@poetryandoceans that's some serious nonsense. You have every right to share as little or as much information about your baby as you would like, regardless of your reasons. How could withholding health information about your child possibly be considered manipulative?
@moosette113 THANK YOU! I think I just stumbled into an echo chamber section of the internet... I feel like that same line of reasoning, pushed further, could be used by pushy MILs to force their way into delivery rooms "It's manipulative of you to not tell me when you go into labour!!"
I just needed some reassurance that I wasn't crazy.
@egilona I'm sorry you came away from your appt feeling unsure and intimated. The fact is that some women just can't make breastfeeding work. There is a lot of support now for breastfeeding through lactation consultants and local mom groups. I was very fortunate to have very little problems and still am breastfeeding my 21 month old. I do know that type of person you are describing though- the one who shames others for not nursing or not trying hard enough. I think that is wrong. You have the right to decide how to feed your baby and the most important thing is that your baby is fed. If you decide not to breastfeed for whatever reason- it hurts, baby can't latch well, it makes you uncomfortable, baby had allergies or you simply don't want to, it is 100% your decision. Just know that there are judgment free resources you can use to get help if you want it. And you have us here too!
I have 50 people coming to my house tomorrow for our DD birthday. My house is a disaster, I haven't done any baking or cooking, and instead of tackling any of it I took a nap. My DH is gonna be so bugged when he gets home and I just don't care
My FFFC is that I have a secretly intense love for romance novels. Like, the kinds with Fabio-esque pictures on the front and men without their shirts on. It's ridiculous, because I'm so not that kind of person IRL. I stumbled upon a particular author one day soon after I graduated college (Elizabeth Boyle - she's the bomb) and I just. can't. stop.
I try to hide my shame by purchasing/reading them only on my nook so the hubby/the world doesn't have to know my secret! But seriously, it's pretty much all I read now. Sorry not sorry.
I've read the 2nd 50 Shades of Grey book at least 6 times now. Don't ask me why I like it but I do. It's on my hubby's kindle and he makes fun of me but he plays a child's game app religiously, some superhero game, so I could care less! Lol Read on, Momma!
My FFFC is I really don't want to go to a bachelorette party in 3 weeks. Worst of all I'm in the wedding. Mind you I love the Bride and she's a great friend but the thought of driving 3 hours on Friday, sleeping on an air mattress or pull out couch for two days while watching everyone else get drunk then driving 3 hours back on Sunday is the last thing I want to do! I also don't want to spend anymore money. Her bridal shower was around $150 last month (that was just my contribution) plus a gift and an outfit because it was themed and now they're talking about everyone contributing money to a group fund for food and booze for the bachelorette party. Plus gas, tickets (we're going to some entertainment things) and they want to do a lingerie gift giving...is it me or have weddings and being in them got to an absurd point??? I was married right after college and before Pinterest took over and been in several weddings since--all have had a simple bridal shower and a one night Sat-Sun bachelorette party but this one has been really time consuming and really expensive thus far! Not to mention I think the guy she's marrying is an asshat. I'm horrible I know!
@BrennansMom2012 I don't blame you for not wanting to go. My SIL was a bridesmaid in my wedding and got pregnant a few months before. She reached out about the bachelorette party and I completely understood why she wouldn't want to be around a bunch of drunk people. She was super sweet, and sent me a cute gift basket with the maid of honor and that meant more to me than having her there and feeling like she needed to babysit our drunk group. Idk how close you are to the bride, but maybe talk to her about it, she might understand.
@poetryandoceans you inspired me to hop over to the baby shower board to just see what happens over there... It's absolutely terrifying!!! I wouldn't trust any advice those crazies are giving! I scrolled thru a couple threads and was horrified! I'll just keep myself parked right here on this bmb.
poetryandoceans Withholding the sex of my child so that I don't get loads of hideous pink trash that I find aesthetically displeasing or a onesie that says "stud muffin" or something equally appalling is precisely my plan, and if someone finds that "manipulative" then they can go screw themselves. Wow.
Me 32 |DH 32 married 9/15 DD: 1/17/17 #2 due 7/26/20!
