You guys, I'm feeling a little bad/guilty at the way I've been feeling lately, but I also have to bitch. (this is very long, warning)
I spent 4th of July weekend with my in-laws in Atlanta. DH, myself, two stepdaughters all flew to ATL together on Saturday, July 2nd. I came home Tuesday July 5th and DH and the kids were supposed to fly back home today, Monday 7/11.
Some of you know how I got sick Wednesday late night, and Thursday I was as sick as a dog all day... Friday, DH came home. But it wasn't like when he found out on Thursday I was sick, he was like "let me hop on a plane immediately". It was more like "let me see how she does...." and then Thursday night I was finally like "please come home, I don't know if i'll get worse or better, but I need you here". He knows I don't have family in San Diego. Anyway, he did end up re-booking (late Thursday night!) to come home Friday. But I actually was surprised, because DH is super proactive and protective about things like these. He's the kind of guy who won't let me lift a finger and really takes care of me well. So I was shocked that it took him that long to re-book the flights. When I kind of brought up to him on Thursday that I was a little hurt (over the phone in between sobs), he was defensive and told me that he's been taking care of me from afar (very true) by calling the doctor after hours, calling all my friends, having everyone deliver me stuff (all true)... but to me I would have preferred he just hopped back home on a plane the minute he found out I was so ill that I was crawling to the bathroom.
I know he's not only thinking about himself, and has to think about my stepdaughters (who were in Atlanta with us) and his parents (who we were visiting) who complain all the time that they don't get to see their granddaughters as much---but it kind of upset me a little. But I let it go.
Anyway, fast forward to Friday, DH and the girls arrived on Friday. We had the girls Friday to Monday (today).
Weekend was fine, but Saturday was kind of crazy. The littlest one is super combative and throws major tantrums. Not only that, she has poop accidents too (she's currently being tested to see if it's physiological or emotional). So I was already a little worn down by Saturday (to think I was still recovering from being sick).
Sunday, we had a "cleaning day", and the girls share the 2nd bedroom and will be sharing them with this baby. It's coming along really well, but I felt really weird on Sunday seeing all their shit taking over the house. Backpacks strewn all over the floor, their arts and crafts on our deck, etc etc etc. I started feeling like I have to "fight" for this baby's right to space. The last straw was finding a f*cking turd!!! a TURD!!! on my bathroom floor. I was so ready to break down, but I went to the gym instead.
I'm bitching because I feel so helpless. When I married DH and when I chose to be with him, I chose to accept all of him: the stepdaughters, the mess, the craziness, the blended family, the having to deal with schedules..... Don't get me wrong, I love DH and I love my stepdaughters...The girls are just being kids, they can't help it--- but with this baby coming I've been feeling icky like this. I hate that I'm feeling selfish. Hate that I feel this way.
You know what irritates the fuck out of me? Because we're married (on FB), DH can see a lot of the stuff I comment/react to. I was commenting on a (non mutual) friend's page about maybe downloading Pokemon Go because I was curious about the hype and DH not only comments back on the thread that I shouldn't but he confronts me about it last night and asks me not to. This shit has happened before, happens frequently, tbh. It's even caused fights because he disagrees with something I like (usually political) or something and I'm sick of it. I'm not hiding anything by any stretch, but it feels too invasive and stalker-y. Anyone else have this, or a similar problem?
@AllyTheKid Omg, I thought your water broke too. You just gave us all heart attacks. Lol. I hope this is just a rough patch too. But to be honest, I'm burnt out. I asked my mom if I was over reacting thinking about calling it a day, and she said that given our history, I wasn't. She can see how it's affecting me and she worries how it'll affect the boys.
@ignoscemihi We've done counseling in the past. He's good about going and participating. We pulled out a couple old techniques for communication last night that we learned in counseling. But lying was such a huge thing with him in our past and inspite of how often I tell him the problems it creates, he doesn't seem to be getting it. He seems to think I should get over it because he wasn't doing anything bad.
virtual hug @annabenanna... sorry you're going through that. I can definitely understand why looking around and seeing the mess would stress you out, especially after the food poisoning I hope this week is better.... and no turds on your floor
I'll take the hugs @bnsmith85, thank you! So ironic that being pregnant makes you feel like you're losing your shit, and yet you can't even drown your sorrows in wine. Hahahahaha.
