I know the group decision was to wait on a FB group but I still wish we'd started one, like a lot, Facebook is way easier for me than TB. I know there is one floating around out there but I feel like it's not the official one so I don't wanna join.
eta: I know that's not really that juicy but I know it's UO
We are big BabyWise fans. It has worked really well for both our boys. I get so sick of people telling me that BabyWise is bad/mean and how no one should do it. Especially when these people are so uneducated about it. I wish people would just read the book before they make some judgmental decision that my parenting is bad when they don't truly even know what it is. BabyWise does not encourage you to starve your baby like so many people think. Ugh. Also I'm big believer of you do what works for you and what you feel comfortable with. I wish most people were too.
I HATE when people only give my daughter "feminine" gifts...dolls, doll accessories, pink crap. I sound horribly ungrateful, and I'm not, but I want her to choose her preferences, not have them shoved down her throat because she has two X chromosomes.
I hate the "how will you guys prepare if you don't find out the sex?!?!?!?" question. Umm, by buying a place for the baby to sleep? Figuring out a place to change the baby? Buying things to cover the baby's bum?
I absolutely do not care and fully understand why others find out. I think it's great and I support people doing what they want to do to prepare for their baby. I am not saying our choice to not find out is the better choice. It's just what we're doing. But it is not impossible to prepare for a baby without knowing that one piece of information.
To piggy back, @poetryandoceans, I sometimes get, "oh, I am SUCH a planner so I could never NOT know." Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize I wasn't a planner because I won't know my baby's sex before he or she is born??? I guess I'm just sitting on my hands for 9 months waiting for a magic genie to prepare me, my husband, and my house for a baby? And I guess no one in history before the advent of ultrasound technology was a "planner?"
To piggy back, @poetryandoceans, I sometimes get, "oh, I am SUCH a planner so I could never NOT know." Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize I wasn't a planner because I won't know my baby's sex before he or she is born??? I guess I'm just sitting on my hands for 9 months waiting for a magic genie to prepare me, my husband, and my house for a baby? And I guess no one in history before the advent of ultrasound technology was a "planner?"
Yeah, I've heard that a few times too. At which point I ask them if they'd like to check out the room I've already transformed from office to nursery, the dresser set we purchased the moment the first trimester end, or the spreadsheet of baby purchase options I've researched. Or I launch into a meticulous discussion of every stroller option available for purchase in Canada.
I mean, I was going to save this for FFFC, but I am hella-overprepared for this baby right now. I still don't know the sex.
@poetryandoceans my fffc should probably be I'm an 100% probably under informed. I feel like such a bad parent. But I get the basic jist of what a few good products are and just stop. Having all that information paralyzes me. I don't know how to act
@poetryandoceans my fffc should probably be I'm an 100% probably under informed. I feel like such a bad parent. But I get the basic jist of what a few good products are and just stop. Having all that information paralyzes me. I don't know how to act
Lol, if you've got the idea of a few good products and left it at that, I think you're probably a healthy amount of informed. I'm talking wasting several hours on different types of cloth diapers and not actually making any decisions because, as you say, too much information can be paralyzing.
In the ballpark of "how could you not find out the sex!": anyone getting pissed off because you want to keep certain things between you and your partner. My mom was so angry when I told her that we were finding out the sex of the baby this weekend but aren't planning on sharing the news with anyone for a while. "EVEN ME?" "Yes, even you." "Why??" "Because it's my pregnancy and my family and I'd like to have time to enjoy this moment."
@canavara I've been getting a ton of static around that too, mainly when it comes to name discussions. My SIL is clearly pretty unimpressed that she's going to be "out of the loop" on that, which... *eyeroll*. If she makes a stink at some point, I will be reminding her about all the shit she gave me about the hypothetical names I mentioned liking years ago. And my mom certainly seems to think she's going to the exception to the "between the parents" rules, which I'm finding slightly... alarming, in terms of "grandparents respecting future parenting decisions" perspective.
My MIL is still butt-hurt that we didn't tell her the sex of our son the moment we found out (we told her like 3 days later, it was no big deal). It makes me not want to tell her at all this time.