@egilona Right? I feel like it's manipulative to hear a mom say, "Well, we're actually trying to avoid too much of that because we're planning on having more than one and want to reuse" and have your response be "F you, I will buy you the thing that I want, how dare you express a desire or wish?"
I know it's a gift giving occasion, but I would very happily not receive any gifts for this kiddo from certain people, and if not inviting them to a shower was an option, I totally would. Since I don't want to start WW3, I can't do that, so my compromise is "nobody knows baby's sex."
@scgirl6113 Thank you for that reinforcement! I was starting to feel like my mama brought me up wrong! She was never super big into the Miss Manners style of etiquette, just taught us to be good, kind people, so I was sitting there in horror that this might be how most of the world looks at showers. My bridal shower was forced down my throat and I was miserable, so a girlfriend stepped up for my baby shower and said she would organize my shower to prevent the same thing happening, but promised to consult with me so I didn't hate the experience. According to the baby shower board, I'm now a ridiculous hagmonster.
@poetryandoceans yeah. I'm a hagmonster too. I mean my feeling is that truly I would never want to give someone a gift that they don't want. What a waste! I would appreciate any advice that moms would give me about what they want (registry, no pink, gender neutral, etc.)
@scgirl6113 I am SO happy to know I'm not the only person that re-washes laundry out of laziness haha. Sometimes I put clothes in the wash in the evening and forget about it and then rewash them the next morning because I think they smell musty sitting there overnight.
FFFC: I watch Maury Povich. It's so trashy and awful. I love all the stupid names people have and all the stupid names people give their children (Dorkish [pronounced Door-keesh] and Jihad [juh-hawd] and seriously, a woman named Pancake). And all the women that come on the show for paternity tests that have tested 17 different men and still don't know who the father of their child is... there's a lot of suspension of disbelief to get entertainment out of it, otherwise it's utterly depressing.
@poetryandoceans Yes yes yes! HOW is making a choice about your child manipulative? We are going team green because we are just not fans of really gendered baby stuff and the things people say blow my mind! But "manipulative"? I don't think that word means what they think it means.
@BAJDesigns To me, it feels like it comes down to "But that's not what *I* would do, so how dare you make different choices?" Like, what? If you want to find out the sex of your baby as soon as physically possible and embroider it on every piece of clothing you want to? You do you! That's great, that's the choice that you made! If I were invited to a shower like that, I would knit a pair of pink or blue booties with a smile on my face. Just, let's everybody chill when someone makes a choice that isn't the choice that you would make. Neither option harms the child, let's all just calm our collective tits.
Now, of course, I would never post that over there, because those ladies scare me.
@BrennansMom2012 I don't blame you for not wanting to go. My SIL was a bridesmaid in my wedding and got pregnant a few months before. She reached out about the bachelorette party and I completely understood why she wouldn't want to be around a bunch of drunk people. She was super sweet, and sent me a cute gift basket with the maid of honor and that meant more to me than having her there and feeling like she needed to babysit our drunk group. Idk how close you are to the bride, but maybe talk to her about it, she might understand.
Thank you! Ironically, she texted me about 20 min ago telling me she wouldn't be upset if I decided not to go. I've been on the fence about when I'm coming up for it so I think she could tell (or our other friend in the wedding party told her I have reservations). We're all really close but I would never want to hurt her or put any dark spot on her happy time. Gift basket is a cute idea too!
@poetryandoceans now I want go lurking! Seriously though, do what you want to do with your baby because that's all that matters!
@canavara I LOVE Maury! Definitely the highlight of days off/sick days. DH can't even be in the room when I'm watching it. But hey! We all need one mindless, trashy show that we enjoy!
@egilona I completely agree with your feelings towards that comment. I have had friends who tried so hard to breastfeed and either the baby wouldn't latch or they couldn't make enough milk. They had lactation consultants and support from nurses but in the end for their own sanity and the health of the child they chose formula.
I also had a friend who had really bad PPD and she had to stop breastfeeding because it was causing her way too much stress. She needed her husband's help and couldn't handle being the only food supply for her baby. I would never shame anyone for making that decision in that situation.
