Are there any helpful books or websites to "read up" on a birth plan. I'm pretty laid back and will be doing a traditional hospital birth but I'm always open to anything that will help! The squatting positions and such that you ladies talk about all seem like great ideas but I have no idea where to even begin!
I still don't think I've come to terms with the fact that this baby has to come OUT!
@BriannaE129129 I really liked the big book of birth, it was really helpful in deciding what I wanted during my labor as well as informative about exactly what your body is doing during each stage of labor without being crunchy.
Also, my husband held my leg up and watched our baby come out of my body then watched me deliver the placenta. He still asked me every day during the 6 week recovery how soon we could have sex again. He certainly wasn't scarred or viewed me any less sexually.
My husband held my puke bucket for me while I was in labor. NO it's not sexy but it is unconditional love.
I had a csection, but I got sick during the procedure. My husband held my puke bag too. Nothing about having a child is glamorous or pretty, but I wasn't going to let my husband out of enduring it with me. Lol
@katesmama0706 ok thanks I'll have to check that out! It's hard to decide what you want when you don't even know all the options!
That's wonderful that he did that and was a part of it all! I don't think my husband will have any problem either, he's not grossed out by much and always really helpful when I'm constantly cutting myself in the kitchen!
I'm really thankfully DH has OB training and he has seen multiple deliveries as well as actually delivered multiple babies and he is only been in residency for a month- by the time it's my turn I don't think much will shock him lol.
My husband looked up at the wrong time while I was on the table during my c-section and saw me gutted like a fish. Like "Oh, hi, these are your wife's intestines and here you'll see her uterus"
But even afterwards, you are so vulnerable and need help. He had to hold me so I could go to the bathroom, help me change my pads from the afterbirth, help me in/out of the shower, and all those other glorious things that happen to your body. It never impacted our sex lives and actually made me love him more.
And secretly I know that he knows that his wife has the best damn looking digestive system on the planet.
Team Blue ~ Jan. 20 DS born 9/4/12 MMC July 2015 MMC January 2016
@ceclarlinetlo Have you talked to your husband about separating this labour from his job? That's actually one of the things that stresses me out the most when thinking about labour. My husband is a really take charge kind of person, and I'm slightly concerned he's going to slip into medical mode when I'm in labour, when I want him to be my birth partner, and leave the medical end of things to the care provider we picked...
@Knottie1443924966 Honestly when you're in labor how you look and sexuality are going to be the absolute furthest things from your mind. My birth was UGLY and traumatic but it has not impacted our sex life at all after the fact. I know not everyone responds this way but my H has said that my vagina looked NOTHING like a vagina when Owen was coming out and his memory of birth is completely separate from any sexual feelings he has about me. For some people things are decidedly unsexy after birth too. I had a lot of medical complications and my H had to do a lot of down and dirty caring for me at home (changing my pads, emptying my urine bag from my catheter, etc). But again, he was caring for me and that's a totally separate activity from seeing me sexually.
I haven't gotten a chance to read the rests of the posts but this is an excellent point. It isn't just birth that is "unsexy" so is the entire post baby phase.
It isn't sexy that I had to rinse with a peri water bottle every time I peed so it didn't burn. It wasn't sexy that DH had to help me to the bathroom after I gave birth. It certainly wasn't sexy to walk around airing my swollen, lanolin covered boobs or when I would leak all over my shirt as we were getting BFing established. I certainly didn't look like a sex goddess when I was hauling around a one week old with dark circles under my eyes, wearing a diaper and a shirt covered in baby poop and spit up. Nor was it romantic to have to help give me injections for 6 weeks PP so I didn't have a stroke and die. I'm sure DH can't "unsee" those things and TBH I would never want him to. Those uglier moments are part of the reason our marriage is so strong. He was there for me when I was at my worst and still thought I was beautiful.
PS Our sex life is still as good as it ever was which is clearly evident by the whole 3 kids in 3 years thing.