@annabenanna I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. My husband has a son from a previous relationship who I love very much and I know I became a mom when I married my husband. They're a package deal. But some days are HARD. We're currently in the middle of chaos that I won't even go into, but it affects all of us so much and my son caused it. And some days I want to rip my hair out because so much of this behavior is inexcusable to me. The baby will NOT act like that and if I'd raised my son, he wouldn't either. And that makes it even harder.
@krzyriver So sorry you're going through a tough time with him. I hope he would have told you whether or not you found out where he was or not. I hope things get better for y'all.
I have felt like DH and I haven't been connecting as much during the past couple of months so I'm setting up a low key date night for us on Saturday night. Hoping it'll help because I've been feeling kind of alone, even though he's not done anything to make me feel that way. He can't help traveling with work but we just need a night for ourselves I think.
Me:33 DH: 34 Married: May 2011 TTC #1: May 2015 DS: 10/20/2016 TTC #2: June 2019 #2 EDD: 2/20/2020
Ok here it goes... My DS is 3 and he is in the stage where is doesn't want to listen he just wants to do what he wants. Which makes my day feel way longer. My DH and I are still dealing with the fact my father layer me off work a week ago. Financial we are spent and at 7 months pregnant no one is going to want to hire me and quite frankly I'm kinda burnt out from working and having to take orders all the time. My fetal specialist put my pelvic on "sex rest". Yep ft hat means my hormones are going crazy and my libido just wants to jump my husband bones but not aloud to have sex. Which also means with all the frustrations and stress in our life's we are also sexually frustrated. When I was working 5 days a week I was extremely tired when I got home and the weekend were packed with everything I couldn't do during the week. My husband "forgot" how to use a dishwasher and every pot, pan, dish and cup is dirty my kitchen looks like a army or nastiness went threw it. So I'm dealing with trying to clean that up. It's freaking hot and we have no a/c. For the most part both of our families are busy selfish or crazy so trying to figure out who is gonna watch our DS when I go into labor is also a matter we are dealing with. My close cousin just died in a car accident. Its be devastating on me. And I'm just tired and want a day where no one talks to me and I just do what I want! Done! Thanks for listening.
@krzyriver - That so sounds like something my husband would lie about. He's the king of "fudging the truth" to avoid conflict. Don't they know by now that the conflict will be 2,546,543,213,654,135 times worse when we have to find out the truth for ourselves?! So sorry you guys are having a rough time lately!
@annabenanna - That sucks about your stepdaughter and her potty issues! My niece has similar issues, but with peeing. She's 6 and she was once fully potty trained, but has regressed. She's seen a pediatric urologist, who seems to think it's emotional. Her home life is less than desirable, so he's probably right. Anyway, it's super frustrating to have her over because she pees on the furniture or floor sometimes, so I can definitely understand your frustration. Hang in there, girl!
I'll take the hugs @bnsmith85, thank you! So ironic that being pregnant makes you feel like you're losing your shit, and yet you can't even drown your sorrows in wine. Hahahahaha.
exactly! The irony.... I don't appreciate it at all! The other night I was just having a rough night and DH asked what would make it better. My answer... booze and pills. Which makes me sound like a crazy person now that I type it out to y'all... but he knew what I meant. Wine and a Xanax lol
I'll take the hugs @bnsmith85, thank you! So ironic that being pregnant makes you feel like you're losing your shit, and yet you can't even drown your sorrows in wine. Hahahahaha.
exactly! The irony.... I don't appreciate it at all! The other night I was just having a rough night and DH asked what would make it better. My answer... booze and pills. Which makes me sound like a crazy person now that I type it out to y'all... but he knew what I meant. Wine and a Xanax lol
LOLOLOLOL. I feel crazy too saying "i miss wiiiiiine" when the other mom in my girl group (i'm only the 3rd mom in our group of 8 friends), the other mom is like "really? i didn't miss wine at all when i was pregnant."
