Anyone considering being a SAHM?

MayaVill · July 2016

I stayed home with dd1 for 7-8 months and it drove me crazy plus that it broke the bank. With dd2 I was home for 3 months and it was really nice. Dd1 was in daycare so I could focus on the new baby. I'm just not the type to stay home. Sunday comes around I'm ready to pull my hair out. I love going to work early in the morning so I can sit in peace and eat my breakfast. May I add that I'm alone all weekend with the kids due to hubbys job and my family lives over seas. I get isolated and depressed without any adult human contact. Plus that we could never afford to exist without my paycheck. Soon we'll have 3 kids in daycare and I know it'll eat more than half my paycheck but to me it's worth it. I say try to stay home and see how u like it! You can always change your mind.

ladysaceb · July 2016

I didn't become a SAHM until about 3 months ago. My oldest is 6.5 years old. We needed both incomes up until that point and honestly money is tight, but it got to a point where the stress of trying to line up child care outweighed the benefits of the extra money. This baby is a surprise so we hadn't planned on that extra expense but we will make it work.

aishmc · July 2016

@asnowsurfer and @TinaBelcher I'm considering the same thing with my husband.

I pursued two masters degrees simultaneously to get where I am and I LOVE my job. I'm lucky enough to work at home half the time, but know I'll often be in meetings during this time. I'm getting a decently long maternity/bonding leave and my husband is taking bonding right after mine ends.

I am just wondering if anyone has experiences with a SAHD in their household?

Briala · July 2016

My husband works during the week while I stay at home and then I just work on the weekends to give us that little bit of extra spending money. It luckily means no daycare expenses and we both contribute to the household in our own ways. I am hoping to take at least 6 months off work after this baby but my husband said as long as I am breastfeeding I don't have to work.

Heeb918 · July 2016

I stay at home with my 2 year old and I'm nervous about having time and energy when #2 gets here. DD takes everything right now and I'm afraid the 2nd babe won't get as much attention as I want to give.

Shawlls · July 2016

I'm in the same boat: Canadian mat leave (1 year by law), and it's not "unpaid" in that most people qualify for EI (employment insurance: max of $2200/month for referemce; it's meant to represent 55% of the average income, anyone who earns above is maxed out), plus some employers will top a portion of that up. I'm lucky in that my employer does 19 weeks at full salary, then the remainder on EI. One thing that Canadian mat leave is really great for is that is gives you the TIME to consider whether being a SAHM might be something for you.

With all of that said though, I love working outside the home; it's a huge part of who I am. I went back to work when my daughter was 11 months (hard to find daycare before that here), and it was totally the right decision. I will try to do 10 months next time (again, the min age for childcare is higher here because of how long mat leave is). We also live in the most expensive city in the country (Vancouver), but finances aren't the only motivator (although I really don't know any SAHM since two incomes is the standard here).

juliehollz13 · July 2016

SunsetSky said:

It's sad to me. I work with plenty of men who make very good money and their wives do not work. The men complain about being broke all the time and do not contribute towards their retirement plan because they need every dime of their paycheck. We don't have the option to stick around if we want... we get forced into retirement very young. Straight up forced - cannot work beyond this date forced. The thinner people stretch themselves the more likely they are to be unable to unwilling to save.

My DH and I are going to be okay, but only because we do what we do. 18k each to our retirement plans, plus we tuck away over 100k a year into investmests. I see how this adds up at my age and I know we are set to live out our dreams. Many of our friends will not be so lucky.

With that said, we are lucky enough to be able to stagger our schedules to reduce the time we actually need a nanny for. The ideal schedule for us shows us only needing a nanny for seven hours a week. We will still be able to raise our kids.

*Lurking from December BMB*

If my job paid me well enough to contribute 100k in investments yearly then I wouldn't leave either. Obviously your situation is unique and does not apply to those of us in median income salary range of 35k-50k.

bp4runner · July 2016

I considered it until my husband told me I was too expensive

sarahmsoda · July 2016

@aishmc I grew up with a SAHD my whole life. The first while he drove taxi when my mom was home and then later he started a Carehome in our home so worked from home. My dad was great at driving us around and making sre we did our homework. I remember the housework causing stress between him and mom though because he didn't cook or clean to her standards and she felt like she worked and then had to clean too.