@poetryandoceans - we have talked a little bit about it and I think he will be ok to leave the doctoring to my OB. He is a first year family medicine resident so he definitely recognizes that he is very much still learning, and while after residency he will be fully trained to handle non-high risk prenatal care and delivery it's not his main job like being a full time OB would be. I asked him previously if he wanted to deliver our baby, and my OB who is faculty in the residency program said she would be fine with it as long as she was there. At the time he was thinking he might want to, but after talking with other residents who have delivered one of their own babies he said he might would rather be in a supportive role for me. This will be my first delivery so I asked him more about what goes on right after birth and after he explained all what happens I think I would prefer just being with me too.
Maybe you could mention to your nurses your DH might get caught up in the medical side and they can help rein him in if need be?
Reading all these comments is making me ease into this whole idea a little bit easier. Thank you Ladies
We are the type of couple that are around one another 24/7 (literally attached to one another) but he has never seen me fart, burp, go to the bathroom or do anything remotely "comfortable."
I'm still really worried about things that I'm sure STM are thinking "really..." lol what can I say? I have complete first time delivery syndrome
Thank goodness for all these "prep" months for us to become more open minded. And thanks to this board!
@Knottie1443924966 you'll be amazed at what you guys will go through together and how much closer it will bring you. It's really hard to describe, but it just happens. It's a miracle of this whole process that often gets overlooked.
Team Blue ~ Jan. 20 DS born 9/4/12 MMC July 2015 MMC January 2016
@BriannaE129129 I enjoyed the book, "Natural Birth for the Mainstream Mama." It is geared toward an unmedicated birth but it does have some good information about writing a birth plan in it. It was also a very interesting read, quick, and the writer is funny.
I second Ina May's "Guide to Childbirth" and "Natural Hospital Birth: The Best of Both Worlds" By Cynthia Gabriel as a great reads even if you're not planning on going au naturale. Both are full of information on the birth process and stages of labor/ delivery that I found fascinating. Some of the personal stories were too crunchy for me and some hit home. I am someone who feels more comfortable and confident the more information I have ahead of time. Knowledge is power.
So question about birth plans... can you specify who you want in the room with you PRIOR to the actual delivery part? For example, i'm totally fine with my dad coming in and being there before I start pushing, but I wouldn't want my sister in law or some other people in the room because I know they will annoy me and stress me out. haha!
I know I can specify who I want in the room for the actual delivery, but wasn't sure about prior.
edited: words, I just realized I used ACTUALLY a lot! hahaha!
@emma61210 You should be able to specify who is allowed in the labor room while you're laboring. You can also change your mind during labor - if you think you'll want visitors but realize that it's distracting you or making you stressed you can cut off all future visitors. My SIL didn't plan on visitors, but she had an epidural and never left her bed until she was brought into the OR for a c-section for failure to progress so she ended up allowing FIL to visit her while she was laboring. I spent hours walking around the labor and delivery room with my ass hanging out the back of a gown, so having male family visit me was not something I would have been comfortable with.
@Emma61210 you can specify at any time! Speak up and let your doctor know and the nurses know and they do a great job of keeping people out or kicking people out if you need them to. And I'd even go as far as letting people know casually (or directly if they won't get it) that you're being selective about who you want in your hospital room.
You can definitely let them know, and my nurses were a huge help with this! I didn't mind my dad coming in while I labored, and my brother even came in at one point to say hi. Well sometime during the day, my parents, in-laws, my aunt and cousin and a family friend ended up in the room while I labored. I think I was so focused on getting through the contractions I didn't even realize how many people were there. My nurse came in and I told her I needed everyone out but my husband, mom and grandma, and that they were the only ones I wanted in the room for the rest of the time of labor and delivery. She quickly ushered everyone out, explained that I needed peace and quiet to prepare for delivery and that after baby was born they would be invited back in if my husband and I wanted.
I think first time around I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings and make anyone feel left out so I really needed the nurse to help me out. This time, I have already told the family that no one will be in the room for the labor or delivery except my husband and mom. We've also decided this time we won't be letting anyone in to see the baby until we have been moved to our recovery room and DS has had a chance to meet his sibling.
This thread stresses me out. (That's on me, not you guys) When we were TTC and dealing with IF I read Ina May and started to think about what I'd like in a birth plan but now I'm pregnant with mono-di twins and I'm feeling like none of it is going to be possible. No birth center. No changing positions and intermittent monitoring because they just don't allow it. Not likely avoiding induction because they can't go past 37+1 under any circumstance. No delayed cord clamping because it could literally kill the second baby. No skipping the epidural because the chances of emergency c-section are so high and I don't want to be put under and miss their birth. No immediate and uninterrupted skin to skin regardless because I'll have to pass baby A off to push B out.
