my parents have to watch her in feb for a wedding my husband is in. (it's my ex's wedding...that is a long story for another day..) but it's over an hour away and no babies soooo yeah.
@SuperNerd42 Zero judgement from me! We're already planning a cruise for when this baby is just over a year and plan to leave him with the grand parents for the week. I asked every mom I know if that's crazy and they all said HELL NO! lol. I'm judging crazy lady who is leaving her 1 day old at her moms for 2 weeks so she can catch up on sleep!
Me: 32 & DH: 37
Married: November 2014
TTC #1 Since: October 2015
BFP #1: 11/18/15 - CP BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16 IT'S A BOY!!!! DS Born 10/16/16
I still haven't had any strangers rub my belly yet, although the other day an old man looked at me all excited, pointed and exclaimed - "Boy?!" I said yep, and he high fived me and ran over to my husband and high fived him He then proceeded to wish us a life of health and happiness. Total random stranger old man. It was actually pretty cute.
Last weekend my best friend was wasted and insisted she go to the bathroom with me. While SHE was on the toilet she reached out, grabbed my belly, started nuzzling it with her face and proceeded to tell me how real the baby is (as if trying to convince me) and that she can feel his warmth. She got all teary eyed telling me how much she can't wait to hold him. She is not maternal, touchy feely or emotional at all, so it was also pretty cute lol.
Still no strangers though... TBH, I don't know that I would really care if they did, but I'm pretty sure it's because I think I look unapproachable.
For my part, I do judge my SIL about it. I know it can be exhausting to be a stay at home mom since I am one too but the way she drops them off at the drop of a hat does irritate me. But again, I don't like her already! It's hard to see if you are being 'fair' with judgement if you don't like the person.
If my husband and I decided to try to go on a trip, or had to go on a trip (a wedding, a funeral, etc) then of course we would leave my daughter with my mother or one of my sisters.
And I am sorry for those who don't have the support system to be able to do any level of it. My bf has a mom who doesn't work or do anything all day and when my friends asks her to watch her kids once a week (she works one day a week out of her home) her mom said my friend 'should have thought about that before having kids'.
The difference in situations between her and my SIL makes me ragey.
@SuperNerd42No judgement here... except for the extreme one. Lol. I plan to go back to work ASAP and since my mom lives almost an hour away, there will definitely be times where I'll drop the baby off the night before. I think it'll be hard the first time, but I'll have no problem doing it whenever and as often as I need to. So long as my mom is ok with it obviously.
I just did something really stupid. I'm cleaning/trying to make room for baby & make a little cash, so I posted a bunch of stuff on a local swap & shop site. I happened to include some candle holders & a picture frame that were given to us at our wedding by my MIL's best friend - not my style at all. I thought I checked the site to make sure she wasn't on there but I guess I failed at that...because I just got a long post from her on the site about how she "gave over $90 for that picture" & her daughter picked it out, and pretty much how she's offended that I'm selling it. Holy crap, what do I do??!
My mother keeps whining that she KNOWS we won't be leaving our baby over night (at least not very often). The only time we possibly maybe but haven't actually decided yet is we have an annual baseball banquet we go to, and this year our team is actually good. The banquet is obviously 19+ and I don't trust my 3 week old with anyone else but my mom, so this is the possible one foreseeable exception, but I'm not deciding until my baby is here.
And @mrszoess - it was almost 2 years ago. I did reply & explain that I'm trying to make room for baby, but of course she didn't respond & I'm sure her & my MIL are on the phone now discussing what an ungrateful bitch I am. I feel really bad, but I don't know what else to do. In my defense, the picture was 14 X 18 framed print of "The Ten Commandments of Marriage" in a gold frame. And the candle holders are tall, glass & fragile. Neither of these things fit our style, but I've held on to them for two years because I didn't know what to do with them. This is the worst pregnant brain fail I've had yet. I posted them in two sites & apparently just checked one to see if she was a member.
