Not a WTF, but if we're moving on can I ask what happened to Nov 16?
Hahahaha!!! This will probably need another long explanation, but I've heard it mentioned several times on several different occasions. Seems like they had DRAMA.
@KirstinH88 - I appreciate you sticking around for the conversation and allowing us to speak our piece. More than that, I appreciate you replying and not just lurking at the drama. That goes a long way in my book. I can see that you truly care about the board and you aren't trying to be superficial or controlling. I like you.
None of us are trying to start arguments and fights (at least, I don't think so). We just wanted to explain our side. I know I, at least, harbor no ill feelings toward anyone. The dislike isn't an individual basis, it's an overall opinion. It really can't be individual-because no one knows anyone enough to make it personal. A lot of us just feel really strongly, so I can see why some may look at this thread and think we are attacking, when we truly aren't, we are just trying to explain things through our eyes. I truly hope that everyone here gets a BFP. I really do. I just don't want to know about all of them.
As far as what you referenced on my post, I agree that it's impossible to know someone if you only know one part of their life. However, I found when I joined that starting the conversation from TTC subjects was the way I learned more about an individual. Once I knew enough about how their journey was, I was more likely to comment on their GTKY, because I had at least a small basis of understanding that I could relate to. I don't mind the extra GTKY posts at all, but this group is for those TTC, so I always liked that it was the centralized theme. I don't feel like that's necessarily true anymore.
TTC #1 since September 2014 Diagnoses: RPL, Endometriosis, MFI
(count, morph, DNI, DNAS, multiple bilateral subclinical varicoceles), low
progesterone Check out my Infertility blog Check out my Infertility Instagram
Loss History (TW):
BFP: 3 May 2015, loss confirmed 4 June 2015 BFP: 15 August 2015, loss confirmed 23 August 2015 BFP: 16 November 2015, loss confirmed 22 November 2015 BFP: 18 July 2016, loss confirmed same day BFP: 04 March 2018, loss confirmed 23 March 2018 BFP: 12 June 2018, TWINS; D&C 06 July 2018
TTC History (TW):
3 losses in 2015 Met with OBGYN in January 2016 Me: all clear, H: OAT November 2016: HSG = All
Clear!
January 2017: H tested again, High DNA fragmentation and stainability
February 2017: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
March 2017: Clomid + HCG + IUI + Progesterone = SA/wash: zero count on attempt
#1, <1,000 on attempt #2= BFN
Varicocele Embolization- 5 May 17 December 2017 SA: Zero improvement after embolization January IVF- 25 retrieved, 11 mature, 8 fertilized, 3 frozen day fives (3AA, 3AA, 3AA), 1 frozen day 6 (5BB), 1 frozen day 7 (3CC) Three PGS normal (3AA, 3AA, 5BB), one inconclusive (3AA) FET #1: 27 February 2018, 3AA & 5BB, one stuck! BFP 04 March 2018.... Loss confirmed 23 March 2018 May 2018: SHG/SIS = all clear "beautiful uterus" FET #2: 04 June 2018, 3AA PGS normal embryo, 3AA PGS hatching inconclusive embryo. BFP: 12 June 2018, EDD 20 February 2019 Ultrasound, 25 June 2018: There are two! Lost Baby A 02 July 2018 Baby B not growing, D&C 06 July 2018 Laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, chromotubation: 23 July 2018: blocked right tube, heavily inflamed, covered in endo. Removed right tube. Removed more endo from uterus, tubes, ovaries. Endo remains on bladder and bowel.
Next Up:
TTC Naturally, possibly IUIs for remainder of 2018. ER#2 ~Jan 2019
Seriously though, thanks for the time, energy, and emotion you all spent explaining your point of view. As I previously said, I haven't been here long enough to compare. I just wondered what "we" were doing differently or wrong.
I just want to say to everyone who responded, but especially @MonaLisaRalphio and @NamelessAria... Thank you. Seriously, thank you for speaking up and making me understand where you are coming from. I try to be a fairly optimistic person, so I guess I didn't really notice the change, but I do see it. And I think you're right. I think it's less real.
I've been doing this for almost a year (TTC, not Bumping) and it's exhausting. It's mentally and physically draining and it sucks. And I kind of hate it. I have had many, many days of thinking about just giving up. And I'm always glad that I can come here and see that I am not alone. I don't want this community to fall apart, I really don't. Because I need it. And I think a lot of us need it.
Me: 32 years old
DH: 33 years old
Married in May 16, 2015
TTC #1 (on and off) since September 2015 DS1 Due 6.7.2021
@linzrunz in @redbreast35 's defense, I don't think she was saying that the grads shouldn't be posting on this board at all--I think she was saying it rubs her the wrong way when they make negative comments about how things have change and criticize this board now that they are no longer participating here/no longer need to participate here. I could be wrong though.
@neikoda@melissam090 YESS about the shift in attitude that one experiences after having trouble TTC. It seems that, at the moment, there is an influx of women who are newer to TTC, which is GREAT, but I think that helps explain all the changes in the atmosphere here.
I definitely DO think that there has been an influx of people posting random and unnecessary threads asking questions that could easily go in WTO/TWW. @melissam090 you did an excellent job explaining why this is a problem--sometimes it feels like this board has become yahoo answers rather than a community that requires a give and take.
