Pregnant/Newborn at Holidays

LauraH22 · June 2016

So I'm due December 5 and our families live about 2 hours away. I'm just realizing we may have to change our holiday plans as we usually visit them for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I've read that 32 weeks is when you want to stop traveling, so Thanksgiving will have to be changed. And would it be OK to take a newborn to family gatherings for Christmas?? What are y'all doing?? I don't want to miss the fun or the FOOD!!

kbduke · June 2016

I have been thinking about the exact same thing but our family is local. Our baby will be about 2 weeks old (if born on due date) at Christmas. DH's family has several parties for Christmas. Will it be ok to take a newborn this young out and around so many people? I already have anxiety about it.

slartybartfast · June 2016

I'm taking a - make no promises we'll see what challenges the month brings us - for Christmas. Flexibility is key with newborns. I'm also not into my baby being passed around so whatever we do, he/she will be close to my chest and mama bear will be giving off a "do not touch" vibe which I am incredibly effective at.
Thanksgiving I assume I'll be totally miserable but fine for what we want to do

ashleaf2018 · June 2016

We will most likely only see immediate family for the holidays, both of our grandparents and both of our parents and siblings. But we won't be traveling and have made that known, we want to see them but if they want to see us, they will need to be okay with coming down to visit. Luckily it's just my parents and grandfather that are out of town and they usually come down at Christmas anyways.

sourlemon · June 2016

Personally I wouldnt take my newborn around a bunch of people...especially if they aren't vaccinated for tdap and the flu. My family is local and got vaccinated before my first and get the flu shot every year. But there's only 4 people to worry about and no one would show up sick.

So I think it depends on 1) if you trust that someone who may or may not be "coming down with something", "getting over something", "just has allergies" to keep a distance, and 2) your personal stance on vaccines for those who will be in close contact with the kiddo.

jenlynne0624 · June 2016

I've already told extended family were not going over for Christmas Eve. Baby will not have shots and neither will most of my extended family so, no. (Updated tdap and the like) Plus cold and flu season at that point baby and I are staying home. Dh and ds will do rounds Christmas Eve and our immediate families are coming over for Christmas.

Plus depending on far pp you are you could still be miserable. Baby may be on a growth spurt and cluster feeding ever 90 min for 45 min at a time, plus you very well could still be bleeding at that point too. I bled for six weeks and was healing from an episiotomy so I was pretty cranky for awhile. Getting up every two hours motn wears on me too in addition to the stress of the holidays. Thinking about it is making me tired so I think I'm taking a nap now.

dmontgo · June 2016

Thanksgiving we will probably spend it with friends here. For Christmas, baby will be less than a week old if everything is perfect and he or she arrives on the due date. DH wants to make dinner at home and spend Christmas as or family. I'm sure my parents (who are in town) will want to see baby, but I just don't know how I'll feel. Not traveling, that's for sure!

sourlemon · June 2016

And for thanksgiving, my Dr said no travel over 2 hours away after 36 weeks for normal pregnancy, 32 for me with history of pre-e. But you may not feel up to a road trip at that point.

I hosted a big family dinner the night before I was induced (for pre-e). That probably didn't help. But honestly I felt fine until 2 hours before I was induced. My friend ran 2 miles a few hours before going into labor at 41 weeks. Another friend was on complete bedrest by 34 weeks. Point is, you don't know how the end of your pregnancy will be. Don't make promises to be somewhere or do something because things change...and can change very very fast.

kbduke · June 2016

After seeing everyone's responses I have a feeling myself and baby will be staying home for the festivities. DH has a 3 year old niece who has a tendency to be sick and her parents aren't quick to take her to the doctor. I'm also pretty nervous about breastfeeding in general so I'm not sure how I would be able to handle doing it in several different people's houses.

Does anyone have advice on how to start this conversation with family?

ashleaf2018 · June 2016

@kbduke You can always wait til someone else asks you what you're doing and pick that time to say that you'll most likely be enjoying the festivities from afar and resting comfortably at home. I wouldn't name any specific reasons other than you want to be home with your child, if they can't understand that reasoning then that's on them.

tinattt23 · June 2016

We're due to the 21st so we may or may not even have the baby by Christmas. And if we do, they'll be less than a week old. Both families will be local (once we move). If I'm still pregnant, we'll probably stop in and make a quick exit. If baby is here, we'll stay home, or hell, maybe in the hospital. Our parents can come to us if they want, but my bleeding self and tiny baby aren't going anywhere.

dmontgo · June 2016

@kbduke People have already started asking us, and we just flat-out told them that we are not traveling, so don't even try to whine or throw a fit about it. We want to be with our brand new baby, and as @ashleaf2018 said, if people don't understand that very reasonable logic...'eff 'em.

