For a while now I was thinking maybe I am only meant to be a mom of 1 because I find this experience very hard.
I felt that way with my only. I adored being a mom but the sleepless nights, no more freedom to take a shower or use the bathroom without yelling, food allergies with the baby, troubles breastfeeding, etc. caught me off guard in a sleep deprived haze that was my initiation into club parenthood.
But honestly 2nd baby was loads easier since I was already sleep deprived, knew what to expect, and the transition was just ridiculously easier for both of us as parents. And the animals too as they were like, " oh, another, yeah ok, we have done this before."
It is like this 2nd baby has always been here and I am so glad it was so much easier than we had planned (based on the first we prepared for the worst as far as going into this, we had some extensive to do lists). We are really surprised based on our first experience. The baby is way easier than the crazy wild toddler. So so much.
Our kids have a 2.5 year age gap, and I had thought that was a little too far apart for my liking. Now that I actually have to deal with a newborn an a toddler, I think a 5 year age gap would be easier . Then the older one would be in school and more like a tiny human than a really loud whirlwind. Ask me again in a couple of years, though... Maybe it gets easier!
For a while now I was thinking maybe I am only meant to be a mom of 1 because I find this experience very hard.
I felt that way with my only. I adored being a mom but the sleepless nights, no more freedom to take a shower or use the bathroom without yelling, food allergies with the baby, troubles breastfeeding, etc. caught me off guard in a sleep deprived haze that was my initiation into club parenthood.
But honestly 2nd baby was loads easier since I was already sleep deprived, knew what to expect, and the transition was just ridiculously easier for both of us as parents. And the animals too as they were like, " oh, another, yeah ok, we have done this before."
It is like this 2nd baby has always been here and I am so glad it was so much easier than we had planned (based on the first we prepared for the worst as far as going into this, we had some extensive to do lists). We are really surprised based on our first experience. The baby is way easier than the crazy wild toddler. So so much.
My sister is two years older than me and my brother was almost five years older. I've always been extremely close to both my siblings. I never really attributed it to any specific age gaps, though. Personality plays a much bigger role, I think. For us it was mainly my brother's textbook protective-big-bro behavior, my sister's lack of jealousy and our somewhat fraught relationship with the parents that bonded us.
For our family, DH and I have decided our perfect age gap is having just the one and being done with it. But I've thought about whether I'd prefer two closer together or spaced more apart and I think I'd be in the latter camp. Simply because I'd imagine it to be less stressful to do the newborn thing again, when the older one is already more independent and doesn't rely on mom for so many physical and especially emotional needs anymore.
I could see how a 5+ year age gap could leave the older in a more authoritative, role-model position, whereas a smaller age gap would be more of a playmate relation though. At least, having had both with my siblings, that's the main difference I noticed. But again, this could be a personality thing too.
I initially wanted a 5 year gap to avoid paying for two in daycare. However, I can't imagine finishing up with all this newborn stuff and then having to start from scratch again. As a result, I'm now thinking more like 2-3 years between.
My first two are 2 years 2 weeks apart. It was tough. They turn 6 and 4 next month and then I had my third April 28th. I have loved this age gap the most! My older two are very independent and great helpers. I don't feel like I took away their baby time at all by having another one. Pictures added because they're cute!
@kami09 I've toyed with this idea too, with a smaller gap My kids are 20 months apart and I have like 3 preferred scenarios for our family
-one more with a 2-3 year gap -two more with a 1-2 year gap between them, in like 3-5 years
Im not sure how I'll ever really know when I'm "done," because so far after each baby I think NO MORE for about 2 days then start thinking about when it wouldn't be insane to have another. I do know that my body needs a break for a bit though.
Do you mind me asking how old you are?? I feel like I am young lol...but I get freaked out with everyone always talking about pregnancies and babies the older you get. I don't know if it's just the people I am around, but the closer I get to 30, it's like they think your uterus turns to dusty cobwebs that should not be used. My mom did have me at 35 though so whatever. I could do 32 & 35...maybe.