I'll take the hugs @bnsmith85, thank you! So ironic that being pregnant makes you feel like you're losing your shit, and yet you can't even drown your sorrows in wine. Hahahahaha.
exactly! The irony.... I don't appreciate it at all! The other night I was just having a rough night and DH asked what would make it better. My answer... booze and pills. Which makes me sound like a crazy person now that I type it out to y'all... but he knew what I meant. Wine and a Xanax lol
LOLOLOLOL. I feel crazy too saying "i miss wiiiiiine" when the other mom in my girl group (i'm only the 3rd mom in our group of 8 friends), the other mom is like "really? i didn't miss wine at all when i was pregnant."
psh... she's a crazy person. You should probably limit your time with her. Something is wrong there
Because I can't breathe through my nose, eating consists of chewing with my mouth open and gasping for breath after swallowing. I can't taste anything and I'm not hungry but I know I have to eat. This blows.
Oh oh and I coughed so hard this morning in the car that I vomited on myself on the way into the doctor's office.
Thank you @CopperBoom86. I'm kind of a germophobe (shoes off before entering house kind of germophobe), so the turd thing..... it drives me crazy! I had this mental image of this little baby crawling on our floors and finding a turd and putting it in his mouth. waaaaah. Thankfully, this is the first Turd on the Floor incident to occur (hopefully the last).
@bnsmith85@annabenanna Oh I'm at home now... Laying in bed and trying to eat French fries and a Frosty without choking myself. The Rhogam shot only took two hours!!! I'm about to take a nap. I honestly feel like death.
On the bright side, the glucose drink didn't taste like anything. It was kind of refreshing.
Awww, @annabenanna - so sorry you're feeling like that. But, you're human! Plus, you're pregnant, extra sensitive and just got over being super sick...while pregnant! Your feelings are totally justified. And that was a lot to deal with over one weekend. Of course you love your husband and your stepdaughters, but they're totally going to annoy you at times and you are absolutely entitled to vent!! I think you did the right thing and went to the gym - sometimes when it's that overwhelming it's best to just step away for a bit. But, if you continue to feel unsettled, maybe bring it up with DH, and talk about ways to settle you a little more - like organizing the girls' stuff a little better and working on coordinating schedules, just so it doesn't seem SO crazy sometimes... Hang in there, you're strong and I know things will start looking up!
And, I have to whine about the wine, too.... I don't know believe these women who say they don't even miss it. I had a get-together with some girlfriends this weekend and the wine was a-flowing - I craved it every second!!! I'm officially starting a countdown...3 months(ish) and counting til I'm reunited.
@annabenanna you probably don't want to know how many times I've come across a kid with a turd in their hand (or mouth) then....
Nooooooooooo @kmolleltz say it ain't so!!!!! I would DIE!
Well when you're in a house with around 40 kids and only about 10 of them are mostly potty trained.... and then about 20 of them can take off their own nappies.... hahaha
Thanks @LMNOBaby, it's so weird you know? Feeling bad about feeling bad. Ha. I know I'm only human, and allowed to feel these things... And yes, being pregnant I'm sure elevates how I'm so emotional about it all too. I'm scared of all the emotions I have YET to feel. I'm sure I'm going to be very protective of the baby, and have to constantly do reality checks (or remember to do them) so that it doesn't get between DH and I.
ETA: I forgot to comment on the wine!!!!! I should start a countdown toooooo! Honestly, I wanna get a really really really good bottle of red to celebrate my first bottle. I never buy bottles over $15 for home consumption... but this time I just might!
I'm sorry everyone here has had sucky Mondays or weekends. My hair dying turned a bit odd.. I don't like buying the first item on the shelf, so I dug behind to get the next one.. ended up dying my hair dark brown instead of medium brown.. Oops. So long red hair... I've gone from being Melisandre to Jon Snow in a morning.
@annabenanna - Maybe it's just me, but I'm a newish germaphobe.. and well, knowing I'm having a boy... I'm just waiting to get grossed out. I know it's coming, and I know when I think it's the worst thing ever, he's going to prove me wrong.
