Been here a couple weeks, but never intro’d myself. Hi!

*MC mentioned*

So, I realized that I didn’t really follow proper Bump protocol and introduce myself when I joined the board.  I read through all of the rules before I posted but I didn’t think I really needed to introduce myself.  But now, after being on the board for a couple weeks, I see that a lot of the same gals post regularly and it’s starting to feel nice and comfy and friendly and family-y for me here, and so I figured I should turn back time a bit and officially introduce myself .  So here goes…

I’ve never had regular periods.  The only thing that made me regular was BC.  I stopped taking BC the day my husband and I got married (in August 2014).  We’ve been actively TTC since April 2015.  I visited an OB/GYN in April 2015 because I wasn’t having periods and wanted to see if she could help me figure out why.  She had me take some blood tests and determined that I wasn’t ovulating.  She put me on Clomid and did more blood tests.  Even on Clomid, I didn’t ovulate.  We tried for 3 months, and after the 3rd failed attempt with Clomid, she suggested I see a fertility specialist due to my “advanced maternal age” (I will be 36 on July 4th!  Woo hoo!) and recommended the RE that we see now. 

I was diagnosed with PCOS during my first “getting to know you” ultrasound with the RE.  I had never heard of PCOS and my doctor didn’t really do a very good job of explaining what it was.  So I took to the internet, You Tube, and read every book I could get my hands on, and tried to learn as much as I could.  We tried to conceive for months using Femara and Ovidrel.  We got BFN after BFN.  I slipped into a deep depression.  I am normally an open book with my life but I felt very private and ashamed of my infertility. I felt very alone.  I was afraid I would never have a baby and the sand was running out of the hourglass.  I sometimes (very rarely) talked to friends about what was going on, but they didn’t understand and they often said things that made me feel worse instead of better.  I used to cry when someone showed me a picture of their newborn nephew or grandbaby or whatever.  I was really struggling.  At the time, The Bump boards but they weren’t for me.  I eventually learned to just keep things to myself and try to focus more energy on the wonderful things I HAD instead of focusing on what I DIDN’T have (a baby).

While on the treatments, I really suffered a lot physically. The hormones triggered migraines and I was sick about 3 out of 4 weeks each month.  I was a raging hormonal wreck and I was just miserable.  One day, during an ultrasound to check the size of my follies, my doctor noticed a polyp and felt that it might be causing the BFNs. 

The polyp was surgically removed in November 2015.  As a result, we missed 2 cycles of TTC.   After the surgery, we had a bill for the RE’s office as well as the hospital where the procedure was done.  The RE’s office wouldn’t treat us until the bill was paid off (thanks a lot you jerks!) so we had to take a 2-month break from the RE while we paid their portion of the bills off. It was about $2k.  I worked 2 jobs so we could pay it down faster.  In the meantime, I tried to find “natural” remedies for my infertility.  I stumbled across a woman on You Tube whose journey to conceive hit me right in the heart.  This woman was able to take control of her PCOS-related infertility by using a specific diet combined with light exercise.  I suddenly felt like I had some control over what was happening to me and I could do something about it.  Prior to this, I just felt like a victim…like this PCOS thing was “happening” to me and there wasn’t much I could do about it.  So…while taking a break from the RE to pay off the bill, I ate a PCOS-friendly diet and went for brisk walks around my hilly neighborhood. My hubby even went with me sometimes.  (He’s the cutest!)  I lost 15 lbs in a month.  I read in multiple places that a weight loss of 5-10% would be enough for a PCOS’er to ovulate.  So during my natural fertility journey, I did a First Response OPK. I had to pee on a stick daily.  Well, I never ovulated, despite the weight loss, PCOS diet, and exercise.  I felt defeated and reluctantly decided to go back to the RE.  I wasn’t ready for the rollercoaster of emotions and sickening sick affects.  I was really scared about going back.

Much to my surprise, I didn’t get sick when I started treatment after the polyp surgery.  Woo hoo!  We tried the same Femara/Ovidrel treatment without success.  In May 2016, we did our first IUI that resulted in a BFP!!!  That pregnancy ended in a miscarriage (it was a “chemical pregnancy”; I hate that name) just short of 6 weeks.  As I type this, I’m still bleeding.  It’s been 19 days of blood, clots, and confusion.  I have a beta scheduled for July 5th and I’m hoping my hCG level will be back to normal so we can start TTC again.  I really want my Rainbow Baby (that’s my new favorite term). 

I previously mentioned that I tried The Bump and it wasn’t for me.  As the MC was happening, I really needed support and I didn’t know who to turn to.  I didn’t want to tell family and friends about the situation because I didn’t want to upset them or make them worry. (I have since told most of them about it but not everyone.)  I was Google’ing like crazy for answers and I kept being directed to different boards here.  So I decided to join.  And I’m SO happy that I did!  I have found such an incredible sense of love and support here.  I wish none of us had to experience the things we have (I’ve read some really heartbreaking stories) and I’m so sorry that any of us have to be here.  But I feel so fortunate to have the support here that I do.  So thank you all for the love!

So that’s pretty much it.  I’m sorry for such a long ‘intro’.  I wish everyone a short path to baby success!