I would just caution FTMs that co-sleeping isn't always a yes/no decision. I'm referring to co-sleeping during the first year (not with toddlers and older children.)
I struggled with this particularly during the first few months. After hearing devastating stories from my brother In law (a paramedic) about going on several emergency calls for infants who had died as a result of co-sleeping, DH and I decided that under no circumstances would we allow baby into bed with us while we were sleeping. He would stay in the bassinet near our bed and then later move him to the nursery.
That said I found myself, despite all of my best efforts, falling asleep occasionally during breastfeeding and waking up in a panic that I had killed my baby. After that happened a couple times I started creating a "safe zone" in bed that was pillow and blanket free and I'd sleep next to baby for an hour or two occasionally during those 4AM feedings.
That's what worked for me. Obviously as soon as he started rolling over things changed. This time around my goal is to get baby into a crib in the nursery around 3 months instead of the 6 months it took to move DS. I'm also considering a co-sleeper/bassinet that you can add to your bed but is still a seperate sleeping space for the baby for the first couple of months.
No matter what you do it's a tough first couple of months. There's so many factors that go into feeding your baby every few hours that I think different choices make sense for different babies/mamas.
I find it interesting that co-sleeping is so shocking to some, especially people that already sleep with their pets in their bed. Our cats sleep towards the bottom of the bed, but when they hear us talking they think it is petting time - they are very needy. I'm worried that when baby makes some noise they will want to investigate and wake me up further. The other possibility is that they could just run away. We can't kick them out unless we put a giant fan in front of our door, which won't work if we need to take the baby to the nursery in the middle of the night to change her. So it will take awhile to find out what works for us. It will be interesting for all of us to look back at this thread and remember what we thought would work versus what does!
My UO - About parenting styles, I agree labels are silly. I know what I am NOT going to do, and that is make everything revolve around the child. When we were kids in the car our parents listened to NPR. My friends with kids are always complaining about listening to disney radio in the car. I'm like change the channel? I feel like if you let the kids have control that is the beginning of the end of your sanity.
Me: 38, DH: 36 Married Jan 2008 DD Baby Bells born Dec 2016 5 lbs, 12 oz, 18" so in love Due with #2 Baby Arya EDD February 2020
@leksiL I'd caution that's a never say never thing too. We listen to adult music in the car most of the time..but we do have kids cds (that are tolerable). DD will ask for a specific song, we agree to put that cd in, and if we try to change it back to adult radio we get a full on 2yo fit. Sometimes I'd rather listen to the itsy bitsy spider 3 times in a row rather than my kid throwing a fit while I'm driving in traffic. But we really do listen to standard adult stuff most of the time. This is one of those "pick your battles" types of things.
Another pick your battle situation we recently found ourselves in was with feeding the dogs. DH has "the right way" to do it but DD wants to help. I was inside and heard DD start throwing a fit and DH putting her in timeout....because she was using the 1/2 scoop and "it takes twice as long this way!". Both DH and DD were upset. I told DH to think about what's really important here and it isn't that DD is taking too long. He backed off, she took twice as long, the dogs got to eat, and the ended up making it fun. But in the heat of the moment, it's easy to lose sight of what the big deal is and if it's worth a huge fight. My kid is 2...she wants to help with chores...I honestly am thrilled about that wellness to help...I do not give a crap if she sometimes makes things take longer, because she's learning. That's what's important.
I know that my PPA kept me from cosleeping but it's also what kept her in the room with us longer. I compulsively checked on her throughout the night.. Like would just shine my phone light on her until I saw that she was still breathing... Over and over again. When we finally transitioned her to the crib, I started compulsively checking the video monitor throughout the night, to the point that it was waking my H up and he sleeps through everything. I feel like I had certain absolutes established before she got here, but I could have never anticipated the havoc that was wrought on my hormones and nerves. It completely changed everything about the way I thought I'd be.
Sorry, I trailed off a bit there on a tangent. My brain is fried.
