Truth talk: Who is "one and done?"

btm013 · July 2016

Anyone thinking of just having one child? What are your reasons and response to those asking when you are having your next? For those with two, feel free to weigh in on your reasons for having a second child! This is a judgement free zone!!

I will go first. It took us 7 years of marriage to work up the guts to have LO! We didn't know if we wanted children for most of our marriage. My husband and I were going to start trying next month for a second and after LO was up all night sick and teething the other day, it just hit me that I don't think I can do this again. Its all so hard. I mean I know he will be sick and I'll be up again but it just reminded me of those first few weeks and the emotional upheaval of life. The struggles of breastfeeding, wacked out hormones, getting the hang of motherhood, going back to work, etc. to be honest, I feel like I'm still mourning my former self. Becoming a mother is such an amazing blessed thing but it also wrecked me in some ways. I realize how selfish this sounds but ya truth talk

bwow615 · July 2016

We still have plans on having another. I was thinking that I would really like them close in age, but I am really enjoying my new found sleep schedule now that LO has started to STTN. So now I am thinking we won't be trying for #2 until next year sometime. I, like you @btm013, do not think i can do this all again starting again 9 months from now. I want to enjoy this time with LO and focus on me a bit more too before we have another. I have my annual exam next week and am going to look into some other type of BC besides the pill.

virginiaunicorn11 · July 2016

My strongest feeling on all this is that I do not want my kid to be an only child - for various reasons, which are just personal preference and nothing I judge others about.

LO is still not STTN, and DH and I still haven't hit our stride 100% in sharing childcare duties. However, since I just want to ensure that LO has at least one sibling, we will probably try again in another six months or so - after we settle in from our upcoming move and get our new routines figured out. I don't want to be too old (I'm 33).

But yeah, I hear you @btm013. I miss having my body to myself and being able to sleep. I also really hated the first month with a newborn (sorrynotsorry - maybe the first 2-3 months, really). I love this age now, though - if it was guaranteed that all my kids would be like this one, I'd have at least two more! I might anyway, if I can get DH on board...

klirwin82 · July 2016

I was 100% "one and done" when I was pregnant. I wasn't someone who always knew they wanted to be a mother. And I have a lot of anxiety about everything so my pregnancy was not very enjoyable. I wasn't one of those people who instantly feels a bond with the baby when they find out they're pregnant, but the second they put him in my arms that motherly instinct finally kicked in.

Now I want another baby, mainly because (a) I grew up with a sister and want him to have that sibling experience too and (b) I want to see what having 2 kids is like - how similar are they, what's different, it's so interesting to watch my son become his own person.

I'm 33 and don't want to wait too long but definitely need another year or more before we try again. It's taken me a year to feel more "normal", that first 6 months was really a blur. I have friends who are pregnant now and I don't know how they do it. I work FT with a 60 minute commute each way and I am just exhausted. All the time. I wonder if I'm doing something wrong because I just can't fathom how people do 2 under 2. I think 2 under 3 would be a real stretch for me tbh.

My husband is not yet onboard with having another and I want him to WANT another baby. I could "accidentally" get pregnant but I think that's not right or honest and not good for a marriage. So I'm going to wait til he comes around. I hope once LO is STTN and we're all getting more sleep that he will change his mind. I think he will.

OP, these kids are hard. Mine has been sick non-stop since starting daycare at 7 months, now he's getting tubes done in 2 weeks. I had grand ideas while pregnant of how I'd make my own baby food and he'd only eat grass-fed, free-range beef...you know what he ate last night? Beefaroni. On those days where work is rough and I pick up my crabby, overtired kid from daycare and try to get him fed and bathed and in bed so I can get back online and finish up some work project I just have to keep going through the motions and hope the next day is better.

bwow615 · July 2016

@klirwin82 your beefaroni comment cracked me up! Been there!
Im also 33, funny that the three of us who responded so far are all 33.

delujm0 · July 2016

I just turned 34 last month, so I'm with you ladies. We always assumed we'd have two, and that is still the plan, but we didn't realize how hard the first one would be...at this point, I still definitely want another one and DH would be equally happy stopping now or adding one. Originally I planned to start trying again when DD turned 1, but instead we plan to NTNP until at least January. Two reasons: one, I really believe adding a newborn to an almost-3-year-old would be easier than adding a newborn to a barely-2-year-old, and two (selfishly) I just pump weaned and got time to myself back, and I want to enjoy it for 6 months or so. Going back to the gym is amazing.

At this point, ideally, we will start actively trying sometime between January and March, but if I just happen to get pregnant earlier while NTNP, that's cool too. Getting pregnant without having to do the whole TRYING thing would be well worth pushing up our ideal timeline.

