Baby shower

Kbchavez23 · July 2016

Am I the only one planning my baby shower already?! Lol it's my 1st boy so I'm too excited!

princesslockness · July 2016

It is usually considered rude and gift grabby to plan your own shower. Maybe plan a Sip 'n' See for after baby is here.

ajstevenson · July 2016

My sister is throwing my shower (October 1) and asked me last week about preferences/guests/etc. Yesterday she told me she had the invites designed and ordered and is starting to work on decor. I gave her the thumbs up to do whatever she wanted so she's planning a European/French tea party theme. Should be very girly and cute!

sourlemon · July 2016

I won't be having one as this is my second baby. I have friends who want to throw one but I don't feel right having one.

tinattt23 · July 2016

No ones really said anything about mine. My friends aren't really the planning type. And none of them have kids so we don't have a system down yet for this kind of thing.

My moms already been buying all kinds of stuff. She can't control it. But got a swing and bouncer, but the rest is all small stuff. Blankets, towels, pacifiers, etc. And my MIL saw the stuff my moms bought and said "Well looks like you already have everything you need. No baby shower for you." So I guess she's not volunteering...

BenNSarah · July 2016

My sister is throwing me one but she will be leaving to teach out of the country for a year in August so she is trying to do all of the planning now and then my mom will be the one actually running and doing everything. My MIL kept asking if anyone was going to throw one I mentioned my mom and sister and she kept listing my aunts as being able to throw it instead, I was really confused by that but clearly she wasn't about to offer to throw one... or help my mom. My coworkers are also planning one but I just know they picked a date in November... nothing else. My sister's already working on decorations and everything to have it all set by the time she leaves.

ALM2016 · July 2016

@ajstevenson, that theme sounds adorable!!

@sourlemon, just curious, what is the standard (if there is such a thing) re: showers for a second pregnancy? I know a bunch of women that have had them for their second, especially if it's a different gender.

I have no idea if anyone is thinking of throwing us one or not.

princesslockness · July 2016

@ALM2016 I have found that if someone offers to throw a second shower/sprinkle then it is acceptable in your social circle.

ashleaf2018 · July 2016

I'm a FTM but I have seen friends and family have a second shower if the second baby is a different sex or if they had the babies several years apart. My cousin had her second baby about 12-13 years after her first, so even though it was another boy her church threw a shower for her because she hadn't kept a lot of baby stuff, just some of the things that were more sentimental.

ALM2016 · July 2016

Thanks for the responses! My SIL in pregnant with her second and I kind of wanted to throw a shower for her, but didn't want to offend the universe or anything with bad etiquette. ;-)

maamawaabangi · July 2016

Please, you all... If you can throw a second time mom (or third, fourth, etc... Or adoption...) shower, do! Stuff wears out... Especially, if it's all the same gender babies in the family. You can also have a diaper shower, or organize a meal train... Or just make party food and get her nursing pads. Or if she doesn't want a shower bless her with a night out and a massage or pedicure.

It can feel sort of sad and anticlimactic when no one acknowledges that life is changing. It's not about getting stuff... But about celebrating.
Also... No one did diddly for our 3rd or when we adopted 4th and 5th... And I didn't think a thing of it, but when we had our 6th some of the "girls" I work with hosted a diaper and meal train shower... I felt so loved! It's just a sweet opportunity to do good to someone else!

phoenix870509 · July 2016

My mom and 2 best friends are planning a shower for October. My mom is being a PITA about it because I want a gender neutral theme but she wants to know the baby's sex before planning anything. And I always thought it was rude for a mother to throw her daughter a shower, because she's essentially asking people to but gifts for her child, which is why I wanted my friends involved in the planning. And she is kind of taking over everything. As for work, I work at home but will be traveling up north to the main office mid August. Only my boss, lead, VP and head of HR know I'm pregnant, so I'm just gonna show up and meet everyone on my team at 6 months pregnant, lol. Should be fun, but I'm not expecting anything from them.

dmontgo · July 2016

@maamawaabangi You sound like you are a great friend, and any lady would be lucky to count you in her circle. I think you are right--it's always a good idea to help someone or make them feel special. Doesn't have to be elaborate, but you never know...it could really turn their day around. Thank you for the reminder!

sourlemon · July 2016

So a lot of my friends have showers for their second, third, 8th kid...so it would be accepted in my circle of friends. However, my family is extremely old fashioned in this regard. "You only become a mother once" type of thing and the shower is only supposed to be for new moms.

