@Christinaruth74 I was daydreaming about moving back to mass yesterday and I saw the property taxes are less than half of what ours are! But you get less house for your money, at least in the suburbs of Boston so I guess it works out?
Me: 38, DH: 36 Married Jan 2008 DD Baby Bells born Dec 2016 5 lbs, 12 oz, 18" so in love Due with #2 Baby Arya EDD February 2020
@KatBH there is also a value in seniority that you can lose too. If I took five years off I doubt I could get my current job. I'm in my mid-30s so am in a pretty senior position and having to start over at this point would be hard. (I still haven't paid off my law degree either and would like to do so before ceasing to use it lol). There would be so many opportunities to miss out on - even if you only get one promotion on five years.
@maamawaabangi I don't plan to stop working entirely either. I would always do something even if it were volunteering somewhere. there is also something to be said for having a cushion in case someone gets sick, etc. and having the means to travel. I'm not hating on what you are doing that is great for you, but I'm just not comfortable living on the edge like that.
Me: 38, DH: 36 Married Jan 2008 DD Baby Bells born Dec 2016 5 lbs, 12 oz, 18" so in love Due with #2 Baby Arya EDD February 2020
I'll be going to school online and staying home with the baby, and FI will be working and going to school. This makes the most sense for us because at this point, I'm not even eligible for a 401k. Our longterm goal is for me to graduate with my teaching degree in 1.5-2 years. At that point I will start teaching and FI will have about 2 years left of his degree. He will then stay home with Rhett while he is finishing school and at some point Rhett will go to preschool. Financially, it'll be really tough on us for the first couple of years but daycare would financially be more of a burden, and the whole point of school is to get a better paying, more secure job. Obviously teaching I won't be rolling in the cash, but we can support our family on a teacher's salary by making the same sacrifices we do now.
Everyone's situation is different though. You have to do what makes financial sense for your family at this point in time. At some point in the future, your financial situation may change. You or DH could get a raise, you could eliminate some of your debt. You never know what your future holds, so even if you can't stay home now you or even your DH may be able to in the future.
We've considered having me stay home in a year or so, but I will finish out this teaching year for sure, so baby will have to go to daycare March-May.
We're fortunate that DH's salary much higher than my teaching salary, and we've done the math and he can cover all expenses and still have a little left over to save. We bought a reasonable house, don't have cable, I meal plan, we pack lunches, etc. and it all helps. Like others have brought up though, with me working as well we are able to much easier save/plan for retirement, and save more for education for our kid(s). So we'll see. I would like to stay home, but I also see the value in those things. My best guess is that I'll work until baby #2 comes along, then the daycare expenses might outweigh..but then of course that's another person to pay for insurance.
@maamawaabangi - to your point about seasons of life- I think about it that way too. My new concept regarding me in motherhood is: I can have it all but not all at the same time.
Young kids need a lot from parents and ideally should get it - it's my time to give it. Accumulating wealth, professional growth, athletic goals (above being generally fit) all take a spot behind family for me right now. Its a concept that gives me a lot of peace and keeps me from freaking out about not progressing in other areas at the moment.
@maamawaabangi love your definitions of "seasons" of life. My mother was a SAHM, and she really threw herself all in to the parenting thing. Now that we're all adults, she's enjoying her hobbies and friends - her weekly social calendar is busier than my, like, 6-month one.
I think that if you do stay at home it's important to let your kids know you love doing so, and if you do work then let your kids know it's your passion. They shouldn't be aware of what you can/can't afford to do. I don't think that it's really fair for kids - of any age - to have the burden of knowing that Mom and Dad are struggling financially. Once they hit working age it's definitely healthy to instill the value of money in them by having them get a job, but if you're not careful they'll feel like they're working to support the family. Some of my students actually do support their families, and the stress they have is unbelievable.