@kami09 I've toyed with this idea too, with a smaller gap My kids are 20 months apart and I have like 3 preferred scenarios for our family
-one more with a 2-3 year gap -two more with a 1-2 year gap between them, in like 3-5 years
Im not sure how I'll ever really know when I'm "done," because so far after each baby I think NO MORE for about 2 days then start thinking about when it wouldn't be insane to have another. I do know that my body needs a break for a bit though.
Do you mind me asking how old you are?? I feel like I am young lol...but I get freaked out with everyone always talking about pregnancies and babies the older you get. I don't know if it's just the people I am around, but the closer I get to 30, it's like they think your uterus turns to dusty cobwebs that should not be used. My mom did have me at 35 though so whatever. I could do 32 & 35...maybe.
I promise it doesn't happen! I didn't have DS1 until I was 31 and I turned 34 in June. And I'm on the younger side for NYC. My doctor said your overall health is more important than age (at a certain point).
My first two are 2 years 2 weeks apart. It was tough. They turn 6 and 4 next month and then I had my third April 28th. I have loved this age gap the most! My older two are very independent and great helpers. I don't feel like I took away their baby time at all by having another one. Pictures added because they're cute!
@kami09 I've toyed with this idea too, with a smaller gap My kids are 20 months apart and I have like 3 preferred scenarios for our family
-one more with a 2-3 year gap -two more with a 1-2 year gap between them, in like 3-5 years
Im not sure how I'll ever really know when I'm "done," because so far after each baby I think NO MORE for about 2 days then start thinking about when it wouldn't be insane to have another. I do know that my body needs a break for a bit though.
Do you mind me asking how old you are?? I feel like I am young lol...but I get freaked out with everyone always talking about pregnancies and babies the older you get. I don't know if it's just the people I am around, but the closer I get to 30, it's like they think your uterus turns to dusty cobwebs that should not be used. My mom did have me at 35 though so whatever. I could do 32 & 35...maybe.
I promise it doesn't happen! I didn't have DS1 until I was 31 and I turned 34 in June. And I'm on the younger side for NYC. My doctor said your overall health is more important than age (at a certain point).
I just had my first at 35 (I'll be 36 in 2 weeks...DH is 29) and we plan on having another, but just haven't decided on how far apart we want them yet. Nothing super fast, because the thought of pregnancy, L & D and another newborn makes my vaj want to close up right now! My brother and his wife are 44 (will both be 45 this fall) and they have a 3 year old and 2 week old twins. I was so concerned when I found out she was carrying twins at her age, but she had a wonderful pregnancy and was induced at 37 weeks! Women, we are such majestic creatures.
@kami09 I'll be 28 in September! I'm not really thinking about my age but I also don't want to spread the kids out TOO much (for me) so it's a non issue as long as ttc doesn't get complicated. I wouldn't worry about 30, take care of yourself and you'll be able to do whatever you decide
DH and I have talked about having two. With having #1 when I'm 32, turning 33, this year, I don't want to wait long. Ideally, I would say two years inbetween the two siblings. It took us over a year (plus fertility testing and a surgery) to have DD. It would be nice to say let's plan for two years apart but as I've discovered, our plans don't go as we'd like all the time. With that in mind, I have a feeling we'll be trying again by the end of this year.
Re: Your Ideal Sibling Spacing
But honestly 2nd baby was loads easier since I was already sleep deprived, knew what to expect, and the transition was just ridiculously easier for both of us as parents. And the animals too as they were like, " oh, another, yeah ok, we have done this before."
It is like this 2nd baby has always been here and I am so glad it was so much easier than we had planned (based on the first we prepared for the worst as far as going into this, we had some extensive to do lists).
We are really surprised based on our first experience. The baby is way easier than the crazy wild toddler. So so much.
Anyway so there is hope.
For our family, DH and I have decided our perfect age gap is having just the one and being done with it.
I could see how a 5+ year age gap could leave the older in a more authoritative, role-model position, whereas a smaller age gap would be more of a playmate relation though. At least, having had both with my siblings, that's the main difference I noticed. But again, this could be a personality thing too.
Home, healthy & happy
~ A., A. & L.J. - our family is complete ~