ErikandAfton · June 2016

I'm also due the 21st. My dad and step mom live here, my in laws live 2 hours away. MIL says they'll just plan on being here which is fine as long as they give me space if I need it.

My Dad's family does a big Christmas dinner each year, my Aunts won't be happy because we won't be coming again this year but either I'll still be pregnant or have a brand new baby. I'm not driving 2 hours to be with them regardless.

I don't know what we will do for thanksgiving. We normally go to ILS I think it's going to depend on how I feel.

Also I've told DH we are telling our family that they have to have an updated Tdap and the flu shot if they plan on visiting or wanting us to bring the baby around them.

mimi603107 · June 2016

I honestly don't know what we are doing for Christmas this year. Usually I have my family over either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day (it alternates every year) and the other day we go to my mil's. Both days consist of a small group of people...only immediate family. That being said, I don't know if I'm going to be feeling up to hosting one of those days, even though my mom has said she'd do all the cooking. My due date is Christmas Day but I went a day early with my oldest and 2 weeks early with my youngest so I'm kind of curious if I'll go early this time or not. If I'm not pregnant by the time Christmas roles around, I have no problem pulling the whole "if you're sick, we aren't coming/don't come over" card...I don't want to deal with sick people around my newborn. The problem with that is that you don't know if people are going to respect the fact that you don't want to be around them if they're sick. I think as it gets closer, we'll talk about it more and who knows, maybe we'll be at the hospital and we won't have to worry about it lol.

jptrumptone · June 2016

I'm taking a wait and see attitude too. I'm due in early December (Dec. 7th) so I think baby will be ready to travel, but I might not be. I'd like to fly to see my family for the holiday but if I'm not physically recovered enough (i.e. if I have a c-section) we won't go. I'll probably tell my whole family that they really need to have a flu shot cause baby will be so tiny. My family won't have sympathy for "but tiny baby might get sick" cause my aunt and uncle traveled the Christmas my cousin was born on Dec. 5th. But they will probably be willing to get a vaccine to make sure baby girl is safe.

leksiL · June 2016

We are also on a wait-and-see track. We live 2 hours from ILs and 5 from my family. I would love to go home for thanksgiving, but at 37 weeks it seems doubtful. I will not be taking my baby anywhere for xmas, my in-laws are absolutely wonderful people but they all live together there will be a billion people around and just no. My husband's aunt who lives a bit closer has a NY day party every year and we could attend that - seems like a good compromise. No promises! I told my family we could have a festivus in late January.

BabyRobbinsAdventure · June 2016

Told family we aren't traveling (usually go to Oregon for my extended family or the east coast for DH family) So my parents decided to stay in town also. Plus DHs parents want to come stay with us.
Still struggling with that. Finally got DH to agree that his parents have to stay in a hotel and shouldn't come until after Christmas (due the 21st) in case baby doesn't want to come out. Haven't laid down those rules to them yet, so we will see how they react when we go to visit them in 2 weeks. FX

As far as vaccines go, I'm not sure how some of my/his family will react when we tell them they need to update their shots. Little worried I may get some pushback from certain members.
Anyone else worried about dealing with this?

JEM525 · June 2016

If baby comes early we will be doing the 4-5 hour drive to see my side of the family, because its my family's year for Christmas. We trade off every other year. If baby comes on time we will be staying home with DH's side of the family, this will throw off our visits but I'm sure we will figure out how to even it back out. Not sure if the MIL will like it next year when we are off balance, but what ever, she will have to be flexible.

KatieJo1205 · June 2016

It was planned last Christmas that we would host Christmas Eve for my extended family this year (about 25 people). I am due 12/5 so baby will be around 3 weeks-ish. I am sure someone would switch if we asked but I actually like the idea of everyone coming to our house so I don't have to leave it! My parents will be in town staying with us and my mom is the queen of getting sh*t done, so she will handle all the cooking and cleaning. I completely trust my family that if they are feeling sick they won't come. My Grandma is 96 and we basically have the same rule of no sickies around her and everyone respects it.

tinattt23 · June 2016

Are whooping cough and flu vaccines the two biggies to make everyone get (assuming they have all their "regular" stuff)? We've never been a big flu shot family, but it sounds like that will have to change this year. I had whooping cough a few years ago, and it sucked. Don't know if that makes me immune or if I need to vaccinated still *mental note to ask OB*.

sourlemon · June 2016

I had no problem asking my family to get vaccines. They immediately agreed but I sent links anyways. I told DH he has to tell his mother this time cuz she wants to come out for the birth. She probably won't want to...but it's clear: no shot, no visiting.

jazzminlee · June 2016

I am due December13 with my twins. I told everyone that Thanksgiving is going to be we will see how I am doing and for Christmas I wasn't taking the babies out. People could come see us as long as they had their shots

cjt121413 · June 2016

I'm due on the 19th but will be having a RCS probably around the 12th. We always go to DH's parents' house for Christmas Eve and then do a big Christmas dinner at our house with my side of the family (which is really just my parents, DS, DS's dad, and DH). I'm thinking DH will take DS to his Step-MIL's Christmas Eve celebration and baby and I will stay home. Then on Christmas Day, if everyone is up to it my parents can come over....I'm thinking we'll ask my parents to get catered food or something. They'll be so excited to be around baby that they'll do whatever.

