Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Been here a couple weeks, but never intro’d myself. Hi!

*MC mentioned*

So, I realized that I didn’t really follow proper Bump protocol and introduce myself when I joined the board.  I read through all of the rules before I posted but I didn’t think I really needed to introduce myself.  But now, after being on the board for a couple weeks, I see that a lot of the same gals post regularly and it’s starting to feel nice and comfy and friendly and family-y for me here, and so I figured I should turn back time a bit and officially introduce myself .  So here goes…

I’ve never had regular periods.  The only thing that made me regular was BC.  I stopped taking BC the day my husband and I got married (in August 2014).  We’ve been actively TTC since April 2015.  I visited an OB/GYN in April 2015 because I wasn’t having periods and wanted to see if she could help me figure out why.  She had me take some blood tests and determined that I wasn’t ovulating.  She put me on Clomid and did more blood tests.  Even on Clomid, I didn’t ovulate.  We tried for 3 months, and after the 3rd failed attempt with Clomid, she suggested I see a fertility specialist due to my “advanced maternal age” (I will be 36 on July 4th!  Woo hoo!) and recommended the RE that we see now. 

I was diagnosed with PCOS during my first “getting to know you” ultrasound with the RE.  I had never heard of PCOS and my doctor didn’t really do a very good job of explaining what it was.  So I took to the internet, You Tube, and read every book I could get my hands on, and tried to learn as much as I could.  We tried to conceive for months using Femara and Ovidrel.  We got BFN after BFN.  I slipped into a deep depression.  I am normally an open book with my life but I felt very private and ashamed of my infertility. I felt very alone.  I was afraid I would never have a baby and the sand was running out of the hourglass.  I sometimes (very rarely) talked to friends about what was going on, but they didn’t understand and they often said things that made me feel worse instead of better.  I used to cry when someone showed me a picture of their newborn nephew or grandbaby or whatever.  I was really struggling.  At the time, The Bump boards but they weren’t for me.  I eventually learned to just keep things to myself and try to focus more energy on the wonderful things I HAD instead of focusing on what I DIDN’T have (a baby).

While on the treatments, I really suffered a lot physically. The hormones triggered migraines and I was sick about 3 out of 4 weeks each month.  I was a raging hormonal wreck and I was just miserable.  One day, during an ultrasound to check the size of my follies, my doctor noticed a polyp and felt that it might be causing the BFNs. 

The polyp was surgically removed in November 2015.  As a result, we missed 2 cycles of TTC.   After the surgery, we had a bill for the RE’s office as well as the hospital where the procedure was done.  The RE’s office wouldn’t treat us until the bill was paid off (thanks a lot you jerks!) so we had to take a 2-month break from the RE while we paid their portion of the bills off. It was about $2k.  I worked 2 jobs so we could pay it down faster.  In the meantime, I tried to find “natural” remedies for my infertility.  I stumbled across a woman on You Tube whose journey to conceive hit me right in the heart.  This woman was able to take control of her PCOS-related infertility by using a specific diet combined with light exercise.  I suddenly felt like I had some control over what was happening to me and I could do something about it.  Prior to this, I just felt like a victim…like this PCOS thing was “happening” to me and there wasn’t much I could do about it.  So…while taking a break from the RE to pay off the bill, I ate a PCOS-friendly diet and went for brisk walks around my hilly neighborhood. My hubby even went with me sometimes.  (He’s the cutest!)  I lost 15 lbs in a month.  I read in multiple places that a weight loss of 5-10% would be enough for a PCOS’er to ovulate.  So during my natural fertility journey, I did a First Response OPK. I had to pee on a stick daily.  Well, I never ovulated, despite the weight loss, PCOS diet, and exercise.  I felt defeated and reluctantly decided to go back to the RE.  I wasn’t ready for the rollercoaster of emotions and sickening sick affects.  I was really scared about going back.

Much to my surprise, I didn’t get sick when I started treatment after the polyp surgery.  Woo hoo!  We tried the same Femara/Ovidrel treatment without success.  In May 2016, we did our first IUI that resulted in a BFP!!!  That pregnancy ended in a miscarriage (it was a “chemical pregnancy”; I hate that name) just short of 6 weeks.  As I type this, I’m still bleeding.  It’s been 19 days of blood, clots, and confusion.  I have a beta scheduled for July 5th and I’m hoping my hCG level will be back to normal so we can start TTC again.  I really want my Rainbow Baby (that’s my new favorite term). 

I previously mentioned that I tried The Bump and it wasn’t for me.  As the MC was happening, I really needed support and I didn’t know who to turn to.  I didn’t want to tell family and friends about the situation because I didn’t want to upset them or make them worry. (I have since told most of them about it but not everyone.)  I was Google’ing like crazy for answers and I kept being directed to different boards here.  So I decided to join.  And I’m SO happy that I did!  I have found such an incredible sense of love and support here.  I wish none of us had to experience the things we have (I’ve read some really heartbreaking stories) and I’m so sorry that any of us have to be here.  But I feel so fortunate to have the support here that I do.  So thank you all for the love!

So that’s pretty much it.  I’m sorry for such a long ‘intro’.  I wish everyone a short path to baby success!

 

 

Re: Been here a couple weeks, but never intro’d myself. Hi!

  • Ugh I can't imagine how it must feel to work so hard for something and then have it ripped away like that. I was one of the lucky ones who got pregnant pretty quickly, and it's hard enough. I hope that whenever you start trying again you will get your rainbow baby very quickly.
    31 years young
    from Seattle(ish)
    5 years married
    FTM and PGAL
    EDD is 12/23/17
    -- It's a BOY! ---





  • @Bai-by2016 I am sorry for your loss. It sounds like you have had a very long journey. I hope this groups continues to help you feel supportive. It is one of the few places I feel like I can talk freely. Hug
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  • bai-by2019bai-by2019 member
    edited July 2016
    @hopeful Thank you so much! I feel the same way. I'm so happy to have this group. :)
  • @Bai-by2016  Wow, what a journey you've been on! I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that whenever you heal (physically and emotionally) you will get your rainbow baby right away. <3

    Emily   
    __________________________________

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  • @Bai-by2016 I am so sorry for you loss, however I am glad that you found this board and that it has given you the support that you need. This is a club no one ever wants to be in but the women here are amazing. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. 
    **Formerly @aliciabhen**
    Me: 26 DH: 24
    Married: November 2015  <3
    TTC#1: January 2016
    BFP: 5/02/16 - MC: 5/27/16
    Computer Hope
  • @Bai-by2016 my heart is there with you through that pain your feeling. I admire how strong you are through everything and motivated to better yourself through this situation. Don't give up and keep on all that you are doing to better yourself physically and emotionally, for you and your DH. You inspire me.
  • @EmilyP524 Thank you! I sure hope so. :) 
    @AliciaGoose Thanks girl! :) I appreciate you taking the time to comment. 
    @mamma1614 You are so sweet! That means a lot to hear! 
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