So my DH and I grew up in very different households when it comes to boundaries. We want to meet in the middle. The LO will sleep in her bassinet next to our bed. Co sleeping as a newborn scares me because I'd be scared to death I'd crush her and never get any sleep from that idea. When she's older we'd like her to sleep in her crib but I'm also in the boat of never say never in our bed. In terms of space I grew up in a house with boundaries. Certain rooms were off limit and I hated that. I never want my kids to feel our bedroom is off limits. I want them to feel comfortable coming into our room.
Me: 29
DH: 30
Happily Ever After: 05-15-2015 TTC since June 2015
@penelope4612 I know this is a MONTHS old thread, but I just was able to get Bringing Up Bebe after being on the waiting list at the library. Wanted to thank you for the recommendation! Really enjoying it so far
Re: UO Thursday 8/18
I would just caution FTMs that co-sleeping isn't always a yes/no decision. I'm referring to co-sleeping during the first year (not with toddlers and older children.)
I struggled with this particularly during the first few months. After hearing devastating stories from my brother In law (a paramedic) about going on several emergency calls for infants who had died as a result of co-sleeping, DH and I decided that under no circumstances would we allow baby into bed with us while we were sleeping. He would stay in the bassinet near our bed and then later move him to the nursery.
That said I found myself, despite all of my best efforts, falling asleep occasionally during breastfeeding and waking up in a panic that I had killed my baby. After that happened a couple times I started creating a "safe zone" in bed that was pillow and blanket free and I'd sleep next to baby for an hour or two occasionally during those 4AM feedings.
That's what worked for me. Obviously as soon as he started rolling over things changed. This time around my goal is to get baby into a crib in the nursery around 3 months instead of the 6 months it took to move DS. I'm also considering a co-sleeper/bassinet that you can add to your bed but is still a seperate sleeping space for the baby for the first couple of months.
No matter what you do it's a tough first couple of months. There's so many factors that go into feeding your baby every few hours that I think different choices make sense for different babies/mamas.
My UO - About parenting styles, I agree labels are silly. I know what I am NOT going to do, and that is make everything revolve around the child. When we were kids in the car our parents listened to NPR. My friends with kids are always complaining about listening to disney radio in the car. I'm like change the channel? I feel like if you let the kids have control that is the beginning of the end of your sanity.
Married Jan 2008
DD Baby Bells born Dec 2016 5 lbs, 12 oz, 18"
Due with #2 Baby Arya EDD February 2020
Another pick your battle situation we recently found ourselves in was with feeding the dogs. DH has "the right way" to do it but DD wants to help. I was inside and heard DD start throwing a fit and DH putting her in timeout....because she was using the 1/2 scoop and "it takes twice as long this way!". Both DH and DD were upset. I told DH to think about what's really important here and it isn't that DD is taking too long. He backed off, she took twice as long, the dogs got to eat, and the ended up making it fun. But in the heat of the moment, it's easy to lose sight of what the big deal is and if it's worth a huge fight. My kid is 2...she wants to help with chores...I honestly am thrilled about that wellness to help...I do not give a crap if she sometimes makes things take longer, because she's learning. That's what's important.
https://shirt.woot.com/offers/pumpkin-everything?ref=cnt_ctlg_dgn_0
I used to have it but it didn't fit anymore so off it went to goodwill.
I know that my PPA kept me from cosleeping but it's also what kept her in the room with us longer. I compulsively checked on her throughout the night.. Like would just shine my phone light on her until I saw that she was still breathing... Over and over again. When we finally transitioned her to the crib, I started compulsively checking the video monitor throughout the night, to the point that it was waking my H up and he sleeps through everything.
I feel like I had certain absolutes established before she got here, but I could have never anticipated the havoc that was wrought on my hormones and nerves. It completely changed everything about the way I thought I'd be.
Sorry, I trailed off a bit there on a tangent.
My brain is fried.
TTC since June 2015
September Football Siggy
TTC #1 January 2016
BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016
Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018
BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018