@Kacie209 Try not to stress about it, you'll look great! I'd order it big, like you said, and have it taken in. My biggest issue after birth (other than my hips) are my boobs!
@dmontgo Exactly, with different measurements you are easily different sizes. I have a small chest, and they have not grown at all except to fill out some. So even with that, my mom was trying to tell me that I should be in this size. Have you seen my hips? Even with not being PG, I have hips, which makes me fit into most size charts 1-2 up from where I probably should be already. Just annoying. The style of my wedding dress was a fit/flare and a 10 was perfect, just had to take it out in the hips some. But, I'd also try on dresses from otehr designers and easily be a 6-10... so you just never know.
Thank you. I am sure it will be fine, but just one other thing to worry about while I am trying to figure out how to bring up a newborn (FTM). "Don't mind me, guests... just feeding my baby at the table before he needs to be put down for the night, ha."
Me: 37 years old
DH: 39 years old
Married: October 17, 2014 TTC Since: November 2015 BFP: March 31, 2016 DS: November 21, 2016
December'16 December Siggy Challenge: Elf on the Shelf Fails **winner**
@Kacie209 I skipped out on participating in weddings in the near future because I know zip about what I'm doing with babies, especially in public places haha. If they were super close friends or family I'd do it, but for now I'm like naahhh. I bet people will be ooing and awwing over your LO the whole time!
We will be taking A on a big trip across the country when he's 3 months, so hopefully that will be a good experience that will lead to lots of traveling adventures in the future!
@Kacie209 Plus, if you plan to breastfeed, once your milk drops your boobs will be in a whole other size category. I had thought that mine just weren't going to fill in at all last pregnancy. Cue 4 days postpartum when I wake up in the middle of the night, leaking and looking all Dolly Parton-like. I have trouble filling in an A cup most days, but while breastfeeding I get up to a C cup. Of course even that fluctuates throughout the day as your boobs fill and empty. So just know that you won't have any clue on size until that baby comes. Order the dress with a little fabric to spare and just plan on alterations.
On a non-pregnancy note - I share an office with another worker who's only here on Mondays and Fridays. She's super nice, but she talks SO MUCH. Like you can't get a word in edgewise. And she'll just go on for an hour all by herself. I'm really not in a chatty mood today, and I have work to do. But she doesn't seem to be getting it. Ugh...Hurry up, end-of-the-day! You can't get here fast enough!
@LinziLoo09 That is very true, and I am like you... barely filling out the A even at 23 weeks along! The top of the size 14 I tried on had LOTS of extra room (it's a v-neck, which I prefer), so I should be good. If not, well... we'll figure something out. I think going up another size will add a TON of extra fabric everywhere.
And with my first random I posted (SIL and hand me downs), I told DH last night that when he's at his sister's on Saturday evening (her hubby is in a softball tourney and can't be alone with her 2 kids, who are super easy at their age) to pester more about stuff we can get from them. It's all in their attic, so it's not hard to get to and look. I doubt he will, but I'd like to start narrowing stuff down so that if someone surprises me with a shower, I can be somewhat prepared and not just ask for whatever and things that I didn't NEED to ask for, to return, etc. We get along, and could say are somewhat close, but sometimes... wow.
Me: 37 years old
DH: 39 years old
Married: October 17, 2014 TTC Since: November 2015 BFP: March 31, 2016 DS: November 21, 2016
December'16 December Siggy Challenge: Elf on the Shelf Fails **winner**
I'm jealous of all you As out there. I just bought 2 new bras over the weekend because the ones I bought a few weeks ago are now digging into me. I am now a 38E! I've gone from DD to E and baby isn't even here yet!!! I'm going to be an H by the time baby arrives
Married 4/12/13 TTC since 6/13 Diagnosed w/ PCOS 4/9/15 - R/E recommended lifestyle change BFP 4/10/16 - DS born 12/16/2016 SURPRISE! BFP 3/8/18
I have always been a solid B/C cup and so far nothing has changed with pregnancy, minus the slowly becoming coaster-like nipples. My mother has huge, huge boobs (G cup I think?) and she loves them. My paternal grandmother D-cups, my sister is 17 and has DD's. Me? Never had any desire for them, which is a good thing considering. My best friend got permanent bigger boobs when she had her son, so I kind of thought mine might grow to be a proper C or even a D. Nope, I've lost weight, gained weight, back and forth - my boobs? Nothin'. You gotta admire their commitment to a certain size, I guess.
