June 2015 Moms
btm013
member
Truth talk: Who is "one and done?"
btm013
member
Anyone thinking of just having one child? What are your reasons and response to those asking when you are having your next? For those with two, feel free to weigh in on your reasons for having a second child! This is a judgement free zone!!
I will go first. It took us 7 years of marriage to work up the guts to have LO! We didn't know if we wanted children for most of our marriage. My husband and I were going to start trying next month for a second and after LO was up all night sick and teething the other day, it just hit me that I don't think I can do this again. Its all so hard. I mean I know he will be sick and I'll be up again but it just reminded me of those first few weeks and the emotional upheaval of life. The struggles of breastfeeding, wacked out hormones, getting the hang of motherhood, going back to work, etc. to be honest, I feel like I'm still mourning my former self. Becoming a mother is such an amazing blessed thing but it also wrecked me in some ways. I realize how selfish this sounds but ya truth talk
I will go first. It took us 7 years of marriage to work up the guts to have LO! We didn't know if we wanted children for most of our marriage. My husband and I were going to start trying next month for a second and after LO was up all night sick and teething the other day, it just hit me that I don't think I can do this again. Its all so hard. I mean I know he will be sick and I'll be up again but it just reminded me of those first few weeks and the emotional upheaval of life. The struggles of breastfeeding, wacked out hormones, getting the hang of motherhood, going back to work, etc. to be honest, I feel like I'm still mourning my former self. Becoming a mother is such an amazing blessed thing but it also wrecked me in some ways. I realize how selfish this sounds but ya truth talk
Re: Truth talk: Who is "one and done?"
LO is still not STTN, and DH and I still haven't hit our stride 100% in sharing childcare duties. However, since I just want to ensure that LO has at least one sibling, we will probably try again in another six months or so - after we settle in from our upcoming move and get our new routines figured out. I don't want to be too old (I'm 33).
But yeah, I hear you @btm013. I miss having my body to myself and being able to sleep. I also really hated the first month with a newborn (sorrynotsorry - maybe the first 2-3 months, really). I love this age now, though - if it was guaranteed that all my kids would be like this one, I'd have at least two more! I might anyway, if I can get DH on board...
Now I want another baby, mainly because (a) I grew up with a sister and want him to have that sibling experience too and (b) I want to see what having 2 kids is like - how similar are they, what's different, it's so interesting to watch my son become his own person.
I'm 33 and don't want to wait too long but definitely need another year or more before we try again. It's taken me a year to feel more "normal", that first 6 months was really a blur. I have friends who are pregnant now and I don't know how they do it. I work FT with a 60 minute commute each way and I am just exhausted. All the time. I wonder if I'm doing something wrong because I just can't fathom how people do 2 under 2. I think 2 under 3 would be a real stretch for me tbh.
My husband is not yet onboard with having another and I want him to WANT another baby. I could "accidentally" get pregnant but I think that's not right or honest and not good for a marriage. So I'm going to wait til he comes around. I hope once LO is STTN and we're all getting more sleep that he will change his mind. I think he will.
OP, these kids are hard. Mine has been sick non-stop since starting daycare at 7 months, now he's getting tubes done in 2 weeks. I had grand ideas while pregnant of how I'd make my own baby food and he'd only eat grass-fed, free-range beef...you know what he ate last night? Beefaroni. On those days where work is rough and I pick up my crabby, overtired kid from daycare and try to get him fed and bathed and in bed so I can get back online and finish up some work project I just have to keep going through the motions and hope the next day is better.
Im also 33, funny that the three of us who responded so far are all 33.
At this point, ideally, we will start actively trying sometime between January and March, but if I just happen to get pregnant earlier while NTNP, that's cool too. Getting pregnant without having to do the whole TRYING thing would be well worth pushing up our ideal timeline.
If for some reason I'm unable to have a second, I think I'd be fine with that too. I have a much more chill outlook on #2. If we have one great, if not I'll be at peace with it pretty quickly. I'd really love DD to have a sibling, but she's pretty awesome so I can't complain!
Because of age, I don't want to risk age becoming a big factor, so I don't want to wait a long time. But I do want to savor this time where I can just focus on LO (experiencing all the firsts, etc). Definitely not looking forward to less sleep again though. I do wish I didn't have to feel like I was running against the clock.
im 31 and have those thoughts of man just 1 sure would be nice. my husband and I both have 3 siblings and he wants 3. Id be fine with 2.
I thought id be pregnant by now honestly but I'm enjoying the time just with one.
I sure hope he sleeps in his own bed by the time the next baby comes----which is probably why I'm not pregnant yet ha!
Yes, when I think about LO having to share me with another kid, I tear up. But I think it's going to feel that way no matter how long we wait. I figure it will be worth it for the benefit of having a sibling. The first few years at least would be really hard though.
We're also old (39), so we'd have to move soon and there is no baby fever going on. I'm crazy about Ds and really content with our little family of 3.
I'm also really gun shy to let myself hope for another. I had trouble getting pregnant the first time, and that's not an experience I want to relive.
I've always seen myself adopting and dh and I have talked about it... But we have no confidence that we're up for that, given how Challenged we've been just by Ds.
We haven't really been asked much about #2, probably our age. I'd probably respond with a pretty vague "oh, I don't know", and change the subject.
So, "in theory" we were one pregnancy and done. I still try to talk him into one more, but I doubt it's going to happen.
2nd round exp 8/20/18.
For those thinking one and done, you need to do what's right for your family. The only thing I can say is what I've been told by an only child. She's the mom of my sister in law. She lost both of her parents at a younger age. She told me that she had to do the funeral planning herself and figure out their estates herself. She told me she wouldn't wish that on her worst enemy. Now she's alone, with just her in-laws. No holidays with her family, no birthday parties, nothing. She always wished she had a sibling to share life's excitement and burdens with. Again, everyone needs to do what is right for their family, this is just the feelings of an only child I know.
BFP #1 12/23/13 MMC 01/24/14 @ 9w5days
I wasn't sure I wanted kids at all, but DH definitely did. But we agreed that if we had one, we'd have two, because we would like LO to have a sibling.
I just turned 34 and DH is worried we are both getting too old so I think we will try starting next spring.
Full disclosure, I really did not enjoy the first four months of babyhood. At all. Turns out I had PPD. So I'm certainly wary of going through childbirth and infancy again but I think I'll be better prepared next time. But if for some reason we can't get pregnant again, I won't be too upset about it.