Also, I will not make the mistake of telling people the names we've picked out. I don't know why, but people are quick to tell you how terrible they think a name is or how they knew someone with that name and that person was an asshole. Once the name is attached to a baby people become much more accepting of the name (or at least they keep their mouths shut).
I'm having similar misgivings about my mom being able to respect parental boundaries. She totally doesn't get that she's included when I say "hubby and I are going to let everyone know the sex at the same time". *sigh* I'm sure I'm just worrying over nothing at all and I'm sure it will all be perfectly fine.
At least, I'm hopeful.
I'm an only child and my mom and dad are SO freaking excited over this baby and being grandparents. My dad is even saving up his pto days, which I think is really sweet and I'm excited to see him and baby interact. I guess I'm just mostly worried about my mom's overbearing attitude. It's coming from a good, heartfelt place.. I just don't want to have to hurt her feelings if it comes down to it.
@sagoon Totally agree on the naming thing. I don't care if my SIL's bestie went to middle school with someone named Brandy who was mean. If I like that name, I'm using it. And I don't want to hear people trying to talk me out of it like it's their decision to be a part of.
I feel like such an awful person for saying this, but I'm really, really tired of people asking me how I'm feeling. I know they care and are just trying to be nice and all, but it makes me feel like I have some sort of disease or something. Like...I'm fine, seriously, pregnancy is a normal thing that tons of people go through, and sure, I may have the occasional vomiting spell, but I'm not going to tell you about it. With some of our family, it just feels like they're babying me or feel bad for me, with all the "aw, you poor thing" anytime DH mentions me being sick (which he makes sound worse than it is sometimes, *sigh*). Just let me do my thing, treat me like a normal human being, not a person on their deathbed.
@poetryandoceans With DS we made it very clear to all that we will not discuss or disclose any name options until the baby was born and the name assigned. I basically just shut down any discussion about it. DH and I were both on the same page and family seemed to back-off and respect that pretty quickly. Also, I wish I could like your UO about "planning" for the sex 1000 times. I started to get so irritated at the end of DS's pregnancy when random people would say that too me.
this REALLY bothers me to. It's like as soon people know you are pregnant they can no longer say: hey how are you. They MUST ask: hey how are you feeling? DH doesn't understand why I think this annoying because people have "good intentions." I don't care what people's intentions are. It doesn't make it less annoying. It also got super bad during each pregnancy toward the end. Sometimes I would just say I feel like crap. And that usually got people to stop lol @Dinozaur
I feel like such an awful person for saying this, but I'm really, really tired of people asking me how I'm feeling. I know they care and are just trying to be nice and all, but it makes me feel like I have some sort of disease or something.
I hate this too, mainly because it feels like the answer MUST be pregnancy related. Either about symptoms or how you're feeling about the baby coming. I feel like if I answer "Oh, you know, excited for my thesis defence coming up" or "Been taking a lot of time to myself before lesson planning really ramps up. I love summer break!" I am clearly not answering the question they intended to be asking. I just hate how everything is about pregnancy now.
@poetryandoceans Maybe it's mean, but I've actually been answering that way intentionally. I just start talking about how I'm tired of writing papers for class, or how I'm excited for vacation in a month. If the person is texting me (they usually are), they've just kind of stopped responding, or been like, "oh, cool." I'm hoping after a while they'll just get tired of trying.
this REALLY bothers me to. It's like as soon people know you are pregnant they can no longer say: hey how are you. They MUST ask: hey how are you feeling? DH doesn't understand why I think this annoying because people have "good intentions." I don't care what people's intentions are. It doesn't make it less annoying. It also got super bad during each pregnancy toward the end. Sometimes I would just say I feel like crap. And that usually got people to stop lol
YES! I have been trying to figure out why I've been so irked by this question for weeks now and now I'm realizing because it's completely replaced "how are you" -- it almost feels like a weird schadenfreude kind of situation where people secretly hope you'll say "like crap" when they ask that.
@canavara I feel like the only two answers people want to that questions are either: "I feel so awful, I haven't been able to keep anything down" or "I'm just so in awe of the miracle of life growing inside me". I think probably the ideal answer that would make everyone happy is "I feel awful, I haven't been able to keep anything down, but I'm just so in awe of the miracle of life growing inside me." Anything that deviates from that is not acceptable.
