List of Important People

LakeR2014 · August 2016

So I was just thinking about a friend of mine that I have to remember to inform of the birth of LO before it hits social media so that she's not irrationally pissed for finding out there (its happened before). This also then reminded me of others that will need to know prior to online communications. That being said - I'm thinking I should add a list of these people to my hospital bag so it's there and ready because I know that is NOT where my mind will be at when looking at the amazing face of my LO. Is this on anyone else's list? STMs did you have something like that for yourself previously?

I know this is a totally weird thing - but I figure being prepared with the list in advance will help prevent stupid cattiness from friends and family who feel slighted for the smallest thing.

Follow-up question: Anyone know a way to create a group message in an iPhone 5 without it sending as a group message? Basically a BCC for text messaging?

AMT1107 · August 2016

We will only be calling my parents and DH's mom. They can inform sisters / aunts / uncles. We won't put anything on social media until DS meets his brother/sister.

DH does have a saved email with about 5 extremely close friends that we would like to reach out to, but like above, this won't get sent out until DS meets LO

Having a baby is a big deal, but it's also important that you get to spend the first few hours/days enjoying YOUR baby, don't worry what others think and don't let people's feelings get the best of you. This is a big "event" for you and your SO, everyone else can wait to hear the news.

AnnaS930 · August 2016

No advice on iPhones, I'm a Samsung girl and still don't know how to do it, ha!

I think having your list is actually a really common thing. We didn't go in with one, but tried our best to get the message out to those that we wanted to know before social media, though I'm sure we missed a few. Bless you for not sending a group message - I hate nothing more than that, especially if you're sending it out in the middle of the night.

Also, make sure that you tell in-laws or any early visitors that you have a list of people you need to inform and please don't post any comments/pictures to social media until they see that you have done so!!

ETA: Do NOT Make your list impossibly long. Tell those that are most important, allow for a phone tree (my parents told their siblings so I didn't have to alert aunts/uncles/etc) and realize that a few people might have their feelings hurt. You need to focus on your new little family, people should understand that.

Flowr4246 · August 2016

I did a phone tree of sorts. I told grandparents first. They told their friends, my aunt and cousins so I didn't have to worry about that group. Then I group texted a handful of close friends who I wanted to know prior to FB... Actually DH might have done that. And I emailed my boss (who's become a good friend/mentor over the years).
Everyone else heard through FB and if anyone got butthurt over it, well, #sorrynotsorry.

marikkita12 · August 2016

I was the phone tree person for my BFF when her daughter was born. She had a list of people that needed to be informed and I just sent the messages from her phone (since I was in the labor room with them). It was basically both sets of parents, two siblings and three friends. You could always prep a list of numbers in an email and have someone send text messages once LO is born

noelani42 · August 2016

Haha we did this with my first and then my husband never ended up texting anyone... word just kind of got around

izzetoot · August 2016

My DH snapped a pic and sent it to the immediate family in the waiting room to let them know that LO1 was born and my dad immediatley put in on FB. I was pissed. So make sure to tell people you want to be the one that announces via social media and to not post anything until you say its ok to do so!

mhilpisch10 · August 2016

I think that's a great idea! I have a lot of family and friends who I like to text right away. I'm always sitting in the hospital, hoping I'm not missing ppl! I'm not sure how not to do a group text. I always hope ppl just text me back individually instead of to the group.

RG1 · August 2016

izzetoot said:

My DH snapped a pic and sent it to the immediate family in the waiting room to let them know that LO1 was born and my dad immediatley put in on FB. I was pissed. So make sure to tell people you want to be the one that announces via social media and to not post anything until you say its ok to do so!

Ugh this is my fear. Neither H or I have Facebook, but MIL does. Her friends at her retirement party were all like "make sure you let us know when that grandbaby is here!" H told her "you know you need our expressed permission to post anything about our child" and she was a bit taken aback. I told her "well you have to make sure everyone I need to know knows before saying anything on Facebook..." And she was like "hmmm I guess that makes sense." I don't know why that is hard for people to understand!

UnwritteN12 · August 2016

izzetoot said:

My DH snapped a pic and sent it to the immediate family in the waiting room to let them know that LO1 was born and my dad immediatley put in on FB. I was pissed. So make sure to tell people you want to be the one that announces via social media and to not post anything until you say its ok to do so!

This happened to us as well except it was my in-laws that did it (my parents don't have FB so it wasn't a worry). I still haven't forgiven them.