@phoenix870509 I'm in the exact same boat with the girls. I also went from a DD to an E and I'm 22 weeks today They are already so heavy that I've been getting tension headaches when I have to wear a real bra all day. I'm terrified of how big/heavy they will be when the milk comes in.
@caseyewhitaker Sounds like my family! All the other women has at least DD or larger. Many have gotten reductions. Pre-pregnancy, I barely made it into an A. Now I'm fully filling a B. We'll see where they end up and if they stick around permanently. I'm actually not a fan of having boobs. Even a B feels huge to me. They get in the way. I have to worry about low cut tops looking inappropriate. I'll take my tiny boobs back any day!
I'll join in the bra/boob discussion as well. Depending on my weight I've been a D or DD since college. I was close to my top weight when we got our BFP, and have been dreading buying new bras for the last month. I've just been making my old DDs "work", but they are no longer comfortable and at 24 weeks currently, I'm not sure how much longer they'll last. I hate buying bras. For me it's worse than shopping for swimwear. Ugh.
I bought four new VS bra's during first tri, when my DD had already increased to a DDD. I can already tell that they're too small, but I just can't justify buying more. I also need (need! need!) to buy a new sports bra, but aaaah it's just so hard to pull the plug on a 32DDD when it costs somewhere in the range of $70!!
Me: 31 | DH: 31
Together since 2003 | Married 2010 TTC #1 January 2016 BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016 Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018 BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
Okay, I have to rant about my coworker again. She has been talking for an hour straight, and I've maybe said 3 words total. She's still talking to me as I'm typing this right now. And for the five minutes she did turn around to 'work' (aka text her kid and peruse travel websites), she continued to talk to herself. I've tried keeping ear buds in and saying I'm listening to webinars even, and she's say 'okay' and then continue in her conversation. I'm close to going home so I can work in peace, even though I'm supposed to be on site. I don't think anyone who cares about where I work is in the office today. So annoyed though.
I'm having the exact opposite with my girls! I have been a DDD for years and now all my bras are gaping at the top because I have lost so much boobage! I bet I'm down at least a cup size. I've always liked having big boobs so I'm really hoping this trend does not continue!
What is the sizing like on these things? Pre-pregnancy I wore a large in generic bottoms but I've lost so much weight I'm completely at a loss for what size I'll need. Size 10 maternity pants are swimming on me now.
Along the lines of walking into VS and seeing all the skinny gals, etc. I had to go "try" on a BM dress yesterday, as my sister is getting married 3.5 months after I give birth. A month ago, she was in town, and I actually could somewhat fit into the bigger sizes, just to get an idea... but this week, it was a little tougher. Needless to say, my mom is freaking out about what size I should order since we don't know what I'll look like afterwards. I want to be like, well we'll order what size I fit into now and obviously, hopefully, be able to fit in it when it comes time with some alterations (we'll go to the same gal who did my wedding dress) She's like, well, you could easily wear 10 since that was your wedding dress size. Um, no... did you see how tight that size 14 was now?? Plus, BM dresses run so odd. I'd rather get it big and have it taken in than be worried about loosing that baby weight (which I am already now concerned about) so I can actually fit into a dress and look somewhat decent. No pressure or anything. I would have been happier had they planned a wedding 6 months after this baby is out. But, nope... 3.5. Our son is an "honorary" ring bearer; he'll be sleeping most of the time.
So, my best friend was 8 1/2 months pregnant when her sister got married last year. She ordered 3 sizes up AND bought an extra dress in a smaller size so if they needed more fabric they had it. Her mom is a tailor, so she had a major advantage there, but she looked beautiful on the wedding day and you would never have known it was 2 dresses sewn into one.
Not that I'm saying you'll need it, I just remember her mom saying it was a good idea to order 3 sizes up.
