Your Ideal Sibling Spacing

camillaandcarson · July 2016

What is your ideal sibling spacing for your kids and future kids?
Why?

Were you and your siblings close growing up? What about now as adults?

camillaandcarson · July 2016

I have an infant and talking toddler.

We tried for awhile and this baby is perfection. I love this spacing so far and glad it worked like this.

My sibs and I have about the same gap my babies have.

NinnyJean · July 2016

I would like two to three years in between one kiddo and the next. That way hopefully we wouldn't have two in diapers at the same time. Me and my sister are three years apart and have always been wicked close, even now. We were close but not close enough in age growing up to be in the same activities or have the same friends so we had our own things as well.

tgortney · July 2016

I've been thinking about trying again in late 2017-early 2018. That would put my LO 2-2.5 years older than the next baby.

I'm an only child so I don't know if that's a good age gap but it seems good to me. Not too close or far.

I know absolutely nothing about toddler milestones though.

dsmith211 · July 2016

The age gap between my sister and I is 5 years and I don't know that I liked that too much. We're close now but we weren't at all growing up. Dh has that same gap with his younger sister and he said pretty much the same. DH and I were thinking 2-2.5, hopefully 3 at the most.

kbrands7 · July 2016

2 years was our ideal spacing, and it's what we got! I wanted enough time to recover and extend breastfeeding, but we wanted to keep the spacing close to get the super-child-proofing phase and diapers over with in one continuous motion. I love that DS1 is old enough to be a big help sometimes, but young enough that he still has some cute baby-isms and will be able to really play with DS2 once DS2 is more mobile.

I have a twin and a brother 5 years younger than us. We're close, but the 5 year gap definitely created awkward points because at times we were at extremely different life stages than each other. DH has a sister one year younger than him who he is incredibly close to, then another sister and brother who are 10yrs+ younger who he feels a bit more like an uncle to at times.

clw617 · July 2016

I have to say... we spaced ours exactly 3 years apart. DS1 turned 3 a few days before DS2 was born. And ayyyeeeee it's rough. Lol 3 year old's are a beast all their own and ours in particular is super stubborn. We've been dealing with a lot of stubborn regression. Also, DS1 seems to have dropped his afternoon nap as soon as this baby was born which sucks. We still make him have quiet time in his room but it's not the same. People keep telling me it's the perfect age gap though, so I'm hopeful for the future.

My sister and I are 11 years apart and DH and his brother are 7 years so we're not used to being close in age to our siblings. I always wish I was.

Pascal86 · July 2016

My sister and I are 2 years apart and played with each other some growing up, but mostly fought until high school, and have never been super close. I blame it on the fact that we both went to daycare full time starting at an early age, and were worn out and cranky most of the time we were around each other.

I just want want enough time to really enjoy this baby before I have the next one, and for my body to fully recover. Plus, I don't want to have to pay for two to be in daycare for too long! So going for 2-4 years apart, it's hard to think about at this point though, we'll just see what happens.

katxattack1212 · July 2016

My #1 is turning 5 next month. #2 is 6 weeks.
For us, works great!

Bltbear82 · July 2016

Our boys are 2 years and 1 month-ish apart, exactly the spacing we wanted. We couldn't have planned it any better, so I'm grateful it worked out. Pregnancy was tougher than expected with a toddler going through so many milestones but he's such a sweet big brother that this baby has really helped him. I'm sure there will be some rough times ahead but for now the timing is perfect. I wasn't truly ready to have another baby until DS1 was 15 months. I wanted one immediately but with the sleep regressions and first year stuff that feeling faded a bit. It came roaring back after he was a little more independent. I knew I didn't want 2 under 2 if we could avoid it so 2-2.5 years was ideal.