Hang in there everyone.. hopefully most of us are at least half way through the day. I couldn't drink alcohol after my gastric sleeve over two years ago, so I don't drink wine,etc., so I don't miss it either, but at least I have a special snowflake reason not to miss it..
my bitchfest is just that I have a miserable headache and my neck and shoulders are so tight and sore I could cry.
I totally feel you on this. It sucks and I'm sorry. Try rolling a tennis ball where it's tight. I stand against a wall with the ball between me and the wall and roll it wherever I need it. Hope you find some relief!
@Piperella, I like your attitude of waiting to get grossed out. Maybe I should try and adapt that too... that way I won't get nervous breakdowns. Also, your comment of going from Melisandre to Jon Snow overnight, made me LOL! A very beautiful Jon Snow, I'm sure.
haha... @LMNOBaby.. count down til you're reunited lol... made laugh. DH has his own countdown for my pregnancy on a whiteboard in his office (super freakin precious, right?!)... anyway... I should have him add my wine reunion to that. Maybe just add about 30 days for me to feel like a human again PP
@annabenanna... Darioush has a delicious Cab that we were gifted for watching a friends' dog while they went to wine country. It's about $100/bottle and we shared it with them on my birthday last year. It was absolutely delicious. If you can get that, I'd recommend it.
@bnsmith85..... mmmmm, a cab. I so miss having cabs. We are passing through wine country end of this month (on our way to Russian River), and now I wanna add Darioush to our stop! I see it on their website for $95. Damn girl, that's a hefty price, but maybe I can convince DH it's worth it. Haha. We collect all our corks, and write the date on them and what events transpired as said bottle was being consumed... we have ones that say "regular Monday night at home" or like "risotto was a total flop after 2 hours of prep" .... and "a fight and tears, but made up eventually"... Our Veuve Clicquot bottle for the wedding says "beach bonfire wedding. " on it.
So now I'm all excited to have a cork that says "baby boy arrived!!!!"
@annabenanna... awe.. .I love that! It'll be, by far, one of the best corks you have. It is a hefty price tag. We watched their dog (I use dog loosly... he was a puppy) for like 9 days and told them we would absolutely not accept payment for it. So they got us that wine as a thank you instead. I will say, Darioush has one that's a later year that they got for themselves (maybe $50 for the bottle) that I bet I wouldn't be able to tell the difference between the two. They shared that one with us as well.
Wow ladies you have had a seriously rough day/weekend! I hope everyone is starting to have a better day *hugs all*
@TurtleMomma I totally know what you're saying with the FB thing. I'll like/post something and hubby will turn around and start accusing me of starting drama because I posted my opinion on something. Or he'll ask me who or what something was about, but he has the attention span of a hummingbird so he doesn't want me to explain everything but he won't get it otherwise. GAH just ignore it then!!
My bitchfest is totally my own fault! I was score keeping at hubby's softball game yesterday morning and I brought sunscreen but I forgot to apply it until I felt my arm burning but at this point it was in my car and I couldn't stop what I was doing. Ya it turns out my arm and my legs got a wicked burn, but it's my legs that hurt more because my thighs barely see the light of day but my mommy bought me maternity shorts so I wore those and ya lobster fest is my thighs. It actually hurts to walk! I'm so stupid!!
My bitchfest is sponsored by my beloved husband... He catch a severe flu last week... so guess who has it now!!!
Yup, this pregnant lady... my body aches so bad... I feel like I've been ran over by a truck and still got to get up and work in a cold office while the weather outside is around 110F....
send you girls hugs! Hang on ladies, we're almost there!
I can't even bitch, ya'll. Your problems are making mine seem utterly petty!
Weird side note, though - I don't really like wine and never drank barely anything, but for some reason I've been craving a bellini lately. I'm hoping that doesn't mean this baby is going to be an alcohol-lover!
@ibabyloveb87 Thank you. That's been the question on my mind ever since. I honestly don't know if he would have ever come clean. I hate that I feel like I can't trust him anymore after everything else we've survived together.
@CopperBoom86 Ugh, I know. It's so frustrating how something that should be common sense is such a mystery to men. Lol. I have the same fight with my teenager all the time. Thank you.
Thank you so much for all your kind words ladies. I'm very torn right now. I love him and I know we can get through this... I just don't know if he'll ever really change. So while I think we can make it, I'm not sure if this is healthy for me or my family anymore.