I'm just stoked I actually HAVE boobs now! I went from an A to a B so far. I would still be able to wear my normal tops if it wasn't for this huge belly, dammit
@ajstevenson I honestly wish I was PG at her wedding rather than postpartum. I am sure that is just as hard to guess what size you'd be, too. Granted, as a FTM, I have NO idea what I am going to look like after it's all said and done, and then who knows 3 months later (when I'd start having alterations done). It's such an added unnecessary stress that I didn't think I'd have to deal with until AFTER the baby was born. But, nope... her BF felt the need to propose a little over a month ago and then they set the date to be at the end of March. I probably come off as being selfish, but other issues that I won't get into cause that.
It will be fine, and I guess I'll just have more motivation to lose the weight. Granted, I couldn't even lose 5 lbs. in the year leading up to me getting pregnant, so we'll see.
Me: 37 years old
DH: 39 years old
Married: October 17, 2014 TTC Since: November 2015 BFP: March 31, 2016 DS: November 21, 2016
December'16 December Siggy Challenge: Elf on the Shelf Fails **winner**
What is the sizing like on these things? Pre-pregnancy I wore a large in generic bottoms but I've lost so much weight I'm completely at a loss for what size I'll need. Size 10 maternity pants are swimming on me now.
@ajstevenson it goes by dress size. S/M is size 6-12 (or 23-27" waist) and L/XL is size 14-20 (28-34" waist). I wear size 6 pants so I got the small.
Married 4/12/13 TTC since 6/13 Diagnosed w/ PCOS 4/9/15 - R/E recommended lifestyle change BFP 4/10/16 - DS born 12/16/2016 SURPRISE! BFP 3/8/18
We just got word of 4 travel related zika cases in my County. All 4 have already recovered and the county just released the information. I'm amazed at how many people are completely panicking over it! And the outrage over the county not releasing this info until now is amazing. The article CLEARLY states the results just came in this morning...but the headline doesn't say that so ppl think that info was intentionally held back. *eyeroll*
@sourlemon - it's wierd that ppl are freaked about Zika obtained from traveling. I guess it could spread locally if one of them got bit. Are you in the south? I heard there is another area of Miami where there is local Zika spread.
@Kacie209 - I am a bridesmaid (I'm having a hard time using BM because all I see is "Bowel Movement") in November. 8 months of pregoliciousness. I am terrified of how this dress will fit... That being said, a friend of mine was a bridesmaid PP and she had ordered a few sizes up (she thought she would still be pregnant at the time) but wound up needing it taken in, which was costly but I'm sure felt nice on her self esteem.
But ya, adding alterations on top of the stress of just being a bridesmaid (especially right after having a baby)... It's overwhelming.
DH is a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) with triggers to smells and too many/loud noises.
I am a HSP to bright lights and being around too many people and their emotions/energies.
DH in the time we have been married (almost 4 years) has not been able to go into places like Yankee Candle or Bath and Body Works with me because he gets overwhelmed with the scents. And yesterday...he went into BOTH YK and BBWorks and helped me pick out fall candles and stuff for my PP self-care basket.
We both were drained because we had to be around things that overwhelm us (the mall), but I am so proud of him for going with me. Sounds silly, but it was a big step for him.
@dmontgo My husband and I are the same him with the smells, me with the emotions/energies. I had never heard of this until my neighbor several years ago told me about it and encouraged me to research it. I understood myself so much better after that.
That was awesome of him to tolerate that. My husband usually tries, but typically has to dip out and wait for me outside before I'm completely done.
@dmontgo - with the emotions thing, is that an empath? My family is hyper aware and tuned into the vibes of others while my husband's family is not. It's interesting. A family of empaths can be really hard because a small thing one person is dealing with spreads between people like crazy. I feel like I've actually evolved out of being an empath in a large way in the past few years. I don't know if that's actually possible or not but it's interesting!
I also have super hearing, sight, and sense of smell. I get it all tested for my job every year and ears and sight always test off the charts. Makes me super irritable sometimes. I wish I could just turn it all down. Sometimes I can't handle grocery stores and stuff because all the colors and smells in the food and advertising are just like chaos in my head.