I'm struggling with this right now. I'm fortunate enough to be able to work from home for one of my employers, but they barely pay me anything (which is fine) and my "day" job has a lot of benefits and a much higher salary. My issue though is the same a few of the posters, I feel like me missing a few years in the workforce isn't a big deal because I'm not satisfied in my current position/field and don't want to do what I do now for the rest of my life. I also a having a really hard time coming to terms with paying basically a 2nd mortgage for daycare. But on the other hand I make really good money from my 2nd job and I know it will take a lot of strategic planning and budgeting to make things work. I'm just at a crossroads and don't know what we will do at this point. I would love to take the time as a SAHM to finish my degree, but that costs money too.
I think the biggest difference between those who feel it's important not to miss years in the workforce and those who don't care that much is, some have "careers" and others have "jobs". If I had a career I cared about and invested in I probably would value my time in the workforce more than I do.
Met DH - 9/2003
Dating - 9/18/2012
Married - 8/16/2014
NTNP - 7/2014-5/2015
TTC #1 - 5/2015 (CP October @ 4w2d)
*PCOS/Hypothyroid/Ectopic Kidney/High DHEA-S* HSG - All clear, ectopic kidney didn't affect uterus (yay!) CT Adrenal Scan - no tumors! SA - sperm count excellent, 2% Morphology March/April IUI scheduled - surprise BFP w/ help of Progesterone - 3/18/2016 Beta #1 @ 11dpo - 45.7 #2 @ 14dpo - 163 #3 @ 18dpo - 997 #4 @ 21dpo - 3799 EDD 12/1 based on O, 11/28 per Ob/Gyn (but he's wrong lol).
@brittnic86 WOW that is a great deal! I pay $200/mo just for myself and I work for an insurance company LOL! When I add Baby Bells it will be more than double that (DH has to be on his own plan through his employer, because there are penalties ($60/paycheck) to add a working spouse to your health insurance.)
Gotta love America.
Me: 38, DH: 36 Married Jan 2008 DD Baby Bells born Dec 2016 5 lbs, 12 oz, 18" so in love Due with #2 Baby Arya EDD February 2020
@leksiL yeah DH doesn't pay for his through his work either. It'll be Waaaaaay too expensive to had Olivia and Sophia to mine, so we gotta look into how much to add to DH, or go through the state.
@slartybartfast I like your way of putting much better... that was probably how that someone said it to me, but I wasn't so eloquent! :-D And I agree, it gives me a lot of peace about not doing things the way other people do... It gives us all freedom (in any part of parenting) to own it for ourselves. Methods are fluid and vary, they are how we accomplish the less fluid things like principles, like "provide and care for your family."
@scatherinem that's awesome about your mom... I'm also trying to be mindful about not being so "thrown into" my kids lives, homeschool, mothering... that when they leave I'm devastated and don't know what to do with myself. That's why I'm happy to look forward and remember that there is more to my life that just this season... it will end... and I want to enjoy it and make the most of it, but not be all consumed with it either. I think when my last 2 are in highschool I'll probably be going back to school too... and figure out what I want to be "when I'm a grown-up" and start investing in that then.
I also read recently this really awesome article stating that the one REALLY cool part of this election (maybe the only) is to look at the main candidates (paraphrasing) but ... all of them are over 65 ... Berney Sanders is, what, like 75?! Most people are slowing down and stopping work, stopping serving others... and while I am not "into" any of them, I have major respect that they are each in their own way trying to do big, new things at their "older" age! (Sorry, for the tangent).
@slartybartfast you hit it on the head for me. My sister, for example, has four kids. She chose to stay home until they were all in school then finished college and is working as a teacher which is what she had wanted all along. Oh, and in the midst of all of that trained like a mofo and was in a fitness competition after her 4th kid. Shes put a lot of things on the back burner, but she never fully dismissed anything. She did what she wanted to do for her kids and family and still was able to do everything she wanted for herself, too. I admire that a lot.
Re: SAHM Income
Married Jan 2008
DD Baby Bells born Dec 2016 5 lbs, 12 oz, 18"
Due with #2 Baby Arya EDD February 2020
@maamawaabangi I don't plan to stop working entirely either. I would always do something even if it were volunteering somewhere. there is also something to be said for having a cushion in case someone gets sick, etc. and having the means to travel. I'm not hating on what you are doing that is great for you, but I'm just not comfortable living on the edge like that.