Okay, I'm super late to this discussion, but wow! @monalisaralphio@namelessaria@melissam090@aliciagoose@furbabymom2007@everyoneelseiforgot you guys are so much better than I am at articulating your thoughts about why the changes in this board are disappointing. I won't pretend that I am, or ever have been, a reg--I didn't start participating until I had already been TTC for 5ish months and the reason I chose this community to join is because the women here were genuine, brutally honest, informed, supportive, and interested in developing real relationships. Do I think all that has gone away? No, and I am definitely interested in forming relationships with the women who are newer to the board (who knows how long I will be here), but I think we are in a bit of a transition period so I'm interested to see what happens. I think this was a great conversation--everyone was able to express their opinions in a respectful manner and I think now people who had questions may have a better understanding of what the grads were referring to. Now I can't wait to see what happens with this board next!!!!! (added exclamation points for sunshine/rainbow effect )
eta: @neikoda , I LOVED your response/insight, too! Can't believe I left you off the list.
I won't beat a dead horse, but this was very informative and eye-opening and I appreciate the responses you all have taken the time to give.
Honestly lately, my WTF has been wondering why this board is so darn slow. Except for the daily threads and drive-by's there isn't much happening. I've just been hoping that like @felix08 said, this is just a transition period. I definitely am starting to recognize and seek out a couple posters as time goes on, I just hope that continues.
@hartmich! Yes the board is slow...or is it just that I don't have a life and bump all day at work?
I will add that I have had an intern sitting me all summer at work so I have had to be more discete about my bumping at work recently lol. But he leaves after next week
@hartmich! Yes the board is slow...or is it just that I don't have a life and bump all day at work?
I'm the same! That's why I see you here daily
Maybe it's just because it's summer and people are vacationing? Who knows, but I'm sticking around.
I actually ALWAYS look for you in the WTO because I know we are cycle buddies. And I'm actually a little concerned for how slow the board will be once school gets started, because I know we have a ton of teachers on here....
Can I just say thank you to the people here who have taken everything's aid with an open mind and tried to help use this as an understanding and not just turn it into a defensive environment of people ganging up.
I I can't say things nearly as well as my "old" buddies but I will try. I joined here ins Nov 15. I was wided eyed and naive. I posted occasionally and read mostly. I also committed a AW that I got flamed, rightly so, for. I learned from it and used it as a chance to figure out what I was doing wrong while TTC and everyone here helped me. After my first loss I came back because I knew there were people who would understand and be supportive of my situation.
Now, after my third loss, I don't feel I can post here. I feel like my situation is too "real" for some. No one wants to accept the RPL is a common situation. My responses to a lot of special snowflake questions come from an entirely different place of harsh, jaded truth and it just wouldn't jive with the coddling type place I have seen emerge over the last few weeks.
I really hope people can use this community as a place to forge supportive bonds. TTC is a draining journey to undertake. Finding people you can connect with that are in the same place, and even better maybe at the same place after a BFP is an im measure asset. I have true friendships, and I say friendships strongly, that I have formed from people in this community that I have come to lean toward more that IRL friends. We know each other's actual lives. These types of bonds can only be created in an environment to allows for open, honest, sometimes harsh, discussion. Hopefully women are as open as some ive met through here and can use this board as a great resource to help grow and nurture their TTC process for more than just "getting a BFP"
In reference to the lack of snark and redirection to drive-bys, I know I've personally felt like it wasn't my place. I've still felt too new to the community to tell someone else what not to do. However, I don't want people who have used this as a sanctuary to feel like this isn't there spot anymore. I also definitely don't want to be one of the summer 2016 ladies who contributed somehow to the board falling to crap, if that somehow becomes the legacy.
If mildly flaming and scolding drive-bys (without going OTT) preserves the integrity of the board I joined, mildly feared, lurked, and respected, I'll have to say is:
In reference to the lack of snark and redirection to drive-bys, I know I've personally felt like it wasn't my place. I've still felt too new to the community to tell someone else what not to do. However, I don't want people who have used this as a sanctuary to feel like this isn't there spot anymore. I also definitely don't want to be one of the summer 2016 ladies who contributed somehow to the board falling to crap, if that somehow becomes the legacy.
If mildly flaming and scolding drive-bys (without going OTT) preserves the integrity of the board I joined, mildly feared, lurked, and respected, I'll have to say is:
THIS. To the bolded. I hate that we have had so many people (who I actually recognize) comment and say that they no longer feel welcome, comfortable, etc. It breaks my heart that we may have abandoned people who were originally a part of this community just so that we could be nicer to drive-bys. Flame on @swanbrooner!
@kirstinh88 well I always look for you too so it may end up just us once school starts! Haha lets just hope things pick up a bit after this heart to heart we all just had?
@swanbrooner I just did my first "scolding" today! I'll admit, I was very nice because there were other responses to the question already, so I didn't want to come flying in on my broomstick and kick her out the door. I think I will continue to correct when needed, but not be as overly polite as I was.
@SnobunnieMel I want you to keep posting here! I think there needs to be a balance between new TTGPers who are full of optimism and those who have had a much more difficult journey and are more realistic. Obviously, I totally get it if you need a break for your own sanity, but I think both sides of the spectrum can help the other. And selfishly, I like having you around.
@felix08 thank you! I'm afraid most people here will see my post and think "she doesn't even go here" since I've been away since the third loss just watching from the corner.
@SnobunnieMel Some of us newer-but-older members can definitely vouch for you! Like I said, I didn't start participating until April/May, but I definitely recognize your name!
You guys, I swear I didn't plan to "start this" and then peace out. Honestly, I'm really appreciative that those who have either graduated or just stopped posting for other reasons came back to share their point of view. I certainly didn't mean to be insensitive in my initial attempt to explain myself, but I can't say that I'm sorry the discussion happened. It's also weird to recognize more names in this discussion than on any of the WTO/TWW threads over the last few weeks
@SnobunnieMel I recognize your name for sure. And this is definitely not your responsibility, but since there are a lot of us who are in the earlier TTC stages, I'd love to see more of a balance with those who have different experiences. Then maybe we can have a community where you can be on cycle 1 or cycle 100 and there's a place for us all.