@caseyewhitaker Our therapists helped us understand it and it was honestly such a relief, especially for me. I just seem to absorb people's (and animals') emotions around me and it can be so exhausting. I was told that it comes from a hyper reactivity in our nervous system that allows us to have too many mirror cells (can't remember the exact term) and we empathize and feel emotion 100x stronger than others. It's a gift in some ways because we *do* understand how others are feeling, but it can be a curse because someone's negative emotions can either ruin our day, or we mistake their emotions for ours.
When I was a kid, strange things would upset me, like roadkill. I had so much empathy for the little critter that it would overwhelm me. Fortunately it's a lot better for me now, but I have to practice self-care and have alone time or I break down.
@dmontgo I freaking love the articulate way you're able to pass what you've learned about all these different things from therapy to this board. It's such a gift!!
@slartybartfast Yes, "empath" is another term for a person with emotional hypersensitivity. It doesn't mean that they'll cry a lot or being dramatic (seems to be a misconception), but you're exactly right in that emotions and or emotionally charged situations spread like wildfire among empaths. My mom is an empath, but my dad is not. Until I started going to therapy, I honestly thought I was going crazy because I feel other people's emotions so intensely that I had a hard time understanding how *I* truly felt. I've had to make a lot of adjustments with the type of friends I have, and that's also another reason why I try to get Christmas shopping done early--the crowds can be too much for me.
DH is a lot like you in his sensitivity and we just have to make adjustments. He can't handle someone talking to him, music playing, and then grocery store announcements all at once in combination with all the other visual stimuli around him. He doesn't have a meltdown like a child would, but he will get kind of irritable or very quiet.
I've been thinking a lot lately about Ashton and if he will be a HSP too. He probably will, and I've read there are special challenges in parenting HSPs, so it's going to be interesting to see how it manifests in him, if at all.
@dmontgo - here's something super interesting. For the first few months of [DS]s life... maybe like 6 or 8 months, my new mom super senses had me feeling what my son was feeling. Like he would be fussy and if he had a headache or upset stomach or was hungry, I would feel that. It was crazy. It's gone away since. I was clearly picking up on small body language cues like a slightly more furrowed brow or curled up body position and embodying the thing that was causing him discomfort. People that have this all the time are physical empaths and I had heard about it but to experience it was so weird! It went away though.
@slartybartfast There's a term for that phenomenon with new moms and their babies, but I can't remember it off the top of my head. But that's what it's like for me all of the time. I have a friend that she can no longer read the news or watch certain movies because she will burst into tears and be very depressed. I think therapy has helped me not reach that point, but it's a common thing for HSPs that don't get help in coping with the stimuli.
I've also read that HSPs can develop that neurological hyper reactivity from trauma or abuse, and it triggers the "fear center" a lot easier than "normal" people, which would explain why we are so sensitive to body language, emotions, sounds, etc. For some of us, I think it's a defense mechanism. Very interesting.
@dmontgo same. I can get myself really upset over someone squashing a bug, or if I think about it too much even a shampoo bottle being empty and thrown away (it was ours and it lived with us and now it's going to be abandoned and destroyed).
Empath is definitely another word for it. I used to let other people end hugs instead of initiating the end of hugs because I didn't want them to feel bereft if I pulled away too soon. I can't watch shows where people have addictions or emotional problems because I start internalizing their issues and get really out of shape. The worst for me is violence and torture on television. It's an absolute non-doable for me. I literally feel like I'm going to climb a wall and my stomach gets in knots. It's a real situation.
Because I'm this way, people with difficult life situations are drawn to me. I had two different ladies I was going to church with several years ago who would call me at all hours and talk about their terrible marriages and I would pray with them. It left me wrecked and at the time I thought it was just me feeling/caring for them, etc. until my husband helped me see that they were literally draining energy out of me like a syringe. I have to be careful about picking friends in general for this reason because emotionally needy people can suck the life out of me quick.
At one time I thought that I wanted to be a therapist, boy that would have been an awful profession for me. It's really difficult for me to be around a lot of people in general which is one of the reasons I decided I probably wasn't the best suited to be a teacher either. I used to come home from my long-term sub job and have literally no personality left.
@dmontgo@caseyewhitaker I'm so incredibly happy to see other HSPs in the wild! Your descriptions mirror my experiences exactly. I would always take on everyone's emotions, and basically became the "therapist" of everyone around me. It was exhausting. Thankfully, I too had a wonderful therapist who explained HSPs to me and urged me to research more into it. It really helped me get a better game plan for dealing with life.