Married Jan 2008
DD Baby Bells born Dec 2016 5 lbs, 12 oz, 18"
Due with #2 Baby Arya EDD February 2020
Everyone's situation is different though. You have to do what makes financial sense for your family at this point in time. At some point in the future, your financial situation may change. You or DH could get a raise, you could eliminate some of your debt. You never know what your future holds, so even if you can't stay home now you or even your DH may be able to in the future.
We're fortunate that DH's salary much higher than my teaching salary, and we've done the math and he can cover all expenses and still have a little left over to save. We bought a reasonable house, don't have cable, I meal plan, we pack lunches, etc. and it all helps. Like others have brought up though, with me working as well we are able to much easier save/plan for retirement, and save more for education for our kid(s). So we'll see. I would like to stay home, but I also see the value in those things. My best guess is that I'll work until baby #2 comes along, then the daycare expenses might outweigh..but then of course that's another person to pay for insurance.
Young kids need a lot from parents and ideally should get it - it's my time to give it. Accumulating wealth, professional growth, athletic goals (above being generally fit) all take a spot behind family for me right now.
Its a concept that gives me a lot of peace and keeps me from freaking out about not progressing in other areas at the moment.
I think that if you do stay at home it's important to let your kids know you love doing so, and if you do work then let your kids know it's your passion. They shouldn't be aware of what you can/can't afford to do. I don't think that it's really fair for kids - of any age - to have the burden of knowing that Mom and Dad are struggling financially. Once they hit working age it's definitely healthy to instill the value of money in them by having them get a job, but if you're not careful they'll feel like they're working to support the family. Some of my students actually do support their families, and the stress they have is unbelievable.
I think the biggest difference between those who feel it's important not to miss years in the workforce and those who don't care that much is, some have "careers" and others have "jobs". If I had a career I cared about and invested in I probably would value my time in the workforce more than I do.
HSG - All clear, ectopic kidney didn't affect uterus (yay!)
CT Adrenal Scan - no tumors!
SA - sperm count excellent, 2% Morphology
March/April IUI scheduled - surprise BFP w/ help of Progesterone - 3/18/2016
Beta #1 @ 11dpo - 45.7 #2 @ 14dpo - 163 #3 @ 18dpo - 997 #4 @ 21dpo - 3799
EDD 12/1 based on O, 11/28 per Ob/Gyn (but he's wrong lol).
*TEAM BLUE!*
Gotta love America.
Married Jan 2008
DD Baby Bells born Dec 2016 5 lbs, 12 oz, 18"
Due with #2 Baby Arya EDD February 2020
@scatherinem that's awesome about your mom... I'm also trying to be mindful about not being so "thrown into" my kids lives, homeschool, mothering... that when they leave I'm devastated and don't know what to do with myself. That's why I'm happy to look forward and remember that there is more to my life that just this season... it will end... and I want to enjoy it and make the most of it, but not be all consumed with it either. I think when my last 2 are in highschool I'll probably be going back to school too... and figure out what I want to be "when I'm a grown-up" and start investing in that then.
I also read recently this really awesome article stating that the one REALLY cool part of this election (maybe the only) is to look at the main candidates (paraphrasing) but ... all of them are over 65 ... Berney Sanders is, what, like 75?! Most people are slowing down and stopping work, stopping serving others... and while I am not "into" any of them, I have major respect that they are each in their own way trying to do big, new things at their "older" age! (Sorry, for the tangent).
Due December 27th with baby #7
My sister, for example, has four kids. She chose to stay home until they were all in school then finished college and is working as a teacher which is what she had wanted all along. Oh, and in the midst of all of that trained like a mofo and was in a fitness competition after her 4th kid.
Shes put a lot of things on the back burner, but she never fully dismissed anything. She did what she wanted to do for her kids and family and still was able to do everything she wanted for herself, too. I admire that a lot.