@SnobunnieMel I recognize your name for sure. And this is definitely not your responsibility, but since there are a lot of us who are in the earlier TTC stages, I'd love to see more of a balance with those who have different experiences. Then maybe we can have a community where you can be on cycle 1 or cycle 100 and there's a place for us all.
But hopefully NO ONE. EVER. makes it to cycle 100.
I agree. I would love the mix. I'm not suffering with infertility or been to an RE (yet) but I love reading about those experiences of other women because I could possibly be headed down that path and like to know that there are others out there that I can lean on if the time comes. Also, not that I love that MC is a thing, but I love having women in the group who have experienced loss because it makes me feel less alone in that regard.
@RedBreast35 I really understood where you were coming from with your explanation. Maybe the wording was a little off for some people, but I could 100% sympathize it. And I won't speak for everyone else, but I really and truly thank you for providing a forum for the discussion.
To everyone else who has participated, thank you for being open and receptive and generous in your responses. I can honestly say that this discussion has made me feel more confident that the TTGP we all know and love will continue to thrive. Yall are some really, really fine human beings.
To everyone else who has participated, thank you for being open and receptive and generous in your responses. I can honestly say that this discussion has made me feel more confident that the TTGP we all know and love will continue to thrive. Yall are some really, really fine human beings.
I agree! I'm glad we could all have this Come To Jesus Meeting and I am hopeful of where we go from here.
Formerly ahrains Me:
42 | DH: 45 TTC since Dec. 2014 BFP #1 Oct. 2015 | MC Nov. 2015 Sept. 2016: FSH, AMH, E2, TSH, etc. all normal. | Oct. 2016: HSG all clear! |
Nov. 2016: Hysteroscopy & H's SA both great results Dec. 2016 - Follistim + TI BFP #2 12/25/16 | Natural MC 2/13/17 | False BFP leads to D&C 4/20/17 | Emergency D&C + hysteroscopy 5/16/17 The road probably ends here
@neikoda@melissam090 YESS about the shift in attitude that one experiences after having trouble TTC. It seems that, at the moment, there is an influx of women who are newer to TTC, which is GREAT, but I think that helps explain all the changes in the atmosphere here.
I definitely DO think that there has been an influx of people posting random and unnecessary threads asking questions that could easily go in WTO/TWW. @melissam090 you did an excellent job explaining why this is a problem--sometimes it feels like this board has become yahoo answers rather than a community that requires a give and take.
In reference to the lack of snark and redirection to drive-bys, I know I've personally felt like it wasn't my place. I've still felt too new to the community to tell someone else what not to do. However, I don't want people who have used this as a sanctuary to feel like this isn't there spot anymore. I also definitely don't want to be one of the summer 2016 ladies who contributed somehow to the board falling to crap, if that somehow becomes the legacy.
If mildly flaming and scolding drive-bys (without going OTT) preserves the integrity of the board I joined, mildly feared, lurked, and respected, I'll have to say is:
And my two cents: when I started on this board in February or March, I think the shift was probably starting, although I was too close and too new to see it. But what I do notice is that a lot of experience has moved on (and bravo that those ladies got their BFPs!!). There were clear leaders before, several of them, that seemed to keep things in line. Now it seems we're all too new (I know I always feel like "who am I to say that?"), and those who aren't maybe aren't into taking the reigns. I think it will take some time for things to shake out. Regardless, those who have been around have to speak up when things start to go sideways.
Also, I think I've probably answered a person or two who hasn't followed the rules (although I think I also encouraged them to join the dailies). So for my part, I will be the change I want to see in the world by simply directing them to Google or the dailies...but no easy answers.
Lastly, to all of us: if you want TTGP to be your sanctuary, do what you can to
Me: 45 OH: 42 Beloved SS: born 12/2011 TTC my bio #1/our #2 since January 2016 **TW** June 2016 had CP **end TW** August 2016 - dx with DOR Somewhere in here received recommendation to do IVF with donor eggs, elected not to; OH dx with Low T May 2017 - began freezing sperm June 2017 - OH began treatment for Low T July 2017 - began doing 1 IUI via a midwife and 1 at home insemination each cycle http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/6259ba July 2018 - exhausted frozen sperm, officially NTNP since OH is probably shooting blanks
Totally changing topic.....My WTF Wednesday is mean, I know, so flame me if need be but hear me out:
I went to college with this girl who got KU after dating a guy for a month. They had a pretty girl who is now about 20 months. She got KU on accident when her DD was about a year old with triplets. She now has 4 kids under the age of 20 months and just posted on FB about how she can't pay her phone bill this month so message her on FB. I totally get that accidentally getting KU is hard and I'm not really WTF'ing that. It's more like, I did the responsible adult thing, finished school, got a job, got married, waited a bit to settle in with DH, and now I'm TTC. I'm not too far along in my TTC journey so I can't even complain about TTC problems. But I'm bitchy today so I say WTF. I also have another friend that got KU after being with a guy for a month, her son was born 3 months early but is doing well at 8 months old. Her FI proposed at her baby shower (I call it a pity proposal) and apparently he cheated and she's all "woe is me" all over FB. I'm over here all like, hey lets time our baby so it's after a pay raise so we have money and women just get to go have babies whenever they want. Adulting is hard and I'm a whiney princess, I'm sorry.
I 100% agree with this. I am late to actual posting but love-titted all I could from mobile. You guys are rad.
I want to thank our graduated regs for stepping in with such eloquence in explaining why this board has been so important to all of us. The change made me wary to post as well, because I've been here actively posting since maybe October, 2015, and lurking way, way before that, and my viewpoint after TTC for a year is no longer sunshine and rainbows. Some days I find it hard to believe it'll happen at all, but I really didn't feel like I could express those things. I DEFINITELY didn't think I could express anything if someone came in and proverbially crapped all over the board we'd all come to love. I won't belabor what has clearly already been well-expressed and discussed, I just wanted to tell you all that this thread seriously renewed my hope in this board.