Emotional energy and just general over-stimulation is big for me, so I need a lot of recharge time, but I also wanted to ask: do any of you guys deal with a hypersensitivity to medication? I definitely do and it seems to run on my father's side of the family as both my father and grandfather were very sensitive to medications.
@Fauxpa I haven't had any issues with medications that rings a bell. Same about being excited to see others like myself though, understanding yourself can go a long way toward self acceptance and love.
@fauxpa I have a weird thing with medications. Pain medications (like the heavy duty stuff) have absolutely zero affect on me. I had to be on them in the past, and they didn't help my pain from an injury at all. It was like I was on nothing.
Birth control on the other hand...my body does not handle it well AT ALL. I have tried various kinds, and each one just hurt me. Depo, Nuvaring, several types of the pill, the patch...I had to get off it because I was getting frequent panic attacks for no reason...like when driving. My mood and sex drive were absolutely awful, and there was a time when I was worried I was becoming schizophrenic like my mom. Now I feel great and take zero medications except for the occasional Tylenol.
I'm a bit worried about when A is born because the copper IUD seems like a good choice, but because of my endometriosis it would make my bleeding worse. So hopefully I can find a good solution.
In general when it comes to illness, I'll be deathly sick but don't show the typical symptoms. I've had to be hospitalized before because I had pneumonia for a while but it presented as a mild cold. My mom on the other hand (empath as well), is seemingly always sick.
I will say now that you mention that, that when I was taking synthroid for my thyroid (still not even sure I should have been on it, which is another story) it made me so much worse and I was having some pretty crazy episodes. One time I was sobbing in the floor because DH crumpled up a food wrapper I had neatly folded and tossed it in the trash. Synthroid makes a lot of people crazy though, I've found out, but it definitely made that side of me worse. Anxiety attacks I couldn't get the better of like I can off the meds kind of thing.
I do better off birth control too, it made my migraines much worse. I don't find DH and myself to be super fertile considering it took us nearly 4 years for this pregnancy. I've decided to let nature run its course and see what happens after Eaton's born because we are open to a larger family if it happens. I'm 30 so I don't have that many more years of childbearing left anyway. If things start going in the super fertile direction we might come back to this conclusion and reconsider.
I generally prefer to be med/stimulant free, which is why I felt so weird about introducing baby aspirin. I think my taking stuff in the past could have possibly impacted my fertility. That's just my speculation, of course.
@sourlemon - it's wierd that ppl are freaked about Zika obtained from traveling. I guess it could spread locally if one of them got bit. Are you in the south? I heard there is another area of Miami where there is local Zika spread.
Arizona. We get mosquitos this time of year from the monsoons but our county is huge, mainly rural, and the cases were not in my city. Yet it's the people in the city freaking out.
@dmontgo I had the exact same reaction to birth control. In fact, I was really terrified of getting pregnant because I was afraid of what the hormone flood would do to me, but thankfully natural hormones don't seem to mess with me the same way synthetic ones do. I'm so sorry you have to deal with endo on top of it all.
I'm the opposite with pain medication. I can take one ibuprofen to knock out a migraine, or one benadryl will completely knock me out for hours. The hardcore stuff I refuse to take anymore because I get seizure like shakes and vomit non-stop. That is the main reason I'm planning/hoping to go as med-free with labor as possible because I have no idea how I'll react to an epidural.
It's also really kind of funny that you mention how you present illness because my dad (also an HSP) is the exact same way. Throughout my life I've lost count at how many times he's had to be admitted to the hospital because some routine blood work showed some level so off the charts that he should have died, but he never showed any symptoms. He's also a carrier for a bunch of different bacteria that don't ever cause infection. It's bizarre. I'd never really thought it might be tied to the whole highly sensitive thing before.
@dmontgo@caseyewhitaker I'm going to apologize now because I'll probably have a million questions for you guys. I have a few other friends and family members that I think are HSPs but I feel weird bringing it up. My dad thinks it's super hokey even though I've shown him some science research to back it up.