If for some reason I'm unable to have a second, I think I'd be fine with that too. I have a much more chill outlook on #2. If we have one great, if not I'll be at peace with it pretty quickly. I'd really love DD to have a sibling, but she's pretty awesome so I can't complain!

enigmaticjj · July 2016

33 here too! I'd like another. A big reason is for LO to have a sibling. Sure, companionship growing up, but mostly for adulthood. Having someone else in the world to be there for you (hopefully, pending they are reasonable enough to get along OK at least) like when we're aging/senile parents and when we've passed away.

Because of age, I don't want to risk age becoming a big factor, so I don't want to wait a long time. But I do want to savor this time where I can just focus on LO (experiencing all the firsts, etc). Definitely not looking forward to less sleep again though. I do wish I didn't have to feel like I was running against the clock.

jessieR358 · July 2016

The beefaroni cracked me up too. I had all plans of organic and homemade too and had that same thought today while he ate a poptart--the whole thing! Lol
im 31 and have those thoughts of man just 1 sure would be nice. my husband and I both have 3 siblings and he wants 3. Id be fine with 2.
I thought id be pregnant by now honestly but I'm enjoying the time just with one.
I sure hope he sleeps in his own bed by the time the next baby comes----which is probably why I'm not pregnant yet ha!

enigmaticjj · July 2016

Oh yeah, has anyone else felt like they were cheating on their LOs when thinking of the possibility of another baby? It felt really weird when I first starting thinking of the idea of another.

delujm0 · July 2016

enigmaticjj said:

Oh yeah, has anyone else felt like they were cheating on their LOs when thinking of the possibility of another baby? It felt really weird when I first starting thinking of the idea of another.

Yes, when I think about LO having to share me with another kid, I tear up. But I think it's going to feel that way no matter how long we wait. I figure it will be worth it for the benefit of having a sibling. The first few years at least would be really hard though.

Kbchavez23 · July 2016

I had my first baby when I was 20. My daughter was diagnosed with leukemia a couple of days before she turned 2 and after that experience I knew I was done. Then I met my husband. We now have our daughter together, and I am currently expecting. It was hard dividing my time and I know it's only going to get worse. I am tired, and know I'm only going to get more tired. But after almost losing my first child, I know how precious life is and I want to make the most of it. If I wasn't so strapped for cash I would want 5 more lol! I love babies and I can't wait to watch mine grow up and become awesome humans!

ciennah99 · July 2016

Not sure here. I'm likely one and done but part of me wants one more. I just don't think I can handle another. I was so sick my entire pregnancy and it's taken me a long time to recover from this one, I can't imagine doing it all over again. Now maybe if my LO actually STTN on a regular basis maybe I'd be more inclined to say yes to another! I'm almost 35 and do have ongoing health issues so that's my biggest concern. My doctors, however, pretty much are fine with me having another so it's not that I can't but I just can't decide if I want to. Physically and emotionally pregnancy and parenting a LO is hard on me. DH says 1 because Of my medical issues and possible risk to the baby in utero. We'll think about it seriously once she turns 2. I'm 60% ok with one and done but 40% not sure.

caitlincunn · July 2016

We have 2 now with lo. We want to have 1 or 2 more. I guess the reason is just because we want a big family and lots of siblings. Our first 2 are 5 years apart because we were young when we had our first but I think we want lo and the next one to be around 3 years apart.

mindaa · July 2016

Yes, we could likely be OAD. Agree, this parenting thing has kicked our butts and it's hard to imagine being even more stretched. I miss my former marriage a lot. We love travel and outdoor sports so with more kids, the harder it will be to keep up that lifestyle.
We're also old (39), so we'd have to move soon and there is no baby fever going on. I'm crazy about Ds and really content with our little family of 3.

I'm also really gun shy to let myself hope for another. I had trouble getting pregnant the first time, and that's not an experience I want to relive.

I've always seen myself adopting and dh and I have talked about it... But we have no confidence that we're up for that, given how Challenged we've been just by Ds.

We haven't really been asked much about #2, probably our age. I'd probably respond with a pretty vague "oh, I don't know", and change the subject.

janat1717 · July 2016

We may be OAD. Although DH and I both have a sibling, we aren't super close to them so we don't have that pull. I also like the idea of having more resources/time for my child. If we did have another I'd at least want a lot of time in between and I'm 35. Then again nothing is set in stone.

dmcoral · July 2016

I kind of joke sometimes that I could be one and done. I had always thought I wanted two, and that was the original plan. I am one of two and my sister and I have always been quite close. I would love to have that for my daughter.

The first year has been challenging with one to say the least. She hasn't been a great sleeper, and even though I had the chance to go part time when she was born I ended up quitting because I was so exhausted all the time. We keep saying we need her sleeping through the night before a sibling becomes an option.

I am also approaching 33 and my husband is a few years older, so age becomes a factor. He doesn't want to be "too old" and I would like to try to avoid being considered higher risk just by being over 35 (I already will be a little higher risk since my first had to be a c-section).