I think it depends on the husband. Can he cook? Can he do most of the basic parenting stuff without prompting? I now run a Carehome and plan to stay home and run the carehome until the kids are school age but then my husband may take it over and be around more for the kids later on as I have the ability to make more money than him for our second income. I know he is able to run the house on his own and I would be confident leaving it to him without a lot of extra stress on me. Plus to me cleaning isn't worth fighting over if it was an issue we would just hire a cleaner for the peace of mind.

Vivi20 · July 2016

Bless my husband's heart, but he could never be a SAHD. He is an amazing, attentive, and very involved daddy, but he is a typical man. His cleaning does not even come near my standards and his ability to multi-task childcare plus cooking/cleaing/making appointments/etc...is pretty shaky. He is, though, a far better cook than I!

asnowsurfer · July 2016

@sarahmsoda @jlea05 I think you both make a really great point that a lot of the success of a SAHD plan relies on the kind of guy that daddy is. Luckily for us, DH is really great at scheduling, currently handles all of our grocery shopping and cooking (I thank the culinary degree - he was NOT like that in college

), is almost up to my cleaning standards, and most importantly, has an M.S. to work on with a future goal in place so he doesn't end up feeling "stuck in a rut" (words from his mouth, not mine).

I think that in general, dads tend to get more overwhelmed by homemaker responsibilities and I think that for my hubby, having his future counseling career as a goal will be a great motivator for him to make SAHDing for 2-3 years work and be fulfilling for him. I want to be a SAHM eventually, so even though it will make me sad that DH gets to be home with our first LO while I'm stuck at work, it's important for me to remember that it'll be my turn one day!

katesmama0706 · July 2016

SAHM related question: How have you ladies found moms groups? We had a few where we used to live but I never clicked in any of them. Now where we live I've found that most SAHMs have older kids and are older themselves and don't really seem inclusive to young moms with young babies and on the flip side most of the ladies I meet with babies work out of the home and aren't available for playgroups except on the weekends! I've searched on Facebook and googled and even asked around at church and have had no luck!

Vivi20 · July 2016

That's a bummer @katesmama0706 I think, unfortunately, that when it comes to finding the right mom groups, it's purely luck as far as what and who is around your area.

sarahmsoda · July 2016

@katesmama0706 My good friends attend a church Mom's group that they all love, it fills up super fast and is really popular in evangelical circles. There are something like 80 moms. My church also has one, a morning a week and there is childcare but its not quite as big. Then within those groups smaller groups form and then those people hang out other times during the week. Maybe a church other than yours has one that is open to anyone! I don't think either of those groups would show up online so its definitely more of a word of mouth thing.

I also know in my city there are lots of fitness mommy groups, where children can come to various fitness classes with the moms. That would be a neat way to get to know other moms and maybe find some you have something in common with.

I also wonder though if the culture here in Canada isn't a bit different because most mom's take at least a year maternity leave (because the government pays a part of our wage for up to a year). That may make more of a demand for groups that run during the day.

Vivi20 · July 2016

@katesmama0706 I had to shorten my answer last night because I had to get off the computer! But I wanted to elaborate and say that I'm sure if you keep looking, you'll find something. There is luck involved, but there HAS to be something near you. Have you looked up your local chapter of MOPS (moms of preschoolers)? Despite the name, the group is open to moms with all ages of children. Another thing to look into is your local Baby Bootcamp group. As the name implies, it's a group centered around fitness and nutrition, but they also typically have regular get-togethers and playgroup dates. Another is the Le Leche League; you should have a local chapter of that, too, and that'll get you introduced to other younger moms. Those are some I'm involved with, and then I've also met many moms at my church. I lucked out there, cause our church has a lot of young families and babies. But it took a couple years to find this church. I wasn't so lucky with the others I attended. And also, too, is the homeschool co-op we're a part of.

Vivi20 · July 2016

@sarahmsoda That's actually a valid point, that the culture may just be very different here in the US. I feel like moms, in general, are pretty isolated and lack support. Especially SAHM's. And ours is definitely not a society or culture that encourages or nurtures SAHM's. Sadly.

julianna88-2 · July 2016

I'm the bread winner. I ofter say I'm going to do part time once this baby comes. We have three kids now. The first two I was a SAHM than I started working part time than six months into it I got offer a full time. I got pregnant with my youngest. I work until the day I gave birth. I came back at 8 weeks put the two youngest one at daycare and did part time three days now this time around I want to do part time again only diffrenence this time around it be kind of hard becasue we have more bills and etc. And now my middle child will go to school full time. I will have my youngest in daycare so if I go part time I will pull her from daycare and just be home with her and the baby. As for the moment I will have to work full time.