I am with you, I completely plan to try and really hope I am successful but I won't feel guilt or shame if it doesn't work out for whatever reason.
@BrennansMom2012 I don't blame you for not wanting to go. My SIL was a bridesmaid in my wedding and got pregnant a few months before. She reached out about the bachelorette party and I completely understood why she wouldn't want to be around a bunch of drunk people. She was super sweet, and sent me a cute gift basket with the maid of honor and that meant more to me than having her there and feeling like she needed to babysit our drunk group. Idk how close you are to the bride, but maybe talk to her about it, she might understand.
Thank you! Ironically, she texted me about 20 min ago telling me she wouldn't be upset if I decided not to go. I've been on the fence about when I'm coming up for it so I think she could tell (or our other friend in the wedding party told her I have reservations). We're all really close but I would never want to hurt her or put any dark spot on her happy time. Gift basket is a cute idea too!
@poetryandoceans now I want go lurking! Seriously though, do what you want to do with your baby because that's all that matters!
I would totally send a basket or somehow but a round of drinks for the group from afar. Let them know you are there with them in spirit. I would just say pregnancy symptoms are kicking my rear, and there was no way I could handle a trip like this right now.
@BrennansMom2012 Take that out!!! I agree, buy a round of drinks for the party and spend that weekend with your feet up. While I am sure you are a sweet and lovely woman, I know I am not my best self right now, and any social engagement that felt like an obligation would not be bringing out the friendliest side of my personality. Why put yourself through it? Plus, let's face it, bachelorette parties are fun because everyone gets a little boozy and silly. Lots of fun, right? Except when you are not drinking, and realize that all the jokes everyone thinks are HILARIOUS actually aren't, and everyone's being kinda loud, and oh god, people are looking at us. Things drunk ladies don't notice or care about, but can be hard to ignore while sober.
(You already said you don't want to go, which is why I'm intentionally talking up the drawbacks). Give yourself permission to not go.
Recently, I dislike going to social gatherings. I'm totally not anti-social, but it's been a lot of work lately. My husband is living in another country for his job, so I'm raising our two year old son on my own. Fortunately, my son is great, but like most two year olds, he has a ton of energy. I don't get a break! He is all over the place and always trying to play with the big kids. He has zero fear, so he tries doing things that are dangerous. When we go to a social gathering (bbq, bday, holiday celebration, etc), I don't get to relax. I'm constantly wondering where he is and if he is ok. Sometimes I think "Ohhhhh if I go to the event, maybe a family member will give me a break," but then I remember they are there to relax too. Ugh, I totally feel for single parents. It's a tough job.
@Teach123 and @poetryandoceans thanks, ladies you guys are so sweet! I am struggling with it a lot because I love this woman and want to shower her but I know I'm a royal bitch right now once I don't feel good and the only person willing and able to put up with me is my hubby. I love the gift basket idea and already have an idea of little airplane bottles of vodka with sexy panties as the "tissue paper", a bottle of ibuprofen, a McDonald's gift card (our favorite hangover cure in college) and putting money in there with a note that says drinks on me! We're not super classy but all of it has meaning (we used to sneak airplane bottles of vodka into non-alcoholic events! Lol) When I responded she said she'd be bummed if I didn't go but completely understood.
@egilona I meant to respond yesterday, but when I had my first 3 weeks early I had a horribly condescending lactation consultant in the hospital. She made me feel incompetent because I hadn't taken any breastfeeding classes, even after telling her I was scheduled for one in two weeks but he came early. Plus, I think she just wanted to get done with me because it was Christmas Eve. For two months I used a nipple guard because I thought all consultants were like that and breastfeeding was just painful. With encouragement from my family I made an appt with a different consultant and it was a night and day difference. She was so sweet and helpful and I successfully breastfed him without pain or a nipple guard for the next 4 months. Good luck with whatever you decide to do! I applaud you for wanting to try and whatever choice you make for you and your baby! My opinion, go with what works and screw anyone who says otherwise!
@thepax89 The worst is that they all seem to be loud chevron-patterned so even if you're not looking for someone wearing one, you can just easily spot them even in peripheral vision.