My brother and I are 3.5 years apart and my husband and his brother are 5.5 years. We both felt like his age gap was too great and mine was good, but I always wished we were closer in age. My brother is older and we get along really well as adults, he has 3 girls so he loves spending time with our kids, and my brother in law is just way behind in his life stages so it's not as easy with him.

cortney626 · July 2016

I always thought I wanted my kids 5 years apart. I never wanted them close. For me it was a preference of starting over with the baby phase versus getting it over with, with 2 little ones close in age. But I went through a divorce then met DH. So the spacing was out of my control. My girls are 8 years apart and I worry about the age gap. My husband is 8 years younger than his brother and they've always been extremely close. I'm 3.5 years older than my brother and we've always been very close as well. I hope my girls are always close. But as of right now, the age gap works great because my older one is a huge help and we get to focus on her activities. My husband and his sister are 14 months apart and she felt like she always lived in his shadows, like he was the golden child, that her parents focused on him more than her. Which wasn't true but maybe it's because they're so close in age. At least with a larger gap, it's almost as if they're an only child. By the time LO is 8, my older one will be 16. They'll be at completely different stages in life.

folamij · July 2016

We would like our children to be 2 years apart.
Im the oldest of my siblings and my next sister is 5 years younger than me; my youngest sister and I are 16! I really would like my children to be closer in age, since I definitely didn't have the closeness factor growing up whereas MH did.

That1didntcount · July 2016

My brother is 3 years (38 months to be specific) older and I really enjoy our relationship. I wanted the same, my husband is from a massive family, so I think he just wants all the babies. Our two girls are 34 months apart, and of course there are growing pains but I love the spacing so far.

IF there was a third, I would want to the same, but that puts me TTC at 35... Is that AMA or is 36? I always thought it was a no-go because of age, and now typing this I am spirally down a shute I previously had on lock. AHHHHHH, this is because my lo slept through the night, and my husband woke up with her. I am not in the right head space right now.

Bltbear82 · July 2016

@That1didntcount AMA is 35, but my high risk doctor asked me if we planned on more while I was pregnant and I said I thought we might be done - she asked why and told me I'm "really young" and I just turned 34 in June. It might be a regional thing though because I know far more first time parents 35-40+ than any parents under 32. I turned 32 right after DS1 was born and I was one of the younger moms at our play dates.

I really believe your overall health plays a larger role than your age. Or just move to NYC!

KyleeWaller · July 2016

At this point, DH and I want to wait 3-4 years until our second, and then have a third 1-2 years after that. Adopting a schoolage child through foster care is something we want to pursue as well, so ultimately we don't know how the spacing will work out!

I am an only child, and DH has two younger siblings. He is four years older than his brother, and eight years older than his sister.

Bellodomani · July 2016

I would have preferred them to be about 2 years apart, and I weaned my son around 15 or 16 months in order to resume ovulation, but it took us a long time to get pregnant and they ended up being 2 years, 8 months apart. My job (teacher) is pretty low-paying so it barely makes sense for me to work when we are in the paying for daycare phase, so I wanted to get through it as quickly as possible so I could take as little time out of the job field and my career development as possible.

I am one of 6 and the gaps between us are really small- 17 months to 2 years, except my last sibling who was def an accident because he's 7 years younger than the next youngest. I really loved being close in age to all my siblings, especially in high school when 3 of us were all there together and we'd drive to school and go to parties together. So it kind of bums me out that the kids ended up being further apart, just like it bums me out that we're only gonna have 2 because I also loved growing up in a big family.

That1didntcount · July 2016

@Bltbear82 definitely a regional thing! I was the oldest of my friends to get married at 29 and last one to have kids at 30! My best friend in San Francisco is 33 and none of her friends have kids....

Merinmac · July 2016

We're currently planning to start trying again when LO is around a year, so hopefully there will be about 2 yrs between them. I'm already 36 so frankly that's pushing it as far as AMA risk factors. My mom had 2 healthy babies in her 40s, but I have no interest in being preggo after 40 if I can help it! We may even start trying a little sooner since it took 8 months and 1 miscarriage to get this one. But I would like to enjoy her babyhood a little bit before I have to go through pregnancy again.

My brother and I are 2.5 years apart and we were very close growing up. DH and his sister are about the same and fought like cats and dogs. So who can say.

I like the idea of a 2-yr gap, so we can get through the diaper years all in a row and they'll be close enough in age to play together.

Bellodomani · July 2016

That1didntcount said:

@Bltbear82 definitely a regional thing! I was the oldest of my friends to get married at 29 and last one to have kids at 30! My best friend in San Francisco is 33 and none of her friends have kids....

Yup, had my first at 29 in the Bay Area and was a full decade younger than any of the moms in our birthing class. Here in Portland it seems I'm right in the middle age-wise.

Pascal86 · July 2016

Bellodomani said:

That1didntcount said:

@Bltbear82 definitely a regional thing! I was the oldest of my friends to get married at 29 and last one to have kids at 30! My best friend in San Francisco is 33 and none of her friends have kids....