@fauxpa No need to apologize! I think it's super cool that HSPs are finding out what's been going on with them. I read that we take up about 20% of the population, so we are out there but I think for a lot of people it takes a long time to find answers, especially since the term itself wasn't used until the 90s.
With adjustments to my life and being honest with myself, I've made a lot of progress and hope to continue to do so!
@slartybartfast is your son's name Alan? That's my son's name but it's spelled Allan (his bio grandma named him). It's just not a common name for little boys these days and makes me smile. I didn't love it when we met him but I do now! I'm so glad we didn't consider changing it. It has a nice sound and fits him well.
I remember when I was a kid I experienced a traumatic event and my parents took me to see a therapist for awhile. She tested me for what I think you're talking about, (HSP) although I can't remember the term she used to be sure. She asked me if I had a friend at school who was hungry but didn't have a lunch what would I do? I said, "I'd share my lunch." She later explained one thing they look for in children who may be a hyper sensitive person is the answer, "I'd give them my lunch." She said its important keep a close eye on these children because often they may prioritize other peoples emotional and physical health ahead of their own.
Although I don't necessarily fit into this category its something I'd like to be considerate of in those who do experience it and be careful not to take advantage them (however unintentional). I don't mean to simplify it or misinterperet what it must be like, as it's not something I have necessarily experience myself (Although I think most of us experience some element of heightened empathy becoming mothers) but I do find that it explains a lot about the way certain people relate to others. Thanks for sharing.
@fauxpa This is just my experience but it may give you some comfort if things don't go as planned and you end up needing an epidural. I'm pretty sensitive to most medications. Even before I was pregnant I rarely use pain killers (maybe tylenol once or twice a year and even then I usually take half a dose). Birth control was nightmare for me so I was happy the copper IUD worked out. I don't drink caffeine and the one time I took Benadryl it made me shaky, light headed and sick to my stomach so I hope I never need to again. Thus I understand the fear of drugs going into your system.
However, in my experience, the epidural was surprisingly less terrifying then I anticipated. The thought of loosing control over my body was really scary, but fortunately that actually never happened. I was able to move pretty easily, I was able to get up on my knees to push, I could feel all of the contractions, and I even walked to the bathroom minutes after delivery. I know that's just one mom's experience but at least for me my sensitivity to most medications didn't seem to be a factor.
Re: Random - 8.17
Thank you. I am sure it will be fine, but just one other thing to worry about while I am trying to figure out how to bring up a newborn (FTM). "Don't mind me, guests... just feeding my baby at the table before he needs to be put down for the night, ha."
TTC Since: November 2015
BFP: March 31, 2016
DS: November 21, 2016
We will be taking A on a big trip across the country when he's 3 months, so hopefully that will be a good experience that will lead to lots of traveling adventures in the future!
On a non-pregnancy note - I share an office with another worker who's only here on Mondays and Fridays. She's super nice, but she talks SO MUCH. Like you can't get a word in edgewise. And she'll just go on for an hour all by herself. I'm really not in a chatty mood today, and I have work to do. But she doesn't seem to be getting it. Ugh...Hurry up, end-of-the-day! You can't get here fast enough!
Baby #1
Baby #2
~04/19/16 EDD 12/26/16~
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And with my first random I posted (SIL and hand me downs), I told DH last night that when he's at his sister's on Saturday evening (her hubby is in a softball tourney and can't be alone with her 2 kids, who are super easy at their age) to pester more about stuff we can get from them. It's all in their attic, so it's not hard to get to and look. I doubt he will, but I'd like to start narrowing stuff down so that if someone surprises me with a shower, I can be somewhat prepared and not just ask for whatever and things that I didn't NEED to ask for, to return, etc. We get along, and could say are somewhat close, but sometimes... wow.
TTC Since: November 2015
BFP: March 31, 2016
DS: November 21, 2016
TTC since 6/13
Diagnosed w/ PCOS 4/9/15 - R/E recommended lifestyle change
BFP 4/10/16 - DS born 12/16/2016
SURPRISE! BFP 3/8/18
TTC #1 January 2016
BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016
Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018
BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
Baby #1
Baby #2
~04/19/16 EDD 12/26/16~
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Not that I'm saying you'll need it, I just remember her mom saying it was a good idea to order 3 sizes up.
