Around what time do you have a baby shower? Who usually throws it?

badams8615 · May 2016

I'm currently 11 weeks and my friends are pushing me to have a baby shower. Some say I have to plan it and some friends insist it is a friend's or family member's job to throw the party. Around when should I have the baby shower and does it matter who throws it?

bbiutmcph · May 2016

badams8615 said:

I'm currently 11 weeks and my friends are pushing me to have a baby shower. Some say I have to plan it and some friends insist it is a friend's or family member's job to throw the party. Around when should I have the baby shower and does it matter who throws it?

Opening just about any shower thread or any Google search about showers will give you this answer. You never plan your own it's something either a family member or close friend throws you. But throwing your own its very tacky and gift grabby. My shower and most I have attended are in the 28-35 week range.

VOR · May 2016

People usually have their shower in the last trimester and usually closer to the last month. There is no hard and fast rule but this is the norm.

And no, no, no, YOU do not throw your own shower. This is a gift giving event and it's tacky to throw one for yourself because you're basically saying "buy me stuff". It's absolutely a gift that someone else gives you. As for the people telling you to have a shower- for those saying "you should plan it", just smile and say "Oh, Im not comfortable doing that". For those who say that 'someone else' should but don't actually offer, just smile again and say "I agree! We'll see what happens" and leave it at that.

Hopefully someone will offer but if no one does, then there is no shower. You don't HAVE to have a shower.

neverblushed · May 2016

I just want to commend you for realizing that you needed to get the straight scoop and for asking this question. So many women who are pregnant with their first baby don't have the common sense to realize that there's an issue of appropriateness when it comes to who should host a gift-giving event. They don't even bother to ask the question, and instead just assume that it's okay or even expected for the MTB to throw her own shower.

They come on here and ask a question about some trifling detail and reveal that they are throwing their own shower, then get all butt-hurt when people say, "Hey, you shouldn't be throwing your own shower. It's really tacky." You've just spared yourself that whole scene.

You weren't sure, so you asked. Good job.

karlimonster · May 2016

I had my shower around 31/32 weeks. It kind of worked out that way with holidays, etc.

As others have said, you don't plan or throw your own.

Linsbins · May 2016

I had mine at 32 weeks, and even though it was on the early side (most people thought it should happen at 36-38), it was nice to have things off my registry and I've had time to settle everything else now that I'm 36 weeks.

amandamarie2 · June 2016

You definitely don't plan your own, it's usually hosted by friends, family members, or possibly your church.
When to have it really varies, I know most people tend to have them in third trimester. Where I'm from, however, baby showers aren't held until after the baby is born which I didn't know wasn't the norm everywhere until I moved to a different province.

reguernj · June 2016

I had mine around 32 ish weeks. It was in early August and baby was due early October. I wanted to be far along, but comfortable and also have time to set everything up that people got for us.

My mother threw mine, but she required a lot of my help since she didn't really know my friends or husbands family. I guess think of it like a bridal shower, you wouldn't normally throw your own bridal shower right?

I'm am due with baby #2 in January and family is asking me about a shower, which I thought was weird. I just told them we aren't throwing our own shower and don't expect others to throw one for a second baby. What we might do is have a gender reveal party and CLEARLY label the invitations "no gifts necessary please!" It'd be a good way to celebrate without asking for gifts

MrsGreco143 · July 2016

I will be 29 weeks when I have mine and my mother and best friend are planning it for me

smile24k · October 2016

While it is true that tradition dictates that someone throw you a shower and you don't plan your own, I personally do not like that tradition. There is a cost associated with throwing a shower (both time and money) and depending on people's situations, it can really be a lot. Also, if you don't have a lot of family or you don't have close friends who are financially able to throw you a shower, does that mean you shouldn't have one?

My SIL threw my first shower. I'm pregnant with my second and if I have another boy I will probably not have a shower. If it's a girl, I would prefer to throw my own and simply tell people that it's a celebration and they do not need to bring gifts. I would prefer to foot the bill for the food/games/location. I think it is perfectly great if someone throws you a shower, but I also wish it wasn't consider so "tacky" to throw your own. Just my opinion.

BumpasaurusRex · October 2016

smile24k said:

While it is true that tradition dictates that someone throw you a shower and you don't plan your own, I personally do not like that tradition. There is a cost associated with throwing a shower (both time and money) and depending on people's situations, it can really be a lot. Also, if you don't have a lot of family or you don't have close friends who are financially able to throw you a shower, does that mean you shouldn't have one?

My SIL threw my first shower. I'm pregnant with my second and if I have another boy I will probably not have a shower. If it's a girl, I would prefer to throw my own and simply tell people that it's a celebration and they do not need to bring gifts. I would prefer to foot the bill for the food/games/location. I think it is perfectly great if someone throws you a shower, but I also wish it wasn't consider so "tacky" to throw your own. Just my opinion.

First, why resurrect a thread from May?

Second, someone throwing you a shower isn't a matter of tradition. It's a matter of etiquette. A baby shower by definition is a gift giving party and for someone to host their own party essentially screams, "Buy me things!" Which is rude, right? The baby shower is a gift in and of itself, which is why someone else hosts for you.

Gifts, as a whole, should never be expected or asked for.

To the bolded, yes, that's exactly what it means. A baby shower should never be expected and it's not a right nor an entitlement. If someone cannot afford to host a baby shower for you, then you don't get one. That's life. It's not the end of the world.

I'm curious why you would have a shower for your second child if it's a girl? What does having a child of the opposite sex have to do with it?