Yup, had my first at 29 in the Bay Area and was a full decade younger than any of the moms in our birthing class. Here in Portland it seems I'm right in the middle age-wise.

Was gonna say - also in Portland, and at 30 I only have one friend my age that has a kid. My friends are all just starting to get married. So another reason I've been thinking of waiting longer for my second is so they're closer to the age of all my friends' kids, since most say they plan on having kids in 3-5 years. Ultimately that wouldn't ever be a deciding factor, just something that's crossed my mind.

PYLWhammy · July 2016

My brother and I are 21 months apart. We were really close when we were young but had a rather tumultuous relationship in our teen/young adult years, and we've never fully recovered from that.

DH is the youngest in his family by over ten years, and not surprisingly he wants our baby to have a sibling close in age.

I'm still not sure I want to have another baby, but if so we'd probably look at about 2 years age difference. I'd actually prefer more like 3-5 years, but we're already in our thirties so probably don't want to wait too too long.

thismakes4 · July 2016

I think a lot of it has to do with the older kids personality. I have a 1 year gap between the first 2 kids and I love it. Then a 3 year gap between DS2 & DS3 which is also awesome. My 2 year gap between DS3 & DS4 is a bit more difficult but DS3 is a bit rough at times

Dantzscher32 · July 2016

My siblings and I are all over the place. My two older sisters are 13 & 14 years older than me. My brother is 10 years older than me. The older siblings felt like my aunts and uncles more than my siblings, but they were so cool to me! My parents thought they were done with three kids, but then decided to have three more! My younger sister is 3 years younger and my youngest brother is 5 years younger. I liked the 3 year age difference and that was my ideal spacing.

DS1 and DS2 are 13 months and 1 week apart. I love it! It was hard work, but so worth it. We said we would definitely wait longer before having a third, though. I just kept watching DS1 at each age so I could see what age would be good for DS2 to be when we introduced another baby. DS1 is 4 and DS2 is 3.

BlueJuice · July 2016

I would say my ideal spacing would have been 2-3 years between babies - long enough that a pregnancy wouldn't cut too much into extended breastfeeding, that the the oldest is out of diapers (or on its way out) and old enough to communicate their emotions a little better than a young toddler can, but close enough that they can be closer age mates.

My brothers were 1, 5, and 10 years younger than me, and growing up I was definitely closest to my first brother, and we both teamed up against my second brother. The third was so much younger that he was always just 'the baby' and didn't even get considered like one of the big kids. Now that we're adults, my second brother and I have made up for the awful way we quarreled as kids and are good friends. My first brother and I are on good terms, though not quite as close. And I'm still not that close to my youngest brother.

What I've actually ended up with so far, thanks to infertility issues, is a 5.5-year gap between DD and DS. This has some advantages - she's definitely able to communicate effectively, and diapering and breastfeeding are a thing of the past with her. She's also big enough to actually be helpful with the baby - she's very interested and involved and can do things like soothe the baby in his bouncy seat when he starts to fuss and I'm finishing up something. So that is nice. I'm hopeful that they can still be close despite having so much age difference that they will never be in high school together, for example. We'd like at least one more and I'm debating when to start trying again - I'm expecting a lengthy period of trying, but I definitely need time to let my c-section heal. So there will be at least a year and a half between this baby and any future ones.

bkjade · July 2016

My older daughters are 2.5 years apart. They have been best friends for the most part. My oldest daughter was out of diapers and the transition from 1 kid to 2 was super easy. Now that they are 16 and 14, they are still very close, but starting to do their own thing more than they did when they were little. I love their spacing, trying for something similar with this LO and her future sibling.

Having kids that are 16 and 14 with a newborn is interesting. The teenagers love her, but I don't know if they'll ever be super close. I know they already joke about how they are going to be the "cool older sisters" when Jet is their age.