It will be fine, and I guess I'll just have more motivation to lose the weight. Granted, I couldn't even lose 5 lbs. in the year leading up to me getting pregnant, so we'll see.
TTC Since: November 2015
BFP: March 31, 2016
DS: November 21, 2016
TTC since 6/13
Diagnosed w/ PCOS 4/9/15 - R/E recommended lifestyle change
BFP 4/10/16 - DS born 12/16/2016
SURPRISE! BFP 3/8/18
That being said, a friend of mine was a bridesmaid PP and she had ordered a few sizes up (she thought she would still be pregnant at the time) but wound up needing it taken in, which was costly but I'm sure felt nice on her self esteem.
But ya, adding alterations on top of the stress of just being a bridesmaid (especially right after having a baby)... It's overwhelming.
ETA- on the bright side, booze!
I am a HSP to bright lights and being around too many people and their emotions/energies.
DH in the time we have been married (almost 4 years) has not been able to go into places like Yankee Candle or Bath and Body Works with me because he gets overwhelmed with the scents. And yesterday...he went into BOTH YK and BBWorks and helped me pick out fall candles and stuff for my PP self-care basket.
We both were drained because we had to be around things that overwhelm us (the mall), but I am so proud of him for going with me. Sounds silly, but it was a big step for him.
That was awesome of him to tolerate that. My husband usually tries, but typically has to dip out and wait for me outside before I'm completely done.
I also have super hearing, sight, and sense of smell. I get it all tested for my job every year and ears and sight always test off the charts. Makes me super irritable sometimes. I wish I could just turn it all down. Sometimes I can't handle grocery stores and stuff because all the colors and smells in the food and advertising are just like chaos in my head.
When I was a kid, strange things would upset me, like roadkill. I had so much empathy for the little critter that it would overwhelm me. Fortunately it's a lot better for me now, but I have to practice self-care and have alone time or I break down.
DH is a lot like you in his sensitivity and we just have to make adjustments. He can't handle someone talking to him, music playing, and then grocery store announcements all at once in combination with all the other visual stimuli around him. He doesn't have a meltdown like a child would, but he will get kind of irritable or very quiet.
I've been thinking a lot lately about Ashton and if he will be a HSP too. He probably will, and I've read there are special challenges in parenting HSPs, so it's going to be interesting to see how it manifests in him, if at all.
I've also read that HSPs can develop that neurological hyper reactivity from trauma or abuse, and it triggers the "fear center" a lot easier than "normal" people, which would explain why we are so sensitive to body language, emotions, sounds, etc. For some of us, I think it's a defense mechanism. Very interesting.
Empath is definitely another word for it. I used to let other people end hugs instead of initiating the end of hugs because I didn't want them to feel bereft if I pulled away too soon. I can't watch shows where people have addictions or emotional problems because I start internalizing their issues and get really out of shape. The worst for me is violence and torture on television. It's an absolute non-doable for me. I literally feel like I'm going to climb a wall and my stomach gets in knots. It's a real situation.
Because I'm this way, people with difficult life situations are drawn to me. I had two different ladies I was going to church with several years ago who would call me at all hours and talk about their terrible marriages and I would pray with them. It left me wrecked and at the time I thought it was just me feeling/caring for them, etc. until my husband helped me see that they were literally draining energy out of me like a syringe. I have to be careful about picking friends in general for this reason because emotionally needy people can suck the life out of me quick.
At one time I thought that I wanted to be a therapist, boy that would have been an awful profession for me. It's really difficult for me to be around a lot of people in general which is one of the reasons I decided I probably wasn't the best suited to be a teacher either. I used to come home from my long-term sub job and have literally no personality left.
Emotional energy and just general over-stimulation is big for me, so I need a lot of recharge time, but I also wanted to ask: do any of you guys deal with a hypersensitivity to medication? I definitely do and it seems to run on my father's side of the family as both my father and grandfather were very sensitive to medications.
@fauxpa I have a weird thing with medications. Pain medications (like the heavy duty stuff) have absolutely zero affect on me. I had to be on them in the past, and they didn't help my pain from an injury at all. It was like I was on nothing.