I should probably figure out what shots they need to get and have both my parents and DS's dad do that. None of them will have a problem with it. DH's family, on the other hand, will probably balk at that, so they won't get to hang out baby a whole bunch early on.

Side note - I realize it's kind of weird that I refer to my ex - DS's dad - like he's a family member, but he pretty much is. We have a great co-parenting relationship and friendship (DH and him do too).

H4aPartyof5 · June 2016

My due date is Dec. 4. I'm not sure yet about Xmas, but I'd love to use it as an excuse to stay home for once. Given that our sons were born at 38w+1 and 38w+2 respectively, I'm going to stay local for Thanksgiving regardless.

ETA: It will also depend somewhat on our pediatrician's advice...if she says to steer clear of larger gatherings, we probably will.

phoenix870509 · June 2016

DH and I usually host a party Christmas Eve. If baby comes on time they will be 2 weeks. I'm not so sure about that. Then Christmas day at my parents house with the family, and they're 30 minutes away so that's not too bad.

zubenescamali · June 2016

i'm playing it all by ear. DD1 was 4 days late, DD2 2 weeks early, and DD3 is due 12/18. so we will see. might be a non-issue for Christmas, depending on how I deliver, I felt pretty good about 1 week pp after my vbac, but if i need a c/s then who knows. i usually host the gatherings for the kid's comfort and since my parents are divorced, trying to travel just causes drama, but it will be much more relaxed aka i'm doing nothing. given my h/o PGP i won't be standing to make thanksgiving dinner either. we'll figure it out, not worrying about it too much right now.

HairBossMama · June 2016

Waiting to see how it goes. I have a huge extended family on both sides. If I do go anywhere baby will be in a ring sling on my chest the whole time. Sorry Fam.

ashleaf2018 · June 2016

@ashbozso I just came back here to say that FI and I talked about it and if we have the baby late November/early December like I think we will, then we may go to his family's big Christmas thing since it's the only Christmas thing they do, but we're compromising and baby will stay in a ring sling and we will not be playing pass the baby.

sammyl1221 · June 2016

We actually just had this talk and DH wasn't too fond with the end result. We are due at the end of November. I told him we will keep the same
routine we normally keep for thanksgiving. Local my side of the family. Christmas we normally spend with my side and his side but I told him I don't want to travel and his mom does a HUGE Christmas party so I know for a fact I don't want our baby there. My DH doesn't like the fact his family won't see the baby on Christmas but I said they can come see her on Christmas Eve. I am not a fan of having my newborn around a lot of people especially in the height of flu season.

DiFazette · June 2016

I'd imagine we have the babies before Thanksgiving. I think I'll have my immediate family (parents, brother and niece if she's with my bro for thanksgiving) over and have my H, mom and brother prepare. It depends on how long I've had them for though. Who knows, we may be in the hospital over thanksgiving. They all know the drill of needing vaccines, hand washing and me being crazy after having a preemie - they all spent so much time visiting him in the NICU that they're sensitive to protecting babies now.

Christmas they'll probably be a month or so (or more) old so we'll likely go to my parents. Same group of people so it makes everything easier. No new germs or people they won't have already spent a bunch of time with.

SmashJam · June 2016

We'll do Turkey Day if I don't go early- it's my fave! I will be so sad if I don't go at least to due date this time and have to miss it!

We'll do our own Xmas, it'll be nice to do our own traditions since DS will be 1.5 years and old enough to enjoy some perhaps. Unless I go early then we might venture out for Xmas Eve.
Xmas stresses, me add two young kids I'm not sure I'll function well!

maamawaabangi · June 2016

No plans. Will not go anywhere. Period. Family can come to us. It will be kept simple and we will not be passing baby around... if it's here. Which is unlikely. I'm planning on having the 1st baby of the New Year. :-D That said. I think it's grand not having to travel or do much. Christmas has NO rules.

jenlynne0624 · June 2016

Fwiw my pedi told me to keep baby away from large crowds, including mall and church, until about six weeks old. and that was during the summer.

