February 2017 Moms
emilykathryn86
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Managing Expectations When Telling People
emilykathryn86
member
I'm 7 weeks and have very much limited who we've told at this point. I went back and forth between telling my mom prior to the 8 week appointment...or just waiting 9 months to tell her.
I was so anxious to tell her and finally sent her a cute picture with a little poem and I don't even usually do cutesie! (she lives overseas so I can't tell her in person).
She immediately called me and was just very...indifferent? about the news. There wasn't much enthusiasm and she didn't really ask me any questions. Lots of silence. One of her only questions was if the due date would be the week of Ash Wednesday (she's very Catholic and hardly talks about anything other than her faith).
Backstory, my husband and I have been married 4 years and have been trying the past year (my mom knows this). My older sister had a baby earlier this year (but was completely irresponsible about the entire process and really upset my mom, who flew into the US to help her...sister basically blew her off). I'm wondering if the experience with my sister impacted her response somehow.
Anywho, I didn't go into the conversation with many expectations but would have thought she would have responded a little more enthusiastically. Now I'm not looking forward to telling any family members at this point. How do I work on managing my expectations about people's responses?
I was so anxious to tell her and finally sent her a cute picture with a little poem and I don't even usually do cutesie! (she lives overseas so I can't tell her in person).
She immediately called me and was just very...indifferent? about the news. There wasn't much enthusiasm and she didn't really ask me any questions. Lots of silence. One of her only questions was if the due date would be the week of Ash Wednesday (she's very Catholic and hardly talks about anything other than her faith).
Backstory, my husband and I have been married 4 years and have been trying the past year (my mom knows this). My older sister had a baby earlier this year (but was completely irresponsible about the entire process and really upset my mom, who flew into the US to help her...sister basically blew her off). I'm wondering if the experience with my sister impacted her response somehow.
Anywho, I didn't go into the conversation with many expectations but would have thought she would have responded a little more enthusiastically. Now I'm not looking forward to telling any family members at this point. How do I work on managing my expectations about people's responses?
Re: Managing Expectations When Telling People
ETA: lots of excitement up there ^^ I need new words lol
Depending on your relationship with your mom, you may want to take a day or two to cool off, and then just let her know gently that she's hurt your feelings. If you don't feel comfortable doing that, you might need to find another way to let it go. Journal it, write a song about it, knit it into your next sweater project, bang it out on the speedbag at the gym - whatever your outlet, throw your frustration into it. And then, really, try to let it go. And try to remember that one person's reaction is not going to have any bearing on anyone else's. All of the joyful reactions - and you will get joyful reactions - will help to drown out the sadness of this one.
I'm really sorry that a shadow has been cast over your moment. I hope you'll find a way to make peace with it, and with your mom.
I know friends and coworkers will respond more enthusiastically (which is odd). I'll just consider this a dry run for telling my dad and other sister who I anticipate having lackluster responses as well.
"oh. I bet your husband is excited."
Um, yeah. Me too.
First BFP: 12/16/13
EDD: 08/23/14
Baby BOY born: 08/29/14
I thought for sure she'd be excited this time but she just said "oh what are you going to do if it's a boy?" Because she knows I'd prefer a girl. I give up.
I'm excited, H is excited, and my dad was over the moon thrilled, and my mom will come around eventually.
I know it stings when you don't get the reaction you want but as long as you and your H are happy try not to let someone else's feelings about it affect your level of excitement!
With my daughter my mom just asked why I would want another. This was the best reaction she has had to any of my pregnancies. I have have many terrible reactions from people, I didn't even make an announcement. (People just found out as they found out)
How was your sister irresponsible about the whole process of pregnancy? It strikes me as an odd thing to say.
fair or not, I do think grandparents are the most excited about their first grandkid. also, some people just aren't excitable. engagement, wedding, new house, pregnancy, birth, promotion, etc they aren't excited. it's not you it's them.
When you've been married this long, you need a ticker to remind you.
Baby Boy M - 08/01/2013
Expecting Baby Bean February 2017
but I have had some wacky hurtful responses too. A thread for it might be entertaining but until then, when I told my grandma she was becoming a great grandma the very first words out of her mouth were "well we wish you were married first" OUCH grandma that hurt! In fact my mil stung us so bad that we don't even want to tell her at all about this pregnancy but we've already told my whole family, so if she finds out through the grape vine... that will be a new nightmare altogether.
Im so sorry your mom reacted like that, I'm not looking forward to my mom's reaction either. @MonaLisaRalphio had some great advice. Personally when I'm really hurt by someone I write it down in a letter that I don't send to that person. A lot of times I just feel better from getting those feelings off my chest. Sometimes it helps me realize if there was actually an underlying reason why I was hurt and it allows me to address the issue in a much calmer state of mind.
Married: October, 19, 2015
EDD 2/22/17
EDD 3/8/20
EDD 11/24/23
(Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)