So my H & his mom seemingly discussed and are both in agreement that I shouldn't have posted the stuff online. He keeps telling me he told me not to? I have no recollection of that. They also agree that I need to call & aplogize. I just cried for 20 minutes..I don't even know this woman (have met her maybe twice) and I am an introvert who hates unecessary confrontation so the thought of this makes my anxiety go into high overdrive. I feel like a really crappy person anyway right now, and just wanted some support from him. The MIL & I still don't really speak because of her recent drama & I hate they have united against me.
@Kaessi I'm so so sorry! I'm an introvert and can't stand confrontation either. I would be just as anxious in your situation. I don't think you have anything to apologize for, it's an unfortunate situation and it sucks that this woman saw the stuff online but you aren't required to like or keep gifts. I'm sure you sent a thank you when you received it as standard etiquette dictates but what you do with gifts after that is up to you. If you feel like you want to appease your MIL/H, maybe offer to send a note to her and apologize and explain again that you're making room for baby but I think I might refuse to make that phone call. I don't know if this is the best advice, I'm just sharing what I would do.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
Married: November 2014
TTC #1 Since: October 2015
BFP #1: 11/18/15 - CP BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16 IT'S A BOY!!!! DS Born 10/16/16
@Kaessi *hugs* I don't think you should have to apologize. Your wedding was 2 years ago, you kept it for that time and are now moving on, and you explained to her as such. It's not like you got them in November and are regifting them for Christmas. And I'm sorry this woman can't honestly say she has kept every single thing people have given her over the years, her house would be on Hoarders. I wish hubby would have supported you too.
@Kaessi - I hate to blame the preg hormones girl, but you (and your whole family) are making WAY TOO MUCH of this seriously. It's a small faux pas if anything. You say you barely know this woman who gave it to you? It doesn't even warrant an apology (as PP said, you are under ZERO obligation to keep anything anyone *gifts* to you) and it DEFINITELY doesn't warrant all this stress it's giving you. I mean holy sh*t.
If anything, she is to blame for the rudeness if she's complaining about how much she spent on a gift she freely and willingly gave YEARS ago. That's how gifts work - you don't get a say in what happens to them after you've relinquished ownership.
Brush it off lady and tell your H and MIL to shove it. I mean it.
@Kaessi I agree with @MRSCORKER. I wouldn't make that phone call either. Sending her a message letting her know you had no ill intent (which it sounds like you did alread) should suffice. And if everyone kept everything that everyone gave them forever, everyone would be hoarders.
@kaessi Umm if you buy off-registry then you have to expect your gift to be unwanted, just my take on it. If you don't need the money, offer to give them back to her since they clearly mean something more to her than to you? Maybe say you really appreciate the gift, but what you remember and what means the most to you is getting to share your special day with her there.
@MRSCORKER@LauraPCOS@NoraAurora & @sjo_thetwins Thanks for the support guys! I admit that the hormones (and a raging headache) have probably made me make more of a big deal out of this than I normally would. I did send a thank you note when the gift was received and responded to the post. I may or may not text her later with a short apology, but I'm not going to call. My H has known her since he was a kid & they're family friends...she was on the list to invite to my baby shower but I think I sealed that deal - no use in that now right? Or will that just offend her more? Ugh.
And thank you @NoraAurora for saying that she was in the wrong with her reaction - I wholeheartedly agree! If the tables had been turned & I happened to see someone post something I gave them, I would NEVER say anything about it to them, especially in the rude way she did. But again, she's friends with my MIL which explains a lot...
Hope you are feeling better. As for the baby shower - if it were me I would NOT be inviting her but that's up to you - actually, it's up to you and your host. So hopefully your MIL isn't hosting!
However if you decide to keep her on your list, don't be surprised if she ranges anywhere from cold to downright mutinous at your shower - especially when you get to opening gifts. Not the vibe I'd want around on a happy day.
