October 2016 Moms

Paternity leave?

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Re: Paternity leave?

  • I'm lucky that Disney just changed their maternity policy, I get 12 weeks short term leave paid in full, plus we get 12 additional weeks, called Baby Bonding, that can be used within one year of the babies birth. Only catch is that 3 weeks are paid and the other 9 weeks are unpaid. I will only use those if really needed. But it's nice to know that they are there. 
    Disney in CA or FL? If CA look into paid family leave as well as disability leave. Out of the total 20 weeks maternity leave we get for the company I work for (also in Entertainment), 16 of them are paid either via CA or through my employer/insurance. :) 
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    Married to DH for 6 years (together for 16)
    DS born 12.13.14
    DD born 10.15.16
    BFP 1.24.18, MC 3.13.18
    <3 BFP 4.25.19, EDD 12.31.19  <3


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  • Other question, have any of you already discussed with HR about filing STD or FMLA? Obviously my boss knows I'm pregnant and my plans, but I know I need to file some paperwork with HR. I haven't done that yet. I think our rules are no more than 30 days before the event.
    I did this before 2nd tri was over. I'm an over planner and I wanted to get all my paperwork in sooner rather than later. :) 
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    Married to DH for 6 years (together for 16)
    DS born 12.13.14
    DD born 10.15.16
    BFP 1.24.18, MC 3.13.18
    <3 BFP 4.25.19, EDD 12.31.19  <3


  • I also submitted my paper work around 13-14 weeks. But our policy is more on the side of "tell us asap about your leave plans."
  • I've convinced him to talk to them and we laid out a plan! He'll stay home with us for the first month, then go back to work for two months, then stay home with baby for two months after I go back to work. Thrilled we finally have a plan and won't have to worry about daycare until she is 5 months old!
    That's a great plan!  We had friends who did this and it worked out really well for them.  It's nice to have some one-on-one bonding time with baby for both of you.
  • DH gets three weeks of paternity leave, fully paid.  He also works from home 2 days/week, and has unlimited vacation.  He'll take the three weeks after LO is born, and will play it by ear afterwards, although we don't expect him to take any more vacation through 2016.  Having him work from home will be a huge help, and if needed he can take more time.
  • My husband doesn't have any paternity time, and just started a new job in June that is commission only. Right now my husband doesn't know how much time he will be able to take off but I think it will be just a few days.  If we are lucky it will be a whole week but we have to see.  He works on weekends, too, so I'm hoping LO will cooperate a tiny bit and have me start labor during the beginning of the week. :)
  • My DH gets two weeks, but he works primarly from home and will be around most of the time  (he's an insurance investigator so he's on the road for interviews and scene investigations and stuff but all office work is done from home).  It'll be nice to have him there so I can get a break and a shower.  
  • My husband is the primary earner and will not be taking paternity leave; I will be taking the full 52 weeks of maternity and parental leave. He has two weeks banked time and will take that starting when baby is born. Will be nice to have that help. Also, my mother-in-law is retired and lives five minutes away, so she has offered her help if I would like it. 
  • I'm also in Canada so we get 12 months. Hubby and I are taking the first 4 months off together- were calling it our "early retirement"- lol. Then I'll go back to work and he will take the additional 4 months, plus whatever sick pay he has stored up at his job since i don't think he'll be going back. I think it's like another 7 weeks or something crazy. Either way I'm really excited!! Hoping he can set up his home business and work from home after. 
  • My husband probably won't take more than a couple days off.. he's a teacher and could take more time off, but like I said he probably wont! ;)
  • For those of you who's SO don't have paternity leave or will only be off a short time, how are you managing other family visiting during that time. My fiancé is only taking about a week off. He really wants it to just be us so that he can have his time with the baby. That's what I want too but he has a valid reason IMO. Unfortunately my mom lives out of state and wants to be here from the beginning. I understand her feelings too but it's his baby! It's turning my delivery/coming home into a very stressful situation.
  • We really really limited visitors with our second. We were bombarded with visitors with our first. It was the first grand baby for both sides of the family, and we were the first out of our close friends to have a baby. So we had non stop company. My biggest regret was actually not telling people friends family or not to go away. I was so tired, breastfeeding was hard and I had a very very tough delivery that ended in a ECS. 