I'm still working out what my 50% chance of having a c-section means. It's seriously freaking me out. Will I get to do skin to skin quickly? Will recovery blow? Will I be able to move and take care of 2 newborns at once? Ughhhh so stressed. I need to take one of my OB's birth classes ASAP.
This thread stresses me out. (That's on me, not you guys) When we were TTC and dealing with IF I read Ina May and started to think about what I'd like in a birth plan but now I'm pregnant with mono-di twins and I'm feeling like none of it is going to be possible. No birthcenter. No changing positions and intermittent monitoring because they just don't allow it. Not likely avoiding induction because they can't go past 37+1 under any circumstance. No delayed cord clamping because it could literally kill the second baby. No skipping the epidural because the chances of emergency c-section are so high and I don't want to be put under and miss their birth. No immediate and uninterrupted skin to skin regardless because I'll have to pass baby A off to push B out.
I'm still working out what my 50% chance of having a c-section means. It's seriously freaking me out. Will I get to do skin to skin quickly? Will recovery blow? Will I be able to move and take care of 2 newborns at once? Ughhhh so stressed. I need to take one of my OB's birth classes ASAP.
Not sure if this is helpful or not, since it's only one person, but positive anecdotes are always reassuring to me so - my mom's 5th & 6th babies were twins delivered via c section. I believe it did end up being an emergency c section, because she'd planned on a vaginal birth but then one was breech. She said that in her experience, level of pain was comparable to that of a vaginal birth, just in different ways. She said recovery time was crucial, as was help as she had 4 other kids on top of the twins under the age of 8. Based on what she's told me, the more help you're able to get with twins the better. I remember my grandma spending a lot of time at our house for the first couple of weeks and she did a great job of monitoring how much time visitors spent at the house (actually, my mom said sometimes she was borderline rude about shooing people out when she felt they'd overstayed their welcome haha). My mom said that especially with a c section birth, it's important to try to stick to one floor of the house as you're recovering if possible (this is helpful in all cases, though). I remember that the twins and my mom slept in the living room at first, but I don't remember for how long. Another helpful tip that my mom gave me in the event that I'd have twins in the future, because it does run in our family, was that she and my dad would sleep in shifts. She'd sleep from 8 until 1 and my dad would sleep from 1 until 6. That guaranteed each of them 5 hours of sleep a night, except for occasions when both of them needed to be up, which she said didn't happen as often as you'd think. DH and I actually did this with DD before she started sleeping through the night and it worked out very well.
Unfortunately I don't have information about skin to skin because that wasn't really a big practice when my siblings were born in 2000, but if there are any other questions I can pass along to my mom, let me know
ETA wanted to clarify that when I was talking about pain level in c section v. vaginal birth I was referring to recovery pain. My mom had natural births for the first 4 of us and after the twins were born she said she wished she could go back and choose to have epidurals for all of us, especially #4 since he was a whopping 10lb12oz lol
I'm not sure if this is the best thread to put this in but I have a tip for all the ladies. Every time I give birth I put together a "welcome basket" for our nurses and visitors. Very small things like those little antibacterial hand soaps, candy bars or chips. It sounds a bit silly and DH thought it was ridiculous when I did it for our first baby but he has since enthusiastically converted. When we were getting ready to have our second and started asking me what we were going to put in it and if I needed him to pick anything up etc. He also started recommending it to his friends who were getting ready to have their babies.
My nurses were so busy the night I had DS1. The maternity ward was completely full. Ours really appreciated the ability to grab something quick especially if they don't have time for a break. As an added bonus we had a lot of extra people checking on us because they were in and out grabbing snacks once word spread! I absolutely love my OB but the nurses are the ones who were with me through the majority of my labor.
So with #3 I just had a midwife that acted as my doula (she taught our Bradley class with #2) and she knew what our wishes was and was able to be our verbal birth plan, would remind my husband of certain things so he could tell the staff etc. I was a VBA2C so had lots of convos with my OB about the birth ahead of time too.