For the record if you are brave enough @ThePax89 go for it I am not comfortable being out like that. I am a covered and proud mama but my sister did sew me like a scarf cover that I love especially when my LO got bigger and tried to move the cover.
@ThePax89 yes! I can't stand covers anymore. I tried to use them with #2 and once or twice with #3 before I just was like screw that I'm LESS obvious when I just get it done lol.
Re: FFFC
I just needed some reassurance that I wasn't crazy.
My FFFC is I really don't want to go to a bachelorette party in 3 weeks. Worst of all I'm in the wedding. Mind you I love the Bride and she's a great friend but the thought of driving 3 hours on Friday, sleeping on an air mattress or pull out couch for two days while watching everyone else get drunk then driving 3 hours back on Sunday is the last thing I want to do! I also don't want to spend anymore money. Her bridal shower was around $150 last month (that was just my contribution) plus a gift and an outfit because it was themed and now they're talking about everyone contributing money to a group fund for food and booze for the bachelorette party. Plus gas, tickets (we're going to some entertainment things) and they want to do a lingerie gift giving...is it me or have weddings and being in them got to an absurd point??? I was married right after college and before Pinterest took over and been in several weddings since--all have had a simple bridal shower and a one night Sat-Sun bachelorette party but this one has been really time consuming and really expensive thus far! Not to mention I think the guy she's marrying is an asshat. I'm horrible I know!
Due 1/21/17
poetryandoceans Withholding the sex of my child so that I don't get loads of hideous pink trash that I find aesthetically displeasing or a onesie that says "stud muffin" or something equally appalling is precisely my plan, and if someone finds that "manipulative" then they can go screw themselves. Wow.
married 9/15
DD: 1/17/17
#2 due 7/26/20!
I know it's a gift giving occasion, but I would very happily not receive any gifts for this kiddo from certain people, and if not inviting them to a shower was an option, I totally would. Since I don't want to start WW3, I can't do that, so my compromise is "nobody knows baby's sex."
@scgirl6113 Thank you for that reinforcement! I was starting to feel like my mama brought me up wrong! She was never super big into the Miss Manners style of etiquette, just taught us to be good, kind people, so I was sitting there in horror that this might be how most of the world looks at showers. My bridal shower was forced down my throat and I was miserable, so a girlfriend stepped up for my baby shower and said she would organize my shower to prevent the same thing happening, but promised to consult with me so I didn't hate the experience. According to the baby shower board, I'm now a ridiculous hagmonster.
Due 1/21/17
Me: 31 | Husband: 32
Married: September 2014!
TTC #1: January 2016 BFP 5/16/16 Quinn Born 1/27/17
Now, of course, I would never post that over there, because those ladies scare me.
@poetryandoceans now I want go lurking!
I also had a friend who had really bad PPD and she had to stop breastfeeding because it was causing her way too much stress. She needed her husband's help and couldn't handle being the only food supply for her baby. I would never shame anyone for making that decision in that situation.
I am with you, I completely plan to try and really hope I am successful but I won't feel guilt or shame if it doesn't work out for whatever reason.
(You already said you don't want to go, which is why I'm intentionally talking up the drawbacks). Give yourself permission to not go.
Oh, and potty training is hard and exhausting.
@egilona I meant to respond yesterday, but when I had my first 3 weeks early I had a horribly condescending lactation consultant in the hospital. She made me feel incompetent because I hadn't taken any breastfeeding classes, even after telling her I was scheduled for one in two weeks but he came early. Plus, I think she just wanted to get done with me because it was Christmas Eve. For two months I used a nipple guard because I thought all consultants were like that and breastfeeding was just painful. With encouragement from my family I made an appt with a different consultant and it was a night and day difference. She was so sweet and helpful and I successfully breastfed him without pain or a nipple guard for the next 4 months. Good luck with whatever you decide to do! I applaud you for wanting to try and whatever choice you make for you and your baby! My opinion, go with what works and screw anyone who says otherwise!
DS1 - 03/31/2006
DS2 - 12/31/2008
DS3 - 06/26/2012
DS4 - 08/07/2014