Starting to get a little baby fever though. I find myself reminiscing about how small she was as a newborn. I do miss it. I am more ready to want to spend time with someone else's kid. I need a friend to have another baby I can go visit. Not ready for another of my own.

staceyfern · July 2016

My husband is divorced and has one child that we have 50% of the time. When I met him he was willing to have just one more and I agreed bc I love him. Now that LO is here I would so badly love another. We are not for two reasons. He is 40 and feels too old for another. Then there is money. Our two cost a lot

princessbmw · July 2016

I'm 34. We had our first when I was 31, and he was an extremely difficult infant. I probably had ppd looking back on it. I was so afraid to have another, but I really wanted ds to have a sibling. Having dd when ds was 2.5 was a great age spacing. He was independent enough to play on his own and "help" me with the baby. Now, I love seeing their relationship. My mom told me having two is easier than one. She's right. Although it is more to juggle, the transition of having no kids to being a parent has already taken place. They entertain each other. Probably the biggest difference with the second is I knew what to expect and I was much more relaxed.

beckyk9109 · July 2016

Well, my husband was a one and done kind of guy. He absolutely didn't want more than that. I always wanted 3. We had twins and met in the middle

So, "in theory" we were one pregnancy and done. I still try to talk him into one more, but I doubt it's going to happen.

KonaCoffeeBean · July 2016

I am very certain that I want two, but my husband is not 100% on board yet, so there is (a slim, I think) possibility that we are one and done.

btm013 · July 2016

@princessbmw My sister, who now has four children, always maintains going from zero to one child is the hardest transition! I realized two very important things about myself after having a child. 1) I am a deeply selfish individual and you just can't be with a child and 2) I have very little patience haha. So, having a second would really test that right?! The sister with four kids (my other sister had three) says her key to survival is going into each day with the mindset that you can't win. And if you get a win or two a week then it's been a success!

cheriep3 · July 2016

We're definitely having another one. I was thinking we would wait until LO was a little over 2 but DH wants to start trying in a few months. So we are getting off of birth control soon and tracking my cycles until October. Then we will start actively trying. I'm really excited for LO to have a friend around and to watch them grow up together but I'm TERRIFIED! We're just hoping and praying for the best. Our transition into being parents was relatively easy for us and on our marriage (we were only married 3 months before I was pregnant). So let's hope it continues and we have another easy baby.

DolphinLover2002 · July 2016

I always wanted to have more than one child. I think it's great for siblings to have each other to bond with and play with. Our ds was 18 months when we started trying again. I got my bfp about a month after his 2nd birthday. Then we found out we were having twins, and I was grateful that it took 6 months to happen! DS is old enough to help out. They're all very close right now, and I pray they'll always be that close.

For those thinking one and done, you need to do what's right for your family. The only thing I can say is what I've been told by an only child. She's the mom of my sister in law. She lost both of her parents at a younger age. She told me that she had to do the funeral planning herself and figure out their estates herself. She told me she wouldn't wish that on her worst enemy. Now she's alone, with just her in-laws. No holidays with her family, no birthday parties, nothing. She always wished she had a sibling to share life's excitement and burdens with. Again, everyone needs to do what is right for their family, this is just the feelings of an only child I know.

alcrimmins · July 2016

I can't wait I have another LO! One of our friends new girlfriend came over last night and she kept going on and on about how expensive kids are and should do like she did and only have one. I politely told her a few times that our LO won't be an only child. I shouldn't have to explain myself to her and I was getting really frustrated. Our friend told her to let it go b/c he wants us to have another, he also has one and he just graduated from high school. Me personally I couldn't imagine only having one. However, I didn't have any complications during my pregnancy or delivery. Maybe that would change my mind. I do distinctly recall during one really hard contraction stating that we are one and done though. Ha

beemaya83 · July 2016

33 over here too! I'm not getting any sleep so I figure might as well have #2 since I'm used to it now. I do want LO to have a sibling and this is why I definitely want another. I'll definitely be more chill with #2!

Emilywooddesign · August 2016

My girlfriend made a good comment to me the other day when we were talking about having more kids, she said " you will never regret having a child but you might regret not having one" I have twins and seeing the bond between them is unreal, I couldn't imagine just having one. I always felt sorry for only children but that's just my feelings.

HoosOnFirst · August 2016

@klirwin82 I loved your post!

I wasn't sure I wanted kids at all, but DH definitely did. But we agreed that if we had one, we'd have two, because we would like LO to have a sibling.

I just turned 34 and DH is worried we are both getting too old so I think we will try starting next spring.

Full disclosure, I really did not enjoy the first four months of babyhood. At all. Turns out I had PPD. So I'm certainly wary of going through childbirth and infancy again but I think I'll be better prepared next time. But if for some reason we can't get pregnant again, I won't be too upset about it.

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