DD born PPROM preemie at 36 weeks on 10/1/17 after over a year TI, then 3 failed IUIs, and finally a successful IVF FET.
Due with #2 5/2/19 after HIO once in my FW, because apparently that's how life works now. Team Blue!
I've missed a lot... sorry for that. I read everything as time allowed in this hellish day. My name is brand spanking new to everyone, but I've been in the shadows since October.
I'm glad this conversation happened for a bunch of reasons. The accountant in me wants to make a bulleted list so here ya go:
1. It gave the "old regulars" a chance to say their peace.
2. It gave us "newbies" & lurkers an idea of what the board used to be like.
3. It gave us hope for the future of the board.
Although it feels like I "know" some of you from reading about you & your journeys, I haven't been posting long so I'm sure the same can't be said for me. Even with as polite as everyone is being- I was still terrified to post my intro & start participating. I've been welcomed in, but these regulars are right. We don't talk about our lives outside of GTKY once a day.
So my question for the "old regulars" is... what can we do differently? How did you go from WTO & TWW boards to developing friendships?
I would love to develop closer relationships with these girls.
& last of all.. thank you to all the "regulars" past & present that have formed this board, kept it going as people moved on, & shaped it into something that people actually feel motivated to work on.
@SnobunnieMel I remember you! I'm sorry you are back here, but I'm happy to be in a land without sunshine and unicorns. I've really just been lurking because work has me too busy.
Newbie over here, and I JUST got the opportunity to read all this. First of all, I applaud you ladies for this discussion! It is very clear that it needed to be hashed out. Everyone made very excellent points.
I'm brand spanking new to TTGP. I lurked and yes, I was nervous when I posted for the first time. I wasn't necessarily scared to post in the sense of "Oh my goodness, these women are bullies, what if they're mean to me, ect", but rather I had a healthy fear of disrupting the flow of the board. It was kinda like being the new kid and seeing this awesome group of girls and thinking "Wow, I would really like to be part of that." I can't speak for all newbs, but that is definitely how I feel. I admire the culture that the "old regs" have developed and protected. Honestly, it does feel a little sugary sweet lately. And personally, I enjoy a little snark. No one is happy and chipper all the freaking time. But like a PP said, I don't feel like I KNOW enough to openly flame someone yet. I'm learning more and more every day though, so my time is coming to get my flame on when the situation arises. As many have said, this is a community. You get out what you put in. And it should stay that way.
**snip**
So my question for the "old regulars" is... what can we do differently? How did you go from WTO & TWW boards to developing friendships? **snip**
I don't know if I qualify as an "old reg" but I'll give my thoughts on this. First, my big issue was that false hope - even when meant as encouragement - is not always the most helpful thing. I loved this board because it was real, it was science-based, and it was not meant to build up expectations just to have them wrecked by reality. "You had a temp rise - you're totes KU!" **gets AF** (no one actually said that, I'm using it as a random example). No, that's not necessarily true that a temp rise would be a pregnancy. But I've been down that road, and the AF after all those hopes? I had the MOST beautiful chart once. I was daydreaming of the LO that would come with it. I was POSITIVE it'd be a boy, and we'd dress him in a baby blue onesie with feeties when we brought him home from the hospital. Then I got AF, right on time. That sucks worse than AF already sucks. You can't will yourself into being pregnant if you aren't pregnant. I think that realism is more helpful in the long run than false hopes.
The flaming of drive-bys/TOU breakers honestly was a defense. Those women came into this board that so many before us built that is so unlike any other - like I said, no fake "totes preggers!" anything, all of it based in science - and crap all over it with their "well, my test is negative but I still feel pregnant, HERE LOOK AT THIS THING I PEED ON!" So they get redirected to the newbie guide and maybe their BMB. They don't want that answer so their panties get in a twist, but I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing - they were never going to be a contributing, long-lasting member of this community. We are an anonymous board, but we were a group that had each others' backs and defended when someone paraded pee sticks in front of us, violated TOU, and oftentimes use more nasty terms against us than we would ever say against them. I don't care if you've been trying one or 17 cycles, drive-bys and the like can be painful. If they were truly going to be a member, they would take that redirection in stride, apologize or whatever is appropriate, and then go on to start in with WTO/TWW. They wouldn't just bail because the internet couldn't tell them if they were pregnant. I don't think it's a bad thing to tell them to check out the newbie guide and refer them to the appropriate BMB if it is positive (and it feels like so many of them are). I don't think it's a bad thing to flame them (not to a crazy degree, no name-calling or whatever, but we never do that) - we have many graduated and current members that have been flamed for their first post, and go on to become wonderful additions to the community. It just takes guts and self-reflection to keep going.
I'll let other, more eloquent members answer in greater detail, but those are just my thoughts.
ETA: Just saw the second part of your question. The friendships? Those come with time and contribution. I think we're on the right road with more GTKY threads.
DD born PPROM preemie at 36 weeks on 10/1/17 after over a year TI, then 3 failed IUIs, and finally a successful IVF FET.
Due with #2 5/2/19 after HIO once in my FW, because apparently that's how life works now. Team Blue!
Not a WTF, but if we're moving on can I ask what happened to Nov 16?
Basically someone joined after we were semi established, didn't like our "rules" or the way the majority of our community was. This person decided to block a lot of regs which made conversations weird. This also created a ton of "clutter". The the BGs started banning a bunch of great regs. Also possible catfishes.