Most of the people who came to my first shower were my mom's friends (who I have known for 15+ years) as her and my sister organized it. I wouldn't feel right having them buy me more stuff honestly...especially cuz many of them feel the same as my family.

I personally don't have problems with second showers but I think it just depends on how etiquette is in your circle (or family's circle).

I also feel the need to take my friends finances into consideration. I know the two friends who have asked me are struggling so I would feel horrible if they spent anything on a shower.

princesslockness · July 2016

@sourlemon So have a sprinkle, or a sip and see. Those are more relaxed. The point of a shower is to initiate a woman into motherhood and to shower her with gifts.
A sprinkle is usually for things like diapers, more low key social hour type of thing. A sip and see is for everyone to come see baby afterwards and *typically* have a drink and chat for awhile.

silverfrost · July 2016

My mom is planning a shower for me. I do some graphic design, so I'm making some invitations for it is all.

I *did* start my registry, though. Been loading that sucker up for a little while now--as I think of things I'll really need/want.

DiFazette · July 2016

My mom and aunt are throwing me a sprinkle for my second pregnancy (2nd and 3rd kids). She said many of our family members have said they'd like to contribute to a sprinkle (buy gifts) since having twins is kind of a big deal. I moved almost 5 years ago from all of my close friends and my hometown, so my mom is really the only option since it will be in the state we live in now. We have some family here and others have already committed to traveling.

sourlemon · July 2016

I think we will probably do a "party" in mid January. DH graduates graduate school in December and then the baby...but it won't be specific to the baby or DH. Just a low key open house with food and drinks. I won't turn down gifts but certainly don't want a party just for that.

@DiFazette if I were having twins my opinion might be different lol. That's definitely a big deal!

Mamax2 · July 2016

I'm a STM with 6 years in between. My mom is throwing me a shower October 1st. My MIL (s) may be helping with the playing, as well as my stepmom. I told my mom she has free range for decor and theme. She said she will narrow it down, and choose once we find out the sex.

R0824H · July 2016

My mom is throwing my shower on October 2! She's doing the same as the nursery theme: Bambi

My MIL wants to throw her own and when I asked who she planned on inviting (because there are only 4 family members on her side) she named all these people I never see and even DHs EX-bosses wife and mom!! Her reason: they have money and will give good gifts...ummm no that's not how/why it works! SMH

aframe77 · July 2016

I'm throwing my SIL a sprinkle for her second little boy due in August and I'm super excited!

Most of my friends have had showers for their second and even third babies. I like shopping for second time moms because you can focus on getting the mom a thoughtful gift since they already have most of the baby stuff. Things like a massage, or a nice bottle of wine for a future girl night, or a mani-pedi. These moms deserve a little pampering!

As for me I don't know if I'll have a second shower. But if not, we're sure to have a meet and greet party for friends and family after the birth. No gifts just celebration.

I love any excuse for a party!

Kbchavez23 · July 2016

Kate08Young said:

It is usually considered rude and gift grabby to plan your own shower. Maybe plan a Sip 'n' See for after baby is here.

Pretty sure I can pick my theme, doesn't mean im
throwing it for myself. That would be lame.

what the heck is a sip n see?!

ashleaf2018 · July 2016

@Kbchavez23 We are throwing a sip and see for after flu season! It's usually to celebrate baby's arrival, and you can do it as a drop in between certain hours or as a more formal party. We are just doing a drop in on one specific day. We won't be getting baby out and about during the holidays, so it'll be on a day that's convenient for out of town family and friends to come visit and play pass the baby. This works well for us since most of my family and friends are anywhere from 3-5 hours away. FI also has family out of town. We just want one day for visitors so that we aren't overwhelmed with them during flu season, might as well make a party of it.

princesslockness · July 2016

Kbchavez23 said:

Kate08Young said:

It is usually considered rude and gift grabby to plan your own shower. Maybe plan a Sip 'n' See for after baby is here.

Pretty sure I can pick my theme, doesn't mean im
throwing it for myself. That would be lame.

what the heck is a sip n see?!

You didn't phrase it about theme you said:

Am I the one planning my baby shower already?!

Excuse me for misunderstanding.

Kacie209 · July 2016

I have not heard anything about having a shower yet, although when one of my friends found out she made the comment that "she's a great party planner!", so we'll see. For Bridal, my sister threw me one for friends/my side of the family, and then DH's aunts threw me one for their side/family friends. I'd be honored to just have one thrown for me, as I have helped with a lot of friends.

