Where does the desk go? FTM to SAHM who pursue creative work--or work from home period — The Bump
Stay at Home Moms

Where does the desk go? FTM to SAHM who pursue creative work--or work from home period

Hi All,

I'm a 35+ FTM at 16-17 weeks with EDD in early October.   I did not think I would ever want to have a child. And now I am so grateful and so happy that this little one found its way to us despite my terrible indecision, PCOS, and 1000000 reservations about motherhood and what it means to be ready for or "good" at anything. But I'm also very anxious about what it means for my non-baby life. A PG teenager couldn't be more anxious/nervous/afraid than I'm feeling. Thank you in advance for any insight you can offer me.

After many years and just as many 1-bedroom rentals we were thrilled to be able to purchase our first house. Then we had to move abroad for my husband's work. Now with baby on the way we have plans to finally move into our home this summer and commence the joyful nesting.  Of course, with baby making its way to us, the 3-story 2 bed / 2 bath townhouse in the center of our city and near everything we love seems just a little less PERFECT.

I'm a student of writing, fiction, nonfiction, translation, etc.. I would like to pursue it "seriously." Where should I put my writing desk?  The first floor guest/library/eventual toddler's room?  The main living space in the second floor with the kitchen, dining and living combo? Or the master bedroom which makes up the third floor and is where I'll set up a small nursery?  

I AM asking about the practical side of things: what room/floor do you think I should anticipate being the most in once baby comes and thus the room where the desk should be? The third floor/master bedroom with the nursery, or the main living space on the second floor?  BUT, I am ALSO asking where does the Desk go once baby comes? Where is yours going, or where did it go when your baby(ies) came?  How do you safeguard what makes you you against the work and wear and tear of all the new responsibilities that come with parenthood?  (We're going to try my being a SAHM for the first year, tightening our budget as we figure out this parenting thing.)

Thank you in advance to any moms and moms-to-be who can spare a moment in your busy, busy, busy lives to share a bit of yours.

Re: Where does the desk go? FTM to SAHM who pursue creative work--or work from home period

  • FTM to an almost two month old, and I know I'm still new to motherhood but I do have one piece of insight to offer. Keep baby's nursery just for baby.  If that's where baby is supposed to be sleeping keep it for only sleeping, or baby could possibly have difficulty sleeping in there if it's used for anything else such as playtime. i got this directly from an article I've read here on TB.

    Another thing you might want to consider though is what floor the kitchen and bathrooms are located on. You might not want to have to continually climb stairs every time you have to pee or want to grab something to eat, especially the immediate weeks following baby's birth, because you're gonna feel pretty beat up regardless of delivery method. (Personally I had a c section and would have avoided stairs at all costs but thankfully Im living in a ranch style house)

    Best of luck!
  • I agree with the previous poster's. I am also a later in life mom (34), and had all these big dreams of taking freelance jobs on the side. That was a huge mistake and personally I bit off way more than I could chew and the first few months were miserable. I had to throw in the towel with the side jobs.

    Keep the baby's room for baby only. I have a fairly large home and the way I'm set up is I have my laptop on a small desk in the downstairs living room and a pack and play to put her to sleep in.  Upstairs is her nursery and the office is in the next room over. For the first 2 months or so I practically lived in the living room. She finally sleeps and takes naps in her bed instead of my lap, so I can finally get some work done during that time in my office
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  • taysuntaysun member
    I will add that my DD is a week shy of six months and she plays in the rooms she sleeps in just fine. Her crib is a safe place she can play if I need to do something I can't do while she's with me like using heavy duty cleaning products. But I wouldn't dare do anything in the same room she's sleeping in (she sleeps in any room really) while she's sleeping other than nap or or watch tv. I don't do any work from home but I always put her down in a different room than I plan on being in. If I need to put away her laundry, she goes down on my bed, if my room needs tending to she goes in her crib. 
  • My DD will be 1yr next month. For the first couple months, I did not go upstairs at ALL. I had some tears and stitches, but overall an uncomplicated birth, but I was still so uncomfortable. I have a computer setup in the dining room for my writing, a laptop in the living room, and also a studio I use less frequently in the 3rd bedroom upstairs. 
    Read about my motherhood journey and more at http://hallidaynelson.com/
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  • I work in digital marketing and have an 8 week old infant, my work is entirely done online. While I have a desk in the family room with my main computer, next to his rocker (he naps there most of the day), I really resort to just putting my laptop wherever the baby is most days. If he's in his crib in the nursery, I'm getting stuff done in the rocking chair in his room. If he is in the pack and play in our room, I can easily work from bed. I think getting used to being really portable is your best bet, because the baby may end up hating one room or nap space nearby. 
  • My DD is 10 months old and I am also a SAHM mom with a writing degree. I would suggest you set up your desk in the main living area since I'm guessing you will spend most of your time there, especially as lo gets older.  If you have a laptop and the energy or inclination in those first few months, you can always get a cheap lap desk to keep up in your bedroom. Or you can get a pack n play for baby to nap in downstairs. But those first few months are really overwhelming and exhausting so don't feel like you are obligated to do anything but take care of baby and feed yourself (and sometime that falls by the wayside too). 

    It goes by fast though and before you know it, you'll be putting baby down awake for naps and you won't want to be working in the same room because you want the baby to get used to sleeping without you in the room. And this gets harder as they get older and more aware of their surroundings. 

    As as for not loosing who you are, the key to that is to keep doing what you enjoy and make it part if your weekly schedule. You will need to leave the house and leave baby with dad because if you don't, your SO won't become self-sufficient and confident with lo by himself and lo won't be comfortable with dad and then when you do need to leave them alone, chaos ensues. Start small, as soon as you can after baby comes, go out to a coffee shop for a half hour or on a walk, and increase the time you are away as baby becomes less needy and you are more comfortable. 

    I'm a dancer so as soon as I was cleared by my Dr to return to normal exersize, I went back to dance class. Not 4 times a week like I did before getting pg, but once a week. And I go see my horse once a week. 
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