Admitting "well, actually, I've been grappling a lot this week with the fact that we've agreed to create and raise another human being seems like whole lot, and I'm wondering if we bit off more than we could chew" or "I would do anything to feel like I was in control of my body again, and all I want in the world is to sit on the patio and order a huge glass of crisp white wine" would be so beyond the pale...
My MIL is still butt-hurt that we didn't tell her the sex of our son the moment we found out (we told her like 3 days later, it was no big deal). It makes me not want to tell her at all this time.
Also, I will not make the mistake of telling people the names we've picked out. I don't know why, but people are quick to tell you how terrible they think a name is or how they knew someone with that name and that person was an asshole. Once the name is attached to a baby people become much more accepting of the name (or at least they keep their mouths shut).
We're also keeping the name of ours to ourselves. We didn't have anyone bash our choice last time (it was in the top three names so it was generally pretty well liked at the moment and that may have been part of it), but we had a few people get us personalized gifts with the name on it. With our girl's name pick it wasn't a big deal, and we did end up having a girl, but we were VERY on the fence with our boy's name and would've felt bad if we'd changed it after people spent money on a specific gift. Also, the middle name that we'd picked for a boy was for DH's younger brother, who got super bratty by the end of our pregnancy last time and we definitely wouldn't have wanted to honor him in that way by the end of it. So we're keeping the name secret this time to avoid potential drama that we narrowly escaped last time!
Admitting "well, actually, I've been grappling a lot this week with the fact that we've agreed to create and raise another human being seems like whole lot, and I'm wondering if we bit off more than we could chew" or "I would do anything to feel like I was in control of my body again, and all I want in the world is to sit on the patio and order a huge glass of crisp white wine" would be so beyond the pale...
Omg. This is everything. I constantly feel these two sentiments and somehow it's never appropriate to discuss either one. Why do pregnant women have to be these comedically frazzled, disheveled women or magical beings in nature? I'm still me! (without the wine)
Also we told our best friends a girl name we loved and her husband ranted about what an awful name it would be for our baby. When he was done, I explained it was our choice and he's going to feel awkward when we still name our child that name. I'm sorry. I didn't realize having a child opened me up to everyone's honest opinions. Just be courteous and shut up.
Admitting "well, actually, I've been grappling a lot this week with the fact that we've agreed to create and raise another human being seems like whole lot, and I'm wondering if we bit off more than we could chew" or "I would do anything to feel like I was in control of my body again, and all I want in the world is to sit on the patio and order a huge glass of crisp white wine" would be so beyond the pale...
Omg. This is everything. I constantly feel these two sentiments and somehow it's never appropriate to discuss either one. Why do pregnant women have to be these comedically frazzled, disheveled women or magical beings in nature? I'm still me! (without the wine)
I have a caveat to my baby name post: if someone is soliciting feedback on a baby name, then it ok to give your opinion (a la the Baby Names board). There's a big difference between someone saying "what do you think of the name Hubert?" and "we're naming the baby Hubert if it's a boy."
Also, my real UO: I hate that pregnant women have to temper every pregnancy complaint with an acknowledgment of how lucky they are. Like, yes, I know that there are millions of women who would kill to be pregnant but that doesn't change the fact that pregnancy can suck in a lot of ways. If someone is complaining that their broken leg hurts you don't remind them that they're lucky they even have a leg to break; millions of legless people would kill to be in their position. You commiserate with them and see if there is anything you can do to help. I don't know why pregnant women are held to a different standard.
When people ask me how I'm feeling, I will go into disgusting details just to make them uncomfortable. For instance, "I would feel so much better if I could quit throwing up into my mouth!" Once I told a guy if he would cut back on his cologne, I could breathe without dry heaving again. (It WAS a dear friend who I cut up with all the time, but hey buddy, you asked.)
AFM, I believe it's irresponsible to constantly give kids snacks. Like one snack? Sure, it's hard to make it from lunch to dinner as an adult, so I'm sure it's especially hard for kids. But a 10 AM snack and an afternoon snack, and a bedtime snack? I just think it's a little much. I'm sure that some parents make these snacks like fruit or celery, but the majority of kids I have babysat get left with a snack schedule and a baggy full of nutrition-less calories. As someone who was never taught to eat as a kid and has struggled with her weight her whole life, I'm going to try my hardest to teach my kids responsible eating habits, and I don't think cheddar and sour cream chips and milk at 8 pm fit into that.