I totally agree with @RainMira9e! I know people like buying off the registry but people create a registry for a reason - being they know what they like/want/need. If it's not on the registry there is usually a reason. So if you take the risk, you risk them not liking it. Hell, could have been a lot worse, you could have asked for a receipt when you opened it and got the whole $90 back!
Granted, I've purchased off registry before, but I usually talk to the receiver before hand to bounce my idea off of them (ie I asked my SIL if I could get her a bottle warmer and sterilizer and she shot me down because she wanted to BF, which is fine but I knew eventually she would need one for those times when she was going out. Turns out she wasn't able to BF and had to go out and buy her own). I've also made gifts before, which I accept people might not like, but hey if someone else will like it and they'll get money for it, go right ahead!
@Kaessi Just got on and saw. Ugh. I'm so sorry. This really irritates me. I hate when people buy a gift and then want to complain about how much they spent on it. They weren't required to spend that much and it's not your fault it's not to your taste and/or it's not being used anymore.
@mrszoess I've been lurking on other BMBs and February is my favorite for some reason. Lol
@kaessi you did nothing wrong. she didn't go by registry and her gift wasn't your style. it's over and it's been over for 2 years. maybe she won't do that for the baby and will follow instructions
I know in super late here... But I haven't seen anyone mention (I still have a page to flip through so it could come later)... @Kaessi ... Ummm... She went rogue and didn't buy from the registry. She should have known the risk in that. If it were me, I'd apologize that what you did offended her and let her know that you're getting rid of a lot of things to make room for the baby. Then let it be and enjoy the money you get from them!
eta: I now see that this was addressed on the list page of this three. But I still stand by that statement. Also, PREACH! @NoraAurora!
@ashleyp625 ... Thanks for asking! It went so well! I love hosting and seeing everyone enjoy what I've put so much work into. Everyone had a great time and now I'm on my couch, in pj's with my feet up relaxing. It's wonderful
also, saw this on FB and thought y'all would enjoy
@kaessi I'm late too but that sucks and I'm so sorry you're dealing with it. I hate confrontation but would probably make the call just to avoid even further confrontation (even though I wouldn't be happy about it). What did you end up deciding?
this makes me think of a story after our wedding. DH has a half-brother and his wife who attended. The brother was in the wedding, so he sat at our head table and we sat his wife at table 26 with people she knew (her camping friends). My MIL approved the seating, but apparently this woman was so ticked off that the day after the wedding I was made to call and apologize that she was at that table and not closer to the front. Luckily she never answered the phone when I called so I left a message and she's never brought it up since (but table 26 is now a running family joke when she's not around).
@JamieK1882 People are so annoying when it comes to weddings. Lol. My BILs gf at the time did the same thing. I sat her at a table with my friends, many of whom she knew and all people her age, and she had a fit she wasn't at the family table. My husband's family table consisted of four children, my MIL and a couple others. Not a fun table. I thought I was doing her a favor. Plus, they'd been together for like two months, she was definitely not family. I had a grand total of 6 tables at my wedding so it's not even like she was far away, the room was so small.
WWO16D? My H got me professional photos for my birthday last month. He scheduled the photos for the first week in August. I'm having a hard time deciding what to do. Should I keep the date and get some really great pics of me, DD, and H, or should I try to reschedule after my O16 baby has arrived? Last time I didn't get maternity or newborn pics. So either one would be great to capture. Although I'm not super excited about stepping in front of a camera right now.
Re: Weekly Randoms 07.04.2016
@SuperNerd42 Zero judgement from me! We're already planning a cruise for when this baby is just over a year and plan to leave him with the grand parents for the week. I asked every mom I know if that's crazy and they all said HELL NO! lol. I'm judging crazy lady who is leaving her 1 day old at her moms for 2 weeks so she can catch up on sleep!
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
Last weekend my best friend was wasted and insisted she go to the bathroom with me. While SHE was on the toilet she reached out, grabbed my belly, started nuzzling it with her face and proceeded to tell me how real the baby is (as if trying to convince me) and that she can feel his warmth. She got all teary eyed telling me how much she can't wait to hold him. She is not maternal, touchy feely or emotional at all, so it was also pretty cute lol.
