Emotional wreck

longhurrdontcurr · July 2016

Long post, sorry:

Before I begin, I must say I LOVE, love the baby stage. I love breastfeeding, and I absolutely adore newborn to say 9 months. So I'm a first time mom and I just had my rainbow baby 9 days ago. He's already grown and is more alert and curious in a little over a week.... I'm actually losing it over him growing up.

For one thing, I love the baby stage SO much it's tearing me up that it won't last very long. Right now he is gorgeous, super sweet and cuddly, and he adores me. He's totally innocent and I stare at him and cuddle him constantly. I break down when I think of that ending. I've never felt so intensely about anyone before! It's like he's touched my soul... But what hurts so bad is that each day he's going to grow more and be more independent, and the innocence, adoration and bliss will go away. I've never had anyone depend on me before, the way he does, but I know it will pass the older he gets. Yes, boys love their mama's but it's not the same at all. The soulful bond will not be there like it is now.

My husband has finally agreed to have one more at some point later, and I'm so looking forward to the hormone rush again and the feeling of adoration from my baby. I also actually miss being pregnant, even though I had a really difficult pregnancy and was excited to be done. Now I miss feeling him move in my belly and taking him everywhere with me. It was so special. It went too fast.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I won't like my son once he's not a baby anymore, but I know it won't be the same and I sit and cry about it.

Am I the only one?? How do I stop feeling this way?? I feel like time is just slipping away and before I know it I will be in my 50s and my children will be gone, my body will be a wreck and I will be alone.

I also really worry terribly about something happening to my son. Someone abusing him, or him dying.... I worry so much that something will happen to him, now that I'm so attached.

It's just not fair to feel this intensely about someone and know you just have to let them go! I wish this could last forever. Or at least a lot longer than it actually will.

tucrew · July 2016

It's not just you! I struggled with this a lot when we first came home from the hospital. My husband went back to work the next day, so I sat alone with the baby brooding on these thoughts. It did get better for me after a couple of weeks. All of the big changes and hormones are rough; I'm normally a pretty sentimental and emotional person anyway, and went into overdrive. I suggest talking with someone during the day just to recenter yourself, and enjoy your baby! If it doesn't get better soon though, talk with your doctor.

amangels2 · July 2016

My mom can attest I felt the same way. I would talk to her and cry. Every time someone would say, he's getting so big, I would lose my mind. But it does get better. I can think of him growing and not cry now. I treasure each cuddle and don't wish time away. But I also look forward to watching him grow. So yeah, my point is for me it got better. I'm

longhurrdontcurr · July 2016

Thank you guys. It's just so, so hard. This mother and baby stage completes me in a way nothing else has.

colesmom33 · July 2016

I actually think it's gets more and more fun as they get older. They start to develop their personalities and begin to interact. My DS is almost two and its so fun to hear the crazy things he comes up with!! Each stage has its perks and even though they may not be relying you 100%, you're still his mom and he'll need you!!

AmberLiz99 · July 2016

This is out lady baby and I've been having that feeling worse than with my others. Last week I had a total meltdown on my oldest sins birthday about how big they are getting and how soon I won't have a little baby anymore.

This week, even though I still feel a little blue when I think about it, it's normal emotion, not uncontrollable, it does get better. Emotions are really out of control the first month, at least for me.

adiaz132003 · July 2016

I had a bit of a moment when we did a weighted feed on Monday and she said he was almost 12 lbs already. What happened to my sleepy 8lb little man? He's growing up so fast.

HeartLikeMine3 · July 2016

Ehhh guess I'm the only one feeling relieved to be done! I can't wait to be done breastfeeding and have the kids playing together and sleeping through the night. Also can't wait till they can both wipe their own asses lol.

AmberLiz99 · July 2016

HeartLikeMine3 said:

Ehhh guess I'm the only one feeling relieved to be done! I can't wait to be done breastfeeding and have the kids playing together and sleeping through the night. Also can't wait till they can both wipe their own asses lol.

I was feeling relived during my pregnancy that we were near the end of our baby stage with little kids. I think it's mostly the pp emotions that are making me feel so crazy. I'm sure in a few months I'll feel relieved again.

Rawa1416 · July 2016

HeartLikeMine3 said:

Ehhh guess I'm the only one feeling relieved to be done! I can't wait to be done breastfeeding and have the kids playing together and sleeping through the night. Also can't wait till they can both wipe their own asses lol.

Definitely not the only one! I'm with you 100%

purplefan1 · July 2016

I love my little peanut but an also looking forward to her getting bigger and developing her personality. I also told my husband last night that I am excited for when we successfully raise our babies and send them out in to the world and have together time again (I'm really missing sleeping next to him!). I love this infant stage for many reasons but also know I love the toddler stage. And the kindergarten stage. And anything up til 12. I'm a little iffy on the 12-17 age (because I work with teenagers and know how awful they can be).

My sister always told me that she loved whatever stage her kids were in until they got to the next stage. Then she realized she loved stage even more. And it continues on from there.

OP-i was concerned about the line that said "before I know it i will be in my 50's, my children will be gone, my body will be a wreck, and I'll be alone." Even though you are loving being a mom, please make sure to foster healthy relationships outside the one with your child. Particularly with your spouse. Have friends, have hobbies, stay well rounded. Your children will grow up to admire you. If you put all of your focus only on your child you have the chance of smothering or helicoptering and not fostering independence. Which is one of the best things about raising healthy kids-teaching them independence skills.

Also be cautious of PPD. Since this is your rainbow baby I know you've probably been through a lot to get him here. That plus the hormones that naturally occur after birth as well as what you are describing could set you up for some PPD. Make sure to have healthy supports around and talk to a counselor if you feel you can't shake this fearfullness.

ETA: spelling

nightwitch · July 2016

So my dad, who lives with us because of Alzheimers, had a massive stroke last Thursday. The intensity of how much I feel a failure because of this really has made me an emotional wreck. And I had a few days where I just panicked that I was a failure as a mom already since we've never established successful BF and between him spending a week in the NICU and now dad's stroke in the 3rd week of my LOs life, it's been next to impossible to find the time to even pump more than 3-4 times a day. And my stupid PCOS means my breasts aren't performing like normal ones would. I feel your pain. Love and luck to you

TunieBee · July 2016

I felt this way with my first and I asked friends how you can possibly love and adore a digusting, filthy, whiny toddler. They said you love them even more as they get older. I thought it was BS. It's NOT. Added bonus, toddlers love you in a way that a baby can't. They need you and adore you and it's magical.

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