I started participating back in July 15 (when you intro on your own thread). Things were quite different then. A few changes were made to try and organize and not have so many pointless posts cluttering the first page and all the quality info. I learned so much and there was amazing support. Now I haven't lurked too much here anymore but just looking at the first page thread titles things have changed. I think change/evolution can be good and not everyone is always going to like it. I just hope that this board continues to give a lot of realistic great info and support.
So my question for the "old regulars" is... what can we do differently? How did you go from WTO & TWW boards to developing friendships?
Honestly I feel like most of the ladies I developed friendships with just happened slowly over time. You see them post a rant or a rave in WTO/TWW and it doesn't tell you much about them. But if you read a paragraph a day about someone: what they're happy about, what is bothering them, what they're looking forward to, that friend/family member that was awesome/terrible, their hopes and dreams, etc. over the course of just 4 months you've read 120 paragraphs about that person. So as long as I've been here with @Mrsdee15, @mrsdaddario and the other ladies (sorry ladies! I'm far too tired to tag everyone but I love you all ) we've read an enormous amount about each other. And this is really how I got to know most of the ladies. We'd offer mutual support on the hard days. We'd celebrate the small victories with each other whether it was something at work, something with TTC, finishing a home improvement project or whatever else.
A lot of it just comes down to people being willing to share all that with each other and really open up about themselves and their lives. And the other part of it is people caring enough to listen and remember.
Edit to fix a quote box fail.
Me: 28 Husband: 31 TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016 Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017 ❤️
Oh and my unrelated to everything else WTF Wednesday is WTF RE's office?
As I'm sure most of you know I've been doing IF/RPL testing with my RE. And as some of you know I called the other day and was told by the nurse, who was supposedly looking at my chart, that they had my lab results back from my 7DPO hormone testing and my results were abnormal so my RE wanted me to start a medicated cycle. She told me to call back and let them know when it's CD1. I was really excited and relieved to finally have some answers and a plan but then I call today and talk to the same nurse, who is supposedly looking at my chart, and she tells me they do not have my lab results back and "there isn't a note here from the doctor about what he wants to do." So the nurse told me that she'd talk to the doctor tomorrow and ask him what the plan is and then she'll call me back and let me know.
WTF? And I've had to talk with the office every single day this week for one reason or another. So they've had time to get their act together and notice "Hey there isn't a plan for this patient at all. Maybe we should do something about that." The lab assured me that the results were reported to the RE's office 2 days ago so I'm not sure why the RE's office thought they had the results and then thought they didn't have the results.
Also I don't know if I mentioned this but yesterday (or the day before?) I had to go through this long thing with the nurse about how no, she must have me confused with someone else because I definitely didn't trigger this past cycle. And she argues with me about how my chart says I used the trigger shot and I'm like "Honestly I think I'd know if I had. I definitely didn't. I think maybe you're reading it wrong or....?" Those weren't my exact words but that was the gist of it.
Is it asking too much for my RE's office to know what the heck the plan is for me when reading my chart and to not continuously confuse me with another patient?
Me: 28 Husband: 31 TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016 Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017 ❤️
Re: WTF Wednesday
DD #2: May 2020
Baby #3: EDD May 2023; MC October 2022
Married: 5/30/2013
DSS #1: 5/25/2007
DSS #2: 1/22/2011
DS #3: 7/8/2012
BFP: 3/14/2016 ~ MC: 3/19/2016
DS #4: 4/21/17
ETA I seriously misspelled llama...
Me: 42 | DH: 45
TTC since Dec. 2014
BFP #1 Oct. 2015 | MC Nov. 2015
Sept. 2016: FSH, AMH, E2, TSH, etc. all normal. | Oct. 2016: HSG all clear! | Nov. 2016: Hysteroscopy & H's SA both great results
Dec. 2016 - Follistim + TI
BFP #2 12/25/16 | Natural MC 2/13/17 | False BFP leads to D&C 4/20/17 | Emergency D&C + hysteroscopy 5/16/17
None of us are trying to start arguments and fights (at least, I don't think so). We just wanted to explain our side. I know I, at least, harbor no ill feelings toward anyone. The dislike isn't an individual basis, it's an overall opinion. It really can't be individual-because no one knows anyone enough to make it personal. A lot of us just feel really strongly, so I can see why some may look at this thread and think we are attacking, when we truly aren't, we are just trying to explain things through our eyes. I truly hope that everyone here gets a BFP. I really do. I just don't want to know about all of them.
As far as what you referenced on my post, I agree that it's impossible to know someone if you only know one part of their life. However, I found when I joined that starting the conversation from TTC subjects was the way I learned more about an individual. Once I knew enough about how their journey was, I was more likely to comment on their GTKY, because I had at least a small basis of understanding that I could relate to. I don't mind the extra GTKY posts at all, but this group is for those TTC, so I always liked that it was the centralized theme. I don't feel like that's necessarily true anymore.
Diagnoses: RPL, Endometriosis, MFI (count, morph, DNI, DNAS, multiple bilateral subclinical varicoceles), low progesterone
Check out my Infertility blog
Check out my Infertility Instagram
BFP: 15 August 2015, loss confirmed 23 August 2015
BFP: 16 November 2015, loss confirmed 22 November 2015
BFP: 18 July 2016, loss confirmed same day
BFP: 04 March 2018, loss confirmed 23 March 2018
BFP: 12 June 2018, TWINS; D&C 06 July 2018
Met with OBGYN in January 2016
Me: all clear, H: OAT
November 2016: HSG = All Clear!