No one but our older two kids will be at the hospital tomorrow at all. We will not be sending pictures or announcing names until they've met their brother and sister. I feel they've earned the right to meet the babies first and find out their names before any other family. After that, we'll let our parents, siblings and a few close friends know before it goes to FB. But I'll be damned if my in-laws think they're going to announce it to anyone before we do. DH will be having that talk with them. Ugh. Why does that even need to be something we feel we have to discuss?! Damn boundary-stompers!

tinypikachu · August 2016

I know word will get around so other than letting our immediate family (parents and siblings) know, we won't really make a huge effort to call or text anyone. I might let some friends know if I feel like it in the moment.

I really want to be able to control what goes on social media though. I do not want anyone posting a picture and stats of baby before we're able to do it ourselves. We might decide to wait until we're home to do so but we want that choice for ourselves.

toimadness1 · August 2016

@izzetoot both my parents did the same thing as soon as they met DS2. I didn't realize it till way later in the day by which point it had been up for hours. I was extremely frustrated. I feel like your pregnancy, your kids, and your family should give you the right to decide what and when anything is posted or shared. My mother almost announced my last pregnancy before we were telling people. I'm going to have a chat with them both again. I almost think it's like a competition to them since they are now divorced.

jas1982 · August 2016

@izzetoot that would make me so mad. I'm not a private person at all, but my birth, my thunder. I am going to make sure to have a talk with family members about that. I feel like my family will understand, but could totally see them posting without thinking.

SLou24 · August 2016

Not totally the same thing but a friend of mine just had a baby recently and her mother proceeded to post a picture of her breast feeding on FB. Breastfeeding is beautiful and wonderful but I made sure to tell my mom that if she posts any pictures of me breastfeeding online I would be out of this world mad. I'm a pretty private person, and to me, if I want something like that on the internet I sure as hell better be the one to post it!

seitzy3 · August 2016

My dad is like a high school girl. I tell him and he tells the football team, then the whole neighborhood knows in 10 minutes

izzetoot · August 2016

@seitzy3 that is SOOOO my Dad

jln27 · August 2016

Parents will hear about it first, everybody else after. I don't want it announced on social media at all, so I might not even tell our parents until we're home and comfortable. I won't stop my husband telling his family immediately if he wants to, though.

My mom is trying to be there for the birth, and she may or may not be, but she doesn't live on Facebook like my husband's mom and sister do so I don't have any worries about her posting announcements/pictures before I want them (which, again, is n e v e r.)

yellowrose314 · August 2016

Our mothers will find out first, then siblings then grandparents; everyone else can find out via FB or baby announcement. I don't forsee MIL being a problem as far as sharing it on FB, since she NEVER uses it, but we had to have a talk with my mom the other day because we were talking about announcements and she says "Don't worry, as soon as you let me know I'll post something on FB to let everyone else know". Um no, no you won't. She was a little offended at first and tried to fight me on it, said it was her first grandchild, which I get, but I was like sorry, first CHILD trumps first grandchild, we get to do that, so if you want your friends to know AFTER we've told family, you can private message them, no public messages, and she was satisfied with that. My sister also got read the riot act, because she posted that we were having a girl before we had gotten a chance to. Bugger.

ccreagh · August 2016

I plan to post this on Facebook and send it to a few family members and friends in about 2 weeks.

guitarra1614 · August 2016

I have prewritten an email with the email addresses of people my husband and I both agreed on. I do specifically state in the email to not share on Facebook or social media until we have done so ourselves. However, I said to feel free to forward the email to other friends and family we may know. Or share the news verbally.

I feel that we as a generation are inventing the FB etiquette as we go along, so I think there is nothing wrong with mentioning specific FB protocol. It's just... Everyone is on my FB now... Like aquaintences and work colleagues... I would rather share the news like it was the front page of the newspaper instead of a nature documentary about the birthing process!!

drmh22 · August 2016

We didn't have a list the first time. We called/texted parents, siblings, and a few close friends when we got admitted to let them know she was coming. After that, family was mostly at the hospital to meet her and o think our friends just saw her on fb.

KimmySchmidt · August 2016

Last time the I gave birth I told my parents and said it was ok for them to tell family.

Within minutes, one of DH's uncles had posted a birth announcement of my child on Facebook.

I hadn't even mentioned my pregnancy on Facebook. We were team green and he announced the baby's sex. I was very upset.

I havent "come out" as pregnant on Facebook this time either. My moms family just doesn't really use Facebook, so I'm not worried about that.

But I will have to put my mother in law in charge of keeping her 5 siblings in line. They way over share (Posting pictures of family posing with the deceased at a wake while the event is still happening, for example.)

Anyway, the plan is to just tell our parents and siblings and delegate from there. No one has to keep it a secret, just don't literally tell the whole internet. Any text we send to anyone will have to include "please nothing on social media until we have posted." Even though it should go without saying, because we're just related to too many damn morons.