@cjs260 DD is a snacker. I can totally see where you're coming from based on what you've seen, but I see it as extra opportunities to get good nutrition in her
We follow Ellyn Satter's Division of Responsibility so we decide what to offer and when, she decides what to eat and how much she's hungry for. We do 730 breakfast, 1030 snack, 1230 lunch, 330 snack, 630 dinner. Those times work well for her school schedule and keep the hangry toddler monster away. In our house snack is offered as fruit or vegetable plus sometimes a cracker or pretzel option. I like to offer 2 options like banana or a peach, grapes/triscuits or cucumbers/hummus. You can totally still snack on the go without throwing nutrition to the wind- dehydrated apple slices, the peach cups in 100% juice, whole fruit.
My UO: I love my keurig. I know those little cups are bad for the environment but the guilt isn't bad enough to stop me
@cjs260 I totally agree! I'd rather she sit down with a pint of blueberries than a box of teddy grahams. We try to have as much fresh or fresh-frozen foods as possible in our diets and then allow compromise items like wheat thins or pretzels to slip through because the convenience is worth it to us.
I will admit I have a unicorn toddler though, so she makes it easier than some kiddos do...she surpised us by asking for and then eating DH's side salad with balsamic vinegar and oil 2 nights ago during dinner. Definitely not a typical toddler! With my luck the next one will be the opposite
@cjs260 I kind of take offense to the snack comment. Some kids - like my DD - don't eat big meals. She just doesn't. So she eats a small breakfast, a snack around 10, lunch, a snack at 2 or 3 and then dinner. I try and provide somewhat benefiticial foods like yogurt, string cheese, or fruit, but sometimes you need to run an errand and yogurts not exactly the best snack for while grocery shopping. Also fwiw- it's recommended to eat 6 small meals, so really my toddler is probably eating closer to the way we should than I am. That being said- no you don't need chips before bed.
@emilyn2012 Definitely wasn't trying to be offensive. People will do what works for them, and that's perfectly fine. I do have a question though (and it's a legitimate question not a judgement in any way). I once read (a huge generalization) that kids won't eat a lot due to being given snacks in between meals, and they're never allowed to actually get hungry. Do you think that even in that scenario some kids just wouldn't eat, even if they're really hungry? Again, really curious, I know it's hard to tell tone via text.
ETA: Also, I was gearing my original post towards older kids, like 5 and up. One 7 year old I still sit for will eat breakfast at 8 then lunch at 12 and ask for a snack every hour in between. I completely get that toddlers are extremely difficult to feed no matter what.
@emilyn2012 Definitely wasn't trying to be offensive. People will do what works for them, and that's perfectly fine. I do have a question though (and it's a legitimate question not a judgement in any way). I once read (a huge generalization) that kids won't eat a lot due to being given snacks in between meals, and they're never allowed to actually get hungry. Do you think that even in that scenario some kids just wouldn't eat, even if they're really hungry? Again, really curious, I know it's hard to tell tone via text.
ETA: Also, I was gearing my original post towards older kids, like 5 and up. One 7 year old I still sit for will eat breakfast at 8 then lunch at 12 and ask for a snack every hour in between. I completely get that toddlers are extremely difficult to feed no matter what.
Prefacing by saying every kid is different; some don't need to snack and others do.
However, my pediatrician told us that healthy snacks between meals will help toddlers sleep better. Mine is a pretty good eater at meals - she's 13 months and she has wolfed down 2 full slices of pizza for dinner before - but I will say, on days when we give her snacks, she sleeps a LOT better. To try to avoid over snacking, I only give her them when I can really tell she's hungry and we won't be eating for at least another hour, and I always try to do healthy snacks. But it really does have a visibly positive impact on her when we do snacks between meals. We don't do a post dinner snack, unless you count nursing to sleep, and it's rare that we do both a morning and an afternoon snack.
As for older kids, I was going to say that I agree, but I was thinking back to elementary school and the years that my teachers gave us a morning snack, my class was always much better behaved. I've never linked the two before, but it makes sense that full bellies = happy, cooperative kids!
