No time off after the baby

ruemcclanahan · August 2016

Is anyone else's SO's NOT taking time off work when the baby arrives?
My fiancé works for a landscaping company and its the end of the season so we can't afford for him to take any time off.

If you're in the same boat as me, what are your plans? Or STMs what worked for you?

AmMcc12 · August 2016

Thank you for posting this. For our plans of not needing a daycare for a while to work DH will be taking his FMLA after I go back to work. He will probably take a week off right after baby but that's it.

mrsvoorhees-2 · August 2016

My husband was supposed to be off for a week after DD was born but had to go back the day we left the hospital. It actually wasn't *that* bad. I definitely appreciated when he was there. Just make a little mama cave with all of your stuff within arms reach, and you'll be okay!

Flowr4246 · August 2016

When Piper was born my (now X)H didn't take any time off. It actually wasn't horrible. She and I got into our own little routine after a few days and just made it work. That routine involved a lot of napping on the couch together in the afternoons.

You'll figure it out.

estephenson13 · August 2016

I am struggling with this also @Megan324 With my DD, H was able to take 3 weeks off and it was so nice for the three of us to be able to bond. But now he has a different job and won't be able to take that much time, and it will be sporadic (a few days here and there). I'm worried about this baby being able to bond with him like our first. Makes me feel guilty about trying to BF again. He had a lot of time with our DD because I had to pump and it allowed him to bottle feed her.

AnnaS930 · August 2016

My husband took a week off last time because it was the busy season and he hadn't been with the company long enough to get more. It really wasn't bad at all... Luckily for me he was working 4am-12:30pm, so he was home by the afternoon but was exhausted. I got myself into our own little routine and all went well. My husband is taking 4 weeks off this time and we plan on sending Emmett back to daycare after the first week - I'm not quite sure what we're going to do with both of us home at the same time for that long.. we tend to step on each others' toes parenting-wise when we're stressed. Actually going to sit down and talk to him about it tonight so that we have a plan heading into our leaves of how to best communicate and nice ways to tell each other the Back the hell off!

hey_clever_girl · August 2016

With my daughter, my husband had just started a new job so he had to go to work for training the day after she was born. Once we got her home, he immediately had to work 12 hour shifts 7PM-7AM. No cell phone, because he worked at a jail. I'm not going to lie. It sucked. It was awful. BUT, if he had worked a normal job it wouldn't have been so bad. It's doable, you'll get through it. Don't be afraid o accept help from people who offer!

VeraMali · August 2016

Last time my husband took an entire week off which was nice. This time he will be going back to work the day after we come home from the hospital, it's sad he won't have anymore time with us but you gotta do what you gotta do. If you have anyone very close to you, like someone you wouldn't die if they saw you naked, who could come by those first few days to stay with you during the day it wouldn't be a bad idea. My mom came by everyday during the day only while my husband was at work that first week he was gone. I was healing from a c section though and actually did need help with things like stepping in and out of the shower & anything that required me to bend.

owlcup · August 2016

My DH isn't taking any time off either. So, we're really hoping I go into labor on a Thursday/Friday so we can at least have the weekend! We're also looking at the possibility of him working out of town M-F starting like, a week after my due date. I also have three other kids, two of which I'll need to drive back and forth to school 3 times a day (one will be in preschool with a noon pickup time). Needless to say, I'm starting to stress out a bit!

marikkita12 · August 2016

My husband is taking a few days off after the birth but it will mostly be my mom who does most of the helping for the first couple of weeks

ruemcclanahan · August 2016

I'm not *terribly* worried but there is always fear of the unknown. He works 5-4 and is usually home by 5 and my mom is also going to be coming over when she gets out of work at 5 for the first few weeks.
She offered to take time off but she isn't in the best financial spot and already used up her PTO for when I was super sick early in the pregnancy, so I told her not to.

At least I know that at 5pm ill have some relief

CRich15 · August 2016

My husband took his allotted 10 day paternity leave with both the boys and that was actually sufficient for me. I don't think I could drive for like the first week he was back at work due to the good meds I was on but the boys and I made it happen and we survived. My SIL will be here the first week and a half after DD is born and DH will be taking his 10 days plus extra time off as well.

NashBelle · August 2016

We own an advertising company, so not only will my husband be right back at work afterwards, I will probably also try to squeeze in email time every day while baby naps. Trying to take advantage of all those newborn naps! Just having me leave the company to stay home for awhile is going to be a huge change, so we definitely need my husband to be back at the office as quickly as possible to keep everything on track. We were in a similar situation with our first son and it all worked out just fine. Newborns are pretty easy, it's when they get to be more alert and then later, get mobile, that you really need to pay attention to them all the time and squeezing in work and housework chores gets tricky.

ssimon621 · August 2016

My older DD was born on a Wednesday so he took the rest of the week off, I think he went in Monday and they told him to take the day off and the next day was Mardi Gras, so he basically took a week. That was it, I really didn't need any help besides a ride to the OB for my 2 week check up since I had a C/S and couldn't drive. I never needed another person to help care for the baby.

