December 2015 Moms
groovylocks
member
Options
Sleep training and single parents
groovylocks
member
Olive has to be held, worn or boobed into a nap. If she's boobed into a nap, she wakes up soon after and cries.
She can't self-soothe. We bedshare and she raises holy hell if i try anything different.
I realize i have to be firmer with her but when it comes to daytime sleep, her father and grandmother (who care for her during the day) do whatever is easiest. And it's just her and I going at it alone at night. I work full time and to transition her to a crib would mean nights without sleep for either of us, meaning that dad and grandma would just nap her all day to make their days easier and to catch olive up on her sleep. When i tried before, she began to reverse cycle because of all this so it had to be scrapped.
I'm taking a month unpaid family leave between november and december of this year and, if all else, fails, I'll just buckle down and get it done then, when i don't have to work in the morning. But it's a long time to wait while habits continue to build.
Are there any single mothers who have sleep trained successfully? I'm not single yet but my (as of now) husband has made no daytime effort to introduce the crib and, of the nighttime sleeping, has said "You got yourself into this, you get yourself out." My mother in law is wonderful but she ALSO works full time (fuller time than me - she owns her own restaurant) and it would be a huge ask for her to help out for a week of sleeplessness. And she will NOT miss work because she's overtired.
EDIT: I actually didn't search to see if other single or single-ish parents had any advice. Because i couldn't find the search bar. That's how tired i am.
She can't self-soothe. We bedshare and she raises holy hell if i try anything different.
I realize i have to be firmer with her but when it comes to daytime sleep, her father and grandmother (who care for her during the day) do whatever is easiest. And it's just her and I going at it alone at night. I work full time and to transition her to a crib would mean nights without sleep for either of us, meaning that dad and grandma would just nap her all day to make their days easier and to catch olive up on her sleep. When i tried before, she began to reverse cycle because of all this so it had to be scrapped.
I'm taking a month unpaid family leave between november and december of this year and, if all else, fails, I'll just buckle down and get it done then, when i don't have to work in the morning. But it's a long time to wait while habits continue to build.
Are there any single mothers who have sleep trained successfully? I'm not single yet but my (as of now) husband has made no daytime effort to introduce the crib and, of the nighttime sleeping, has said "You got yourself into this, you get yourself out." My mother in law is wonderful but she ALSO works full time (fuller time than me - she owns her own restaurant) and it would be a huge ask for her to help out for a week of sleeplessness. And she will NOT miss work because she's overtired.
EDIT: I actually didn't search to see if other single or single-ish parents had any advice. Because i couldn't find the search bar. That's how tired i am.
Re: Sleep training and single parents
What is your end game here? Do you want her in her crib? Also you said you need to be more "firm" but I don't think you can be firm on a baby, she has no idea what she's doing. I think consistency is the key. If you want her in the crib then that's what you have to do, you can't go back and forth and everyone needs to be on board. These habits won't last forever, hang in there. Your plan for nov/dec sounds good. She may even grow out of it by then.
I feel like this is something that might be doable. Olive is a REALLY independent kid. She is single minded and strong willed and is very keen on growing up. The only issue with her personality type is that she's pretty stubborn. So she will thrive on this change but may not want to make it anytime soon.
The blanket goes to the crib with her when I transfer her over so she still has all the smells and some of the tactile comfort like she has in bed with me. It also helps this that she likes to sleep beside but not against me in bed now. I have two blankets I switch between each time so whatever one she nursed with goes with her and the other one comes back to my bed (I tuck it by my pillows) so I can have it laid out for the next feeding.
During the day it also works well to let her snuggle with these blankets for naps.
I did put him in his crib for naps for a few weeks and he did really well, I suggest putting your foot down with that. SO didn't want him in his own room or crib, I did it anyway. He sleeps so much better in his own room and bed.
Zach couldn't sleep anywhere else but next to me in my bed and I loved/hated it. I loved being close but I needed my space. So when I felt that he was big enough (about 4 months, but obviously different with every baby) I decided to change.
I got a crib where the side comes off and it attaches to your bed, a co-sleeper crib, and I sat him in it during the day and then at night, I would lie right next to him so it still seemed like we shared a bed. After he was comfortable in there I moved further away in the bed, then I put up the side but still kept the crib next to me and slowly over time moved him into his own room. I hope that helps even a little bit.
I'm wishing you and little Olive all the best, I know things are stuff and I really hope things pick up for you!