With #4 I didn't have a plan together because I went 4 weeks early and was so not prepared lol.
I have no clue what I'll do this time. Probably discuss things with my OB now, see if they've relaxed rules on VBAC moms any at the hospital so I can use the hot tubs etc.
@TinaBelcher I'm sorry the possible complications and reality of birthing twins is stressing you out. If I can offer any advice it's that in the grand scheme of your babies' lives birth is SMALL POTATOES. Owen had a real shitty birth. He got stuck, wasn't breathing when he finally got out, intubation was attempted twice and failed, and when he started breathing on his own (thank goodness) he was taken from the room and I never got to even LOOK at him until he was 6 hours old and medically cleared/stable. Lots of the things I had hoped for simply didn't happen. He got out alive and at the end of the day that is all that mattered to me and I promise it's all that will matter to you to.
@TinaBelcher yes! What @adorebella said! Even the most ideally planned births can go haywire and still be a great experience or they can totally suck, but at the end of the day it's just one day of their lives. It makes me sad to see moms who beat themselves up over a less than ideal birth or less than successful nursing because it's such a small window of your babies lives. Just remember that at the end of the day you're doing your best to make sure they are happy and healthy and that's all that matters.
@TinaBelcher I can't speak to having twins via c-section, but when I had DD via CS in 2014 I was DEFINITELY offered immediate skin to skin. As long as babies and momma are stable I don't see why it would be different? Dad could even to STS with one while you held the other.
i am glad I decided on a doula. The added support for my squeamish hubby will be worth it.its helping me know that she will help me with my birthplan. I had no idea how many options. I told her I want a simple short plan but still want to discuss sceneries that could happen.
My hospital sent me an email "oh hey, here's a PDF of the birth plan most of our moms use, we like you to give it to your practitioner by 36 weeks so it's on file if you deliver with a doctor who isn't your own" which I think is great but I'm flipping through 11 pages of fill in the bubble (do you want constant or intermittent monitoring/ do you want to be offered pain management meds or not) and I'm going "ughhhhh I'm gonna fill in like 4 whole bubbles in 11 pages" I'm still sticking with my simple birth plan but the idea that there are all those options is crazy stressful to me!
My hospital sent me an email "oh hey, here's a PDF of the birth plan most of our moms use, we like you to give it to your practitioner by 36 weeks so it's on file if you deliver with a doctor who isn't your own" which I think is great but I'm flipping through 11 pages of fill in the bubble (do you want constant or intermittent monitoring/ do you want to be offered pain management meds or not) and I'm going "ughhhhh I'm gonna fill in like 4 whole bubbles in 11 pages" I'm still sticking with my simple birth plan but the idea that there are all those options is crazy stressful to me!
This is why I skipped one last time; all the possibilities seriously stressed me out! Like I said, I am planning to have one this time, but it's going to only be the 3-4 things that are super important to me.
Re: Birth plans, anyone?
I still don't think I've come to terms with the fact that this baby has to come OUT!
Also, my husband held my leg up and watched our baby come out of my body then watched me deliver the placenta. He still asked me every day during the 6 week recovery how soon we could have sex again. He certainly wasn't scarred or viewed me any less sexually.
That's wonderful that he did that and was a part of it all! I don't think my husband will have any problem either, he's not grossed out by much and always really helpful when I'm constantly cutting myself in the kitchen!
BFP1 12/24/14 - EDD 09/07/15 (D/C 8w1d)
BFP2 6/12/15 - EDD 2/22/16 (D/C 10w3d)
———
Diagnoses and Treatments
PCOS (myo-inositol, excercize)
Indeterminant levels of APS IgM antibodies (baby aspirin)
Sub-septate uterus (hysteroscopic septoplasty 12/18/15)
———
BFP3 05/02/16 EDD 01/09/17 DS born 01/05/17
BFP4 01/28/19 EDD 10/?/19 🤞🙏
But even afterwards, you are so vulnerable and need help. He had to hold me so I could go to the bathroom, help me change my pads from the afterbirth, help me in/out of the shower, and all those other glorious things that happen to your body. It never impacted our sex lives and actually made me love him more.