@smile24k

DrillSergeantCat · October 2016

BumpasaurusRex said:
First, why resurrect a thread from May?

Second, someone throwing you a shower isn't a matter of tradition. It's a matter of etiquette. A baby shower by definition is a gift giving party and for someone to host their own party essentially screams, "Buy me things!" Which is rude, right? The baby shower is a gift in and of itself, which is why someone else hosts for you.

Gifts, as a whole, should never be expected or asked for.

To the bolded, yes, that's exactly what it means. A baby shower should never be expected and it's not a right nor an entitlement. If someone cannot afford to host a baby shower for you, then you don't get one. That's life. It's not the end of the world.

I'm curious why you would have a shower for your second child if it's a girl? What does having a child of the opposite sex have to do with it?

@smile24k

Because obvs you need all the things again but in pink, right? I'm about to be reamed on my BMB for stating that you shouldn't host your own shower. I might have kept my thoughts to myself if she hadn't said she was concerned about the dates because she "wants to get maximum presents."

smile24k · October 2016

@BumpasaurusRex

First, because I wanted to, that's why. Why did you respond to my post?

Second, I simply voiced a different opinion, which I am free to do. Things change, as do traditional notions of etiquette.

@DrillSergeantCat
What post are you responding to!?? I never said anything about wanting maximum presents. In fact, I specifically said I would tell people NOT to bring gifts!!

Nice to know differences are respected.

BumpasaurusRex · October 2016

smile24k said:

@BumpasaurusRex

First, because I wanted to, that's why. Why did you respond to my post?

Because I wanted to, that's why.

BumpasaurusRex · October 2016

smile24k said:

@BumpasaurusRex

First, because I wanted to, that's why. Why did you respond to my post?

Second, I simply voiced a different opinion, which I am free to do. Things change, as do traditional notions of etiquette.

@DrillSergeantCat
What post are you responding to!?? I never said anything about wanting maximum presents. In fact, I specifically said I would tell people NOT to bring gifts!!

Nice to know differences are respected.

I see you added more to your original response so I will add that no one ever said you weren't free to post your opinions.

But your notion that etiquette changes is false. Basic manners and etiquette don't change but these days, it appears that people only apply the parts that they feel they want to in order to get what they want. Which is rude.

I mean, you're going to do what you want anyway. But if you do so under the guise that the etiquette surrounding it has changed, you're misinformed.

DrillSergeantCat · October 2016

smile24k said:

@BumpasaurusRex

First, because I wanted to, that's why. Why did you respond to my post?

Second, I simply voiced a different opinion, which I am free to do. Things change, as do traditional notions of etiquette.

@DrillSergeantCat
What post are you responding to!?? I never said anything about wanting maximum presents. In fact, I specifically said I would tell people NOT to bring gifts!!

Nice to know differences are respected.

If you go back and look, you'll see where I said ON MY BMB!

delujm0 · October 2016

smile24k said:

While it is true that tradition dictates that someone throw you a shower and you don't plan your own, I personally do not like that tradition. There is a cost associated with throwing a shower (both time and money) and depending on people's situations, it can really be a lot. Also, if you don't have a lot of family or you don't have close friends who are financially able to throw you a shower, does that mean you shouldn't have one?

My SIL threw my first shower. I'm pregnant with my second and if I have another boy I will probably not have a shower. If it's a girl, I would prefer to throw my own and simply tell people that it's a celebration and they do not need to bring gifts. I would prefer to foot the bill for the food/games/location. I think it is perfectly great if someone throws you a shower, but I also wish it wasn't consider so "tacky" to throw your own. Just my opinion.

wait what? So if it's a boy you don't want to celebrate him, but if it's a girl you do want to celebrate her, but definitely not just to get girl gifts, so no gifts please. This is illogical. Either you are one of those people who wants to celebrate every child (which I don't agree with personally but you do you), or you specifically only want a shower if it's opposite sex from your first child because you want gender-specific gifts. If you're going to go against etiquette just own it. Your rationalizations make no sense.

I have a daughter, I had a shower when I was pregnant with her. If I have a boy now I'll just go to Carter's and buy some blue clothes without bows on them. All of our big stuff was neutral bc we thought that through ahead of time. This isn't a big deal. I don't need to throw a penis party to congratulate myself on making a boy this time.

[Deleted User] · October 2016

Super weird and rude to throw your own shower. No matter what. End of story.

Also serious side eye to wanting to celebrate a girl but not a boy. I'm calling BS on that - you just want people to buy you a bunch of pink stuff.

DrillSergeantCat · October 2016

delujm0 said:.
wait what? So if it's a boy you don't want to celebrate him, but if it's a girl you do want to celebrate her, but definitely not just to get girl gifts, so no gifts please. This is illogical. Either you are one of those people who wants to celebrate every child (which I don't agree with personally but you do you), or you specifically only want a shower if it's opposite sex from your first child because you want gender-specific gifts. If you're going to go against etiquette just own it. Your rationalizations make no sense.

I have a daughter, I had a shower when I was pregnant with her. If I have a boy now I'll just go to Carter's and buy some blue clothes without bows on them. All of our big stuff was neutral bc we thought that through ahead of time. This isn't a big deal. I don't need to throw a penis party to congratulate myself on making a boy this time.

A penis party sounds kind of fun though!

I'm having a girl this time and I've already refused a couple showers. I have no problem putting my girl in some of her big brothers clothes with a matching bow.

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