BriannaE129129 · July 2016

I would love to be a SAHM but I currently make more money than my husband and we're trying to buy a house so it just won't work. I'm taking a full 12 weeks for maternity leave (which I know will involve some working from home) and then I'm really hoping they will allow me to work from home at least 2 days per week! I'm in sales and we have a lot of people in the country that work from home full time so fingers crossed I will be able to. I'm also the first pregnant salesperson... EVER at the company so I'm hoping that gives me a little pull with being able to work from home some days and then daycare for others.

adorebella · July 2016

@katesmama0706 when my son was a baby I had no friends at the time with young children. There's a website called meetup.com where people can organize or join local groups with a common interest and they hold IRL get togethers. The one I joined back then was "Babies of 2012" and it had hundreds of local moms with almost daily meet ups. Over time I really bonded with a group of 8 moms and although we no longer meet up with the larger group we remain close friends and see each other weekly. Good luck! It can be tough at first until you find your niche.

amandoza23 · July 2016

I planned on going back to work after 8 weeks with my daughter but once she was born I felt I couldn't leave her. I planned on 6 months but that quickly extended. I will be staying home with this one as well. It was seriously the best decision I ever made and would make the same decision a thousand times over.

kashock-2 · July 2016

With my first I stayed home for 5 months before I found a job (we moved mid-pregnancy so I just never looked for work until then). I may have stayed home longer but I'm not Suzy Homemaker by any means and it caused some tension

with this second baby I'm only working part-time, so we've pulled DD1 from full time daycare and she's home with me. I only qualify for 6 weeks leave, and I plan on going back to work part time (2 nights a week) but the idea has been floated by my husband to stay home with the two babes and maybe go back to school for my masters which would increase my earring potential once the kids are a little older. We'll see. For right now I'm thrilled to NOT be spending hundreds of dollars every month on childcare!!

KSimone619 · July 2016

After my first I was a SAHM for 15 months and then went back part time (perfect timing, needed a chance and a great balance). I worked until DD2 was born and then went back part-time again last year (when she was 3). After this one I plan to return part time at 8 mos.

karaelaine1991 · July 2016

katesmama0706 said:

SAHM related question: How have you ladies found moms groups? We had a few where we used to live but I never clicked in any of them. Now where we live I've found that most SAHMs have older kids and are older themselves and don't really seem inclusive to young moms with young babies and on the flip side most of the ladies I meet with babies work out of the home and aren't available for playgroups except on the weekends! I've searched on Facebook and googled and even asked around at church and have had no luck!

Have you looked into meetup.com? That's the main base for the mom group I'm most heavily involved with; we do have a Facebook group, but all our events are through meetup. I was skeptical of the site at first because it's literally a site for meeting new people from the internet, but I found my group through a business card at my OB, which made it feel more legit to me and then since joining it I've actually joined a few other groups on meetup and feel much more comfortable about the safety of it. Also, like I said, I found out about my group through my OB, so that might be a good place to ask, or your pediatrician!

katesmama0706 · July 2016

@karaelaine1991 I have heard of meetup but yeah I definitely side eyed the idea of meeting strangers on the internet and taking my baby with me. Glad to hear it's not totally sketchy!

Vivi20 · July 2016

I just have to say that the idea of returning to work 6-8 weeks after giving birth and taking care of a newborn sounds horrific. I realize some women have no choice, and others want to, but I just remember my own personal experience after my daughter was born, I didn't even feel *human* for a few months, not to mention getting maybe 3-4 hours of sleep per night (non-consecutively, mind you). There is no way I would have been mentally or physically able to work after such a short time.

mommy2ane · July 2016

I had to go back to work for 5 weeks when my son was 6 weeks old, then it was summer so I was off work. It was rough though! I just wanted to be home with my baby and I was sleep deprived some mornings. My mother-in-law, sister and one of my best friends came to help during that time so that we didn't have to put him into daycare. We were able to hold off until he was 6 months old on that. With this one, we're going to try to see if we can go until summer without him/her in daycare again. It'll be tough! We'll see what happens though. I want to be a stay at home, but we can't quite do it yet. Hubby's working hard on trying to make that happen, but until then I'm working.

Want a personalized experience?

Anyone considering being a SAHM?

Re: Anyone considering being a SAHM?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards