Married: 1/10/15
1st Pregnancy EDD: 1/1/17 Born 1/10/17 Team Green turned Blue!
2nd Pregnancy EDD: 11/6/18 Born 11/09/18 Baby Boy!
3rd Pregnancy EDD: 12/?/21
Children are like casseroles; it takes a lot to mess them up.
On Wednesdays, we Hump Day Bump Day.
I agree though. If you don't want to encourage flyby posts or duplicates, just ignore them and they'll drop off. When users reply, they get bumped back up and push off the regular threads. It doesn't have to be a big dramatic thing.
I agree with this. I do think having some more major threads pinned would help. Now I know I kinda started this, but let me clarify. I don't think we need to be super sticklers, there are some 'random' threads about symptoms that are genuinely rare or unusual symptoms. I get that, I do actually like reading those. I'm just talking about the repeats, the fact that weekly threads are either not being made or are being bumped to the next page without a chance, that the repeats are getting more consistent. Also like I said before, those who will make a whole new thread about subject that is still CURRENTLY having an on going discussion in a thread like STM does irritate me. Because that person did not take the time to look at anything before posting.
Otherwise, we don't have to be pristine. We don't have to go around being pregnant-forum-Nazis (because boy does that sound scary) Just a little more structure before things get out of hand, which they aren't right now, but they can get there pretty fast.
I usually stay out of these kinds of discussions but I have to say that I agree on both sides. When there is an obvious post where a thread belongs - like the car seat question that would have been great for the Ask a STM thread then if I am the first to respond, I will re-direct and hope the thread dies. But if people start responding then I assume people want a separate thread to talk about that topic and don't re-direct.
I do think the board was pretty boring at first so I like the fun additional topics like Home-made projects or Doppler check in as it seems pretty specific. But the sex announcements or the double sprinkle posts are annoying to me.
I agree that if we want something pinned to the top then multiple people need to request it. I have requested the Nursery Thread be pinned twice and I have sent a PM to the admins...
***TW****MC mentioned & BFP mentioned***
TTC#1 since July 2014
AMH 0.1, DOR, Poor responder
Moved to Prague, Czech Republic for IVF
DE attempt in Czech Republic!!
March trip to Prague canceled due to Pancreatitis.
Headed to Prague April 30
3 different donors resulted in 1 PGS tested embryo and 1 fresh embryo
BFP on 5/15/16 at 5dp5dt
My blog: www.wearethehammitts.blogspot.com
Not that everyone would read it, but do we try putting a reminder out to people to use the search function (maybe with directions) before posting a question to see if it's been discussed. And remind them of the threads that are going (like the sex reveal and nursery ones). Not that it will help all of it but I'm not sure we are going to have a perfect solution that keeps everyone happy and risk losing participants no matter what is chosen. I like having the random threads (preferably on new topics but I get it) and I like some of the weekly threads. I don't like when my weekly threads end up on page 2 but the people participating know they are out there so that just means people aren't posting and when they do it will pop back up to the top (at least based on how mine is set up).
Also, just to put this voice/thought out there, this is one of the first communities I've participated in for anything. With my first I started but just didn't get in to it for no other reason then I didn't try and I didn't check in that often. I love this BMB and have learned a lot and I love having the support of everyone and really enjoy having a place to share things I've learned and getting to support others. However, it took me a little bit to really get the picture of what the community part of this was and figure out that it's not just a place to come ask questions. So, while not everyone that is just popping in is in this boat, I just wanted to share this perspective. I've noticed a lot of new participants lately that seem to either have just found us, or just started participating (both in single threads and weekly threads). I don't want to ostracize them before they can figure out what it's all about if that's the case.
So as you can see, I'm on both sides