Still no strangers though... TBH, I don't know that I would really care if they did, but I'm pretty sure it's because I think I look unapproachable.
BFP #1: 7/15/15, SB: 11/14/15
Rainbow baby DS born 9/29/16!!
BFP #3 3/26/18 | Due 12/3/18
If my husband and I decided to try to go on a trip, or had to go on a trip (a wedding, a funeral, etc) then of course we would leave my daughter with my mother or one of my sisters.
And I am sorry for those who don't have the support system to be able to do any level of it. My bf has a mom who doesn't work or do anything all day and when my friends asks her to watch her kids once a week (she works one day a week out of her home) her mom said my friend 'should have thought about that before having kids'.
The difference in situations between her and my SIL makes me ragey.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
and @kaessi how long ago was the wedding? maybe say you're making room
for baby stuff?
And @mrszoess - it was almost 2 years ago. I did reply & explain that I'm trying to make room for baby, but of course she didn't respond & I'm sure her & my MIL are on the phone now discussing what an ungrateful bitch I am. I feel really bad, but I don't know what else to do. In my defense, the picture was 14 X 18 framed print of "The Ten Commandments of Marriage" in a gold frame. And the candle holders are tall, glass & fragile. Neither of these things fit our style, but I've held on to them for two years because I didn't know what to do with them. This is the worst pregnant brain fail I've had yet. I posted them in two sites & apparently just checked one to see if she was a member.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
If anything, she is to blame for the rudeness if she's complaining about how much she spent on a gift she freely and willingly gave YEARS ago. That's how gifts work - you don't get a say in what happens to them after you've relinquished ownership.
Brush it off lady
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
I did send a thank you note when the gift was received and responded to the post. I may or may not text her later with a short apology, but I'm not going to call. My H has known her since he was a kid & they're family friends...she was on the list to invite to my baby shower but I think I sealed that deal - no use in that now right? Or will that just offend her more? Ugh.
And thank you @NoraAurora for saying that she was in the wrong with her reaction - I wholeheartedly agree! If the tables had been turned & I happened to see someone post something I gave them, I would NEVER say anything about it to them, especially in the rude way she did. But again, she's friends with my MIL which explains a lot...
However if you decide to keep her on your list, don't be surprised if she ranges anywhere from cold to downright mutinous at your shower - especially when you get to opening gifts. Not the vibe I'd want around on a happy day.
Granted, I've purchased off registry before, but I usually talk to the receiver before hand to bounce my idea off of them (ie I asked my SIL if I could get her a bottle warmer and sterilizer and she shot me down because she wanted to BF, which is fine but I knew eventually she would need one for those times when she was going out. Turns out she wasn't able to BF and had to go out and buy her own). I've also made gifts before, which I accept people might not like, but hey if someone else will like it and they'll get money for it, go right ahead!
side note, it makes me really happy to see the names of people who used to post here when I'm lurking later BMBs
@mrszoess I've been lurking on other BMBs and February is my favorite for some reason. Lol
eta: I now see that this was addressed on the list page of this three. But I still stand by that statement. Also, PREACH! @NoraAurora!
also, saw this on FB and thought y'all would enjoy
Yeah, that was said to me today. Ouch
@SpaceBurger
She immediately apologized as soon as the words left her mouth, but yeah. Coulda knocked me over with a feather.
this makes me think of a story after our wedding. DH has a half-brother and his wife who attended. The brother was in the wedding, so he sat at our head table and we sat his wife at table 26 with people she knew (her camping friends). My MIL approved the seating, but apparently this woman was so ticked off that the day after the wedding I was made to call and apologize that she was at that table and not closer to the front. Luckily she never answered the phone when I called so I left a message and she's never brought it up since (but table 26 is now a running family joke when she's not around).