I wish I could just wear baby the whole time but both giant extended families wed see on Christmas Eve would get offended and I'm not dealing with that.

beff12 · June 2016

We'll be good for thanksgiving I think...my EDD is Christmas Eve. So obviously we'll be celebrating Christmas as per usual

juuuust kidding. Our moms have already started talking about it...celebrating Christmas together either a couple weeks early or late. The thing is we usually pack up DD and the dog and travel to them (it's just a little over and hour so not bad at all) but I don't think we will be up to doing that with a newb if we celebrate late. Either way, I think we'll request for them to come see us. It will probably be extra stressful however we end up doing it, but I also know that MIL will insist on having her own "Christmas Eve" dinner like usual. Meh.

littlebirdie28 · June 2016

LauraH22 said:

So I'm due December 5 and our families live about 2 hours away. I'm just realizing we may have to change our holiday plans as we usually visit them for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I've read that 32 weeks is when you want to stop traveling, so Thanksgiving will have to be changed. And would it be OK to take a newborn to family gatherings for Christmas?? What are y'all doing?? I don't want to miss the fun or the FOOD!!

We've been alternating Thanksgiving and Christmas between my parents and DH since 2007. The last 6 years or so, we've been equidistant from both families (3 hours), so it hasn't been too terrible to travel, but I am so relieved that not only do we not have to go anywhere for Thanksgiving, but we certainly aren't going anywhere for Christmas (EDD 12/24). Finally! People can come to us!!

I have been waiting for this for almost 10 years!!!

Now, the next trick will be to convince my parents that they should go to Florida as planned for winter (Christmas was with them last year, so they are heading south early December) and not make plans to fly back until January 1....this will take several months of convincing, as I am an only child and FTM! Wish me luck!

Kacie209 · June 2016

I usually travel for Thanksgiving, or at least have for the last 5-6 years. My parents used to host for as long as I can remember, but after my sister moved out of town and my grandparents don't drive themselves long distances anymore... we'd either go see her or go to my grandparents (3 hour drive) just to be with family.

DH and I have never spent Thanksgiving together, as he always works the day after and I always the day off so I can travel. This year, however, I have a feeling that I will be staying put, or going to my in-laws since they're only 45 minutes away. if that is the case, I may need to petition for the normal Thanksgiving food I love, as they don't do some of what I would call traditional like turkey, mashed potatoes, cranberries, stuffing, pumpkin pie... yum. I'll be 36 weeks then and I love Thanksgiving food.

If I go until my December 12 due date, baby will just be a couple weeks old at Christmas and depending on the weather... we may just stay home. My mom talked about how they probably wouldn't go to my grandparents then (what we've always done), but would see if one of my cousins could drive them half way so they could come here. And, it would change my sisters plans to come for Christmas instead of Thanksgiving. I know they say traveling with a newborn is easy, but I don't know if I am ready for that yet.

tinattt23 · June 2016

@Kacie209 As a FTM, I'm also hesitant of everyone's advice that traveling with a newborn is easy. It just seems so overwhelming. We're moving halfway across the country which involves a 24 hour drive. We're going to do it when I'm 23 weeks or so, but I have people telling me it will be easier with a newborn than while pregnant. I find that hard to believe. Haha.

Zygodactyl · June 2016

I'm due December 4, so if baby girl hangs on that long, she will be 3 weeks old at Christmas. I'm on the east coast, and my parents are on the west coast, so they are planning to fly in the day she is born and spend a month here. I also have more family that is within driving distance, all of whom are excited to meet the baby. That means we will probably stay at home and let family come to us; however, because I am a worrier, I will be stipulating that people only come to visit if they've had the Tdap and flu vaccines (those who don't want to vaccinate can come see her after she's been fully vaccinated).

Kacie209 · June 2016

@tinattt23 Exactly! I mean, I probably won't even be in a routine by then for anything, also a FTM, so just bringing him someplace other than staying more local may not be in the cards yet.

mom2fallbabies · June 2016

I'll be 37w 2d on Thanksgiving so unless my OB says differently or I feel really crummy, I'll be traveling 2 hours to my MIL's house. My family is planning to do our Christmas celebration in January so I'm not concerned about that. We always visit my MIL the day after Christmas b/c it's her birthday but this year we might push it out until January as well. Everyone understands (they even offered to move Thanksgiving to my house but I don't want to have to clean lol) so it's a pretty laid-back thing. I think the best thing you can do is just keep a "see how it goes" attitude like lots of the responses here. You just never know how you're going to feel.

millerclanx5 · June 2016

We always have ThanksgivingThanksgiving at my dad's which is great cause we live in the same town. Christmas is supposed to be at my sisters this year but I'm not sure we'll make it. I'm due the 19th. If all else fails everyone said they'd come here. But if I am still pregnant no one wants to be around me anyways so we will be alone...which oddly I'm okay with.

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