Working full time but thinking about a third baby

amberhoothoot · June 2016

Hi ladies. I currently have 2 boys (5 and 18 months) and we are considering a 3rd.

There are a lot of cons (childcare, probably a new car, possibly a new home or a renovation, my age of 34/35 and pregnancy in general). But the pro is a big one... I always wanted 3. My husband is awesome and a complete partner in housework and being with the kids. We are a good duo and have made 2 really cute kids. The pull is there to go for a third for both of us, but I'm just worried. What if the time we take from the 1st 2 makes them resent us? We can pull it off but our resources would be stretched. Are we bad parents because we would have less "extras" to give the first 2? We both work full time and that cannot change, nor would I want it to... but is it selfish to have a 3rd knowing I would be a rare "working mom of 3"?

EDIT: Please disregard the old signature from trying for our second till I can fix it.

Perfect Sonnet · June 2016

I am kind of in the same boat as you. I have two daughters (ages 4 and 10 months), and I would love to have another in maybe a year or so. But like you, I have a career and am a few years past thirty. I also live in an extremely high cost of living area. So although we make pretty good money, we pay a fortune in daycare. That is the main thing holding me back. When my oldest starts kindergarten next year, we will finally be able to relax a little financially and I don't know if I want to have another baby just to prolong it. Also kids are expensive: clothes, classes, birthday parties, etc. I hate that finances are what's holding me back from the family I feel like I want, but there it is.

I think for you it is just about evaluating all the pros and cons you listed above and see what side ends up outweighing the other. And only you and your husband can really be a true judge of that. For what it's worth, I think kids are more resilient than we give them credit for. So, I don't think your older two would worry the loss of the "extras" too much. And I am of the opinion that having siblings to divide up the attention, the wants, and the rewards is good for all kids involved.

Good luck!

amberhoothoot · June 2016

Perfect Sonnet said:

I am kind of in the same boat as you. I have two daughters (ages 4 and 10 months), and I would love to have another in maybe a year or so. But like you, I have a career and am a few years past thirty. I also live in an extremely high cost of living area. So although we make pretty good money, we pay a fortune in daycare. That is the main thing holding me back. When my oldest starts kindergarten next year, we will finally be able to relax a little financially and I don't know if I want to have another baby just to prolong it. Also kids are expensive: clothes, classes, birthday parties, etc. I hate that finances are what's holding me back from the family I feel like I want, but there it is.

I think for you it is just about evaluating all the pros and cons you listed above and see what side ends up outweighing the other. And only you and your husband can really be a true judge of that. For what it's worth, I think kids are more resilient than we give them credit for. So, I don't think your older two would worry the loss of the "extras" too much. And I am of the opinion that having siblings to divide up the attention, the wants, and the rewards is good for all kids involved.

Good luck!

Thanks for this. Currently my mom watches both our kids, we pay her, but it's definitely not daycare rate. We have been so so lucky to have her care for them. I brought it up once with her and although she would love me to have a 3rd, it would strain her too much to watch 3. We would need to set up some daycare for one of the kids or on some rotating basis for all 3. That would definitely be a strain on the budget (and on my heartstrings to send them to a stranger). My oldest son has had preschool the past 2 years, and will do full day kindergarten in the fall so that will give my mom a break. He has ADHD and GI issues, so he has always been more to handle than most kids. But he has done really well in preschool and other activities we've had him in so I think he's getting easier. My 18 month old has always been a lot easier in general.

I talked to hubby and I think that because we had this "age 35" cap on things and that was looming closer it became too much stress for me. In my heart, I know we aren't ready for a 3rd. That might change in 6 months, but then I will have turned 35. So I did some research and it turns out, having a kid at 35 isn't as scary as they make it sound. There are definitely more risks, but they are still small, like down syndrome being less than 1% chance even at age 35. So we have decided to wait and revisit this whole thing in about 6 months. I am pretty relieved we don't have to decide RIGHT NOW!!...lol.

snowflake2214 · June 2016

I had my second at 36. I was more tired during the pregnancy but other than that everything was fine. I don't think 6-12 months to wait is a big deal even if 35 since you have had success with getting pregnant. I am done at 2 kids but have working mom friends and co-workers with three. In those cases the kids were spread out to not have all three in childcare. If money is a concern perhaps waiting a little longer is a good option.

amberhoothoot · June 2016

Thanks snowflake! Agreed. I think our 3.5 year spread between our 1st and second was a really good one in the end. Especially since our 1st had so many health and other issues. Our second is thankfully very healthy and far easier than the 1st (but 18 months old is still terrible two's area for even the best kid...lol).

mattanda2011 · June 2016

Well, I will say that I am in the same boat as you, but I am already 16 weeks pregnant with #3.