I have known friends to have shower for 2nd borns (and even 3rd). For this one friend, the difference in ages was about 7 years so she had nothing. And then another friend of hers offered to throw another one for her, for her most recent child, which was just over a year difference from the other and a different sex.

DH's cousin just had a shower for her 3rd, but the age difference between the 2nd and 3rd is about 15 years! So, they had nothing and were already sending off their oldest to college.

jenlynne0624 · July 2016

I doubt I am getting a second shower, which is fine, ds is only 2 so everything we have is still in good condition. It's not socially acceptable in my or my husband's old school families as people would probably think we were gift grabby. Since the baby will be here in Dec. I do anticipate baby getting a bunch of gifts for that reason, but unless someone throws me a surprise sprinkle (I don't have any really close girlfriends anymore or any sisters), I wouldn't want a full blown shower, I'll be content opening up the tubs of ds' stuff. I do have registries I am making, but that's more of keeping track of what we need and using the nice discounts at the end.

Austenista · July 2016

I have agreed to three different baby showers. Not because I'm grabby, mind you. My mom lives in Florida, my Dad and his family live up in N.Ga and my husband's family lives in S.Ga. I live in Alabama. When we got married it was SUPER awkward to try to unite all these families and there was unnecessary hurt feelings and stress. I'm not planning any of them though unless my input is specifically needed. I just am going to be chill. Invite who you want, decorate how you want, the baby is a ___. Make sure I have everyone's information so I can write thank you notes.

I decided when I got pregnant that when things didn't matter, my answer was yes to everything, and I'll put my foot down when it counts (no one in the DR but my husband, no sick people touching baby, etc). My mom wants to throw a shower with her friends/fam? Okay sounds good. My best friend wants to throw a shower up in N.GA for my dad's family and my friends? Okay, I'll be there. My mother in law wants to do one with my husband's family who refuse to drive through Atlanta? Okay, tell me where to show up. I'm just thankful they want to do things for me, I don't have a single baby item so I can use the help. I already told my mom that her friends don't know me, and so I don't expect them to buy me things but I'd be glad to meet them, but she wants to throw a party because she's excited to be a grandmother. I think it's nice and it's a good chance for me visit her at the beach and to put my toes in sand for a couple of days. Living in the south that kind of etiquette thing doesn't really exist... in my circles anyway. They're more likely to get up in arms if the men are invited.

ErikandAfton · July 2016

We are having 2. My cousin is hosting one in our hometown for family and high school friends that I'm still very close with. That one will be the end of October.
Either the begining of October or end of September will be one at my house that my BFF'S mom insisted on having for me. My step mom is helping her. My Mom died when I was 22. BFF and I lived together for 3 years in college and our moms became good friends. Bff's mom told me the other day that this is my Mom having a shower for me, she's just the hands that will be making it happen. It made me cry. I'm so thankful she wants to do this for me.

Toller · July 2016

@ErikandAfton- that almost made me cry!! So thoughtful and sweet! I'm sorry for your loss

Kbchavez23 · July 2016

Kate08Young said:

Kbchavez23 said:

Kate08Young said:

It is usually considered rude and gift grabby to plan your own shower. Maybe plan a Sip 'n' See for after baby is here.

Pretty sure I can pick my theme, doesn't mean im
throwing it for myself. That would be lame.

what the heck is a sip n see?!

You didn't phrase it about theme you said:

Am I the one planning my baby shower already?!

Excuse me for misunderstanding.

I guess it was the wrong choice of words. No need to gets snappy

sammyl1221 · July 2016

@Kbchavez23 I don't think she was being snappy..... I read it the same way too. If you read anything about planning your own shower - it is a big No, No etiquette wise.

My Aunt is throwing my baby shower. She asked for my input on a handleful of things. I am a planner- I could've had my 300 person wedding planned in a weekend. I have ALWAYS been like that! We are doing it at the end of Sept. since I am due around Thanksgiving.

penelope4612 · July 2016

I would like to have a shower but I'm not sure anyone will offer to throw one. My mom was super weird about a shower when I got married. Around here it is typical for either the mother of the bride or the maid of honor to throw the shower. My MOH planned the bachelorette. My mom never brought up a shower and when I asked her she said "Oh I didn't think you'd want one" and then told me it was too late to plan anything. In reality I think she just hates being the center of attention and didn't want to have to plan a party. We had a small wedding so not that many people would've been invited to the shower anyway - the bachelorette was a nice celebration for me. But I honestly did feel disappointed because it kind of felt like no one was excited for this big event (even though I know that's not logical). I'm not going to hold my breath for a baby shower and then be disappointed.