Shiva14 · August 2016

We plan on telling my mom and her husband + DHs parents and siblings. They will then tell the rest of the close family. I'll email my boss also at some point and probably text a friend or two before we put it out. DS will meet the baby before anyone else and before we announce.

I have the opposite problem of you all - my dad is super indifferent. With DS I asked if he wanted me to call when I was in labor/had the baby. His response? "Your sister (16 at the time) will see on Facebook when he's born so she can just tell us. We don't need to know when you're in labor". It really hurt my feelings. We talked about it afterwards and he has still continued to not make an effort to be in DS's life (he lives over seas but will never return emails, phone calls, Skype options etc). So this time I emailed him ultrasounds and let him know as soon as we found out the sex. Never heard back until 2 months later when he needed to talk to me about something completely different. So he doesn't know the baby's name, due date, nothing and I plan on keeping it that way. He can find out on Facebook along with the rest of the world when he clearly cares less than they do.

Sorry that turned into a rant

SLou24 · August 2016

KimmySchmidt said:

But I will have to put my mother in law in charge of keeping her 5 siblings in line. They way over share (Posting pictures of family posing with the deceased at a wake while the event is still happening, for example.)

Wh..wh..wh....Whaaaaaaaat?! This happened?! That sounds like something that only happens on a bad sitcom.

rock1cherry · August 2016

@Shiva14 I'm so sorry that your dad doesn't appear to be a part of your pregnancy or your DS's life. That must be really hard. I can understand why you might be hesitant to keep him in the loop. Ugh! That's awful.

Shiva14 · August 2016

Thanks @rock1cherry, it was hard at first but I have come to terms with it. Luckily my mom's husband has really stepped up and is a wonderful grandpa to DS and is very excited about this little girl.

@KimmySchmidt people post that online?! Agreed with @SLou24 it sounds like bad sitcom writing!

ruemcclanahan · August 2016

Le sigh. Some of my family has also posed with the casket and posted it online

LakeR2014 · August 2016

Megan324 said:

Le sigh. Some of my family has also posed with the casket and posted it online

What!? This is just beyond disturbing in so many ways....

nativetexan512 · August 2016

The casket thing is blowing my mind...

I just had to frantically go through my Instagram to see when I posted photos of my sister's children when they were born - it was a few days after each time but I definitely didn't ask for permission beforehand.

Add this to the list of saying "is baby here yet???", buying clothes that are the wrong season or don't fit, and just generally being clueless before we got pregnant. I'm sorry world - I was that person.

tinypikachu · August 2016

nativetexan512 said:

The casket thing is blowing my mind...
I just had to frantically go through my Instagram to see when I posted photos of my sister's children when they were born - it was a few days after each time but I definitely didn't ask for permission beforehand.
Add this to the list of saying "is baby here yet???", buying clothes that are the wrong season or don't fit, and just generally being clueless before we got pregnant. I'm sorry world - I was that person.

I did this too! Things are so different when it's you, I never would have thought of all this before. I feel guilty for posting nb pics of my nephew almost as soon as he came out and for all of us hanging out at the hospital and in their room so much after the birth. I don't think I'd be comfortable with any of this.

ruemcclanahan · August 2016

@LakeR2014 yeahh. I just try to forget I'm related to them lol

Soon2bemissG · August 2016

I just shared a thing on my Facebook about not making the announcement when people have a baby until after they have posted it! When my DD was born my MIL put a thing on Facebook and didn't even spell our daughters name right. I was livid I had been out of recovery for maybe 5 minutes. This time I'm not letting DH text anyone until after DD has came to see the baby.

KimmySchmidt · August 2016

SLou24 said:

KimmySchmidt said:

But I will have to put my mother in law in charge of keeping her 5 siblings in line. They way over share (Posting pictures of family posing with the deceased at a wake while the event is still happening, for example.)

Wh..wh..wh....Whaaaaaaaat?! This happened?! That sounds like something that only happens on a bad sitcom.

Yes. My MIL has 4 sisters and a brother. I dont even remember which one posted the actual photo, but it was some of the sisters standing in front of their mothers open casket.

And the reason I can't remember which one it was, was because they all posted stuff around that time, things I felt were too private for social media. (Pictures of their mother on her deathbed within hours of her death. This woman chose to discontinue dialysis. She knew she was dying within days.....Constant status updates that announced personal medical information, play by play the day of the services.)

Whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth.

estellegetty · August 2016

seitzy3 said:

My dad is like a high school girl. I tell him and he tells the football team, then the whole neighborhood knows in 10 minutes

Omg my (step)dad too! He told our entire extended family we were expecting when I was about thirty seconds along! I get that he was so excited, but I couldn't even believe he had reached that many people so fast.

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