This time he will take a few days and my mom will be here until I can drive again because my daughter's school is about 25 minutes away and I won't be able to drive her. Otherwise, I don't foresee needing any further assistance. You will be okay, just sleep when baby sleeps and pre-prep yourself some meals and snacks.

Themaritimemama · August 2016

Depending on when I go into labour, my husband will take off probably two days and then go back to work. Each of our 3 children have been born on Fridays, so I'm hoping for a Friday baby again! If that happens, he'll probably take a Monday off.

rfrazier611 · August 2016

Mine isn't planning on taking any time off unless there are problems. He's a teacher and I'm due on his first day of classes, so I'm hoping baby shows up a few days early so we get a few days at home together. My MIL is coming to stay with us to love on DS while I get into a groove with the new baby.

jas1982 · August 2016

My spouse isn't getting any leave per se, but is blowing his vacation time to take a week and a half or so after baby is born. I don't want him to take any FMLA and interrupt our cash flow. It makes me ridiculously mad that many workplaces don't grant any paternity leave - it just reinforces the idea that babies are the mother's problem.

JasonKristen · August 2016

DH said he would take time off and if he really wants to he can, but I don't really need him home with me. DD will be going to school and DS will be going to daycare at least part time so I will just have baby. He is a busy body so even if he was off I am sure he would be using it to do projects around the house. I would prefer him to use his vacation for some family fun.

rock1cherry · August 2016

We don't know what DH will get yet. We both work for the same employer and I don't even find out what I'm eligible for for another like 10 days. I can't call until 30 days prior to my due date. He, I assume, can call to see if he gets anything now...but is procrastinating. Hoping our group is cool with him taking vacation and not preplanning it if he doesn't get paternity leave. Wish there was more emphasis on the importance of this time as a family!

Sporty1216 · August 2016

Last time, DH took three weeks and ended up doing home remodeling projects the whole time. My parents were here, so I had plenty of help but honestly wouldn't have needed that much. This time, I have a two year old and a repeat C-section, so I will absolutely need help! If all goes as planned, my parents will be here, so DH will take three days of PTO at the birth and then a little over a week once my parents go home.

asht · August 2016

My spouse is taking 2 weeks because of me having a csection and to move anywhere in our house it's stairs. Was going to be another week longer of half days but a job promotion won't allow that, which means I will have my mother in law with me 24/7 alone for over a week..... Lord help me

yellowrose314 · August 2016

DH only gets 2 weeks paid vacation a year, and has already used up about a week of that because of other commitments. But his boss has been very understanding and cooperative, and knows that DH will have to book a week off at the drop of a hat if I go into labour, which is nice. He also let DH know that he's willing to give him an additional week off after the babies born, at half pay to help out, which is actually kind of awesome because the company DH works for is notorious for being pretty tight fisted about giving extra leave time. DH is pretty bummed he only gets 2 weeks off to spend with our new little family, but it's better than nothing. He's also going to take his paternity leave when I go back to work around 5 or 6 months PP, which is paid via the government, so he's excited about that.

bunnymay · August 2016

With my daughter, my husband only took two weeks off. By the end of the two weeks, I was ready for him to be back at work. He saw it as he took vacation time to stay home, so he should act like he was on vacation. This time, he is a contract worker, so if he doesn't work, he doesn't get paid. He'll take a couple of days off and then probably do some work from home days.

chavezrd2 · August 2016

same here as @bunnymay my DH is a contractor this time and no work = no pay. We saved up for 1 weeks worth but even that is questionable. this whole time they said they'd be fine with him gone for a week but now giving him attitude and side eye when it comes up. i hate contract work

Shiva14 · August 2016

My DH is getting 1 week of saved up vacation and that's it. Agreed with @jas1982, it's terrible that we don't offer paternal leave. My company offers 6 weeks paternal leave, I wish they would pay him even though he doesn't work there

. Last time I was pretty hormonal and sobby when he went back. My mom came and stayed with me for a few hours that day which helped, and after that I got into a routine. I highly recommend having someone there the first time he leaves.

Luckily most newborns are very easy the first two weeks. They sleep a ton. So the biggest adjustment (for me) was to get used to the fact that OMG I'm a mom now and dealing with recovery.

KimmySchmidt · August 2016

Damn some of these BTDT moms are pretty cavalier! My newborn was NOT easy and was much more manageable as an older/mobile baby because she had an absolutely unbearable temperament as an infant. I wish you all "easy" newborns!