Also - I want to make clear that this commentary isn't about presents, but rather about feeling like people are celebrating something exciting that's happening. It feels really disappointing when no one wants to celebrate a big moment in your life but it's so common for everyone else to get a celebration. I basically kind of felt like a loser (particularly with MIL asking repeatedly when the shower would be). Thankfully baby showers aren't traditional in her culture so she won't be asking when I'm having one this time.

em01092 · July 2016

One of the attorneys I support is throwing me one in October. We were thinking Game of Thrones themed but no one else at our office watches it and few of my close friends/family do either. My best friend says she will but she often says things and doesn't follow through, plus she is getting married soon so I know that's her primary focus right now.

Jumping on the etiquette train, my aunt threw a shower for my cousin, and my 83 year old grandmother mentioned that she would not be doing that for me because it's tacky for a mother to throw a shower for her daughter (she is like a mom to me, she raised me), but I keep trying to tell her this must not really be a thing anymore because she is the only one I've ever heard say that. Anyone else? We are in the south, so maybe it's regional, but I know lots of people around here whose moms threw them wedding or baby showers.

ETA: I'm not trying to talk her into throwing me one or anything, just discussing her stance on moms throwing showers and wondering if it's just a thing gone by.

dmontgo · July 2016

@penelope4612 I am sorry no one is trying to help you celebrate this big event. That makes me sad. My mom has never offered to throw a bridal or baby shower either, always under the excuse of "Well, I don't know anyone." Well...I know people, mom!

I've been fortunate friends or DH's family has stepped up, or I would feel really down. I want to throw a shower for everyone!!

@em01092 Yeah, that's a "Southern" thing, although it's a sentiment not shared by many anymore. She should throw you a shower.

whitneyp26 · July 2016

I think every baby deserves a shower. Doesn't have to be huge and expensive but you're always going to need a few things even if it's just diapers. My best friend is throwing a diaper shower and I am stealing the Halloween party idea. I can't wait!

cgss11 · July 2016

I'm not from the South, but always heard the showers should not be thrown by Mom's thing. I don't think it's a big deal though, or that enforced anymore.

em01092 · July 2016

@dmontgo @cgss11 That's what I figured, but she's pretty adamant about it being something she isn't cool with. My grandma is awful stubborn, plus I wouldn't want to make her feel pressured or something. I just wanted her to know if she WANTED to, then I don't think anyone today would judge her for it.

dmwagner · July 2016

@em01092 if that's a Southern thing I've never heard of it and I'm from NC. My mom and MIL both threw me showers for our wedding and for DD. My mom and I also did one for my sister who just had a baby. I'm not sure if they will plan one for my second child and I'm not going to ask.

Further more, I would think that the mother would be the best person to plan one as your friends aren't going to know all of your family members to invite. Maybe your grandmother could get some help from your aunt or one of your friends.

ashleaf2018 · July 2016

I also live in the South, my mom and two sisters are throwing me a shower together. I did just get confirmation from my mom about it. Not sure when it will be. I know it's generally not considered good etiquette for a family member to throw you a baby shower, but if they offer I think it's fine. I don't really know of anyone else who would offer to throw one for me; all my friends are all over the place at school. I know they would come if I had one but I just couldn't see any of them planning one being feasible.

sammyl1221 · July 2016

@penelope4612 what about a sip and see after the baby is born??? It's a great way to celebrate the baby and new parents. I actually went to one last year. People came and went as they pleased and they had appetizers out so it wasn't a full course meal or anything.

I am sorry about the mom thing. My mother moved and we basically have no contact - no one in my family really talks to her- and I've always been close with my aunt. She planned my bridal shower too. It sucks to not feel like your mom is in your corner and is the first person to step up to celebrate you.

juliehollz13 · July 2016

Kbchavez23 said:

Kate08Young said:

Kbchavez23 said:

Kate08Young said:

It is usually considered rude and gift grabby to plan your own shower. Maybe plan a Sip 'n' See for after baby is here.

Pretty sure I can pick my theme, doesn't mean im
throwing it for myself. That would be lame.

what the heck is a sip n see?!

You didn't phrase it about theme you said:

Am I the one planning my baby shower already?!

Excuse me for misunderstanding.

I guess it was the wrong choice of words. No need to gets snappy

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