January 2017: H tested again, High DNA fragmentation and stainability
February 2017: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
March 2017: Clomid + HCG + IUI + Progesterone = SA/wash: zero count on attempt #1, <1,000 on attempt #2= BFN
Varicocele Embolization- 5 May 17
December 2017 SA: Zero improvement after embolization
January IVF- 25 retrieved, 11 mature, 8 fertilized, 3 frozen day fives (3AA, 3AA, 3AA), 1 frozen day 6 (5BB), 1 frozen day 7 (3CC)
Three PGS normal (3AA, 3AA, 5BB), one inconclusive (3AA)
FET #1: 27 February 2018, 3AA & 5BB, one stuck! BFP 04 March 2018.... Loss confirmed 23 March 2018
May 2018: SHG/SIS = all clear "beautiful uterus"
FET #2: 04 June 2018, 3AA PGS normal embryo, 3AA PGS hatching inconclusive embryo.
BFP: 12 June 2018, EDD 20 February 2019
Ultrasound, 25 June 2018: There are two!
Lost Baby A 02 July 2018
Baby B not growing, D&C 06 July 2018
Laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, chromotubation: 23 July 2018: blocked right tube, heavily inflamed, covered in endo. Removed right tube. Removed more endo from uterus, tubes, ovaries. Endo remains on bladder and bowel.
ER#2 ~Jan 2019
Seriously though, thanks for the time, energy, and emotion you all spent explaining your point of view. As I previously said, I haven't been here long enough to compare. I just wondered what "we" were doing differently or wrong.
I've been doing this for almost a year (TTC, not Bumping) and it's exhausting. It's mentally and physically draining and it sucks. And I kind of hate it. I have had many, many days of thinking about just giving up. And I'm always glad that I can come here and see that I am not alone. I don't want this community to fall apart, I really don't. Because I need it. And I think a lot of us need it.
Me: 32 years old
DS1 Due 6.7.2021
@neikoda @melissam090 YESS about the shift in attitude that one experiences after having trouble TTC. It seems that, at the moment, there is an influx of women who are newer to TTC, which is GREAT, but I think that helps explain all the changes in the atmosphere here.
I definitely DO think that there has been an influx of people posting random and unnecessary threads asking questions that could easily go in WTO/TWW. @melissam090 you did an excellent job explaining why this is a problem--sometimes it feels like this board has become yahoo answers rather than a community that requires a give and take.
Okay, I'm super late to this discussion, but wow! @monalisaralphio @namelessaria @melissam090 @aliciagoose @furbabymom2007 @everyoneelseiforgot you guys are so much better than I am at articulating your thoughts about why the changes in this board are disappointing. I won't pretend that I am, or ever have been, a reg--I didn't start participating until I had already been TTC for 5ish months and the reason I chose this community to join is because the women here were genuine, brutally honest, informed, supportive, and interested in developing real relationships. Do I think all that has gone away? No, and I am definitely interested in forming relationships with the women who are newer to the board (who knows how long I will be here), but I think we are in a bit of a transition period so I'm interested to see what happens. I think this was a great conversation--everyone was able to express their opinions in a respectful manner and I think now people who had questions may have a better understanding of what the grads were referring to. Now I can't wait to see what happens with this board next!!!!! (added exclamation points for sunshine/rainbow effect
eta: @neikoda , I LOVED your response/insight, too! Can't believe I left you off the list.
Honestly lately, my WTF has been wondering why this board is so darn slow. Except for the daily threads and drive-by's there isn't much happening. I've just been hoping that like @felix08 said, this is just a transition period. I definitely am starting to recognize and seek out a couple posters as time goes on, I just hope that continues.
Married: 5/30/2013
DSS #1: 5/25/2007
DSS #2: 1/22/2011
DS #3: 7/8/2012
BFP: 3/14/2016 ~ MC: 3/19/2016
DS #4: 4/21/17
Maybe it's just because it's summer and people are vacationing? Who knows, but I'm sticking around.
And I'm actually a little concerned for how slow the board will be once school gets started, because I know we have a ton of teachers on here....
Married: 5/30/2013
DSS #1: 5/25/2007
DSS #2: 1/22/2011
DS #3: 7/8/2012
BFP: 3/14/2016 ~ MC: 3/19/2016
DS #4: 4/21/17
I I can't say things nearly as well as my "old" buddies but I will try. I joined here ins Nov 15. I was wided eyed and naive. I posted occasionally and read mostly. I also committed a AW that I got flamed, rightly so, for. I learned from it and used it as a chance to figure out what I was doing wrong while TTC and everyone here helped me. After my first loss I came back because I knew there were people who would understand and be supportive of my situation.
Now, after my third loss, I don't feel I can post here. I feel like my situation is too "real" for some. No one wants to accept the RPL is a common situation. My responses to a lot of special snowflake questions come from an entirely different place of harsh, jaded truth and it just wouldn't jive with the coddling type place I have seen emerge over the last few weeks.
I really hope people can use this community as a place to forge supportive bonds. TTC is a draining journey to undertake. Finding people you can connect with that are in the same place, and even better maybe at the same place after a BFP is an im measure asset. I have true friendships, and I say friendships strongly, that I have formed from people in this community that I have come to lean toward more that IRL friends. We know each other's actual lives. These types of bonds can only be created in an environment to allows for open, honest, sometimes harsh, discussion. Hopefully women are as open as some ive met through here and can use this board as a great resource to help grow and nurture their TTC process for more than just "getting a BFP"
If mildly flaming and scolding drive-bys (without going OTT) preserves the integrity of the board I joined, mildly feared, lurked, and respected, I'll have to say is:
Married: 5/30/2013
DSS #1: 5/25/2007
DSS #2: 1/22/2011
DS #3: 7/8/2012
BFP: 3/14/2016 ~ MC: 3/19/2016
DS #4: 4/21/17
@swanbrooner I just did my first "scolding" today! I'll admit, I was very nice because there were other responses to the question already, so I didn't want to come flying in on my broomstick and kick her out the door. I think I will continue to correct when needed, but not be as overly polite as I was.