    I know it's a tough spot to be in @NicholeL16 but if your mom and fiancé get along I would compromise on her coming halfway through his time off. I actually really wanted my mom there, she and my husband were the only ones I wanted near me and my baby. I would actually of been really sad without her. She brought us food, cleaned the house, let us sleep and entertained guests while we slept. It was such a lifesaver. Granted she went home at night cause she lives in the same town. But it would depend on the type of mom you have. Some moms are high needs, and expect to be looked after as a house guest. So in that case I would say she can wait a week.
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  • @Schell2013 unfortunatly she is not low maintenance company and he is not in the mood to compromise. Managing everyone's expectations during the pregnancy has been a nightmare. 
  • @NicholeL16 I can understand your DH's feelings - I just wanted to be left alone in the early days so we could figure things out and get comfortable, but that's me. After a few weeks, when DH went back to work, I started to feel really lonely, so I could have used some visitors. Everyone is different, but it might be nice to have your mom come later ... though I bet she'll feel differently. 
  • @NicholeL16 DH and I would both prefer limited visitors once we are home with the baby while he is off work. That way we can try to get in the swing of things as a family of three and so that he can spend some quality time with his new daughter while he is off work. I just told my mom that since DH will be off for the first week or so, I would prefer if she take time off once he gets back to work because DH will  be helping me while he's home but I will need help once he is gone. MIL wants to come stock the fridge/cook for us and I'm sure she will want to spend time with DH and the baby but she understands as well that we want some alone time.

    I know a lot of people don't want visitors in the hospital but I would much rather have everyone there and a little quiet time at home (maybe for the first week at least) than hoards of people coming to the house.
    DH: 29 | Me: 29 
    Dating: 10/3/08 | Married: 12/27/14
    TTC #1: August 2015 | BFP: 2/3/16 | EDD: 10/7/16
    DD: 10/5/16
    TTC #2: September 2017 | BFP: 4/28/18 | EDD: 1/7/19
    DS: 1/9/19
    BabyFruit Ticker


  • @emmaaa I agree. I would rather have everyone at the hospital where the nurses can kick them out! 
    Me:33
    DH: 34
    Married: May 2011
    TTC #1: May 2015
    DS: 10/20/2016
    TTC #2: June 2019
    #2 EDD: 2/20/2020
  • NicholeL16NicholeL16 member
    edited August 2016
    @emmaaa and @mommathoner I actually don't want anyone here for the first week or two either. His parents are near by and they are really good with giving us our space. I know they are going to come by and visit the baby but I'm not worried because I know they won't over stay their welcome. My mom is from out of town so there is no way for her to just visit for a little bit and then leave. She has booked her flight already and he isn't happy. I'm stuck in the middle.
  • @NicholeL16 Definitely a tough spot to be in. We also want the first few days/week to be about us and baby, but my parents live three hours away and want to be there for the birth. Luckily they offered to stay in a nearby hotel for a few days that so they could give us some space. I also told them something similar to what @emmaaa said - that it would be great for them to come for a more extended visit once DH goes back to work so we can figure things out on our own. It's definitely hard to manage expectations and not hurt anyone's feelings, but at the end of the day it is your baby. I hope you & your fiancé figure out a good solution!
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  • @NicholeL16 That sounds like a rough spot to be in.  Could you maybe ask her to stay in a hotel?  Even maybe offer to pay for part of the expense?  Or maybe ask your fiance's parents if she could stay with them?  I know those aren't ideal solutions, but maybe she'd be willing to compromise a bit, especially if she booked the trip without asking first.  I know parents want to see their grandchildren as soon as possible, but it is important to have some bonding time as a family.
  • @ignoscemihi that's what we have arranged right now but neither she or my fiancé are satisfied. He feels like his wishes aren't being respected and she feels shut out. I feel like our wishes were ignored too but since I have so much time with the baby I feel a little more flexible about the situation. He only has one week off so he feels very strongly about it. I know if I was only going to get one week home with the baby I would not want to
    share with a single person.
  • @NicholeL16 Just reading your situation makes my stomach hurt for you.  No one wants to have to mediate between their parent and their significant other.  I'm sorry you're in that position and I'm sorry I don't have anything better to add.  If she's coming on your due date, maybe you'll be a few days early and you'll still get time for just you, your fiance and baby without having to have a confrontation about it.
  • @ignoscemihi thank you very much. This has been the theme of my whole pregnancy. I'm thankful to have a group of other pregnant momma's to connect with.
  • @NicholeL16 Just reading your situation makes my stomach hurt for you.  No one wants to have to mediate between their parent and their significant other.  I'm sorry you're in that position and I'm sorry I don't have anything better to add.  If she's coming on your due date, maybe you'll be a few days early and you'll still get time for just you, your fiance and baby without having to have a confrontation about it.
    This is what I was thinking too. What's her plan if baby is 2 weeks late? My MIL is waiting to book her ticket from Wyoming to Maryland until he's actually born. It would be a shame if she was sitting around your house waiting for a baby who doesn't come until she's gone home!!
  • @NicholeL16  My parents are coming from the opposite coast.  I would be fine with them coming immediately, because my mom is one of those super helpful, willing to do anything and stay out of the way at the same time somehow, awesome saints.  However, DH is ok with whatever I want, so I'm sorry you have to deal with two different plans/wants.  

