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May 2016 Moms
loveymay
member
How do you know if its PPD or just new mom stress?
loveymay
member
My LO is 15 weeks old and Im really struggling being back at work. Ive been back for 3 weeks now, and its gotten harder not easier. I like my job, butv hate being away from my baby. I work midnights 5 nights a week, and I havent been sleeping much. I cant change my shift either. I come home about 4 hours, but I cant stay asleep knowing my baby is awake and thats time I could be spending with him. I want to quit my job, but I dont want to give up the financial security.
I am so exhausted, more than Ive ever been. Im unhappy, have little patience with my dh or LO. While on maternity leave, I had loafs of patience with LO. His crying spells didnt bither me, and I was able to calmly rock and soothe him till he calmed down. Earlier tonight, he cried because he was tired and fighting bedtime. I had to give him to my dh to soothe after only a few minutes because I felt angry at LO. I wanted to yell at him to hush. I recognized that I needed to give him to dh, but then I cried because there was no need for me to feel angry. LO doesnt cry much, and I know I have a short fuse when Im tired. I cried because Ivant be the Mommy I want to be while woworking, or be the Mommy LO deserves. I want to be back the way i was on maternity leave. I cried at work yesterday, Ive cried tonight. I dont see it getting better. I have no interest in eating, I dont do things I used to enjoy, like cooking. I dont want to go places, I dont want people coming to my house. I feel like all these things take away the little precious time I have with my LO.
Idk if this is PPD, or just normal feelings of stress? Should I make an appt with my OB? What if she says its normal and to go about my life?
Re: How do you know if its PPD or just new mom stress?
No one could do what you are trying to do with the patience of an angel.
Sleep! You are missing out on time with your baby, but you are trading it for *quality* time, which all the research says is what really matters.
And if at all possible, change your work situation. Midnight is a rough time to work around under any circumstances, but esp. when you have kids, whose circadian rhythms shouldn't be messed with.
This is is a thread on page 2 about Ppd/ppa/baby blues. There has been lots of useful information and general support there. I'd encourage you to read, and know that you're not alone!
https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12676524/ppd-baby-blues#latest
The reason that I said it did not look like PPD is because there seem to be clear precipitating factors: one of the features of depression is that it appears even when things are going normally, and even when things are going well.
Your situation sounds damn near impossible, because of your job and the guilt you feel surrounding your job. You had no feelings of inadequacy or guilt until you went back to work. So my guess is that a large part of the problem is your work schedule.
But it's also the unrealistic expectation that you will be able to be an amazing mother without getting a wink of sleep or taking time to care for yourself.
You need to be kinder to yourself, and even if nothing changes on the job front you should recognize that you're doing it for your child. You're providing financial stability as well as modeling both hard work and how to have a fulfilling career.
Being away from your daughter does not make you a bad mom. One of the great things about the PPD thread on this board is that it emphasizes the fact that you have to take care of yourself first: you can't be a good mother if you can't recognize yourself and are running yourself ragged. Taking time to cook and to see friends is, yes, like the job, time away from LO, but it is time well spent which will allow you to make the time you do spend with your daughter higher-quality time.
@dshannah I strongly disagree that there being precipitating factors could
mean it's not depression. Just because there is a reason for you to feel the way you do doesn't mean it's not a problem. I know you told the OP to still talk to her doctor, but I felt like it needed to be addressed. Many people don't get treated for mental illness because they think when factors change it will get better, but that's not always the case. It often means that treatment will be temporary and not long term, but it certainly can require treatment. There is a lot of stigma with mental illness so I felt like I needed to say something.
I had the same loss and it became a special type of hard to navigate after kids. I felt like she should be here to love them as much as I do; she would have been the best grandparent so that adds extra layers.
For me, the first step towards feeling better was being able to eat again. I started by keeping on hand a steady supply of Starbucks Mocha Frappucinos and a box of chocolate chip muffins for breakfast. Not the healthiest thing ever, but chocolate was one of the few things that still tasted good, so I was motivated to eat it. Once I'd had breakfast, I was more likely to eat lunch, and same for dinner (I did force myself to have something slightly healthier at those meals, though I kept it to really easy meals to throw in the microwave or something - basically meals that didn't require any actual effort and very little time). After a week or so, I was used to eating regularly again and I was actually craving real food. Being able to eat made a HUGE difference in my moods. Figuring out the sleep deprivation was also a really big part of it. I'm still somewhat deprived now, but it's nowhere near as intense as it was before.
Not saying that my solution is your solution, just hoping that maybe in the time until you are able to speak with your doctor, it might help a bit. At least on the food front.
Absolutely -- I did not mean to underemphasize seeking professional help: the only reason I realized that my own depression post partum was situational and not PPD was because I was on the phone every other day with my hospital's PPD specialist.
And just because this doesn't sound like PPD (to me--all the worrying symptoms seemed to be related to a lack of sleep and skewed expectations of what is humanly possible) doesn't mean it isn't something that should be addressed with a medical professional. It just means the treatment would be different.
I went to my Dr last Friday and explained how Ive been feeling. She said it sounded like PPD/PPA. She said there were 3 options, wait and see if it gets better (which she didnt recrecommend since I was fine until Ibwent back to work and started feeling bad), go to counceling (which she said would be hard since its one more thing to squeeze into my schedule, and my schedule is a factor contributing to how Im feeling) or meds. She prescribed zoloft and wants to see me in a month. I also told her that I was starting a new sleeping schedule and getting on a routine. At that point, I was sleeping whenever and not long enough and there was no routine.
I took the meds for a few days but it made me super nauseous so I stopped. And honestly since I started my new routine thus past week I have been feeling so much better. Im rested and less stressed. I still hate being away from LO but thats normal. Now I feel stupid for going to the dr about this, but I guess better to be safe than sorry. I think I was just overwhelmed and stressed out, and incredibly sleep deprived. (Plus I just got my period so Im sure pms and hormone fluctuations dont help). Im going to make sure I keep getting enough sleep and hopefully being on a routine will help keep the feeling of being overwhelmed at bay.