Birth control on the other hand...my body does not handle it well AT ALL. I have tried various kinds, and each one just hurt me. Depo, Nuvaring, several types of the pill, the patch...I had to get off it because I was getting frequent panic attacks for no reason...like when driving. My mood and sex drive were absolutely awful, and there was a time when I was worried I was becoming schizophrenic like my mom. Now I feel great and take zero medications except for the occasional Tylenol.
I'm a bit worried about when A is born because the copper IUD seems like a good choice, but because of my endometriosis it would make my bleeding worse. So hopefully I can find a good solution.
In general when it comes to illness, I'll be deathly sick but don't show the typical symptoms. I've had to be hospitalized before because I had pneumonia for a while but it presented as a mild cold. My mom on the other hand (empath as well), is seemingly always sick.
It's weird for sure.
I do better off birth control too, it made my migraines much worse. I don't find DH and myself to be super fertile considering it took us nearly 4 years for this pregnancy. I've decided to let nature run its course and see what happens after Eaton's born because we are open to a larger family if it happens. I'm 30 so I don't have that many more years of childbearing left anyway. If things start going in the super fertile direction we might come back to this conclusion and reconsider.
I generally prefer to be med/stimulant free, which is why I felt so weird about introducing baby aspirin. I think my taking stuff in the past could have possibly impacted my fertility. That's just my speculation, of course.
I'm the opposite with pain medication. I can take one ibuprofen to knock out a migraine, or one benadryl will completely knock me out for hours. The hardcore stuff I refuse to take anymore because I get seizure like shakes and vomit non-stop. That is the main reason I'm planning/hoping to go as med-free with labor as possible because I have no idea how I'll react to an epidural.
It's also really kind of funny that you mention how you present illness because my dad (also an HSP) is the exact same way. Throughout my life I've lost count at how many times he's had to be admitted to the hospital because some routine blood work showed some level so off the charts that he should have died, but he never showed any symptoms. He's also a carrier for a bunch of different bacteria that don't ever cause infection. It's bizarre. I'd never really thought it might be tied to the whole highly sensitive thing before.
@dmontgo @caseyewhitaker I'm going to apologize now because I'll probably have a million questions for you guys. I have a few other friends and family members that I think are HSPs but I feel weird bringing it up. My dad thinks it's super hokey even though I've shown him some science research to back it up.
With adjustments to my life and being honest with myself, I've made a lot of progress and hope to continue to do so!
Due December 27th with baby #7
TTC #1 January 2016
BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016
Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018
BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
This is an interesting thread.
I remember when I was a kid I experienced a traumatic event and my parents took me to see a therapist for awhile. She tested me for what I think you're talking about, (HSP) although I can't remember the term she used to be sure. She asked me if I had a friend at school who was hungry but didn't have a lunch what would I do? I said, "I'd share my lunch." She later explained one thing they look for in children who may be a hyper sensitive person is the answer, "I'd give them my lunch." She said its important keep a close eye on these children because often they may prioritize other peoples emotional and physical health ahead of their own.
Although I don't necessarily fit into this category its something I'd like to be considerate of in those who do experience it and be careful not to take advantage them (however unintentional). I don't mean to simplify it or misinterperet what it must be like, as it's not something I have necessarily experience myself (Although I think most of us experience some element of heightened empathy becoming mothers) but I do find that it explains a lot about the way certain people relate to others. Thanks for sharing.
@fauxpa This is just my experience but it may give you some comfort if things don't go as planned and you end up needing an epidural. I'm pretty sensitive to most medications. Even before I was pregnant I rarely use pain killers (maybe tylenol once or twice a year and even then I usually take half a dose). Birth control was nightmare for me so I was happy the copper IUD worked out. I don't drink caffeine and the one time I took Benadryl it made me shaky, light headed and sick to my stomach so I hope I never need to again. Thus I understand the fear of drugs going into your system.
However, in my experience, the epidural was surprisingly less terrifying then I anticipated. The thought of loosing control over my body was really scary, but fortunately that actually never happened. I was able to move pretty easily, I was able to get up on my knees to push, I could feel all of the contractions, and I even walked to the bathroom minutes after delivery. I know that's just one mom's experience but at least for me my sensitivity to most medications didn't seem to be a factor.