My little brother is four years younger than me. We were never super close, but never fought either. We just didn't have much in common. We still chat every now and then, and we had a period of time while I was in college and he was in high school that we were a bit closer (someone needed their older sister to bail them out of the drunk tank), but then I moved across the country and we haven't been as close since we don't see each other often.

lalala2004 · July 2016

I think between 2 to 3 years or so. I was just over 3 when my brother was born and we are very close. My niece and nephew are exactly two years apart and it seems like they have a good dynamic, but my SIL said it got so much easier when he got to 2 1/2. I guess because he was more verbal and able to do more to help.

mrstmoose · July 2016

I would like around 3 years in between this LO and our next one. My twin brothers and I are 3.5 years apart and DH and his twin have an older brother 3.5 years older. I liked the age gap because we had separate friends but close enough in age to be close, especially as adults. They were my bridesmen in our wedding.

hellogoodbye2 · July 2016

My girls are 2y8m apart and so far the gap has been perfect. I can't imagine bringing an additional child home before 2.5. 2u2 does not appeal to me, that would be an age gap I would hope to avoid.

I have 2 younger sisters. The middle sister is almost my Irish twin (she's a year and a week younger than me). We fought all the time!!! The youngest sister is 4 years younger than me and we fought, but not nearly as much. We are all VERY close now.

Sharra13 · July 2016

I always thought 2-2.5 would be perfect. I know a lot of people with kids at that gap at various stages and they seem so close. My sister is 4.5 years older than me and we HATED each other as kids. Had a close phase after she moved out and now it's...interesting. My brother is 8.5 years older and I always looked up to him but we never played together or really did sibling stuff.

DH and I are 31 and 37, so I don't want a second too far in the future, or be starting all over again on diapers, bottles, etc. after finally finishing that phase.

Though to be honest, we are considering one-and-done at this point. I love my LO, but this has been SO HARD! And expensive. I can't imagine going through all this again, especially with an older sibling in the mix. Super respect for anyone who gets through 2 under 2!

saltedcaramel518 · July 2016

I'm thinking 2.5 years would be good, but this time of year is best for me to have a baby, so maybe 3 years if we can work out the timing again. DH is a teacher/coach (only been working half days during summer), and I don't know what I would have done without his help.

That1didntcount · July 2016

hellogoodbye2 said:

My girls are 2y8m apart and so far the gap has been perfect. I can't imagine bringing an additional child home before 2.5. 2u2 does not appeal to me, that would be an age gap I would hope to avoid.

This exactly. 2.5 would be doable though. I felt like my oldest was able to communicate much more effectively after this age.

kitandcat · July 2016

*Ideally* I think two years apart is perfect when I think about the relationship of the kids. But when I think about giving my body time and giving myself
time to not be breastfeeding for a little bit before I jump
back into pregnancy ... Ugh!! Then it seems like 3 years is better. It also makes me nervous because obviously the older I am, the more risks... And if I want three kids and they're three years apart then the last pregnancy would be when I was 34.

My older brother and I are 22 months apart. We had a love/hate relationship... We would go from screaming and physically fighting one minute to having the best time ever one minute later. We have a good relationship now, we are probably much better friends now than we were as kids - we never fight as adults. We also never see each other though, I live in Ohio and he lives in Seattle. I also have younger half siblings... I am 28 and the younger ones are 13, 11 and 8. They are less like siblings and more like my own children LOL :-)

Jenly17 · July 2016

My kids are 2yrs 8months apart and so far so good. We do want a third and I *think* we want to start trying Jan 2017 but that sounds like crazy talk a lot of the time. It was my idea, because I really want to have my childbearing days behind me, and have my body back...buuttt now I'm not sure. H really wants a fall baby (his favorite time of year) so that's the reasoning for January 2017. We shall see.

1mae2016 · July 2016

Ideally I want the next one in a year and half or so but realistically, that isn't going to happen. I have a feeling once I get my body back I won't have any more. Superficial, I know. But oh well. My siblings are 6, 7, 9,14, and 17 years younger than me and I'm not close to any of them except the youngest. However, growing up I was close to my little brothers but now they just irritate me. I wish I would of had a sibling only a year or two younger because I see the rest of them together and they're all close.

vulpini · July 2016

My boys are 2 years and 9 months appart and that's pretty much the gap we were going for (2.5-3). I see some pluses and minuses to it. DS1 talks clearly, can play by himself for short stretches, and will soon be in preschool 4 days a week. He can help a little. On the other hand, he is starting to drop his nap, have meltdowns/tantrums (partially triggered by baby, I'm sure, and partially just at that age), and clearly remembers what it was like to have me to himself just a couple months ago.