Right?! @RainMira9e.... I started to gripe about my body image issues this week and then read everyone else's MBF and decided to just put it in randoms b/c it just doesn't stack up lol
Re: Monday Bitchfest 7/11
I spent 4th of July weekend with my in-laws in Atlanta. DH, myself, two stepdaughters all flew to ATL together on Saturday, July 2nd. I came home Tuesday July 5th and DH and the kids were supposed to fly back home today, Monday 7/11.
Some of you know how I got sick Wednesday late night, and Thursday I was as sick as a dog all day... Friday, DH came home. But it wasn't like when he found out on Thursday I was sick, he was like "let me hop on a plane immediately". It was more like "let me see how she does...." and then Thursday night I was finally like "please come home, I don't know if i'll get worse or better, but I need you here". He knows I don't have family in San Diego. Anyway, he did end up re-booking (late Thursday night!) to come home Friday. But I actually was surprised, because DH is super proactive and protective about things like these. He's the kind of guy who won't let me lift a finger and really takes care of me well. So I was shocked that it took him that long to re-book the flights. When I kind of brought up to him on Thursday that I was a little hurt (over the phone in between sobs), he was defensive and told me that he's been taking care of me from afar (very true) by calling the doctor after hours, calling all my friends, having everyone deliver me stuff (all true)... but to me I would have preferred he just hopped back home on a plane the minute he found out I was so ill that I was crawling to the bathroom.
I know he's not only thinking about himself, and has to think about my stepdaughters (who were in Atlanta with us) and his parents (who we were visiting) who complain all the time that they don't get to see their granddaughters as much---but it kind of upset me a little. But I let it go.
Anyway, fast forward to Friday, DH and the girls arrived on Friday. We had the girls Friday to Monday (today).
Weekend was fine, but Saturday was kind of crazy. The littlest one is super combative and throws major tantrums. Not only that, she has poop accidents too (she's currently being tested to see if it's physiological or emotional). So I was already a little worn down by Saturday (to think I was still recovering from being sick).
Sunday, we had a "cleaning day", and the girls share the 2nd bedroom and will be sharing them with this baby. It's coming along really well, but I felt really weird on Sunday seeing all their shit taking over the house. Backpacks strewn all over the floor, their arts and crafts on our deck, etc etc etc. I started feeling like I have to "fight" for this baby's right to space. The last straw was finding a f*cking turd!!! a TURD!!! on my bathroom floor. I was so ready to break down, but I went to the gym instead.
I'm bitching because I feel so helpless. When I married DH and when I chose to be with him, I chose to accept all of him: the stepdaughters, the mess, the craziness, the blended family, the having to deal with schedules..... Don't get me wrong, I love DH and I love my stepdaughters...The girls are just being kids, they can't help it--- but with this baby coming I've been feeling icky like this. I hate that I'm feeling selfish. Hate that I feel this way.
@ignoscemihi We've done counseling in the past. He's good about going and participating. We pulled out a couple old techniques for communication last night that we learned in counseling. But lying was such a huge thing with him in our past and inspite of how often I tell him the problems it creates, he doesn't seem to be getting it. He seems to think I should get over it because he wasn't doing anything bad.
I have felt like DH and I haven't been connecting as much during the past couple of months so I'm setting up a low key date night for us on Saturday night. Hoping it'll help because I've been feeling kind of alone, even though he's not done anything to make me feel that way. He can't help traveling with work but we just need a night for ourselves I think.
DH: 34
Married: May 2011
TTC #1: May 2015
DS: 10/20/2016
TTC #2: June 2019
#2 EDD: 2/20/2020
Done! Thanks for listening.
@krzyriver - That so sounds like something my husband would lie about. He's the king of "fudging the truth" to avoid conflict. Don't they know by now that the conflict will be 2,546,543,213,654,135 times worse when we have to find out the truth for ourselves?! So sorry you guys are having a rough time lately!