    The final solution we came up with is that they will wait until LO arrives and then arrange their travel, because my father wants to give DH, me, and LO some bonding time before they encroach.  That being said, I'm not sure how much time DH is eligible for (he just started a new job) nor how much we can afford for him to take unpaid if his company even allows it.
    Me: 36 & DH: 40
    Married: November 2015
    DD 10/19/2016
    BFP:  8/20/2018 - EDD 5/4/2019
  • @ashleyp625 exactly! Realistically this baby could come anywhere from 37-42+6 weeks. I am under the care of a midwife so as long as there aren't any complications the mentality is that this baby will come when he comes. That's what I wanted. A laid back approach. I plan to work until my due date and then I just want to lay around with my fiancé and enjoy our last days as a family of two before our baby comes. Sorry if I hijacked this thread. I'm probably just complaining now and should have gone to the Monday bitchfest thread.
  • Sounds like the perfect plan to me. Hope you can convince your mom to change her tickets so you can have the experience you want! 
  • @Schell2013 unfortunatly she is not low maintenance company and he is not in the mood to compromise. Managing everyone's expectations during the pregnancy has been a nightmare. 
    In that case I would say something along the lines of you'll let her know when a good time is for her to visit cause you want to see how it goes. For all you know you could have a c section and be in the hospital for 3 days. If she is a pain in the butt I can understand your SO's reasoning. 
    Side note- don't try to accommodate anyone. They should be accommodating you, not the other way around. 
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  • My parents drove 3+ hours when DS was born. They got there right after delivery. My dad went home after 2 days but my mom stayed for about 2 weeks. I don't know what I would have done without her. She and I don't always get along but she somehow knew exactly how to help and what I needed. She never got in the way of DH or I but she was always there to give us an hour of sleep when we needed it. I was so sad when she left. My inlaws could have never come and I would have been fine with that ;)

    Now we're having our second and I already know I'll need her here. Someone has to take care of DS while I'm in the hospital and she's already been signed up. 

  • My parents live down south so my mom will be flying up a week before my due date and stay until just before Christmas. My Dad will come up once LO is born and stay for a week then come back for Thanksgiving. I'm really happy that my mom will be here to help since my DH only has a week off. I'm welcoming the help. 
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    Married 11-11-11
    TTC only since Dec 2015. I had some weight to get off. Been working hard in the gym for over a year.
    BFP 02-15-16 with our first
    IT'S A BOY!!! 


  • @sportiegrl1213 I wish my mommy would stay that long!! Haha She is staying for 2 weeks and then she will be back and forth. Luckily it's only a 2.5 hour drive for her to get here and she doesn't have to deal with flying. She might stay that long if she had to fly! 
    Me:33
    DH: 34
    Married: May 2011
    TTC #1: May 2015
    DS: 10/20/2016
    TTC #2: June 2019
    #2 EDD: 2/20/2020
  • I'm SO happy she's staying that long. She's been here over a week so far and leaves on Sept 3, she's been helping finish up the nursery and we've been organizing and washing everything we have so far. My shower is Sunday so we will have lots to do again. It's been a great help. My parents will be traveling up a lot more now that their grandson is coming along and we will be going down to them more often too @ibabyloveb87. So it won't be too hard.  :)
    Pregnancy Ticker



    Married 11-11-11
    TTC only since Dec 2015. I had some weight to get off. Been working hard in the gym for over a year.
    BFP 02-15-16 with our first
    IT'S A BOY!!! 


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