@cjs260 prior to having kids, I was never going to give my children sugar, prepared and frozen foods, puffs, yogurt puffs...etc. and then ms. E was born. She is a non-sleeper and non eater. If she didn't eat enough, she would be up all night nursing. No joke 8-14 times/night until 15 months. I still freaking hate this, I hate that the only vegetable she eats is chocolate, but...my kid has to eat. sleep deprivation is a tricky bitch that makes a lot of people- especially me, abandon a lot of prior held beliefs.
@ThePax89 I'm definitely the never say never type, lol. I do feel the compulsion to try. All of our kids will be prone to being overweight. Body frame alone, we are both large people, and prior eating habits didn't keep those frames as healthy as they should have been (and it's something we both have to work on everyday). So, I think it's just part of my trying to get them better off than I've been for my adult life.
@cjs260 on the not eating much because they never get hungry... Hell hath no fury than a hangry toddler. Seriously my kid can eat snacks whenever because I know the monster he becomes when he does get hungry. That said, I do think it is important to try to provide heathy snacks.
@cjs260 not really. I think part of it is she doesn't have the attention span to sit still long enough to eat a proper amount. I know that's really sad sounding, but we used to not give her snacks between meals and she'd get SO hangry and still not eat very much. I think part of it too is that her stomachs still not huge so she honestly feels full after a packet of apple sauce- even though calorie wise that's not going to last that long. Sorry I was kinda grumpy last night as it was. Didn't mean to come off rude!
@scgirl6113 hangry toddlers are so so so so bad. DD will just sit at my feet and cry while I'm making dinner some days and I end up giving her a few gold fish to tithe her over and hopefully not spoil her appetite
@cjs260 prior to having kids, I was never going to give my children sugar, prepared and frozen foods, puffs, yogurt puffs...etc. and then ms. E was born. She is a non-sleeper and non eater. If she didn't eat enough, she would be up all night nursing. No joke 8-14 times/night until 15 months. I still freaking hate this, I hate that the only vegetable she eats is chocolate, but...my kid has to eat. sleep deprivation is a tricky bitch that makes a lot of people- especially me, abandon a lot of prior held beliefs.
I couldn't agree more. Short of fireworks I'd give my kid anything for 5 minutes of quiet lol.
@scgirl6113 hangry toddlers are so so so so bad. DD will just sit at my feet and cry while I'm making dinner some days and I end up giving her a few gold fish to tithe her over and hopefully not spoil her appetite
Yes! And if I think about it... This is basically what I want to do when I am hangry but I have learned self control to keep myself from doing it. Something my toddler will learn in time but hasn't gotten yet. Lol
Re: UO Thursday 7/21
eta: I know that's not really that juicy but I know it's UO
I get so sick of people telling me that BabyWise is bad/mean and how no one should do it. Especially when these people are so uneducated about it. I wish people would just read the book before they make some judgmental decision that my parenting is bad when they don't truly even know what it is. BabyWise does not encourage you to starve your baby like so many people think. Ugh. Also I'm big believer of you do what works for you and what you feel comfortable with. I wish most people were too.
Due 1/21/17
I absolutely do not care and fully understand why others find out. I think it's great and I support people doing what they want to do to prepare for their baby. I am not saying our choice to not find out is the better choice. It's just what we're doing. But it is not impossible to prepare for a baby without knowing that one piece of information.
I mean, I was going to save this for FFFC, but I am hella-overprepared for this baby right now. I still don't know the sex.
Also, I will not make the mistake of telling people the names we've picked out. I don't know why, but people are quick to tell you how terrible they think a name is or how they knew someone with that name and that person was an asshole. Once the name is attached to a baby people become much more accepting of the name (or at least they keep their mouths shut).
Jan17 Sept Sig: Pumpkin Spice gone too far
I'm having similar misgivings about my mom being able to respect parental boundaries. She totally doesn't get that she's included when I say "hubby and I are going to let everyone know the sex at the same time". *sigh* I'm sure I'm just worrying over nothing at all and I'm sure it will all be perfectly fine.
At least, I'm hopeful.
I'm an only child and my mom and dad are SO freaking excited over this baby and being grandparents. My dad is even saving up his pto days, which I think is really sweet and I'm excited to see him and baby interact. I guess I'm just mostly worried about my mom's overbearing attitude. It's coming from a good, heartfelt place.. I just don't want to have to hurt her feelings if it comes down to it.