And secretly I know that he knows that his wife has the best damn looking digestive system on the planet.
Team Blue ~ Jan. 20
DS born 9/4/12
MMC July 2015
MMC January 2016
It isn't sexy that I had to rinse with a peri water bottle every time I peed so it didn't burn. It wasn't sexy that DH had to help me to the bathroom after I gave birth. It certainly wasn't sexy to walk around airing my swollen, lanolin covered boobs or when I would leak all over my shirt as we were getting BFing established. I certainly didn't look like a sex goddess when I was hauling around a one week old with dark circles under my eyes, wearing a diaper and a shirt covered in baby poop and spit up. Nor was it romantic to have to help give me injections for 6 weeks PP so I didn't have a stroke and die. I'm sure DH can't "unsee" those things and TBH I would never want him to. Those uglier moments are part of the reason our marriage is so strong. He was there for me when I was at my worst and still thought I was beautiful.
PS Our sex life is still as good as it ever was which is clearly evident by the whole 3 kids in 3 years thing.
Maybe you could mention to your nurses your DH might get caught up in the medical side and they can help rein him in if need be?
BFP1 12/24/14 - EDD 09/07/15 (D/C 8w1d)
BFP2 6/12/15 - EDD 2/22/16 (D/C 10w3d)
———
Diagnoses and Treatments
PCOS (myo-inositol, excercize)
Indeterminant levels of APS IgM antibodies (baby aspirin)
Sub-septate uterus (hysteroscopic septoplasty 12/18/15)
———
BFP3 05/02/16 EDD 01/09/17 DS born 01/05/17
BFP4 01/28/19 EDD 10/?/19 🤞🙏
We are the type of couple that are around one another 24/7 (literally attached to one another) but he has never seen me fart, burp, go to the bathroom or do anything remotely "comfortable."
I'm still really worried about things that I'm sure STM are thinking "really..." lol what can I say? I have complete first time delivery syndrome
Thank goodness for all these "prep" months for us to become more open minded. And thanks to this board!
Team Blue ~ Jan. 20
DS born 9/4/12
MMC July 2015
MMC January 2016
ETA: author
Married: 8/11/2007
DD: Born 2/3/17
BFP#2: 5/3, EDD 1/10/19
I know I can specify who I want in the room for the actual delivery, but wasn't sure about prior.
edited: words, I just realized I used ACTUALLY a lot! hahaha!
Sawyer Ryanne due Jan 1, 2017
I think first time around I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings and make anyone feel left out so I really needed the nurse to help me out. This time, I have already told the family that no one will be in the room for the labor or delivery except my husband and mom. We've also decided this time we won't be letting anyone in to see the baby until we have been moved to our recovery room and DS has had a chance to meet his sibling.
I'm still working out what my 50% chance of having a c-section means. It's seriously freaking me out. Will I get to do skin to skin quickly? Will recovery blow? Will I be able to move and take care of 2 newborns at once? Ughhhh so stressed. I need to take one of my OB's birth classes ASAP.
Unfortunately I don't have information about skin to skin because that wasn't really a big practice when my siblings were born in 2000, but if there are any other questions I can pass along to my mom, let me know
ETA wanted to clarify that when I was talking about pain level in c section v. vaginal birth I was referring to recovery pain. My mom had natural births for the first 4 of us and after the twins were born she said she wished she could go back and choose to have epidurals for all of us, especially #4 since he was a whopping 10lb12oz lol
My nurses were so busy the night I had DS1. The maternity ward was completely full. Ours really appreciated the ability to grab something quick especially if they don't have time for a break. As an added bonus we had a lot of extra people checking on us because they were in and out grabbing snacks once word spread! I absolutely love my OB but the nurses are the ones who were with me through the majority of my labor.
With #4 I didn't have a plan together because I went 4 weeks early and was so not prepared lol.
I have no clue what I'll do this time. Probably discuss things with my OB now, see if they've relaxed rules on VBAC moms any at the hospital so I can use the hot tubs etc.
DS1 - 03/31/2006
DS2 - 12/31/2008
DS3 - 06/26/2012
DS4 - 08/07/2014
I'm still sticking with my simple birth plan but the idea that there are all those options is crazy stressful to me!