Married: 5/30/2013
DSS #1: 5/25/2007
DSS #2: 1/22/2011
DS #3: 7/8/2012
BFP: 3/14/2016 ~ MC: 3/19/2016
DS #4: 4/21/17
Honestly, I'm really appreciative that those who have either graduated or just stopped posting for other reasons came back to share their point of view. I certainly didn't mean to be insensitive in my initial attempt to explain myself, but I can't say that I'm sorry the discussion happened.
It's also weird to recognize more names in this discussion than on any of the WTO/TWW threads over the last few weeks
I agree. I would love the mix. I'm not suffering with infertility or been to an RE (yet) but I love reading about those experiences of other women because I could possibly be headed down that path and like to know that there are others out there that I can lean on if the time comes. Also, not that I love that MC is a thing, but I love having women in the group who have experienced loss because it makes me feel less alone in that regard.
Married: 5/30/2013
DSS #1: 5/25/2007
DSS #2: 1/22/2011
DS #3: 7/8/2012
BFP: 3/14/2016 ~ MC: 3/19/2016
DS #4: 4/21/17
To everyone else who has participated, thank you for being open and receptive and generous in your responses. I can honestly say that this discussion has made me feel more confident that the TTGP we all know and love will continue to thrive. Yall are some really, really fine human beings.
Me: 42 | DH: 45
TTC since Dec. 2014
BFP #1 Oct. 2015 | MC Nov. 2015
Sept. 2016: FSH, AMH, E2, TSH, etc. all normal. | Oct. 2016: HSG all clear! | Nov. 2016: Hysteroscopy & H's SA both great results
Dec. 2016 - Follistim + TI
BFP #2 12/25/16 | Natural MC 2/13/17 | False BFP leads to D&C 4/20/17 | Emergency D&C + hysteroscopy 5/16/17
Married: 5/30/2013
DSS #1: 5/25/2007
DSS #2: 1/22/2011
DS #3: 7/8/2012
BFP: 3/14/2016 ~ MC: 3/19/2016
DS #4: 4/21/17
And this:
And my two cents: when I started on this board in February or March, I think the shift was probably starting, although I was too close and too new to see it. But what I do notice is that a lot of experience has moved on (and bravo that those ladies got their BFPs!!). There were clear leaders before, several of them, that seemed to keep things in line. Now it seems we're all too new (I know I always feel like "who am I to say that?"), and those who aren't maybe aren't into taking the reigns. I think it will take some time for things to shake out. Regardless, those who have been around have to speak up when things start to go sideways.
Also, I think I've probably answered a person or two who hasn't followed the rules (although I think I also encouraged them to join the dailies). So for my part, I will be the change I want to see in the world by simply directing them to Google or the dailies...but no easy answers.
Lastly, to all of us: if you want TTGP to be your sanctuary, do what you can to
Beloved SS: born 12/2011
TTC my bio #1/our #2 since January 2016
**TW** June 2016 had CP **end TW**
August 2016 - dx with DOR
Somewhere in here received recommendation to do IVF with donor eggs, elected not to; OH dx with Low T
May 2017 - began freezing sperm
June 2017 - OH began treatment for Low T
July 2017 - began doing 1 IUI via a midwife and 1 at home insemination each cycle
http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/6259ba
July 2018 - exhausted frozen sperm, officially NTNP since OH is probably shooting blanks
DH: 33
Married: October 2015
TTC #1: October 2015
EDD #1: June/July 2017
Married: November 2015
TTC#1: January 2016
BFP: 5/02/16 - MC: 5/27/16
I went to college with this girl who got KU after dating a guy for a month. They had a pretty girl who is now about 20 months. She got KU on accident when her DD was about a year old with triplets. She now has 4 kids under the age of 20 months and just posted on FB about how she can't pay her phone bill this month so message her on FB. I totally get that accidentally getting KU is hard and I'm not really WTF'ing that. It's more like, I did the responsible adult thing, finished school, got a job, got married, waited a bit to settle in with DH, and now I'm TTC. I'm not too far along in my TTC journey so I can't even complain about TTC problems. But I'm bitchy today so I say WTF. I also have another friend that got KU after being with a guy for a month, her son was born 3 months early but is doing well at 8 months old. Her FI proposed at her baby shower (I call it a pity proposal) and apparently he cheated and she's all "woe is me" all over FB. I'm over here all like, hey lets time our baby so it's after a pay raise so we have money and women just get to go have babies whenever they want. Adulting is hard and I'm a whiney princess, I'm sorry.
TTC since August 2018
I want to thank our graduated regs for stepping in with such eloquence in explaining why this board has been so important to all of us. The change made me wary to post as well, because I've been here actively posting since maybe October, 2015, and lurking way, way before that, and my viewpoint after TTC for a year is no longer sunshine and rainbows. Some days I find it hard to believe it'll happen at all, but I really didn't feel like I could express those things. I DEFINITELY didn't think I could express anything if someone came in and proverbially crapped all over the board we'd all come to love. I won't belabor what has clearly already been well-expressed and discussed, I just wanted to tell you all that this thread seriously renewed my hope in this board.
then 3 failed IUIs, and finally a successful IVF FET.
Due with #2 5/2/19 after HIO once in my FW,
because apparently that's how life works now. Team Blue!
I'm glad this conversation happened for a bunch of reasons. The accountant in me wants to make a bulleted list so here ya go:
1. It gave the "old regulars" a chance to say their peace.
2. It gave us "newbies" & lurkers an idea of what the board used to be like.
3. It gave us hope for the future of the board.
Although it feels like I "know" some of you from reading about you & your journeys, I haven't been posting long so I'm sure the same can't be said for me. Even with as polite as everyone is being- I was still terrified to post my intro & start participating. I've been welcomed in, but these regulars are right. We don't talk about our lives outside of GTKY once a day.