I currently have a 3yo and a 2yo, and soon to have a newborn. DH and I always knew that we wanted more than 2. Our first 2 are 16 months apart, and honestly finances were what kept us from having #3 quick so quickly. We know that we are looking at a year that is going to be quite a stretch, and have very little extras - but we also know we are giving both of our kids something that money cannot buy, a sibling. I wrote a note recently somewhere about having multiple small children - and it is honestly my greatest joy in the world to see my children be siblings. There is nothing greater in the world. We don't do a lot of big vacations or anything like that, and I don't see that changing anytime soon, but my kids could care less which pool they are swimming in as long as they are doing it with their best friend, their sibling.

I also agree with the others that 35 shouldn't be a big scary number, and I think the doctors way over hype it!

amberhoothoot · June 2016

Thanks @mattanda2011 ! How has it been working with 2 kiddos and the tiredness of pregnancy?

My job is pretty high stress some days so I do worry about that. We also aren't big vacation people. Some day we might do a big vacation but mostly we like working on the house and doing small outings. We are introverts, so we blow a lot of money on books...lol. Nothing we couldn't cut back on, but yeah, daycare and getting a bigger car will definitely pinch the budget.

RachelO1028 · July 2016

Same boat, pregnant with our third now though! I have a very demanding job but we've always wanted three. Ours are currently 1 and 3 but will be 2 and 4 when our third is born. We'll be paying over 4K a month in daycare(!) temporarily if we decide to put our third in the center where our kids are now. However, soon the older one will go to kindergarten so we'll get some financial relief! Considered a nanny because it would be cheaper but I love the center and all the activities and socialization they get!

RachelO1028 · July 2016

Oh, and I can't fathom how on earth were gonna get three kids ready for school in the morning and manage to get to work on time! I suppose time will tell..

4N6s · July 2016

Do it!

tishb · August 2016

DH and I both work full time and we are currently expecting #3! We took a bit of a break, DS 1&2 are 17 months apart. Luckily our older 2 are in school, but we send them to private school, so there's still tuition. If a 3rd child is truly the desire of your heart, surely there are ways to make it work! I'm sure the older kids wouldn't resent you! They may be excited to teach a new baby all the fun stuff like my boys are! We take small vacations and spend a lot of quality family time together at home to save some $$. Good luck in your decision making!

kmwills · January 2017

We also work full time and are expecting #3. It was a surprise, so I'm still freaking out a bit about how we're going to afford it. DD is 6.5 and DS is 2. DD goes to a private school & DS is in daycare, and I don't know if we can afford a 3rd in daycare - not to mention needing a bigger car & probably a bigger house. DD was begging for a baby, so I'm not worried about the resenting part, but I do worry that we won't be able to provide as much for #1&2 now with #3 on the way.

Nolongererl · February 2017

I had my third this September. We had planned on 2 but after #2 I just knew our family was not complete. I am a nurse but work M-F. My DH works from 6-3, I work 9-5:30. It works it has been a bit challenging in the afternoon for DH. I would not trade Baby for anything

jbm925 · March 2019

I don't think its unreasonable. Since you both already work and that can't change (per above), it might even be nice for the kids to have more of a group. Just thinking out loud....

saycohen · March 2020

My fiance (soon to be husband) and had been exploring for a while a way to make money while being home. Child care is expensive but only one person working is a financial hardship. I actually found a really cool opportunity from a book I read. I was so excited when I read this book because there are so many scams out there. This book goes over all the scams work at home jobs and many legit opportunities (if your computer savvy you'll be fine). We decided to start trying some of the tricks before getting pregnant and in a year we pulled in about $10k. It's better than nothing but not enough to supplement my income. I wish children weren't so expensive!!

sunflower213 · March 2020

I'd say exactly, do it

rtharp2 · April 2020

I think you should do whatever works for you and your family! I work from home 10-6 every day with 3 kids and we just found out we are pregnant with our fourth and final. My husband works 8-5 M-F, usually at an office but hes been home since the stay at home order was issued. People look at me like I have 6 heads when I tell them that, but it works for us! We do a good job with our finances and living within our means. It might not be everyone's cup of tea, but I couldn't imagine not going down this road.

amiidav8765 · October 2020

Don't think a lot, just do it

osarta · June 2021

Do it

Working full time but thinking about a third baby

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