I know, I know, I'm an ungrateful arse.
Jan '17 August siggy challenge: Cat fails
Edit: spelling
Due 1/21/17
Jan '17 August siggy challenge: Cat fails
Admitting "well, actually, I've been grappling a lot this week with the fact that we've agreed to create and raise another human being seems like whole lot, and I'm wondering if we bit off more than we could chew" or "I would do anything to feel like I was in control of my body again, and all I want in the world is to sit on the patio and order a huge glass of crisp white wine" would be so beyond the pale...
Also we told our best friends a girl name we loved and her husband ranted about what an awful name it would be for our baby. When he was done, I explained it was our choice and he's going to feel awkward when we still name our child that name. I'm sorry. I didn't realize having a child opened me up to everyone's honest opinions. Just be courteous and shut up.
Jan '17 August siggy challenge: Cat fails
Also, my real UO: I hate that pregnant women have to temper every pregnancy complaint with an acknowledgment of how lucky they are. Like, yes, I know that there are millions of women who would kill to be pregnant but that doesn't change the fact that pregnancy can suck in a lot of ways. If someone is complaining that their broken leg hurts you don't remind them that they're lucky they even have a leg to break; millions of legless people would kill to be in their position. You commiserate with them and see if there is anything you can do to help. I don't know why pregnant women are held to a different standard.
Jan17 Sept Sig: Pumpkin Spice gone too far
AFM, I believe it's irresponsible to constantly give kids snacks. Like one snack? Sure, it's hard to make it from lunch to dinner as an adult, so I'm sure it's especially hard for kids. But a 10 AM snack and an afternoon snack, and a bedtime snack? I just think it's a little much. I'm sure that some parents make these snacks like fruit or celery, but the majority of kids I have babysat get left with a snack schedule and a baggy full of nutrition-less calories. As someone who was never taught to eat as a kid and has struggled with her weight her whole life, I'm going to try my hardest to teach my kids responsible eating habits, and I don't think cheddar and sour cream chips and milk at 8 pm fit into that.
We follow Ellyn Satter's Division of Responsibility so we decide what to offer and when, she decides what to eat and how much she's hungry for. We do 730 breakfast, 1030 snack, 1230 lunch, 330 snack, 630 dinner. Those times work well for her school schedule and keep the hangry toddler monster away. In our house snack is offered as fruit or vegetable plus sometimes a cracker or pretzel option. I like to offer 2 options like banana or a peach, grapes/triscuits or cucumbers/hummus. You can totally still snack on the go without throwing nutrition to the wind- dehydrated apple slices, the peach cups in 100% juice, whole fruit.
My UO: I love my keurig. I know those little cups are bad for the environment but the guilt isn't bad enough to stop me
Edited bc the bump ate my post and grammar.
I will admit I have a unicorn toddler though, so she makes it easier than some kiddos do...she surpised us by asking for and then eating DH's side salad with balsamic vinegar and oil 2 nights ago during dinner. Definitely not a typical toddler! With my luck the next one will be the opposite
ETA: Also, I was gearing my original post towards older kids, like 5 and up. One 7 year old I still sit for will eat breakfast at 8 then lunch at 12 and ask for a snack every hour in between. I completely get that toddlers are extremely difficult to feed no matter what.
However, my pediatrician told us that healthy snacks between meals will help toddlers sleep better. Mine is a pretty good eater at meals - she's 13 months and she has wolfed down 2 full slices of pizza for dinner before - but I will say, on days when we give her snacks, she sleeps a LOT better. To try to avoid over snacking, I only give her them when I can really tell she's hungry and we won't be eating for at least another hour, and I always try to do healthy snacks. But it really does have a visibly positive impact on her when we do snacks between meals. We don't do a post dinner snack, unless you count nursing to sleep, and it's rare that we do both a morning and an afternoon snack.
As for older kids, I was going to say that I agree, but I was thinking back to elementary school and the years that my teachers gave us a morning snack, my class was always much better behaved. I've never linked the two before, but it makes sense that full bellies = happy, cooperative kids!
Due 1/21/17
Due 1/21/17