So my question for the "old regulars" is... what can we do differently? How did you go from WTO & TWW boards to developing friendships?
I would love to develop closer relationships with these girls.
& last of all.. thank you to all the "regulars" past & present that have formed this board, kept it going as people moved on, & shaped it into something that people actually feel motivated to work on.
I'm brand spanking new to TTGP. I lurked and yes, I was nervous when I posted for the first time. I wasn't necessarily scared to post in the sense of "Oh my goodness, these women are bullies, what if they're mean to me, ect", but rather I had a healthy fear of disrupting the flow of the board. It was kinda like being the new kid and seeing this awesome group of girls and thinking "Wow, I would really like to be part of that." I can't speak for all newbs, but that is definitely how I feel. I admire the culture that the "old regs" have developed and protected. Honestly, it does feel a little sugary sweet lately. And personally, I enjoy a little snark. No one is happy and chipper all the freaking time. But like a PP said, I don't feel like I KNOW enough to openly flame someone yet. I'm learning more and more every day though, so my time is coming
Married: October 2014
TTC#1:May 2016
BFP: 11/16/16 EDD: 7/30/17
4 fur babies
The flaming of drive-bys/TOU breakers honestly was a defense. Those women came into this board that so many before us built that is so unlike any other - like I said, no fake "totes preggers!" anything, all of it based in science - and crap all over it with their "well, my test is negative but I still feel pregnant, HERE LOOK AT THIS THING I PEED ON!" So they get redirected to the newbie guide and maybe their BMB. They don't want that answer so their panties get in a twist, but I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing - they were never going to be a contributing, long-lasting member of this community. We are an anonymous board, but we were a group that had each others' backs and defended when someone paraded pee sticks in front of us, violated TOU, and oftentimes use more nasty terms against us than we would ever say against them. I don't care if you've been trying one or 17 cycles, drive-bys and the like can be painful. If they were truly going to be a member, they would take that redirection in stride, apologize or whatever is appropriate, and then go on to start in with WTO/TWW. They wouldn't just bail because the internet couldn't tell them if they were pregnant. I don't think it's a bad thing to tell them to check out the newbie guide and refer them to the appropriate BMB if it is positive (and it feels like so many of them are). I don't think it's a bad thing to flame them (not to a crazy degree, no name-calling or whatever, but we never do that) - we have many graduated and current members that have been flamed for their first post, and go on to become wonderful additions to the community. It just takes guts and self-reflection to keep going.
I'll let other, more eloquent members answer in greater detail, but those are just my thoughts.
ETA: Just saw the second part of your question. The friendships? Those come with time and contribution. I think we're on the right road with more GTKY threads.
then 3 failed IUIs, and finally a successful IVF FET.
Due with #2 5/2/19 after HIO once in my FW,
because apparently that's how life works now. Team Blue!
I started participating back in July 15 (when you intro on your own thread). Things were quite different then. A few changes were made to try and organize and not have so many pointless posts cluttering the first page and all the quality info. I learned so much and there was amazing support. Now I haven't lurked too much here anymore but just looking at the first page thread titles things have changed. I think change/evolution can be good and not everyone is always going to like it. I just hope that this board continues to give a lot of realistic great info and support.
- BFP: 3/10/16 — Baby Girl born 11/20/16
TTC#2 April 2019Honestly I feel like most of the ladies I developed friendships with just happened slowly over time. You see them post a rant or a rave in WTO/TWW and it doesn't tell you much about them. But if you read a paragraph a day about someone: what they're happy about, what is bothering them, what they're looking forward to, that friend/family member that was awesome/terrible, their hopes and dreams, etc. over the course of just 4 months you've read 120 paragraphs about that person. So as long as I've been here with @Mrsdee15, @mrsdaddario and the other ladies (sorry ladies! I'm far too tired to tag everyone but I love you all
A lot of it just comes down to people being willing to share all that with each other and really open up about themselves and their lives. And the other part of it is people caring enough to listen and remember.
Edit to fix a quote box fail.
TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016
Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017 ❤️
Baby #2 due June 12, 2018
then 3 failed IUIs, and finally a successful IVF FET.
Due with #2 5/2/19 after HIO once in my FW,
because apparently that's how life works now. Team Blue!
As I'm sure most of you know I've been doing IF/RPL testing with my RE. And as some of you know I called the other day and was told by the nurse, who was supposedly looking at my chart, that they had my lab results back from my 7DPO hormone testing and my results were abnormal so my RE wanted me to start a medicated cycle. She told me to call back and let them know when it's CD1. I was really excited and relieved to finally have some answers and a plan but then I call today and talk to the same nurse, who is supposedly looking at my chart, and she tells me they do not have my lab results back and "there isn't a note here from the doctor about what he wants to do." So the nurse told me that she'd talk to the doctor tomorrow and ask him what the plan is and then she'll call me back and let me know.
WTF? And I've had to talk with the office every single day this week for one reason or another. So they've had time to get their act together and notice "Hey there isn't a plan for this patient at all. Maybe we should do something about that." The lab assured me that the results were reported to the RE's office 2 days ago so I'm not sure why the RE's office thought they had the results and then thought they didn't have the results.
Also I don't know if I mentioned this but yesterday (or the day before?) I had to go through this long thing with the nurse about how no, she must have me confused with someone else because I definitely didn't trigger this past cycle. And she argues with me about how my chart says I used the trigger shot and I'm like "Honestly I think I'd know if I had. I definitely didn't. I think maybe you're reading it wrong or....?" Those weren't my exact words but that was the gist of it.
Is it asking too much for my RE's office to know what the heck the plan is for me when reading my chart and to not continuously confuse me with another patient?
TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016
Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017 ❤️
Baby #2 due June 12, 2018