May 2016 Moms
Nicbert1214
member
My experience with PPD
Nicbert1214
member
Hi all. I felt like I should share this with you all being that we've all been posting on this board for so long now. A while back I posted how I was feeling on the PPD/Baby Blues thread and I noticed some other moms had been feeling similar.
I had my son on May 13 after a very difficult labor which lead to an emergency cs. I felt ok the first few days I was home, and then I started feeling sad. Sad that it wasn't going to just be my husband and I anymore and sad that my life would never be the same. I started crying all the time. I didn't feel that bond that a mom should feel towards their child and I couldn't understand why. I didn't want to hurt him- I just wanted everything to go back to the way it was before he was born.
Days went by and I started feeling awful anxiety. Anytime I would hear my son start moving around at night, my stomach would be in knots and my chest would start burning. I didn't want him to wake up my husband, because he had to go to work and if my husband was tired, he would be in a bad mood and then he would leave both of us because he couldn't handle it all.
The days went by and I couldn't even get up to feed him, I couldn't go near him because my anxiety would go through the roof. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I felt like running away from myself, I was screaming inside, I felt like everyone on the street was staring at me and knew what was going on. I was staring blankly at my favorite television shows and couldn't hold a conversation with anyone because I couldn't process what they were saying.
More days went by, I would look at my son and cry because all he wanted was for me to love him and hold him- and I just couldn't. He is such a good baby and I couldn't understand why I was feeling this way, I had no right to. Everyone else was head over heels in love with their babies and here I was just wishing I could run away from everyone, including myself.
More days went by until the day I couldn't physically get out of my bed- I had to call my mother to come over because I could not take care of my son.
I decided to go to my OB Doctor- I told him all that I was feeling and that I hadn't been eating or sleeping. His answer? "Oh it's probably just the baby blues, you have a strong support system right?" He gave me a prescription for Zoloft 25mg and told me it could take 2 weeks to work. When I asked him what I was supposed to do in the meantime about my anxiety- he told me to go see a medical doctor because maybe my thyroid was out of whack.
3 days later I finally got an appointment with a medical doctor, who took my blood and gave me a prescription for Xanax. She then told me to wait 3 weeks before contacting her so she can reevaluate my Zoloft dosage.
More days went by and I was feeling no relief. I went to see a therapist who specialized in PPD and she basically just talked the entire time and suggested I hire a nanny to help me.
Was nobody getting it?
I then found out that 25mg of Zoloft is a sub clinical amount and basically a placebo. Now I had to find a psychiatrist because apparently OB doctors and medical doctors don't have enough experience with this medication.
I found a psychiatrist who upped my Zoloft dosage to 100mg a day and gave me Klonopin because it's longer acting than Xanax. This all happened last Thursday and I can honestly say, I haven't had an anxiety attack since Saturday morning. I wake up for my son's feedings at night, I play with him, hold him, cuddle him and love him. I take him to the supermarket to look at all the things on the shelves. I look forward to seeing him grow and develop. I can't believe how much better I feel- I feel like myself again.
I'm sorry for such a long post- but my point is, some doctors really suck. They are so cold and indifferent it's disgusting. The amount of time it took me to finally get the help I needed was almost 3 weeks- after feeling so awful for 2 months. PPD is a real thing and shouldn't be taken lightly at all and to think that a doctor, whether or not they have experience with it could take the time out to look into the medication instead of brushing people off. I will never get those 2 months back- but I have so many more months and years to look forward to, and I'm so happy that I was able to recognize the symptoms and stay proactive in getting the help I so desperately needed.
Thanks for listening
I had my son on May 13 after a very difficult labor which lead to an emergency cs. I felt ok the first few days I was home, and then I started feeling sad. Sad that it wasn't going to just be my husband and I anymore and sad that my life would never be the same. I started crying all the time. I didn't feel that bond that a mom should feel towards their child and I couldn't understand why. I didn't want to hurt him- I just wanted everything to go back to the way it was before he was born.