@annabenanna - That sucks about your stepdaughter and her potty issues! My niece has similar issues, but with peeing. She's 6 and she was once fully potty trained, but has regressed. She's seen a pediatric urologist, who seems to think it's emotional. Her home life is less than desirable, so he's probably right. Anyway, it's super frustrating to have her over because she pees on the furniture or floor sometimes, so I can definitely understand your frustration. Hang in there, girl!
DH: 34
Married: May 2011
TTC #1: May 2015
DS: 10/20/2016
TTC #2: June 2019
#2 EDD: 2/20/2020
Oh oh and I coughed so hard this morning in the car that I vomited on myself on the way into the doctor's office.
Baby GIRL born 9/16/201
BFP! EDD 8/1/2019 CP 4w2d
@von1976, i'm with @bnsmith85 on this one. Go home girl, go home!
@AllyTheKid, yay for glucose test being all done!
On the bright side, the glucose drink didn't taste like anything. It was kind of refreshing.
Baby GIRL born 9/16/201
BFP! EDD 8/1/2019 CP 4w2d
And, I have to whine about the wine, too.... I don't know believe these women who say they don't even miss it. I had a get-together with some girlfriends this weekend and the wine was a-flowing - I craved it every second!!! I'm officially starting a countdown...3 months(ish) and counting til I'm reunited.
ETA: I forgot to comment on the wine!!!!! I should start a countdown toooooo!
@annabenanna - Maybe it's just me, but I'm a newish germaphobe.. and well, knowing I'm having a boy... I'm just waiting to get grossed out. I know it's coming, and I know when I think it's the worst thing ever, he's going to prove me wrong.
Hang in there everyone.. hopefully most of us are at least half way through the day. I couldn't drink alcohol after my gastric sleeve over two years ago, so I don't drink wine,etc., so I don't miss it either, but at least I have a special snowflake reason not to miss it..
@annabenanna... Darioush has a delicious Cab that we were gifted for watching a friends' dog while they went to wine country. It's about $100/bottle and we shared it with them on my birthday last year. It was absolutely delicious. If you can get that, I'd recommend it.
So now I'm all excited to have a cork that says "baby boy arrived!!!!"
It is a hefty price tag. We watched their dog (I use dog loosly... he was a puppy) for like 9 days and told them we would absolutely not accept payment for it. So they got us that wine as a thank you instead. I will say, Darioush has one that's a later year that they got for themselves (maybe $50 for the bottle) that I bet I wouldn't be able to tell the difference between the two. They shared that one with us as well.
@TurtleMomma I totally know what you're saying with the FB thing. I'll like/post something and hubby will turn around and start accusing me of starting drama because I posted my opinion on something. Or he'll ask me who or what something was about, but he has the attention span of a hummingbird so he doesn't want me to explain everything but he won't get it otherwise. GAH just ignore it then!!
My bitchfest is totally my own fault! I was score keeping at hubby's softball game yesterday morning and I brought sunscreen but I forgot to apply it until I felt my arm burning but at this point it was in my car and I couldn't stop what I was doing. Ya it turns out my arm and my legs got a wicked burn, but it's my legs that hurt more because my thighs barely see the light of day but my mommy bought me maternity shorts so I wore those and ya lobster fest is my thighs. It actually hurts to walk! I'm so stupid!!
My bitchfest is sponsored by my beloved husband... He catch a severe flu last week... so guess who has it now!!!
Yup, this pregnant lady... my body aches so bad... I feel like I've been ran over by a truck and still got to get up and work in a cold office while the weather outside is around 110F....
send you girls hugs! Hang on ladies, we're almost there!
@mayisch Oh man, the flu sucks even when you're not pregnant! I hope you feel better soon!
Weird side note, though - I don't really like wine and never drank barely anything, but for some reason I've been craving a bellini lately. I'm hoping that doesn't mean this baby is going to be an alcohol-lover!
@krzyriver Thank you! I hope it doesn't hit me that bad
@CopperBoom86 Ugh, I know. It's so frustrating how something that should be common sense is such a mystery to men. Lol. I have the same fight with my teenager all the time. Thank you.
Thank you so much for all your kind words ladies. I'm very torn right now. I love him and I know we can get through this... I just don't know if he'll ever really change. So while I think we can make it, I'm not sure if this is healthy for me or my family anymore.