My my husband gets a week paternity plus a week of saved vacation. Its a pittance compared to what it should be, but I'm thankful for at least that and understand that unfortunately it's pretty standard. I'm hopeful that by two weeks Im healed from my probable csection well enough to lift my 30 lb toddler out of the crib and am able to get her in/out of the car seat, otherwise this kid will have to sleep on the floor and nobody is leaving the house.

Soon2bemissG · August 2016

My husband is self employed (he farms) and baby will come at the busiest time for him. We can't afford to take time off as it can ruin how much we get paid for crops and what not.

As of now the plan is for him to take the day baby is born off and then head back to work the second day and come pick us up on the day we get discharged. DD will hopefully go in the field with him or we will pay for a hotel room and get my grandma to stay with her there.

I worry about being home without help but I'll make it work. DD will start pre K the next week so that gives me one day a week to do nothing but sleep. H won't be finished harvest until the beginning of October then he will be around a little more!

jbscmama · August 2016

Hubby is a builder and works for himself and has a big project going....so imagine he will take a few days off and then will have to at least start working a few hours a day after that. As FTM it's pretty relieving to hear some of you say that you were okay by yourself during the day, I have been worried! My mom has offered to stay with us for a week or so but I'm playing that by ear. MIL lives about 20 minutes away so she could come help me too. I just hope that DH is able to get some sleep at night if he has to work...I guess we'll figure it all out.

mhilpisch10 · August 2016

My husband gets no PTO and no vacation time. I'm also hoping the baby is born on a Thursday or Friday so he can take one or 2 days off work but we get him for 5 days straight.
We will have a 2.5 year old and a 16 mo old. To say that I'll be scared when I'm on my own is an understatement. I have a lot of family and friends who will probably come over and visit. I'm not expecting anything from myself other than caring for the children.

shortangel8604 · August 2016

My husband has about a week of vacation/sick leave. So we will use that. My mom said she is going to take time off and help me out, I have 2 kids already and am not sure how I'm going to do it. But we all have to do what we have to do.

Shiva14 · August 2016

KimmySchmidt said:

Damn some of these BTDT moms are pretty cavalier! My newborn was NOT easy and was much more manageable as an older/mobile baby because she had an absolutely unbearable temperament as an infant. I wish you all "easy" newborns!

My my husband gets a week paternity plus a week of saved vacation. Its a pittance compared to what it should be, but I'm thankful for at least that and understand that unfortunately it's pretty standard. I'm hopeful that by two weeks Im healed from my probable csection well enough to lift my 30 lb toddler out of the crib and am able to get her in/out of the car seat, otherwise this kid will have to sleep on the floor and nobody is leaving the house.

Oh it stopped after the first two weeks I assure you. Not that some infants aren't challenging in those first few weeks also, but from what our hospital classes stated as well as my own experience, many tend to be very sleepy at first. After that it was many hours of screaming and crying until 12 weeks ish. Fingers crossed that will be the experience for you this go around as well (the first part, not the second lol)!

Brilanea · August 2016

I'm a Realtor so no maternity leave or time off even for me. I'll be working from home almost immediately w/ my co-worker meeting people for me & my H running my work errands until I can drive again from the csection. It's my 2nd kid...ill figure it out somehow

Kimmy717 · August 2016

This is a great thread @Megan324 , it kills me that most fathers dont get much time off when their LOs are born...unless they want to go broke. my SO wont get any Pat. leave since our company is so small, but he has 8 days of vacation that he has been saving to use for when our LO gets here. He will exhaust his vacation time and then get back to work...$125 in child support a week kind of prevents him from taking any UPTO.

618mom22boys · August 2016

My husband is taking a weeks vacation. He has to turn his vacs dates in by May so it was hard to decide which week for him to take. We settled on Sept 12. He'll take the day that we have her off then go back to work the next day.

Sporty1216 · August 2016

@KimmySchmidt--late to this, but just a heads up--I was restricted from driving for 3 weeks after my c-section and wasn't supposed to lift anything heavier than the baby for 8... Now, that might not be a hard and fast rule, but I have been having my toddler practice doing a lot of things with minimal lift assistance from me just in case that's the rule again this time. It might be worth trying to see what sorts of modifications you and your toddler can make now so that you can avoid lifting for longer than 2 weeks--naps on a floor bed, etc?

KimmySchmidt · August 2016

@Sporty1216 It's looking like our families are going to be visiting a week at a time in shifts (both our parents are divorced.) Some people are more helpful than others (my dad is pretty much dead weight) but any of them should be able to pick up the toddler and place her in and out of the crib for me. A month should be enough time, right????

Sporty1216 · August 2016

@KimmySchmidt -- a month sounds WAY better than 2 weeks. At that point, you will have had a PP check up (I am pretty sure I had one at 3 weeks after my C-section) so your doctor can evaluate how you are healing, etc and advise you on lifting and such. And if you need to introduce any modifications at that point, you'll still have time.

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