Days went by and I started feeling awful anxiety. Anytime I would hear my son start moving around at night, my stomach would be in knots and my chest would start burning. I didn't want him to wake up my husband, because he had to go to work and if my husband was tired, he would be in a bad mood and then he would leave both of us because he couldn't handle it all.
The days went by and I couldn't even get up to feed him, I couldn't go near him because my anxiety would go through the roof. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I felt like running away from myself, I was screaming inside, I felt like everyone on the street was staring at me and knew what was going on. I was staring blankly at my favorite television shows and couldn't hold a conversation with anyone because I couldn't process what they were saying.
More days went by, I would look at my son and cry because all he wanted was for me to love him and hold him- and I just couldn't. He is such a good baby and I couldn't understand why I was feeling this way, I had no right to. Everyone else was head over heels in love with their babies and here I was just wishing I could run away from everyone, including myself.
More days went by until the day I couldn't physically get out of my bed- I had to call my mother to come over because I could not take care of my son.
I decided to go to my OB Doctor- I told him all that I was feeling and that I hadn't been eating or sleeping. His answer? "Oh it's probably just the baby blues, you have a strong support system right?" He gave me a prescription for Zoloft 25mg and told me it could take 2 weeks to work. When I asked him what I was supposed to do in the meantime about my anxiety- he told me to go see a medical doctor because maybe my thyroid was out of whack.
3 days later I finally got an appointment with a medical doctor, who took my blood and gave me a prescription for Xanax. She then told me to wait 3 weeks before contacting her so she can reevaluate my Zoloft dosage.
More days went by and I was feeling no relief. I went to see a therapist who specialized in PPD and she basically just talked the entire time and suggested I hire a nanny to help me.
Was nobody getting it?
I then found out that 25mg of Zoloft is a sub clinical amount and basically a placebo. Now I had to find a psychiatrist because apparently OB doctors and medical doctors don't have enough experience with this medication.
I found a psychiatrist who upped my Zoloft dosage to 100mg a day and gave me Klonopin because it's longer acting than Xanax. This all happened last Thursday and I can honestly say, I haven't had an anxiety attack since Saturday morning. I wake up for my son's feedings at night, I play with him, hold him, cuddle him and love him. I take him to the supermarket to look at all the things on the shelves. I look forward to seeing him grow and develop. I can't believe how much better I feel- I feel like myself again.
I'm sorry for such a long post- but my point is, some doctors really suck. They are so cold and indifferent it's disgusting. The amount of time it took me to finally get the help I needed was almost 3 weeks- after feeling so awful for 2 months. PPD is a real thing and shouldn't be taken lightly at all and to think that a doctor, whether or not they have experience with it could take the time out to look into the medication instead of brushing people off. I will never get those 2 months back- but I have so many more months and years to look forward to, and I'm so happy that I was able to recognize the symptoms and stay proactive in getting the help I so desperately needed.
Thanks for listening
Re: My experience with PPD
DS: Born 5-17-16
Mama to Three Girls:
Twins born March 2014 at 26 weeks due to preterm labor
and our 37weeker born May 9th, 2016!
I can't believe the experience you had. As if asking for help isn't hard enough! So sorry you encountered those less-than-helpful docs/therapist.
Hope things continue to get better for you; have fun with you little guy
Married: Oct 20, 2013
BFP 1: Aug 31, 2015
EDD 1: May 12, 2016
DD1 Emma born May 12, 2016
An Honest Account of New Motherhood (with Postpartum Anxiety, Depression, and OCD)
BFP 2: October 07, 2019
EDD 2: June 20, 2020
@lalala2004 seriously right? It's not like PPD/PPA are new illnesses, they've been around for a very long time. I think it's so irresponsible for any doctor to treat me the way I was treated, just awful! And thank you! Now my LO finally has the mom he deserves
Married: Oct 20, 2013
BFP 1: Aug 31, 2015
EDD 1: May 12, 2016
DD1 Emma born May 12, 2016
An Honest Account of New Motherhood (with Postpartum Anxiety, Depression, and OCD)
BFP 2: October 07, 2019
EDD 2: June 20, 2020