I was hoping DS1 would potty train before the baby was born, but he just finally started to last weekend and refused before that. Now I won't have two in diapers but I will have to juggle a nursing newborn with a toddler who has accidents, having to rush to find public restrooms, and having to figure out the logistics of how to get him and the baby into the public restroom stalls when I'm by myself with both of them. Two in diapers is costly but much easier than one in diapers and one pooping his underpants.

I wouldn't have wanted them much closer together though. I wasn't ready to deal with 2 under 2 and having had a 34 weeker preemie, I didn't want to rush into a second pregnancy and up my odds of another preemie (DS2 was born at 36 weeks anyway)

kami09 · July 2016

You know what freaks me out & makes me sad? I originally wanted all my kids pretty close in age...but then I got to thinking. They are all going to grow up at relatively the same time and then it'll all be over at the same time. If we have just the 2 who are 19 months apart...I feel like they will grow up together then *poof* all at once they will be gone and it'll just be us again. I'm 29 so I don't want to wait forever, but I wouldn't mind having 2 more spaced out from these 2 a little down the road.

I have three older sisters...one is 15 years older, one is 14 years older, and one is 3 years older. So my mom basically had two sets of babies very spread out lol--but she got to have kids around for a verrrry long time. Which is awesome. Plus I am extremely close with all of my sisters even with that huge age gap.

MamaLynnz · July 2016

My siblings and I have weird gaps. My older brother is a year and a half older than me. Then my little brother came 4 and a half years later and my little sister 3 and a half years after him. We're pretty abnormal in that we've always been pretty close, especially my sister and I despite age gaps. My DH has about a year between one sister and two between the other and they're not close at all.

That being said, I'm hoping for 2-3 years between kids because I want them to be able to play and grow together. He's thinking 5-6 years which is too much for me, but he's been saying our daughter is so cute she's giving him baby fever already so it just might work out in my favor lol.

lionstigersbears · July 2016

@kami09 I've toyed with this idea too, with a smaller gap

My kids are 20 months apart and I have like 3 preferred scenarios for our family

-one more with a 2-3 year gap
-two more with a 1-2 year gap between them, in like 3-5 years

Im not sure how I'll ever really know when I'm "done," because so far after each baby I think NO MORE for about 2 days then start thinking about when it wouldn't be insane to have another. I do know that my body needs a break for a bit though.

RSaini · July 2016

For a while now I was thinking maybe I am only meant to be a mom of 1 because I find this experience very hard. But I feel I'm being too selfish and depriving LO of a sibling.

My sister and I are 3 years apart and my brother and I are 7 years apart. I'm definitely close to my sister and I try harder with my brother since we live in different cities.

I think IF we do decide to have another baby, DS1 will be 2-2.5 when we actually start trying.

Bellodomani · July 2016

RSaini said:

For a while now I was thinking maybe I am only meant to be a mom of 1 because I find this experience very hard. But I feel I'm being too selfish and depriving LO of a sibling.

My sister and I are 3 years apart and my brother and I are 7 years apart. I'm definitely close to my sister and I try harder with my brother since we live in different cities.

I think IF we do decide to have another baby, DS1 will be 2-2.5 when we actually start trying.

If it's at all reassuring- I felt that way after having my son, it was really a rough first 6-8 months for me and pregnancy was unadulterated hell. But I got pregnant again when he was 23 months old and the adjustment to two kids has been so much easier than the first time. You might not feel the same way with a second baby!

RSaini · July 2016

Bellodomani said:

RSaini said:

For a while now I was thinking maybe I am only meant to be a mom of 1 because I find this experience very hard. But I feel I'm being too selfish and depriving LO of a sibling.

My sister and I are 3 years apart and my brother and I are 7 years apart. I'm definitely close to my sister and I try harder with my brother since we live in different cities.

I think IF we do decide to have another baby, DS1 will be 2-2.5 when we actually start trying.

If it's at all reassuring- I felt that way after having my son, it was really a rough first 6-8 months for me and pregnancy was unadulterated hell. But I got pregnant again when he was 23 months old and the adjustment to two kids has been so much easier than the first time. You might not feel the same way with a second baby!

@Bellodomani thank you for the reassurance! I do feel that since I know what to expect, going from 1 to 2 will be much easier. My son is definitely my world but being a mom was a REAL eye opener for me, especially since MH and I didn't really plan him. I think eventually I'll want to have another, especially since I'm on the fence about it lol

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